DH ignores it when SS18 yells/swears at me
SS18 just recently moved back in with us and is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that his mommy isn't doing every gd thing for him anymore. He got really mad at me yesterday when I reminded him that the bus (to take him to the college that's 10 minutes away) was leaving soon and he'd better hurry. He immediately got mad and started yelling, "What? I'm not going to get a ride? This is bull****! You guys are here, why can't you drive me?" [Because apparently our main reason for living is serving this manchild.]
I explained that while I had given him a ride a couple of times, I couldn't do it every time, and that he is now responsible for his own education. (I had made this clear before, and I had even given him the bus schedule. He's taken the bus, he just felt that since we're home and I've given him a ride before, he is entitled to a ride every time.) During this exchange, DH, who was in the same room, said NOTHING. It was only once SS started yelling at him that he answered, but in a very non-committal way.
Just a few moments before SS's tirade, DH had told me that he didn't want SS to get used to getting a ride. Then, right after the tirade, he did a complete flip-flop and said, "Well, I don't want him to get unmotivated, it will be getting darker soon, I think we should give him a ride every now and then." And so on. He then told me that I should talk to SS about that. I told him I thought we should talk to him about it together, and that I wasn't going to bring it up on my own. DH didn't bring it up the rest of the evening. Natch.
Now, of course, I know that if DH wants to enable his little brat, I can't stop him, and I also know that I definitely don't have to take part. He can drive him his damn self. But how do I handle the fact that DH just ignored his kid's behavior towards me? He's always done this. When I would be trying to help the kids with homework and they would be acting out, he ignored it. When I asked him for help with them during homework time, he would simply say, "You're the teacher. You should know how to handle them." I eventually told him that if he didn't help me I wouldn't be doing homework with them anymore. He didn't, and they never did homework again.
So that gives you an idea of how DH refuses to deal with his kids' behavior, but how do I handle it when I have no backup? I certainly won't do things for them, but what do I do when they act out towards me and I have to deal with them on my own?
If the boy asks or directs
If the boy asks or directs comments to you then you say "Ask your Dad". Never take him to school again. Riding a bus builds character.
bahahahahahahahhaaa AMEN. to
bahahahahahahahhaaa AMEN. to every single word you said.
He's 18. Yeah, I'd have
He's 18. Yeah, I'd have thrown down with the "You are an adult now, and therefore a GUEST in my home. You have one chance to reconsider how you just spoke to me". After that... GTFO. Pansie Dad too, if he wants to coddle his brat so badly.
Your new go-to phrase: "ASK
Your new go-to phrase: "ASK YOUR DAD" Even if he is asking you to pass the butter. You can even practice saying it so it slips out easily, without thought.
I agree with the others, in
I agree with the others, in his face with the most vile language you can think of if he swears at you again. And don't forget to close by calling him "you little pecker wood".
why is he living with you?
why is he living with you? did his mom kick him out? did you have any say abotu this adult child moving in with you?
In similar boat with rude,
In similar boat with rude, disrepectful SS18. Sometimes he tries to get in my face with his chest all puffed out, like I'm a fellow 18 yr old boy. His dad will have to give him the rides, period. This is not a "we" situation when you are being disrepected. Stick to your guns. It is unreasonable to expect you to cater to this child.
Do not allow the topic of
Do not allow the topic of giving SS rides to school distract you. This has nothing to do with rides to college for SS. This is all about positioning, respect, and lack of character from both SS and his "daddy".
As soon as SS starts screaming, yelling, or is otherwise disrespectful to you tell him he has 5mins to get himself and all of his shit out of your house then turn to Daddy and say;
"I will not tolerate this crap from anyone and as your wife I am extremely disappointed that YOU would stand by and allow anyone to speak to me that way. He is out now and he will not be back in any marriatal home that I am part of until he appologizes, grows up and treats me, my home, and my marriage with respect. Any questions there daddy?" or better yet "Okay husband, put your hand down your pants and fish around for some balls. If you have any then I expect as your wife that you will deal with this POS adult who is addressing me disrespectfully in MY home. If your hand comes our of your pants with no man sack in evidence they you can go help him pack and you can GTFO too!"
Then pick up the phone, call a locksmith and schedule to have all exterior door locks rekeyed.
ZERO TOLERANCE!!!!!!!!!
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Rags, I'm gonna try this when
Rags, I'm gonna try this when SD19 visits from college and plays mini-wife!