I saw this train wreck coming!

When SD moved in with us, BM suddenly became a Disney Parent to SS who still lives with her. There were suddenly no rules and few, if any, consequences for bad behavior.

Suddenly BM has a teenage boy that's bigger than her who has zero respect for her and has no problem talking back to her and telling her No when he's told to do something.

11pm last night DH gets a phone call from BM that SS has walked out of their house and she's not sure where he is because they got into a fight about his phone and him being on it too much (which he is) and he wouldn't give it to her and started yelling about how he hates her and what a crappy mom she is, etc. Then she tells DH that if SS doesn't respect her then he can't live in her home.

All I can think is oh hell no! You don't get to create this monster by being the permissive parent with no rules and no structure and then hand him over to us when you can't handle it anymore!!!

She's right, SS is defiant, lazy, disrespectful, and rude a lot of the time, but she helped to mold him that way because she was sooooooo scared that he would also come to live with is and her sole means of support would suddenly stop! She must be at her whits end to be telling DH basically that she can't handle SS and implying he can come live with us since that means giving up her $1000/month support check especially since she doesn't work.

Part of me feels for her, I can't imagine my boys and I having that kind of relationship but the reason we don't is because I chose to be their parent, not their friend.

Not sure what's going to happen. SS came back to her house last night and that was the last communication we have had so far. I love my DH but I'm not sure I could handle SS moving in with us. My first natural response is to welcome SS here and make it good for him in hopes of changing his attitude and giving him structure and consistent rules hoping that helps make improvements in his school, attitude, etc. but the realist part of me thinks it just might be too late and it's going to create a war zone in my home and cause major issues for the other kids and for our marriage.

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About 2 months ago, my SS

About 2 months ago, my SS (who just graduated from HS) called and told DH he had a fight with his mom and wanted to come live with us.

This is a kid who wouldn't piss on my head if my hair was on fire.

Same situation you have -- except BOTH DH and BM treated him with kid gloves and he was never held to any kind of accountability or responsibility, let alone common courtesy or manners. He's been out of HS for 3 months, and has not inquired about jobs, or school, or anything. I don't know what he does all day, but it's nothing constructive.

I told DH no way, no how. It WILL be the end of our marriage. DH made a selfish/unilateral decision to allow his child to act the fool all these years, and allowed him to disrespect me and my home (for fear if DH got after him he wouldn't come over anymore), so I was making a selfish/unilateral decision and saying no -- if SS needed somewhere to live, DH could move out of here and he and SS could live happily ever after in a 2 bedroom apartment.

I told DH no way, no how. It

I am so with you on this... as a matter of a fact, I told DH just a few weeks ago when we got into a major brawl over SD16 (as always) that he and she could move out and live happily ever after somewhere else. Buh Bye, don't let the door hit you in your dumb ass. DH's response? If we divorced, and sold the house, he would move by HIMSELF somewhere and SD would have to live with his mother or her GBM. Gotta love it! So basically, he knows he could not deal with her on his own, but is OK with expecting ME to "act like a mother" and blaming ME for every stupid ass thing that Miss Perfect Precious Princess does wrong. It's maddening!

I hate this crap! I hate

I hate this crap! I hate that these divorced, separated, never together, whatever they are... so called "parents" after YEARS of shitty parenting, dump the kid off with the other parent or the kid CHOOSES to be dumped off with the other parent. This is the case with my SD16. After 14 years of GBM and BM1 turning her into a lying, thieving, conniving, entitled monster, SD16 decides (conveniently directly after we purchased our new home) that she wants to come and live with us (i.e. USE us) I am VERY resentful about this. Yes, I knew my DH had kids, but I did NOT sign up to get a kid dumped in my lap to "fix" after 14 years of disfunction. Sorry, but I am a realist and this is just NOT going to happen. I did NOT sign up to be financially responsible for a kid that someone else CHOSE to have but yet pays not one dime for. I did NOT sign up to be her "mother" because her mother sucks.

What really drives me bonkers is that there are sooooo many programs available out there for people who are having trouble parenting/raising their children. But people are too damn lazy to look into it or like BM2 in denial that anything is wrong with their Prefect Precious because then that would make them look like a shitty parent. I mean what do parents and kids in intact families do when the going gets rough? They work through it!

DH has this dream that at some point in the next 2-3 years, SS15 will want to come and live with us so we can "fix" him too. The kid has been drinking, smoking dope daily, failing school, fighting, you name it for at LEAST 3 years now. BM2 is in denial, just chalks it all up to him being a "normal" teenager. I will state it right here and now. If this EVER comes about, I am over and out. SD16 living with us has taken such a toll on my mental health, on my marriage, on my life in general. I will NEVER let that happen again.

This is what I'm afraid of!

This is what I'm afraid of! And don't get me wrong, this isn't all BM's fault. DH has a part in SS's behavior due to his lackadaisical parenting style too. This is a big part of why I chose not to have kids with DH, because we don't see eye to eye on this whole parenting thing!

I think BM was just blowing off steam. She's rarely rational so I'm sure once it all calms down again she will remember how much money this decision would cost her.

I love my SS, I want him to be happy and successful and a contributing member of society. I just don't know how much influence I can have this late in the game. We bump heads occasionally just on the times he is with. Not sure I could deal full time.

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