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The shit hit the fan and I am done! Laid it out and he got nothing...

hangingbyathread6's picture

So tense here lately with the Bs regarding making OSS be responsible. DH wrote him a check from OUR account, and I asked him "did SS get the $ yet?" He got so pissed off. Yelling at me and bitching. I just said "all I did was ask a ?, when you are done with your tantrum let me know and we can talk". On and on he goes about how he can't control his fucking ex wife!! I looked at him and said "who brought your ex wife in to this? And who said anything about needing to control her?" His response "SS needs his passbook and it's at BM's so until she gets the $$ what can I do about it?" My response " SS doesn't need her to do it. Have you had him call his mother? (Answer no) so put him in the truck, drive him there and bring him to the bank yourself! " I doubt his mother has been putting his $$ in there'! Me: "well I guess he will find out when he goes there and if not, then it becomes your ex wife's issue as she will have to figure out how to tell SS she's been stealing his $$ when she tells him she's putting it in the bank. And SS can take that up with his mother, and he can figure out how to earn the $$ he needs to pay us for the damaged iPad. Guess he has the possibility of learning more than one lesson through thus doesn't he?" This of course after he told me "you have a fucking mouth what don't you go ask him when he is getting it? Ummm no...you are supposed to take care of consequences with YOUR sons. This also after yesterday morning OSS brings a controller up for the xbox that is broken, and DH says "how much are these in best buy hanging?" Why I ask. "Well it's broke so we need to get another one. There's only one controller." My response: I don't give a shit that there is only one controller. Perhaps they should be better taken care of. If the kids want a new one (the xbox is played primarily by OSS, then BS, then YSS) they better figure out how to buy one. " He didn't like that either

This turned into an all out fight. And I said get in the truck, we are going for a ride to figure this out. I'm not fighting in front of the kids " so off we go and of course it's "all you do is scold me! All you do is bitch at me about my exW! You have beaten me down to nothing with the way you speak to me! I can't do a fucking thing right!" Ahem. 1-YOU brought your exW in to this, not me. 2-you started yelling at me because I asked you about SS getting the $. You didn't like this because you have done NOTHING about it nor have you made him FOLLOW THROUGH in getting the $$. You are hoping I will let it drop and I am not. He needs to learn responsibility and never holding him accountable is doing him NO favors. 3- the only one who has done any name calling here today and swearing at the other is YOU! So I want to know what you want to do here. Right now you want both ways, the best of both worlds and that is not going to work. I am DONE. You can't want me to be financially responsible and responsible for carting your kids here and there, taking them places and being the responsible adult for them, but yet I have no say nor any authority. And I won't be yelled at, berated, or given the cold shoulder because I am holding your sons to the consequences we laid out. I also do not want to hear about your ex wife! I never brought her in to this. Quite honestly she really has nothing to do with this and shouldn't even be in the fucking discussion. This is on OSS to do what he needs to do. Period. You agree to things in counseling, but then as soon as an issue arises it's not at all what you agreed to. So here is my suggestion: we will get all bills paid and pay off the two loans with the refi of the house we are doing next week. After that any $ left over will be split (even though it was my house. He sold his and did put some of his $$ into my home so I feel this is fair). We will each have our own checking acct and then the one we currently hold jointly. We will each deposit half of what the monthly bills are into this account each month. After that, whatever you choose to do with your $$ will be yours to do as you please. I have no say in it and the same for me. That will take arguments regarding money and the kids and the non participation by exes (his mostly. Mine pays a fair share of CS and is usually good about what he is supposed to take care of). As for the kids, your sons will be your responsibility, and my three mine. Whatever rules, expectations, etc you hold for them and how you deal with if they don't abide by those will be completely at your discretion. And the same for my three. Therefore, you will no longer have to feel like I'm "degrading you and beating you down" because I hold your sons to the rules we set and you don't want to follow through. But en you also will not be disciplining my children.

Oh he didn't like that! Not one bit! I got a "well of we are going to live like two separate families we may as well just go our separate ways!" Well DH, if you have another suggestion I'm happy to hear it, but this should stop the tensions and fighting regarding the kids and your ex and your mother. As how you choose to allow them to interact with you and your sons will be completely up to you and I will have no say in it whatsoever. "Why can't it just be like it is!!!??" Well DH, because that is NOT working, and I have had ENOUGH. You were pissy and short with me yesterday because OSS chose to sit his as in front of the xbox all day, not do his chores and not even eat while we left him alone for the afternoon. His actions, I'm paying. And now, because he chose to not be responsible, I'm the one getting the screaming rather than the one who WAS responsible. School hasn't even started yet and that causes constant tension because he has the same standards as everyone else but chooses to not of his schoolwork and when he's punished, I'm the one who gets your anger, frustration and bullshit. So I'm done. You want to keep it the way it is. Well then you tell me how you propose we do that without this bullshit? His response "compromise". Compromise you say....in other words, the rules apply to my three, not your two. I finance everything your sons want out of our joint money but can't hold them responsible for their behavior or belongings. Your mother and ex wife can disrupt my life, my home and attack me, but I just accept it and not expect anything to be done about it. Yeah that's what's NOT working. Tell me what compromises you are suggesting if that's not the jist? He had NOTHING. Well we may as well just get divorced if we are going to live the way you are saying! Well if that's your choice and your suggestion then we can certainly entertain it. If it's my suggestion or that, we will start looking for a new home for you and your sons this week and I will give you $ from the refi of this home for your to have a down payment. Better pull up your real estate app and start looking. I was then called "evil" to which my response was, "evil hunh? Well I guess we are done then. I will not sit here and be called names." And I walked away. He then told me to go get on my "I hate my SS and he's a fucking asshole site!" To which I laughed. Said "ya know it's about step families and how to make it work or to vent frustrations to help protect your marriage from erosion, you should check it out...there's lots of interesting info for you there.

