Newbie here
Hi everyone I've only just found this site but I feel it might be a god-send!!
I'm 24 and not 'officially' a stepmother till next year, but I still have the kids a LOT of the time.
Hubby to be is 10 years older than me, as is his ex. The kids are 11 and 6, boy and girl respectively. So yes, I was 13 when the eldest was born!
The kids I have no angst with, other than the usual children stuff, they accepted me pretty well which I'm massively greatful for, because they mean everything to their dad, and if they didn't like me I'd be out the door. He's a great dad. Which I'm glad about, coming from a father-less childhood, just makesme see that his eex takes him (and me) for granted. Doesn't realise how lucky she is!
Can't wait to have my own children, and the kids also want siblings (each one obviouslywwants one of the same gender, haha :D) but wedding first!
First - RUN. If you refuse
First - RUN.
If you refuse that advise right now then nose around this site awhile then you'll RUN.
If you're still glutton for punishment for heaven's sake don't bring children into the world until you've been married for 2 years. I'm willing to be that by that time you'll have changed your mind.
You see all hell breaks lose when the BM and kids hear a wedding is on the calendar. Up until then this guy was just shacking up and not getting on with his life. All of that changes with the announcement. Wait. Two years. You'll be glad you did.
Oh I know you're in a exceptional situation with a exceptional guy. And all of the guys in Folsom Prison are innocent.
I went to college for 4 years
I went to college for 4 years and have an honours degree..
I now work 5 days a week
As for boundaries, I think I do need to look at those. I do a lot in regards to the kids care, especially at the minute while they're off school
I agree with you about the
I agree with you about the fear of not seeing them.. DHTB has said countless times to me that he can't do something or has to do something so she'll stay happy. He's constantly keeping her happy, and sometimes at the detriment of us. So yeah, he needs boundaries.
However, BM is more than happy to leave both kids with me.. I've had them 90% of the holidays around when I work, because she's sorted no childcare out and she's just been on holiday, and I had them. (DHTB works 6 days a week)
This is all because he wants to keep the peace.
I agree we need authority. I'm the authoritarian in our house, and DHTB is fine with this. (So is the BM apparently, the first time I met her "well they're your kids now, do what you want.")
It's a bit of a culture shock to the kids as their BM let's them do what they want as long as they're out her way, usually they're in their rooms. And DHTB let them do as they want when he was single because he felt bad because he wasn't there all the time.
But I don't let them on the Xbox/tablet/ Internet constantly, and they have a bed time,I expect them to respect my furniture and home, as well as each other and me and their dad.
I'm a firm believer in earning treats and rewards, not just being handed stuff or allowed to do stuff because it's easier. Maybe I make more work for myself but I'd rather have interaction with the kids, and most of the time they like that they spend time with us, even if it's just watching a film together or dinner time at the table.
DHTB does need boundaries with BM though you're right. They're still 'friends' so that's why he does everything for her at the drop of a hat.