Hi this is my first posting on this site, I am in dire need of some real world advice that is why I am here.

Ok here is the breakdown of the situation:

I have been married to my wife for a little over a year(I am younger than her by 6 years), she has a 14 year old son, she has been divorced from the biological father since the child was about 4, they have ,"shared/split custody" Mother has him, Mondays - Tuesdays and every-other weekend, The father has him Wednesdays and Thursdays and every-other weekend,they alternate Holidays etc.

The father has always has a personal vendetta against the mother and his mission has been to look like the better parent, turn him against her, after she left him for abuse, he is older by 15+ years. When she had the child the man kept her in a trailer in a rural town with no phone, not allowed to drive and the only outlet she had was getting picked up by friends for church, according to her he exercised total control and was a Little psychotic.

After a chain on events, the man made the 4 year old spank the mother because she had disciplined him, after he raped her that year, she decided to leave and divorce him, the people from the church hear what happened and they decided to help her get her things and leave to a woman's shelter, lucky for her.

In her account she wasn't, "allowed" to remarry or date till the child turned 18 because it would be considered, "unhealthy" for the child and only he was allowed to influence him.

Fast forward to the present day; We meet, get married, she breaks the chains that had kept her in fear on him taking her to court and lose custody of the kid if she didn't comply to what the dad wants. We sent him an email establishing boundaries and peaceful expectations for the child and everyone. He actually disregarded most of it.

These are the underlining issues:

1)The father,"expects" to speak to him every night when he is with us if he doesn't call the dad one night he shows up at his school to ,"make sure he is OK".

2) In the summer he sends his, "summer schedule" for the kid, but when she sends her, "summer schedule" he rarely respects what she has planned for him. (basically we have planned some awesome church trips for him and his dad has shot them down for whatever reason)

3)The dad only pays $99 of child support, and has stopped purchasing anything, school supplies, clothing,etc for him putting it on our family to do so.

4)When he calls his mother, he has him on speaker listening in on the conversation he is usually cold no emotions and at times is told what to say, but yet when he is with us he has the freedom of his privacy to call whoever he likes and talk in his room or anywhere in private. He isn't,"allowed" to speak or communicate with me(his step father)when in the dads custody.

5)We are mind-boggled how he doesn't stand up to the dad and tell him what he wants, or defend us when his dad is wrong?, also he says things like, "you don't know what goes on over there so don't judge", he won't open up to us about his dad or what goes on there. His peculiar behavior is mind-boggling at time, he has serious ups and downs, one minute he is happy, and the other he has a down and sad face and is aggressive and defiant kinda scary.

6)According to the 14 yr old, he does want to be with us and doesn't want things to change. so it's confusing at times because it seems that he either plots or is always on the fathers side.

I will include more details if needed, just ask! thanks! Anything helps!