Growing up we had to ask until we were 11 or 12. After that we were free to help ourselves to whatever we wanted. I raised my son the same way.

SD17 is free to help herself to what she wants when she is here. SDs9&7 have to ask.

The skids yes because they dont live in my house. While I want them to feel comfortable and "make yourself at home" (okay at the beginning I thought this, over time I found if I didnt "monitor" the food, that they would just take anything and everything and eat it up.

My BS always asks before he gets something. He is 9 though. But I did raise him to ask me for something in the cupboard. Now I am trying to give him some more independence. If he wants a cheese stick, to grab a cheese stick for example.

I think once a child is around 13 years old or so, they shouldn't have to ask if they demonstrate that they can make reasonable decisions - they do not waste food/snacks, they do not ruin their dinner by snacking too close to meal time, etc. So by my theory, your SD16 should be able to take what she wants, except that making new jelly without finishing the first bowl borderlines on wasting.

Meh, I don't think either way is wrong. I was raised in a house where we didn't have to ask. My DH was raised that they DID have to ask - and he's raised the SD's the same way. (I find it weird, honestly, to have a 17 year old ask me if she can make herself a PB&J. Just do it! *lol*)

However, to the "Why should I?" your response should have been "Because you don't pay for the food, I do."

I'm reaching a point now where I am going to take a friend of my father's brilliant ideas when it comes to consumption control. He had a problem with his two kids and them drinking Cokes like it was water. So he installed a Coke vending machine in his house. It's a vintage one from the 1960's and looks really cool. He charges a buck per can.

Sign on the machine reads "No money, no coke"

I let kids 12 & over decide for themselves. So far so good.

Your house, your rules. Each house is different. My kids have an area they go to for food they can eat any time. It's fruit, granola bars, chips, crackers, fruit roll ups. The rule is put on them to not go crazy and eat all the fruit roll ups first and just pig out. I explain that once they are gone, you will have to eat the other snacks and then I'll re-stock.

My kids ask. They know they didn't pay for it, they know it doesn't "belong" to them, if they want it they have to get permission. I don't often say no if the request is reasonable, but if I'm planning to use something for dinner I don't want to find it gone while I am cooking. This just seems like common sense to me. Plus I went through this with SD, where she one time ate 8 of the 10 hot dogs in a package hidden (I thought) in the back of the fridge in two days, so when dinner time came there were only 2. I had one, BD then about 2 had the other, and SD was on her own to find dinner (we had plenty of food in the house). Boy was she steamed and she raised a fuss and got BM's family involved. Whatever. Don't eat stuff you don't know you are free to eat. In her case, we had an entire shelf/drawer filled with appropriate snack items she did NOT have to ask to eat, but she still wanted whatever she wanted and didn't care about the consequences. Not having that with my kids, not that they act like SD anyway thank God.

OMG - this is a battle in my house!

SD14 and not so much SS11 are free range eaters, SD14 is obesem SS11 isn't bothered about food.

My kids have to ask about certain foods and after a certain time of the evening (say an hour before dinner - after that and between dinner and bed you ask) But they are free to drink all the water they wish, and eat fruit, vegies, dips etc bought for snacks without asking, at reasonable times of day (ie don't have an apple 10 minutes before dinner!) That is how they have been raised, anything else (biscuits, cake, crisps, ANYTHING else - they ask first)

SD will just eat anything and everything - no I tell a lie, she doesn't eat the healthy stuff. She USED to grab a bag of frozen chips and just cook the bag for herself - no matter what time day or night. I buy this shit specifically when skids are here as vegies and real food don't work for them, so we pander to their limited tastes. So, I would have chicken schnitzels, chips and salad planned for dinner one night and she would eat the entire freaking bag of chips - or cook the whole bag and only eat half, throw the rest out. That bag would have been a side for 7 of us.... She is a piglet. She also used to grab huge family size bags of crisps, boxes of crackers, the mini-chocolate bars I put in my DD's lunchboxes, anything she could lay her hands on.

On Sunday she actually ATE MY DINNER! We had a roast Saturday night, there were leftover roasted potato and sweet potato, and carrots, cauli and broccoli (steamed) my plan was to feed the rest of them schnitzel and chips and have 2 boiled eggs and the vegies leftovers myself (I don't eat schnitzel) I was out all day, come home to find someone had eaten the roasted vegies out of my container and left the steamed ones.... Was pissed. Asked OH - and he said "Oh, I gave her a pie and she wanted those vegies to go with it for lunch." since when does ANYONE apart from me eat the leftover vegies???? YOU KNOW I EAT THOSE!!!

She used to help herself all the time to anything she could lay her fat piggy fingers on.

I had to put a stop to it. At first OH complained - he said his kids are used to helping themselves and nothing being off limits. I pointed out the difference between my kids health and eating habits and his. He actually agreed. I offered to have a tub with foods the skids could help themselves too without affecting meals (as in eating stuff I had plans for - not as in affecting THEM eating their dinners) and he said no, my way is better. So now they HAVE to ask before they take anything from fridge or pantry just like my kids do.

We also had to put in place the no food in the bedrooms rule, because after the above rule was enforced SD started bringing over food from BM's because "Luchay starves me, I am not allowed to EAT at her house!" So she was leaving rubbish, half eaten food, drinks etc all over her room, plus the amount of food she was pigging out on in secret in her room is truly disgusting.

OH pays lip service to this rule, we both know she is still bringing her massive "BM care packages" and pigging herself silly in her room. I have pointed out how BAD this is for her health - I told him to google Teenage obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol in teenagers, hardened arteries etc and TEACH his bloody kid - lead by example. Stop her at the door, take the bloody food off her and give it back on the way back to BM. Sit her at the computer and google all that stuff with her there, SHOW her what she is doing to herself.

But he won't. He hates the way she looks and eats, what she is doing but it's too hard to deal with it. Useless fucking ostrich.

I told him that He and BM are both actively encouraging her and that they are a disgrace as parents.