Phone calls during vacation
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Do you allow the BM/BF speak to the skids while on family vacation with you and your DH/DW?
BM usually expects to be able to speak to kids once a day .. and will call non-stop. Probably send some nasty emails, etc. But we're on vacation .. mostly busy, certainly not stopping everything to let them talk.
Last year, we answered the phone twice for her. Once we were walking the boardwalk and the call lasted all of 20 seconds. The second time skids were passed out after a day in the sun. Most of the other times the cell was left in the hotel and we just missed her call completely.
I just don't think the other parent should get the right to intrude on our vacation time.
we never take SD on vacation.
we never take SD on vacation. ever. anywhere.
we wouldnt forbid her from speaking to her mother if we did take her with us. but the times they speak would be dictated by our schedule and what is convenient for us and our itinerary.
We take skids on one vacation
We take skids on one vacation a year.
It's not that I'd want to completely forbid the calls, but like you say, I don't want to cater to the ringing cell phone either.
Vacation is a time to unplug and unwind for us. My phone doesn't even make the trip. DH's ONLY goes for emergencies, and the occasional BM call.
We wouldn't forbid SS from
We wouldn't forbid SS from talking to his father if he called. He hardly calls anyways. If per chance he calls at an inconvenient time, we would either answer and say SS is unavailable or just let it go to VM and we'll get SS to call him back later.
"Sometimes it is written in a
"Sometimes it is written in a CO, so there isn't much you can do about it."
hahahahahaaha.....unless your my BM and then do you whatever you want and encouraged your kid to follow suit.
my fiance is supposed to have "regular telephonic communication" with his daughter which is to be "encouraged and supported" by her mother as the CP.
you wouldnt beleive how many times he calls or texts and is flat out ignored.
My kids are 11 and 13 and
My kids are 11 and 13 and have their own phones. Their dad thinks it's my doing, but when I see them ignore his calls or texts, I know it's because he is just a crappy dad. He did the same thing with his first wife...blamed her mom when his daughter didn't call. He's an idiot. Sometimes a kid just doesn't want to be bothered.
its the CP's job to teach
its the CP's job to teach their child respect. the fact that you let them ignore their father like that because they "cant be bothered" is disturbing.
maybe your ex really is a crappy dad. but maybe he isnt.
I sort of agree. BM used to
I sort of agree. BM used to refuse DH's calls because the kids were watching TV. She said, "it's not my fault they don't want to talk to you".
Well, yeah .. at 4 and 5 years old, of course they're distracted by TV.
Not saying that there aren't crappy dads with kids who just aren't interested in them, but depending on the ages, the parents need to encourage the relationships and respect of the other parent when both are willing.
Many don't. And we all see the result.
We are going to Disney in a
We are going to Disney in a couple of weeks, which is SD9's first vacation. SO and BM split custody 50/50 and each night at 9pm BM calls (or, when SD is with BM, BM calls us--we never initiate the call because BM is a waitress, so sometimes she calls 15 minutes early or 5 minutes late, whenever she is available on a break). SO plans to continue the daily calls while at Disney, but moving them to something like 4pm, when we plan to be finishing our mid-day rest at the hotel and heading back to the park for dinner or more fun. He thinks this is better than 9pm when we are watching fireworks or putting SD to bed or something, but I think they should put the daily calls on a break. I know SD will want to tell her mom about her vacation, but I think SO will find that more things are happening at 4pm than he anticipates and the phone call will be an interruption. SO and I are also leaving SD with the grandparents (along for the trip) one night that week to go on a "date," so I also hate that I have to choose between BM either kicking off our date or ending it.
(Personally, I think daily calls during non-vacation times are still too much. Since the call might come anytime between 8:45 and 9:15, I am on-edge for about a half hour waiting for this call to come in. Every single night we are bound by this stupid schedule when we otherwise wish to be playing games, finishing homework, or getting the shower/bed routine done. I despise the fact that another woman and a child set the schedule in our household.)
When we take 9&7 to Disney,
When we take 9&7 to Disney, we have them call their mother just just before rope drop. She hates this because they are so excited about getting into the parks, that they refuse to talk long.
Their CO says he has to give her a local phone number and address when he takes the girls on vacation. However, it doesn't say he has to allow them to speak to their mom during the trips.
We hear that BM is going to
We hear that BM is going to some music festival in Canada while we are at Disney (how she will afford this, we have no idea), so I'm sure she will be in a hungover slumber just before rope drop. Nonetheless, I passed this along to SO.
