I've got two stepchildren (almost. we will be married soon. But they refer to me as their stepmom), both boys ages 6 and 9. Their mother is a wonderful mom, their dad is a wonderful dad. But when they are with their mom, they spend alot of time with grandma. Mom and grandma kind of spoil them, and Im sure we would too if we werent paying their mom every penny she can take from us. Recently, we got a new house. They have been very excited and VERY hyper. I am 10 years younger than my fiance and was raised in a mentally and physically abusive home. I grew up knowing that I would never ever be like my parents. I would never hit my kids, not even a spanking. But I have forgiven my parents and am very close with them (although I live 1700 miles from them) I have learned through the past few years with these boys to redirect them and discipline them without violence and without raising my voice (for the most part, sometimes I have to raise my voice) This weekend, everything I thought I was doing right, suddenly seemed wrong. Hubby was busy doing yardwork all day on saturday. I woke up to kids arguing in the living room (VERY EARLY) I separated them, talked to them for a minute and turned on some cartoons and asked them what they wanted for breakfast. So I go into the kitchen and not 3 minutes later I hear "I'm hungry" from the oldest one. I say "I am cooking breakfast right now" (I havent even had coffee yet for christsake)This "I'm hungry" thing is not new. Its annoying. Not once have we ever forgotten to feed them, not had enough food for them, not let them eat whenever they want, etc, etc.... I heard some form of "Im hungry, I'm starving, "*groooaaannnn* Im dying" "The beeper went off, is it ready?" at least 15 times while i was making breakfast. It annoyed me to no end. By the time I was done cleaning up breakfast, (930am) They were whining about how hungry they were again. So i got them some more fruit and another pancake. I started some laundry and took a shower. When I walked back out to the living room they wanted to know what we were having for lunch. As I started making lunch shortly thereafter the "Im hungry, I'm starving, "*groooaaannnn* Im dying" "The beeper went off, is it ready?" ensued. I made them both peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, and an assortment of fruit. Sat them at the table, they began to eat as i started making something for myself. I had to refill their cups 2 times each before I could sit down. I sit down and the older one wants another sandwich. I get up and make it and ask little one if he would like another sandwich. He doesnt. I sit back down to eat my now cold food and little one wants another sandwich. I get up, make it, and throw my cold lunch away. I go outside to talk to hubby about plans for the evening. Walk back inside and they want a snack. I get them one. about 330 pm they start whining about being hungry. The "Im hungry, I'm starving, "*groooaaannnn* Im dying" "The beeper went off, is it ready?" AGAIN. We tell them that they need to wait. We grilled burgers for dinner. All while listening to the same crap about them being hungry. By the time I'm done getting them refills, and more condiments and whatever else they wanted, my burger is cold. They finish before us and start begging for dessert. This is NOT new. This happens EVERY time we have them. I was raised in a much different home than my fiance, and most of it wasnt good. But what I did learn was to not be selfish, gluttonous, greedy, and to respect elders. I know that having kids is alot of work, but Ive been around a whole lot of kids in my life, and none of them have been like this. Sunday, it started again. I didnt last but 5 minutes. I went in my room, shut the door, told hubby to deal with it. I had a meltdown. He agrees that his kids shouldnt be this way, but wont do anything about it. He wants me to be a stepmother, to help raise, mold and discipline his kids with him, but we have two very different views on parenting. Let me explain how my meals went as a kid and this is how I feel they SHOULD be. I woke up, I ate breakfast, cereal or whatever was for breakfast that day. I ate what was put in front of me and ALL of it. We DID NOT waste food. I didnt complain about it or I went hungry until lunch. If I got hungry between breakfast and lunch, I was told to get an apple or some sort of fruit. (I had to do this by myself. My parents didnt cater to me when I was old enough to do things on my own) At lunch, I ate what was put in front of me. ALL of it. I didnt complain or I went hungry until dinner. If I got hungry before dinner I was told to get a piece of fruit. On my own. At dinner, I ate what was put in front of me. ALL of it. I didnt complain or I went hungry until breakfast. I didnt dare ask for dessert before my parents (who had slaved cooking dinner for me) finished their meals and cleaned up the kitchen. Then after dinner, homework, showers, and pajamas, I got a snack. A cookie or ice cream or something. If I got hungry later that night I was told to get a piece of fruit. ON MY OWN. After about age 8, I made all of my meals except dinner. An 8 year old is perfectly capable of making a sandwich and putting some chips and some fruit or veggies on their plate. I remember hearing "The kitchen is closed" all the time as a child. I grew up to be a healthy, functional, non-demanding, non- gluttonous adult. And guess what? I NEVER went hungry. My parents never starved me. Am I wrong here??? I dont think that I am. If I am, how do I deal with this? How do I get my fiance and the kids all on the same page? How do I go through this 4 days a week without going insane?