I know I don't have much to complain about, and this may seem petty to a lot of people here. But it has been eating at me for two days...

The only thing my DH and I argue about is BM. We have never had even so much as a heated conversation about anything else. I know in my heart my husband wants nothing to do with BM. But yet he is one of those "peace-keepers" who doesn't put her in her place when needed. He knows how I feel about having conversations with her about anything other than SS. First of all, just show me that respect. Second of all, why give her any more information than we have to about anything?

So a couple nights ago, DH went to use the bathroom or something. I went to feed the dog. He went one way, I went the other. I went back to the living room and he had turned around to grab his phone. I thought that was rather odd, because it was a situation where he normally would have just left it. So I got curious, and pulled up phone records. There had been two texts between him and BM that day. That in itself would not have done anything for me. We are taking SS on a little vacation this week and it would be somewhat normal to communicate about that. But the fact that he grabbed his phone like that really had me wondering. So I looked at his phone after he fell asleep. BM's text was asking who we went through when we bought our house. None of her fucking business, THAT'S WHO. About an hour later, DH texted her back, "Call me." And he has not said a word about it to me yet. Granted, we have spent only about three hours of awake time together since then, and a good part of that was with a chainsaw running. He has agreed to tell me whenever she contacts him about something other than SS.

I've tried to play devil's advocate here and give him the benefit of the doubt as to what was said. But the fact that he hasn't told me about it yet makes me think he actually carried on a conversation with her about it. She lives an hour from us, so I'm not sure why she would be interested at all in that. I'm pretty sure it was referring to the financing, as opposed to the realtor. I wish I could remember for sure, though. I had just updated my city on facebook the day before. Our old realtor lives in the same town she does, so if it was that, she may have gone into the bank where BM works and asked about it, wondering if we went through someone else to buy our house. But it seems to me the text specifically asked about financing, not the realtor. And I just can't come up with one good reason to acknowledge that text if that's the case. She may be looking at buying a house with her new husband... but I have my doubts. Why else would she ask?

So... I'm trying to give DH time to just tell me about this. And I can wait, but I feel betrayed. I know that may sound like an over-reaction, and maybe it is. But we have agreed specifically that he would tell me about this type of thing. And if I confront him, he will know I looked at his phone and that will be a counter-productive argument, because the focus will switch to that. I've thought about bringing it up in a less confrontational way, but I still see it ending the same because he will feel violated. We are not going to see each other much today or tomorrow, and we will have SS for the vacation after that. Currently, I'm just having a hard time looking at him, which probably isn't helping for open lines of communication. What to do?