Expected to take SKIDS out and leave Bio child at home?!
Forums:
I've been lurking here for a while without posting but really need some advice now. DF and I just dropped my Skids (SD5 and SS4) at BM's, got home and he said "I'm gonna ask my mum if she can have baby (BD 4months) next Saturday so we can take JUST SD and SS somewhere like Legoland."
I was gobsmacked. So I asked him "Why can't baby come with?" His response was "if my mum has baby we can focus completely on SD and SS!"
But we NEVER do anything with JUST BD - we only ever go out and do stuff when we have my Skids!
Not sure what to do :/ should I leave BD with MIL and just take skids out? I'm not sure it's fair on BD - I know she's only 4 months old but that's not the point :/
Actually BD being 4mos old is
Actually BD being 4mos old is the point. Deep breaths. Giving GM the day with the baby while you do something with your DH and Skids is not a bad thing.
As BD gets older she will appreciate these things and will remember them. If your DH tries this when BD is older, deal with him then.
IMHO of course.
I under why he doesn't want
I under why he doesn't want to take the baby. But what makes him think the OP wants to spend a day at Legoland with him and his kids????
Just tell him to take his kids and have a great time.
^^This^^
^^This^^
Take your baby; you focus on
Take your baby; you focus on her, he can focus on his kids.
If you felt you needed a break from BD, fine, but it sounds like you want her to be with you, so take her with. And frankly, if I needed a break, Legoland with the steps would not be it.
I agree with everyone else.
I agree with everyone else. If YOU decide you need a brake from your BIO it sure should not be decided that you go to LEGOLAND with the skids. A break is a break for goodness sake. Personally, I would refuse to go.
His response would be that DD
His response would be that DD lives with us so gets enough "special attention" :?
This is weird to me. My bios
This is weird to me. My bios are 10 years apart, so when youngest was a baby they were 10, 7 and infant. I would take my baby everywhere with us; we were a family. Plus I was breastfeeding. You work it out. Also, CTBB37 was always at least 12 years older than mine- we worked it out. In 31 years of marriage I never dumped one of my kids and took the rest somewhere . Maybe I'd have a "girls day" with my DD's , or go hiking w/ my son, or make enchiladas w/ SS, but of course in those situations the other kids were with DH.
"I would take my baby
"I would take my baby everywhere with us; we were a family."
Totally agree with this. SS4 actually gets disappointed when DD9months and I don't go with him and his dad places.
For example if SS wants to go to the park to ride his bike, that personally is not my idea of a good time!! so I just say to DH that he should take him alone, have some daddy/son time, while DD and I play at home til they get back. (I'm happy with that, and SS gets to ride his bike!)
I do think it's important for all dads to spend time alone with their kids.. What concerns me is the *reason* he wanted to leave baby behind, to focus on skids.. Hmm. Not cool.
This, in my opinion, sends a message to skids that you and baby.. are seperate from them and dad.
Like ctnmom said "we're a family" ..I think it just depends how you want to start out (you know that saying 'start as you mean to go on') yes, baby is only 4months old, but if you want skids to totally understand that you are all a family and do things together, then I personally would bring baby along.
That is if you *want* to go to Legoland. I would want DD to see all the bright colours and excitement, and I'd get a kick out of seeing her appreciate all the new things she was looking at.
But if a day out like that isn't your idea of a good time, just say to DH to take the skids, have fun and we'll see you later..
I understand the separation you feel though, which is why I personally would insist on *everyone* going together as a family.
IMO I wouldn't take my 4
IMO I wouldn't take my 4 month old to Legoland for the day. My bio is on formula and that would be a huge pain in the ass. But some people don't mind. It's really up to you.I don't like the reason WHY he wouldn't to leave your bio at home, so he could "focus completely on SD and SS", but maybe he didn't mean it the way it is sounding. IDK, I say it's up to you....I work too and I love spending all of my time with bioson!! So I would say, let Dad and skids go to Legoland and you and the baby hang out together!
I don't think either of you
I don't think either of you is "wrong" per se. I get where your DH is coming from. I have a DS5 and twin 2 year olds - and I have absolutely taken the 5 year old out for "special" time, especially when the twins were too young for most activities. I felt it was important, since the babies got SO much attention (being babies). I would think that since all 3 are your DH's bios, that's probably where he's coming from.
On the other hand, all 3 are NOT your bios - so I understand YOUR point of view too. You don't want your bio "left out" when the kids do fun things. You want time with your bio much more than you want time with skids. Totally get it, and that's totally understandable.
Is there room for compromise? Maybe do Legoland this time with the skids, but next time DH can take them while you stay and have bonding time with your bio, and the time after that DH can take all 3 while you take a nap, and the time after that you and DH and baby do a "family" thing while the skids are at BM's... Seems like doing ANY of those things ALL the time is probably not a good idea, but if you have a mix of them the whole "blended family" thing might work better. IMO.
For those that commented
For those that commented about being a working mum -I work and miss my DD like mad because I miss out on so much
Since before DD was born all the skids have been bothered about is the baby. Now they come over and all the wanna do is play with baby and focus on her (understandable babies are awesome). However they NEVER leave her alone, she can't even take a nap because skids will wake her up to play with her or try and feed her stuff (sweets, juice, stickers, balls). So realistic she could probably do with a break from them!! I don't need nor want time away from DD. I can completely understand DF wanting to spend time with HIS bio children but a - they aren't my bio children, I will never pick them over DD and b - a day at legoland with two already spoiled children and no DD to focus on instead sounds like hell!
But saying that to DF will just cause an argument......
Just tell him you aren't
Just tell him you aren't going. Refuse to argue about it. He won't stand there and argue with himself. If he does so be it.
I would say something in a
I would say something in a supportive, excited way about how great it is he wants to take the kids to Legoland and you are sure they will love it. That you can see how it would be more fun without the baby, but that there is no need to take her to grandma's you'll just hang with her at home.
It is really healthy for the skids to have time with just dad sometimes.
And it is healthy for you to get some time with just the baby.
OR you could go along and take the baby.
Any of the choices are okay. I would not make husband out to be a bad guy here. There is nothing inherently wrong with leaving the baby to go to Legoland- but there is also nothing wrong with him going without you.
Decide what YOU want to do, but be encouraging and supportive of your dh.