Drives me crazy when DH tries to text about arguments!!
So last night I got a text from DH at work "Are we ever going to be able to save this or is it just doomed because of our personalities?" I responded IDK. This started a whole text conversation where he basically told me we got married a year ago and agreed to share our lives, all of it, not just the good and now I'm trying to back out of that. I told him it's not backing out, it's being respectful of his place and parenting and his choices in regards to his kids. That it is not pushing my ideas and values on him and allowing him the ability to do what he feels is the right thing. Among a variety of other things.
Of course I got the "you won't even listen to my side of it. And this will only make things worse. This plan of yours is a route to the end" I said I was sorry he felt that way. That I felt it would make things better. That it was worth a try. That I have heard his side and all he has is continue status quo which isn't working, or get divorced. I told him if you don't want to try a different approach to save our marriage then I will respect your decision and sign your papers. Draw them up. Of course it was "I didn't say I want a divorce!!" Ummm yeah, it's something you have brought up a few times over the weekend...
He said we need to compromise. That marriage is hard work, and requires work every day and second marriages are even harder. We need to compromise and work together and have understanding. AHEM!!! Preaching to the fucking choir asshat! You don't want to "compromise and work together", although I didn't say that. I said "Okay, so compromise on what? Don't just say compromise because that is vague. What points, ideas, areas are you saying we need to focus on for compromise? Give me some points and let's discuss it" Crickets. And he tried to talk around it over and over, I just texted back finally "I am damn tired of having important discussions regarding our marriage and life via text because you don't want to sit down and communicate. I deserve better, our marriage deserves better I believe, and I will no longer continue this via text. Good night."
He didn't like that...and I just never replied anymore. This morning I was up early, showered and drinking coffee when he got home from work, in case he wanted to actually speak face to face. I did catch him looking over my spreadsheet. Of course he just went to bed, no talking. Okay...whatever.
He is either resigned himself to the fact that it's my way without an alternative solution from him, (which would require him to actively and purposely come up with an action plan...right) or file papers. Either way...I'll be just fine and I think he knows that too
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Typical.....he's saying there
Typical.....he's saying there needs to be compromise because he's being forced to parent his children without your help.
In other words "Wahhhhhhh......waaaaaahhhhhhhh......I liked it better when you were a bitching doormat who just did everything for me....waaaaaaaahhhhhhh."
They say compromise but they
They say compromise but they really mean "do what I want". Compromise involves both parties making an effort, giving in a little on something.
Texting is the worse. DH and I have had several arguments via text and it never ends well. I've gotten to a point where I do what you did and just say I'm not going to discuss this via text. They avoid face to face because it's harder to say that bullshit eye to eye.
It seriously drives me crazy!
It seriously drives me crazy! He does this CONSTANTLY. First, I expect that I hold enough priority in your life to discuss things face to face. It's called respect. Second, tones and other things can be easily misinterpreted when done via text message. It's just asking for additional problems.
I am no longer doing it. And he hates that. I wasn't going to hear the "when do we have time to talk without the kids around BS" which is why I got up so early. Yet...he went directly to bed. He usually stays up until close to 8 am before coming to bed, but not today....why? To avoid a real life conversation. Fine. But you are making YOUR choices...and making it easier and easier to say, "See ya!!"
Thanks fighting...and no I
Thanks fighting...and no I have no intention of filing the papers. If he wants it that way, he needs to take care of it, and "pull the trigger" as you say. I will however open my own account and I will refi my home without his name on it if that how he wants to play the game, however, he WILL pay half the bills and half the mortgage or I will no longer pay for half of the brand new truck he drives. He said, "if this is how it's going to be I may as well get my own house!" I had to stifle my laughter, because dude, you couldn't afford a house payment, all the bills, the loan on that brand new truck, the loan on that new Harley (if I let you take it, since I am the one who bought it) the insurance on both and financing your boys and their interests...you're going to have a hard enough time financing your kids interest and wants and whims as it is paying for only HALF of those things....but if you want to do so, be my guest.
By "comprimise" they mean
By "comprimise" they mean "you love my kids and treat them better than you would your own or else you're a bitch"
This is true.
This is true.
EXACTLY!!
EXACTLY!!
It must have been in the air
It must have been in the air last night. I believe I lost half of my ass cheek ~ which I could definitely live with half an ass.
I got my ass chewed because ~ I never hear his opinion that his words mean nothing. When you are not even discussing something in my ballpark ~ then I will look at you like you have three heads.
When you refuse to communicate with me n shut down but now because again you didn't like what I had to say last night. He begins washing some dishes at dinner n states I am not hungry ~ go ahead sulk upstairs again instead of discussing the freakin BS going on in this house.
When I suggested to you about 6 months ago something n everyday you just reintegrate how you disregard everything I say. Everyone in this freakin house ~ filters their hearing n I am at my wits end.
Compromise means to me that you hear my view n I hear yours n we decide together what is best. I don't have to agree with you ~ it's called I agree to just simply disagree with you.
His parenting is very relaxed ~ their kids ~ let them do what they want to.
I am more than willing to hear your side but if I chose not to do things your way ~ you say I don't listen. Oh I do listen to you ~ I just don't agree with your parenting. My beef with you is you agree to something without even discussing it with me ~ n constantly make me the bad guy.
Listening or hearing whatever word I use ~ ummm you don't do it. Hearing is not actively listening. You hear my voice n all it is is white noise. I am beyond frustrated with everyone in my house. From the bottom to the top. Not hearing me equates to disrespect ~ grrrr
Thank god school starts tomorrow
Ladies - I will tell you from
Ladies - I will tell you from experience that when you disengage, it is hell at first, but gets so much better. Your relationship does and your relationship with your SK's. You can be the fun aunt and that works. My SS16, I am partially re-engaged to now, since we have full custody, but I do not parent. He is his father's problem. My son is my problem. This works well if you do not comment on things and stay out of all of it. You can not pick and choose what you have an opinion on.
DH is not a great father with SD18, he is frustrated and she doesn't live with us. But, with my SS16, he is great. I have my opinions on stuff, but I will give a little and then move on. He had to do this stuff on his own, when my SD sued us at 14, I disengaged completely. I was done. My reputation was in question and that was enough for me. DH was on his own. We went and started doing things without the kids, making it about us and that helped tremendously. But, as for him parenting his and me parenting mine. That works, you just have to learn to walk away...
Yup, I agree. It won't be
Yup, I agree. It won't be easy and he isn't much liking it, however I have not ONCE since I laid it out for him in Friday, disciplined or scolded the skids or for that matter answered their questions of if they can do something. I have responded to that, with ask your father. It was a rough weekend with us kids and although I though DH was piss poor in his parenting, I never said a word about it.
Although currently I have a very stubborn teenager claiming he has dementia and can't remember squeezing my much younger and smaller son's head and breaking his glasses yesterday. Haven't scolded, just said well have a seat at the DR table until you can remember...and when he finally admits it DH can deal with it. Because if he doesn't, then DH will say oh I'm sure it was nothing. OSS isn't mean and malicious. Uhhhh yeah he is. We have had repeated issues with him being physical to my son, and even slapped my daughter in the face once about six months ago. He's currently been sitting at that table for 2 hours....