unbelievable story....i just want some feeback from those with experience in stepmotherhood

:jawdrop: long time lurker. 1st time poster. my situation is the longest story ever....so I basically met my husband 5 years ago...we dated for 3 years and just celebrated our 3 year anniversary this past july. we got married and 1 year into the marriage a child popped up from a 1 night stand....he was found on facebook :jawdrop: that was a huge situation to deal with unpredicted but we rolled with the punches. 1 year later I found out he has 4 other kids from previous marriages. I had no idea. we never saw the kids but he barely had any contact but was providing financially only. now that the kids are aging out of CS they are arriving one by one our doorstep! I am so frustrated with the lies and this sitation...the kids when I do have contact are so poorly raised that they are lacking in manners(ho could blame them right) his absentee style of paenting or lack of parenting has caused this situation. they wont speak, its almost as if theyre mute when am around, except when asking for favors like can you teach me how to drive etc. I know this seems pretty unbelievable but its all true. am stuck I feel trapped and I am way across the country from where we first started. we lived in the DC area and now we are in California. my husband is in the services hence the moves

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long time lurker. 1st time

long time lurker. 1st time poster. my situation is the longest story ever....so I basically met my husband 5 years ago...we dated for 3 years and just celebrated our 3 year anniversary this past jYuly. we got married and 1 year into the marriage a child popped up from a 1 night stand....he was found on facebook Jawdropping! that was a huge situation to deal with unpredicted but we rolled with the punches. 1 year later I found out he has 4 other kids from previous marriages. I had no idea. we never saw the kids but he barely had any contact but was providing financially only. now that the kids are aging out of CS they are arriving one by one our doorstep! I am so frustrated with the lies and this situation...the kids when I do have contact are so poorly raised that they are lacking in manners(ho could blame them right) his absentee style of parenting or lack of parenting has caused this situation. they wont speak, its almost as if they're mute when am around, except when asking for favors like can you teach me how to drive etc. I know this seems pretty unbelievable but its all true. am stuck I feel trapped and I am way across the country from where we first started. we lived in the DC area and now we are in California. my husband is in the services hence the moves

It was after much probing and

It was after much probing and that.it was revealed. He claimed they were his godkids. Another 2 were kids he helped an ex raise and hes the only father they knew...yada yada. I believed his stories

Yeah, I agree. Way too many

Yeah, I agree. Way too many lies and big lies! I'd be gone before more kids showed up.

I'm sorry.....I am just

I'm sorry.....I am just appalled.

These children are not your responsibility. Considering the fact you've no idea what the actual truth is here, you can safely assume anything coming from his mouth is a damn lie.

To be perfectly honest, I would have had my walking shoes on by surprise kid #2.

The only feedback I have for you, and it's rare that I say this except in cases of abuse, is get thee to a divorce attorney tout de suite.

It is. I wanna leave but I

It is. I wanna leave but I feel stuck! We have so many things tied up together. Am a long way from home, family ans friends

Arfur Foulkesaycke!! I

Arfur Foulkesaycke!!

I apologize for my impatience but it sounds like you've been offered this advice already and you're coming up with EXCUSES and not REASONS for staying.

The only reason you'd have to stay is if he turned over a entirely new leaf and stopped lying to you.

Do you really believe that is going to happen? Do you? Now keep in mind that your pathological liar of a husband has been weaving tales since your first date.

Otherwise there is no reason for you to stay with a man who has been misrepresenting himself to you from the very beginning.

You may be a long way from home, family and friends however have you told them what's going on and have you sought out their help?? If not, try that first. And the freaking divorce attorney.

Whatever material goods you have is just stuff. What is more important to you, ownership of crap or getting out of a situation that will leave you sick, bitter and miserable?

I know I'm being harsh but I can see you're trying to justify staying and not leaving.

Shaman29. So easy for you to

Shaman29. So easy for you to think stuff material goods are why am still here. We bank together we share a lease something I signed to be responsible for paying for a year. Am in california a long way from dc...there are so many fActors

I noticed you didn't answer

I noticed you didn't answer my question about talking to your family and friends about this situation. I have a good friend in UT that if she needed my help I'd be there in a second for her if she were in your situation. I also noticed you showed no interest in speaking to a lawyer.

Banking and leases?? Easy peasy.

1. Open a new account under your name only at a different bank. Start having your paychecks sent there.
2. Go to your rental/property management company. Explain your situation (that you are leaving your husband) and ask if there is any way you can be released from your obligation.

Again, a divorce attorney can help you with this situation if you really want out of it. Some attorneys will do the first consultation for free or for a small fee of $50 or so. It would be worth your money to do so.

You are batting away solutions like they're annoying little midges, rather than chewing on them and using them to your benefit.

I was in an abusive situation with a drug addict. I worked three jobs, he had none. We were on a lease. I left him and most of my things behind to get away from him. Worth every cent.

Am in no way making any case

Am in no way making any case for staying. All I thibk about it leaving

Am in no way making any case

Am in no way making any case for staying. All I thibk about it leaving

I know how hard it is when

I know how hard it is when you feel "stuck" but I think you need to do some deep thinking and commit to a decision. Imagine yourself in a situation down the road where you may have children with this man. Is that something you want? When you add your own children into the mix, often times it just gets a lot uglier. We post this non sugar-coated advice with the best of intentions because we know what it's like. We all have our own problems, otherwise we would not be here, and it sounds like you're at that point yourself. But yours is a doozy, so you should prepare yourself for harsh advice.