So if you have kept up at all over the weekend I laid some things out to DH. Today I was feeling better and like I posted earlier, DH wasn't quite getting the my kids, my problem, your kids, your problem concept. WEEEEEELLLLLLL....

Since then, the OSS who is supposed to pay us $50 because DH went ahead and wrote him a check BEFORE getting the money...is SURPRISE!!! NOT GETTING THE MONEY. Why? Well because his savings account passbook is at his BM's and she says he can't take it out. He earned that money at her place (she lives with her bf, he is a farmer, OSS has been doing work on the farm with bf to earn money as he is saving up to buy a dirt bike) and he is saving it. DH says, the point is that he wasn't responsible and he needs to pay for the damage, and sometimes that means falling farther behind on something you WANT to take care of your responsibilities. That's basically the gist of it. It was a multi text war between them, that I stayed completely out of. DH at a couple times would make a big sigh or say UGH or what not....I would simply say, "What's wrong? Did you need something?" His response...it's not your problem I guess...it's my kid and my ex-wife so it's not your concern." I would just sweetly say, "Okay. You're right its not my place to get involved but if you want someone to talk to you can still talk to me, I just won't be telling you what to do or how to do it or getting angry and upset if you don't do something. I'm still here for you to lean on, just not make decisions and hold you to my expectation of what or how it should be handled" He didn't like that....huffed and stomped outside to the garage.

Comes back in, goes and talks to OSS, comes downstairs, looks at me and says "His mother isn't going to let him take $ out so what do we need done around here that he can do to work it off?" I said, "I don't know, I guess we will have to think about that one. " DH: "OSS is not happy with his mother about this, since he has the money he feels he should be able to take it out since he earned it working" I said "well, honestly that's between OSS and his mother. Not you. I understand you were trying to explain to her that we are trying to teach him responsibility, but as far as her saying he can't have his money, that is something he needs to take up with her. As for working it off, if that's what you want him to do, it should be a variety of things that he actually gets paid money for, and then has to hand the $50 over, because the big lesson here is that you work hard for money and when you aren't responsible you have to give up said money to take care of your responsibilities instead of getting to put it towards something you just want"

So we are actually having a fairly calm and respectable conversation regarding this. Because A- I am not involved. B- I'm not telling him what he should be doing or saying to either BM nor OSS C- I am making him do the work....although he isn't really liking that part. Earlier today he saw my spreadsheet of monthly bills and that I had loan payments and utilities etc worked in to it and what each of us would have to pay per month. Oh he had a shit fit!! He is NOT doing it like that! He will NOT live like that! He is having NO part in it! and stomped off. I said well you haven't come up with another suggestion...

So this conversation regarding OSS starts to turn towards the refi on the house and such (by DH's direction mind you). He then says "well I guess it doesn't matter too much when we have to sign because we don't know that we are even doing it anymore" I say "what do mean?" He says, " We have to figure out what is going on with us. We have to figure out this business and us. I'm not signing it if you intend to do things the way you are planning. I won't do it. I'm not going to live like that." I said, (and I stayed so calm you all would have been so proud of me)" well that's fine too. If you don't want to sign you don't have to. I will simply call the bank and ask them to redo the pre-auth with just my name. I will refinance my house and use the money as I intended to for repairs and such. That's fine. I'm not going to make you go on the mortgage if you don't want to. I have never pushed that on you." He gets up and says, "I'm so sick and tired of your nonchalant attitude! I have had ENOUGH!" I replied, "DH, it's not nonchalant...it's non confrontational. There is a difference. I am not being nonchalant about this at all. I understand you say you don't want to do it that way, and if you aren't going to sign the papers that is fine too, I'm not going to make you. However, at this juncture that is the only suggestion as you haven't come up with another one." DH " I WILL NOT LIVE LIKE THAT!!! Why even be married then?? I won't do it. I won't!!" Me: "Okay so are you telling me that it is either continue with the way things have been, which obviously is not working, or get divorced? You don't even want to TRY my suggestion, and we can change it if we come up with better arrangements? It's either this way right now, or divorce. That's the option you are giving me?" DH "I am not doing it hanging, I won't. That is not marriage. I could have just stayed single if I wanted to do it on my own!!" AHA!!! And there it is ladies and gentlemen....that's right...YOU want ME to be there, to be the bad guy, to make rules but not enforce them on YOUR kids, you want me to financially support YOU and YOUR kids, regardless of whether you hold your ex wife to being financially responsible to your kids. No I did not say any of that to him...but believe you me...it ran through my mind, but I kept my tongue in check (which if you knew me IRL you would be even MORE proud of me!!) What did I say? I said, " Who said that marriage had to be ONE CERTAIN way?? Who said that's how it has to be or it's not a real marriage? We both made choices prior to the two of us, and we have carried those into this relationship, but this marriage is not ME YOU AND THE KIDS....this marriage is ME AND YOU. The kids come along with it, but you need to get the whole 'we are one big happy regular family' vision out of your head...you had that with your ex wife. This is a new area where we are not just one big happy family, we are a family of kids from other partners and have brought other players into this scenario. If you are telling me that you won't even TRY my suggestion, that it is continue the way things have been or divorce, then by all means, file the papers. Because I WON'T live LIKE THIS anymore." Of course I got the "I love how you start a fight right before I go to work so I have to leave. I love it when you do that! Wait until 8:30 and then start shit!" I responded "DH, this wasn't just brought up at 8:30 tonight. This has been going on since Thursday/Friday morning. I also tried to discuss this with you today much earlier and you wouldn't talk. You tried to walk around and talk to me through the window cut out in our kitchen and I told you I wouldn't have a conversation regarding it with you as you jab things through a window in bits and pieces. That when you were ready to talk, I would be happy to sit down with you and discuss it. You just turned it here at 8:30 on your own accord by bringing up the bank and signing. " DH "Oh you were all fine when I was taking care of you last night when you were sick! And watched your tourney!" I said, "I never asked you to come out and watch. I left and said goodbye in the morning. I thanked you for coming and supporting me. I also thanked you for taking care of me last night and told you it wasn't necessary. I do believe I told you I was fine and I could make it until the kids went to bed, but you insisted I go to bed and get some rest. However, those are things we do for EACH OTHER because of OUR relationship and MARRIAGE, that is not about the kids and the extra players. I hope you have a good night at work. Love you. See you in the morning." And I walked into the house.

File the damn papers...because you may not want separate finances...but I don't want to pay for your kids, subsidize their POS mother, give your psycho mother a tricking dime, nor want to deal with your bullshit when your sons act like the little assholes they can be. Keep threatening DH...we'll see if you actually go through with it. Maybe you will, and that's fine...you can make that decision if the financial aspect of it is really that important to you and having me be the emotional punching bag is that important to you. It took a long time to get to this place, and I'm okay. And I am no longer putting up with the bullshit.

As a side note, my lovely skids have spoken about ten words combined to me today....with OSS speaking maybe three...yeah...but I should keep on being a "mother" figure to them....nope