I suggested to him this morning that instead of telling her ahead of time "4pm every day," he should tell her "tomorrow, it'll be between the hours of X and X," like a 2-hour window. That allows him to be more sure of the schedule since it's only for the next day, plus it allows him a window while still giving her an idea of what time it will be. He said it was a good idea and he would do that instead, so I think that will also be better for me, because now he'll probably shoot for a time when I'm resting in our hotel room mid-day (SD has a separate room, which means I don't have to hear the phone call) and won't have to worry it's interrupting something.
Thanks all. I think we
Thanks all. I think we generally agree. I don't want to expressly forbid BM from speaking to them at all, I just don't want to be slave to the cell phone while on vacation.
BM doesn't allow them to speak to DH when on vacation. Claims they're always too busy. That's fine, he doesn't press the issue. They're going to Puerto Rico this year with her, so I expect she won't have service at all (or so she'll tell us).
i remember something my
i remember something my mother always said - "a telephone is for the convenience of the caller, not the one being called".
you have a CHOICE in whether or not you answer that cell phone or even have it with you.
Cruises are our vacation of choice because we are essentially forced to check out completely. No internet and no phones and we LOVE it.
Back in my day long distance
Back in my day long distance was expensive so no calls were made. But today it would seem like the kids could be reminded to call Mom/Dad just before bed time unless a time zone made the necessary to call earlier.
If you're in Washington D.C. then Mom, in Los Angeles, has to be called before 6PM.
It would also depend on the
It would also depend on the age, no?
SD was 11 when she came on vacation with us. Inlaws came too, and she stayed in their room. BM called EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
We thought it was a non issue because we were in the Caribbean... but NOOOOOOOOO. SD took it upon herself to ask the front desk how to call home. They told her, and next thing you know, every day at around 3pm, she hightailed it to her room to talk to Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyy. Because "Mommy will DIE if i don't call her."
I think daily phone calls are ridiculous at a certain age. Teach some independence and teach that a vacation is just that. A vacation.
For me, meh- it didn't affect me since I stayed poolside with my Corona, but MIL or DH had to accompany her if she needed to place a call.
We've been to court numerous
We've been to court numerous times. I can tell you what you need to do for court purposes, trust me. What does the current CO read? If it lists it, follow it. If it doesn't list it, I would send an email to her advising call guidelines. You have lives too and she certainly can call, but there have to be guidelines. Call between 6-8pm or what ever works for ya'll. If you are going to court you have to make yourselves look like you were decent and tried to work with her. Don't with hold the calls. If you go before a judge you can show you were rational about he situation. If she can't follow it, she will look dumb and it's not necessar for her to act like that.
The CO is silent. And the
The CO is silent. And the skids are ALWAYS available for calls when with us on normal time. But for one week of vacation, our schedule is not as structured. We will not be sitting around the beach condo all evening.
I am NOT saying they are forbidden from talking to her at all, I just don't think we should necessarily be jumping and making accommodations for this ONE WEEK of vacation.
skids would never call dh
skids would never call dh when they lived out of state with bm. dh would beg them. now that they live in our town they call and text several times a day. reason is they know where free money comes from.
They get a phone call to
They get a phone call to their mother every night that they are with their father regardless of where he is which can include vacation out of the country. I see absolutely no reason not to call just because you are on vacation unless there is a phone coverage issue. It takes just a few minutes and with cell phones you can mostly excuse yourself and have them say a quick goodnight 99% of the time. The calling is usually in the evening around the same time. If they are in a place like the movies where they can't talk, then a quick text saying when they will be out is fine.
We don't call her. The skids
We don't call her. The skids don't ever ask to, and we don't force it. If she wants to talk to them, she calls them. If we're available, we answer. If not, we typically call back when we are.
The exception to this, IMO, is vacation.
Sorry I am not sure why I
Sorry I am not sure why I worded it as such. If the kids are with him then she always calls around the same time. If they are with her then he calls around the same time.
A quick goodnight? Must be
A quick goodnight? Must be nice. BM keeps SD on the phone at least 15 minutes. Even if she knows it's bed time. When SD was 4 dh had to end a phone call BM went on so long and she had just talked to SD a few hours ago. BM had the nerve to sat "SD tell ur dad to stop being RUDE we are talking". Wtf.
Yikes...I guess i will count
Yikes...I guess i will count myself lucky then. It is the same deal every night "How was your day?" to each kid who gives a few sentences response and then "I love you. Goodnight" Sometimes the kids are so immersed in whatever we are doing they do not respond to her and she is left going "helloooo?". I notice they seem to talk and elaborate more when he calls them. Either way, all 3 kids have been talked to within 5 minutes typically when she calls. Sometimes the kids just take the phone and say "I love you mom. goodnight!" as fast they can and go back to playing.