Favoriting the SKid rant. HELP!!! Need of advice
Okay I am seeking help. The issue that me and DH are having is this. He has a daughter who is 6 from a previous relationship and together we have DD who is 7months. I have now found out that I am a month pregnant with baby #2 from DH. My sister and I started looking up big sister little sister/brother outfits for my child and new baby. His grandmother offered to help make outfits for the (girls) which at the time I didn't catch. I had messaged her back telling her that I am not sure what I am having but that I would love to show her pictures of the outfits that are appealing to me for DD and new baby. She got upset with me and told me that she just looked it up and if I googled it I would find something to buy for my kids. I was a little shocked and taken back by her rudeness I then Re evaluated the conversation and came to realize she was talking about DH's daughter (sd6) and my DD. however, I'm not trying to single his daughter out but I honestly want these outfits to be about my baby and the new baby to come. They are going to be the outfits for their first pictures together. His family is always making things about sd6 and it's starting to make me sick. I don't think it's right for me to be all down low and hush hush about the things I want to do for my children but I feel like that is how they want it. They never ask for me or DH to take DD for a visit when they are available but they always want SD6 around and will pick her up from her mothers weekly. I never had harsh feelings before and I'm not sure if it's my pregnancy hormones but I am becoming very angry towards his family and resentful of his daughter. If anyone has encountered anything like this I would love to know what you did to cope with it. I feel like I'm becoming very bitter and I hate that because his grandmother is mad at me for what I want that she takes it out on my baby. It's like don't offer your help to just take it back.
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Yes I completely understand
Yes I completely understand but his grandmother has step grandchildren fr his mother. His grandma doesn't view her step grandkids as anything but her daughters step kids. She doesn't involve herself with her step grandkids or even acknowledges them for that matter.
I don't blame Gma for getting
I don't blame Gma for getting upset with you. She offered something for the girls that she'd make. You took the offer and ran with it only to include your own daughter and your baby2b who is so far not unknown of gender.
You complain Gma is favoring SD, but you just suggesting to her that she favor your two children and to hell with SD...she doesn't count, her taking the time and effort to personally make matching sibling outfits should be all about 'your' two siblings only. Pfft. If you want matching 'big sibling/little sibling' outfits for two of her three grandchildren, buy them yourself and leave Gma out of it. You think it was rude of her? How rude was it of you to request the woman to make special sibling outfits for just two of the siblings as if her third grandchild aka sibling doesn't belong?
I 'get' it, You want special outfits and pics of just your own two bio-children. Fine. Great. But than don't ask the woman to make them and omit her son's third bio-child. There is nothing wrong in you wanting just the two outfits and pics, but than don't take advantage of Gma's kind offer and talents to make it happen for you. Sister and you just pick-out and order whatever you like or ask your own mother to make outfits or you've got eight months, learn to sew and make them yourself. Again, nothing 'wrong' in what you want, it's just the way you asked of it that made Gma take offense.
I didnt ask she offered and
I didnt ask she offered and my intent was not to offend her nor did I realize she was talking about SD. I never asked for her to do that and if she wants to upset with me that's fine but I don't think she needs to take it out on DD
Well for holidays and special
Well for holidays and special occasions his family takes pictures of just him and his kid and I don't get mad if that's what they want.
HRNYC, all the children, SD,
HRNYC, all the children, SD, DD7mo, and baby2b belong to Dad. DD7mos and 2bbaby are SM's bio-children, but her husband is bio-father to all the children.
But it really doesn't surprise me to see this SM posting this silly request of her MIL and then getting butthurt when MIL took offense. OP is the SM who desires to end all visitations for the SD while she was to be on her 12wk maternity leave when DD7months was about to be born. LOL. And she wonders why she sets MIL off with her attitude towards SD :O
No if you would like to re
No if you would like to re read my post the. Go ahead I was not trying to be mean I just don't like the fact that I new to go behind people's backs to do something with my children. And yes I didn't want his chd for part of my leave. I was the only one home recovering and he would not have been there to help with both the new baby and SD. And I was trying to adjust to one new baby.
" My DH works Mon-Friday with
" My DH works Mon-Friday with only weekends off. I don't mind his daughter she is just extremely needy and braty. I just want a while to adjust to my baby...Also we get her Friday nights at 6pm until Sunday night at 8pm."
OK, I reread the post. :?
No this post. For one we are
No this post. For one we are not married, for two he's daughter requires a ton of attention that even if you have a common cold but no experience with children you can barely handle. I was fresh out of the hospital and I only had the 6 weeks recovery then I went back to work. I wasn't prepared to take care of his child while I was adjusting to taking care of my own.
The SD is there on weekends
The SD is there on weekends (unless visitation schedule has off weekends. Isn't your Dh (oh I guess BF now) capable of taking care of and parenting his own first child? You had six weeks of Monday thru Thursday during the period to adjust and spend absolute 24/7 attention to your new baby and a BF (father of the SD) home every weekend.
