You are here

sports game - who goes/ who doesnt?

happy2bhere's picture

Hi there, so I'm new to being in a blended family. My new partner and his son stay with me and my kids every weekend (this is his time that he gets with his son). His son has been playing rugby, the season is almost over and I've spoken up and said I want to go to his games as well. I've just been to one game and partners ex was not very happy with this! She insists that if I go one week than she'll go the second week. So, I'm wondering whats it like for you all in this situation ?? Do you go, do you make some sort of arrangement about when you can go? or do you keep the peace and not go??

aharris72's picture

Depends. In my daughter's life, all four of her parents (BM, BD, SD, SM) go and we often sit together.

In my SS9 life we rarely get notified of such events so it makes it difficult. We find out where they are and BM is all huddled up with her kids, my in-laws, (she calls them to come) and we find a seat nearby.

I don't know how new you are to this. It might be a constant fight for you to be included. It's really up to your boyfriend to make you feel welcome.

Good luck!

happy2bhere's picture

Hi. Thanks for the reply and the advice. I've been with my current partner 10 months now and this is the first time we've been out to an event that his ex also attends. understandably it isn't a comfortable situation to be in for anyone, however the BM refuses to have me there. what if any, is the comprise?

My partner wants me there.

happy2bhere's picture

Fair comment. My kids are 5 & 3 yrs old. His son is also 5. So the kids have a great time together. I'm only interested in going to the rugby to see the little man play. and be there to show our support as well. His always at my house on the day he has rugby and it does feel very odd that we (my kids and I) don't go and watch his game.

Disneyfan's picture

Since this is a new relationship, I would not get into the habit of attending all games. One or two each season would be it.

I would not want to waste time watching my SKs play a sport, when I could be out enjoying time with my bios.

Rags's picture

:jawdrop: Hell yes you go and you go whenever you want to go regardless of what BM has to say about it. The way to effectively deal with a toxic X is to be at your SO's side, support your Skids and beem your happiness. Toxic morons in the opposition are like cockroaches in a dark room that run for the shadows when a light is thrown on. You be the light, let BM be the cockroach.

Look good, feel good, smile, be engaging with your partner and the other parents, cheer your Skid on.

Most importantly have fun.

Maxwell09's picture

If you want to go watch him then go for yourself. BM doesn't need your schedule and her trying to go only when you don't is childish. Are you going to do that your whole life? No, you both put on big girl panties and go to the same place without causing a scene about it. You don't go to the ball games to make her uncomfortable, you go to watch him play so why would her being uncomfortable be your problem at all? Just tell her that you plan on attending the ball games anytime you have the time and that it's unfortunate if she chooses not to participate because of you being there.

I mean if you go along with her ridiculous schedule she'll just tell your SS she couldn't go because you went and he start to blame you for every game his mom misses. Don't fall for that trap. It's best if you go (if you are going for the right reasons) whenever you can and not tell her when you are going.

Claire Ann's picture

Hello "Happy2bhere". I'm new here too. I think this is an important time to set a precedence with the BM. I mean, thinking down the road, you don't want her to say you can't be there for all the important events in the kids' future... graduations and weddings etc. So it's up to your partner to set the stage now by telling the BM that you are going to attend whatever events you want to attend. If he can communicate this to her without anger and animosity, but just matter of factly state it as fact, that's about all you can do. Of course, you will be friendly, respectful etc. at said events. Smile (Or stay a safe distance in the audience from BM, whatever.) If he can't or won't communicate this to her now, you will have continual power struggles with BM. Good luck!

happy2bhere's picture

Thank you all for the replies. You all have given me something to think about. I feel very strongly about setting boundaries with regards to the BM. unfortunately my partner is trying to keep everyone happy in this situation ie. BM & me. this screams out to me that he also has not set up boundaries with the ex. very frustrating.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

If you want to go, go. Why should BM have the power to say what you can do? If she can't handle your presence, she needs to grow up and be an adult. Or at least pretend to be one. And your SO should only be worried about keeping ONE woman happy- the one he's with.