Comments

hangingbyathread6's picture

Yup ditzy...this is the first he pulled that out. I had a feeling (blogged about it not that long ago) that he was going to find my "secret" guess I was right on. And he can call it the "my SS is a fucking asshole site" if he wants...because hey, if the shoe fits lace that bitch up and wear it! Because pretty much that's exactly what that kid has been for the last year and a half! Especially recently!

Yeah he doesn't like my plan, well he came up with one too...and he can totally follow through with it if he so chooses. That's the point I'm at. Been doing everything I can to repair our relationship, with sporadic efforts on his part and I am TIRED of fighting about that kid!

It's been cool between us for the last week because of his behavior and me deciding to look out for me and not give so much. Now this kid shit. I think he's planning on sleeping on the couch tonight...on his own choice, hope he's comfy, because I'm certainly not going and asking him to come to bed. He's such a fricking child sometimes!

hangingbyathread6's picture

Oh I would love my DH to join this site! Lmao. Go post something and see what kind of advice you get!

I have no desire to let him anywhere near my va jay jay! I'd rather he didn't touch me period! Lol. Blue balls he will have for sure! Smile

hangingbyathread6's picture

Good one Sweet Pea!

If only I had known my DH had graduated from that school with honors, I would have reconsidered!

hangingbyathread6's picture

Lmao Tausha! My BFF and I say that all the time! I have actually one time gotten so tired of his PMS behavior that I told him "go take a fucking midol already would ya?"

He has his man period anytime ANYTHING comes up about OSS.

hangingbyathread6's picture

Yup, that's exactly it...it didn't work. And after I said "well if that is your suggestion, that's fine...let me know when you find a place. If that's your only suggestion and you choose tha over trying to have a marriage that's in you." And I walked away. Of course because I was walking away I got the "yeah that's good! Walk away, don't talk about anything, just walk away!" I looked back and said A- you just called me "evil" and I will not converse with someone who resorts to name calling. I will not be called names by anyone, including my husband. b- you just said we should go our separate ways, that was your suggestion. I laid out a suggestion that I thought may help. You have both options in front of you and when you tell me we should just get divorced if that's the way it's going to be then there is really nothing left to discuss at this time ".

hangingbyathread6's picture

As an update...he finally did come to bed. I was already there half asleep. I just rolled towards the wall and went completely to sleep.

Nope...not snuggling up to you, not talking about anything. Not doing it. You have your choices to make. Make them.

Done

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Ahhhh Hanging !!!

WTF ~ he just went 10 steps backwards. Damn .....

I had hope for him~ I really did.

It's ironic ~ how he can stand strong with you his wife n partner. But with his Mom n ex wife n sons he collapses. Weird ???

I wonder if some outside source is poisoning his brain or he just can't change to an adult ???

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Wow, Hanging! You read him the riot act, and yes, they always get pissed when we speak up and put our foot down. Why? Because we are the voice of reason, we have put up with their shit for too long, we have definitely put up with shit from the Skids for too long....and most of all? They KNOW WE ARE RIGHT!! It pisses these guys off and then they start MANstruating lol! Boy oh boy was he rude to you. You threatened him with separate accounts and he freaked out. My DH won't even take the checkbook for a week because he knows he can't handle it.

Great job on speaking your mind! Is he totally kissing your ass today yet?

~ Moon

hangingbyathread6's picture

Yes he has been totally kissing my ass lol. I've just been indifferent.

He has a couple times made remarks about me making more money then him. Aha! And there it is. He knows god damn well that without my income him and his kids wouldn't have the means to have and do much if what they do. That when it's separate, my "extra" income will be much more than hi. Yup...guess you should have taken that into consideration long before now and held your kids to the same standards I hold mine to. Too little too late. He thinks kissing my ass and being all sweet will get me to drop the financial thing.

And then of course there is the discipline/correcting stuff....I haven't said a word to his sons. Not corrected anything. Not questioned anything. He let them go to his mother's today, didn't say a word. Mine wanted to run to their father's for a bit and he kept asking are your kids home yet? No. Why? Just didn't answer him. Have I asked a single question regarding your sons and your evil mother? He corrected my sin numerous times tonight. I didn't say anything to him about it only because I have come down with some shitting virus of some sort and feel like crap and didn't have the energy to deal with it. However, his son actually said to me (I had a tournament today, list in the semis) "ha ha, you're a loser! You got third. Loser" my BD was there and said "at least my mom was playing and is good. She lost but she made it a long way. You're mom can't do that" he resounds "my mom doesn't play! Hanging is a loser" I looked at him and yes, lost my cool, and said "you're mother doesn't do jack shit". I know I shouldn't have. And I felt bad, but dammit I was like really?? Anyway I did apologize for saying that about his mother. And DH knew what happened with his words to me and made him apologize. Then the skids did some other things they aren't supposed to do and I never said a word. But yes, repeatedly he corrected my son. Well, once I'm back to feeling more myself, I will be saying "thank you anyway but that's no longer your responsibility. I will handle it." I'm sure that will be more BS but yeah. Of he'll

Easy...I believe he has been back in contact with his mother. And the BM has been texting him and calling (even though oer our letter after she verbally attacked me right in my face) he isn't supposed to talk to her, or for that matter chat but he has been. So yeah he's getting poisoned by others. Oh well. Soon it will not be my problem. It's really not anymore already but will be more official when the finances are split.