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'I wanted to be in your belly when I was a baby' says SD3... Needing help with explaining (age appropriately)

MdMom's picture

For the last few weeks DD2 has had an obsetion about babies in people's bellies (my sister is currently pregnant). DD2 will come up to me and say 'you have babies in your belly', I say 'No WAY! mommy's done with having babies in her belly.' (FDH and I have 4 children UNDER the age of 4!! INSANITY!!)

SD3 will chime in to the convo with something like 'DS6mo was in your belly, DD18mo and DD2 were in your belly too.' I tell her she is very right, but that there are NO BABIES in my belly now (the last thing we need is drama from BM because SD3 says i have another baby coming!)

SD will then ask if she was in my belly when she was a baby, I smile and say 'No, you were in BM's belly. That is why she is your mom.' to which her reply 'But you're my mom too though, right Mdmom?' I tell her that I am her STEPmom, I am not her real mom, BM is. She then says BM's BF is her Stepdad... I say yes, you are totally right!
She then says 'but you're my real mom too, cause I want to come out of your belly when I was a baby. Like DD's and DS.'

I don't really know what to say to that... i'm sorry you were born to a lazy, worthless, whore of a mom, who cares more about coming up with ways to hurt, or get money out of FDH than spending quality time with her only daughter.

Though I would like to say that, I bite my tongue and say 'BM is your mom, and I am your Stepmom, you are special enough to have two moms who care and love you very much.'

Was it too much to say that she had two moms? she knows that I am a Step, as well as knows who her Bio parents are. (she is very bright for a 3 almost 4 year old.) This is not the first time that SD has said things like this... I usually change the subject, and she goes along with it, but recently when I try to change the subject, or just have her go play with her siblings. But recently she has not been wanting to let it go, she'll go play or we will talk about something else then she always brings us back to the conversation. She has been very consistent about the topic... Clearly I'm not getting to her, or she wouldn't have to bring it up every silent moment we have through out the day.

How else can I explain to SD (age appropriately) why she couldn't have been my baby to begin with, but is one of my babies now?
Also, am I in the wrong to be explaining these kinds of things to SD, should I leave that to BM and FDH? (Though I do believe that SD opens up to me more than BM and FDH)

Any help will help... lol

AllySkoo's picture

I'm not sure you can explain it more than you have, at that age. Maybe the only thing to add to it is to try to speak to the underlying concern? If she's saying "like my step siblings", then you could try adding:

"But it doesn't matter who grew in who's belly. We are all a family now and I love all 4 of you, just like you all love each other as brothers and sisters."

From the sound of it, maybe she wants to make sure she "belongs" just like your bios do.