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I take my hat off for you!

Lavender's picture

I have been reading a lot of your posts on here lately. I found this site this summer while we had SS13 for a month and I was losing my mind faster than my skid can say "I'm bored". I thought I was the worst stepmom in the universe for having a such a hard time dealing with him. I started out wanting to get along and really wanting him to like me. As you all know that path does not end in blended family bliss.

So I just want to say that I take my hat off for all of you that have your skid full time or alot of the time. I don't know how you do it.

Lavender's picture

I'm so sorry about your situation. I honestly didn't think being a SM would be this hard. But it just doesn't stop. We had SS13 a lot more (40%) up until last year when BM decided to move to a city that's a 1 hour flight away. We now only have him every third weekend. That is of course a lot easier on me. Hard on DH though. But with SS spending all that time with BM his behaviour is just spiralling downwards. So entitled, rude, selfish and lazy. I started to disengage last weekend when DH failed to stand up for me again.

I hope things get better for you TGIHB.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

"Hard to respect him or think of him as a real man now."

That is exactly what I'm finding with DH. Every time I see him bow to SheSloth, I lose more and more respect. I find myself thinking, "If you can't stand up to her, how can I feel like you will stand up for anything else?" I often feel like I have bigger balls than he does! Oh, yeah, his are in SheSloth's purse!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I'm with TGIHB...don't know how much more of this crap I can take. I look at where the SheSloth is right now, and where my bios were at her age, and I'm afraid the girl is never going to leave this house!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

BM died in early 2013. I had known the Skids since 2008. Married DH in 2010. I knew they would always be in my life, but you never think they would end up under your roof FT. I used to count the three days until the weekend was over and the Skids would go back to BM.

Now I am counting the years until they move out.

I'm really going to try and see what happens when SD19 goes back to school next week. She is most of the problem. But now SD13 is becoming just plain stupid and irresponsible. I am testing myself right now. SD13 hasn't showered since last Saturday night. I told her she had to in order to go to a birthday party on Sunday. Since then I've have been hush-hush. I came home today and her clothes haven't been changed and her hair is stuck to her head and unbrushed. Clueless. She's going out with SD19 tomorrow so we'll see if big sis mentions anything.

She'll be a big greaseball on Friday when DH returns. Ew.

Heavy sigh from over here.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

OMG we should see who can outlast the other!

"Outsweat, outlast and outstink!" Like "Survivor: SHOWER!"

LOL

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

DH called SD13 today and made her shower before going to an appt. New record for her, Saturday night to Thursday morning!

mixedemotionsaboutstepdaughter's picture

It's not easy, at all! I've been in my SS17's life since he was 13. He lives with us full time. BM isn't in the picture at all. She's a drunken whore who chose alcohol and an abusive husband over her own child! She hasn't had contact with my SS17 since he was 5.

When SS17 and I first met I took him places and did things with him. He LOVED me, clung to me, called me the best, and was just always all over me. Almost to the point of annoyance! LOL But, over time, his self-centeredness and it's all about me attitude has just gotten worse and neither I nor DH can stand to be around him!

Not only that, but he is quite possibly the most lazy, disgusting, SLOB in our home that I have EVER SEEN! No matter how many times we tell him to pick things up, throw them in the trash, put things away, do this, don't do that, etc., etc., etc. He just does whatever he wants. Our words mean nothing to him! I've thrown several pairs of his shoes in the trash because he won't take them out of the living room and put them in his bedroom. The dogs pee on his clothes that he leaves on the floor. DISGUSTING!!!! He leaves towels laying on the bathroom floor with water all over the floor. He actually throws trash in his bathroom sink and just expects it to go down the drain! He pours glasses of milk and leaves it sitting in the living room. He's come close to ruining my washer/dryer by not checking his pockets and having candy, gum, pens, etc. go through both machines and make HUGE messes!

I'm seriously at my wits end with this boy! Not too long ago, I told him we're never going to come visit him when he moves out because we know his place is going to be disgusting just by how he treats our place. His response to pretty much everything we say is, "Oh, ok..." And, he's the most disrespectful child I have EVER encountered! Anytime we have a discussion, or argument, with him...he interrupts us and talks rudely to us. When I call him out on how rude he's being, he says, "Look at how rude you're being to me!" REALLY?! Who are the adults and who's the child?! He doesn't care! He thinks we shouldn't be able to speak rudely to him at all.

He brings 99.9% of his troubles on himself. I wish DH would make him quit his job and focus solely on his school work. Then maybe this year he will actually pass all of his classes! DH won't do squat to him as far as whooping his ass...because we know that he'll just report us if we so much as touch him. He's threatened that in the past. I try to stay out of it as much as possible, but when it comes to him not doing CRAP around the house...that just pisses me off! I'm NOT ANYONE'S slave/maid in that house! But, I'm made to feel that way by comments that are made about my work schedule. I work 3 days a week and am off 4. So, since I'm home more than everyone else it's just expected of me to do all of the work. WRONG! I can't WAIT for SS17 to MOVE OUT!!!!!

Orange County Ca's picture

Why are you babysitting? The point of visitation is to spend time with Daddy. He either takes vacation the whole time the kid is here or he shortens the visitation to fit what vacation he has so HE is with the kid.

If he won't then he makes arrangements to send the kid to day care. Away from your house. It can be day camps where the kids do something every day, zoo, aquarium that sort of thing.

If he can't do that then the kid doesn't visit. Don't be suckered into thinking you have some sort of responsibility for this kid. You don't. Plus you're left open to legal action if something happens, kid plays with matches, claims his bruise from falling out of a tree was caused by you hitting him with a baseball bat. All of those types of things actually happen.

Just tell him "No more". And be honest about the reasons all of them are valid. Then I'll take my hat off to you and these guys here will see the real me.

Lavender's picture

Oh, I'm not babysitting. No, I stopped doing that a few years ago. DH took vacation the whole time he was here. We have 2 small children together and that month was of course our family vacation that year, so we all went on weeklong trips and day trips. The small kids loved it, not SS. Not.me.