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in the general population

SugarSpice's picture

in the general population a certain sector of the people have character disorders. this means they have serious mental disorders including the inability to feel empathy. n pd and borderline are two of these.

i feel dh is one of them with n pd. he can look right through me when i am crying slamming doors and cursing. otoh with sds getting upset (mini wifes) he will get down on one knee and beg for the privilege of making them smile.

dh will turn on a dime and refuse to take me to medical appointment out of spite. when he does take me he acts like his is the most generous husband in the world and that i should kiss his hand for being such a saint. my sister says where she works (military) many men adore their wives and take them to the medical. they even defend their wives against their own birth children who threaten their mothers.

i am pretty much disengaged when he gets like this and dont play into the games.

i am wondering if some of us have these n pd and bd spouses that make our lives miserable.

SugarSpice's picture

in my case it got worse as the sds hit puberty and started the mini act. they are both adults now. the more i argue with dh the worse it gets. sometimes he rages at me and leaves the house to go to a restaurant where sd works to hang out and order a meal. i have learned the best way to deal with him is not to respond.

SugarSpice's picture

i know what my husband is. he is a cruel heartless man who is too into the sds. he will take all kinds of spoiled crap from them and come back for more. my dh also did not defend me from one of the sds when she made threats to hit me. he literally walked away out of the house and into the back yard. i am not going to give any more details than that. i know what i know.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Since you know what you know...I guess you like to be in a dysfunctional marriage. Noone stays in a relationship unless they are getting something out of it.

So...what are you getting out of it?

WTF...REALLY's picture

^^^^this^^^^

let go and move on. Don't fight for a cause that could really care less about you.

Orange County Ca's picture

What happens if he's angry and you're having a heart attack or the knife slip and sliced a artery? He just gonna stand there? I'd have to think seriously about staying.

SugarSpice's picture

by rallying forces i mean waiting for the right time. a wise tacticism does not do things rashly but waits for the right moment.

goingslowlycrazy's picture

Sometimes it's hard to leave..and we might actually love them, I'm too in this situation.. My SO really doesn't defend me..ignores me when I'm crying and tells me to stop snivelling ..but will bend over backwards for the kids, emotionally distant is how I'm becoming now, I used to chase his affection , this week I'm trying a new tactic..I don't call or text him during the day like I used to, I'm disengaged with the issues of the ss and I actually feel calmer. I'm still sad about it but I'm hoping it will make him see how he is