If your BF isn't capable of tending to his 6yr old from Friday 6pm until Sunday 8pm while you continue to recover and bond with your newborn, why are you popping out yet another kid with this man? Who is going to help you with your 7mo old (who will be 15mos) when your next baby arrives if your BF can't seem to manage caring for a child. Heck with that said, how did BF care for this 6yr old before you came along?
SD is always at her mothers,
SD is always at her mothers, she is rarely with us. I just don't think it's fair or right that the things I want to do for my kids have to be so hush hush.
Your SD should absolutely be
Your SD should absolutely be included in the pics and everything to do with your family. She is your children's big sister.
If you didn't want to be a step mum you shouldn't have married her father.
How the fuck am I being a
How the fuck am I being a bitch?! My sister gave me the idea and I thought it was cute it was with my side of the family who was discussing this. I don't think I have to be hush hush and quiet about things I want to do with my children.
At his families house her and
At his families house her and my boyfriend take pictures by themselves for special occasions and holidays but I don't bitch or complain. They do alot for his daughter and yet I also don't make a fuss. I just don't think it's right that they can choose what they want but it makes me a bitch to want something with my two children. Once again I never complain when they buy, visit, or do something special just for her and leave my baby out of everything I let them do what they are going to do.
I completely agree. Also we
I completely agree. Also we don't even get his daughter a lot of the time. And when we do it's only to hear her want what her mother tells her to tell us to buy her. She's young but does what her mom wants and will be defiant because her mother tells her to. It's kind of sad how everything is going actually.
I'm sorry but you're wrong
I'm sorry but you're wrong here. Your SD should be included in the shirts and the pictures. The idea of taking pictures of all three and then each child separately is a good one. So you have pics of each of your bios alone. But these are all actual siblings! Not step siblings. If you want pics of just your bios then take those when SD isn't around.
I feel hurt for your Dh.
This particular trip should
This particular trip should not exclude the SD, which is why I said to take pics of her bios when SD isn't around. There's no reason to hurt the child's feelings and not get her a shirt. She is technically a big sister as well, even if "just half."
My "just half" comment was
My "just half" comment was sarcasm. These are siblings, plain and simple. The SD should have a big sister shirt too. If these people divorce that doesn't change the fact that they are siblings. They are blood. She should do this big sister photo shoot with all the kids. Then do a separate one with just her bios.
You seem to be commenting as
You seem to be commenting as if I said ALL the pictures ever taken should include SD. That's not what I said. The OP's family is going to want pics of just her bios, that's understandable. But the OP wants to take this big sister photo and leave out one of the big sisters. And for the MIL to exclude as well. I find that hurtful and unreasonable.
See the thing is they always
See the thing is they always buy things for SD and not my DD, it doesn't bother me. They take SD shopping all the time and again don't involve DD7months. I try to understand other people views so I don't let it get to me. But I feel like now when it comes to things I want to do with my children on a special occasion. Shouldn't make me a bad person.
His grandma does more than
His grandma does more than just purchase her shirts and doesn't include my daughter but I don't let it bother me and I don't shun anyone because of that.
Im afraid this is a tough
Im afraid this is a tough one. I have a BD6 and an SD6 and am pregnant with OH child (SD6's dad obviously?! lol) and I can see this predicament. I would personally sort the outfits myself and as others have suggested, I would have photos done separate...ie all three, then just mu Bio's then OH's bio's..this way nobody is left out and everyone gets what they want!
I have a "family" picture of
I have a "family" picture of my husband and I with our pets. Oh yeah and a skid too because I didn't want to make a scene and tell him to gtfo of the shot. I resent the hell out of that pic and these are just our pets. I'm sure I'd be seething if they were our children.
The point is, I don't blame you one bit. If you were to come right out and say point blank-- it irks me to see my bios in the same photo as those kids from another woman-- I wouldn't judge you at all. Your bios are YOURS and you share enough of your husband's time and resources with those other kids. Little things like family photos just drive that knife deeper.
I'm not trying to single her
I'm not trying to single her out I just don't think it's fair to myself or my kids to not have special moments together. At family gathering has on DH side they take pictures of just DH and SD, I don't get hurt feelings I understand they want a picture of them two. It's his family I don't try to go against them. Just in this case it means a lot to me to have a picture of my two bio children. I don't think I should be labeled as a selfish bitch to want what I want. I just want a picture of my babies. It's like when he buys me a mothers ring is it going to consist in only our children together or his daughter plus our children. I think as a mother you want to have and make memories with your children an I don't think I'm wrong to want this.
But I'm not refusing. I plan
But I'm not refusing. I plan on taking pictures but I don't feel like just because he had a previous life that it means I have to not make things about my children. His family does alot for his daughter and always buys her things and doesn't do the same for my dd and I don't get mad. They take pictures of only him and his daughter at family functions. I don't get upset. Also we aren't married I don't make a big deal of what they choose to do with him and his daughter. So I don't think it should be that big of a deal.
NNOOO those are both your bio
NNOOO those are both your bio children this is way different your looking at it from a different stand point