The Chore List OMG
I made a list of chores this morning for the SDs. They have been sitting on their butts for over a week not doing anything because everyone conveniently "forgets." By the time DH and I are home we are exhausted with no time left in our day.
There must be 25 things on this list, very detailed, in order to avoid any confusion. SD19 went to work around noon so she's not here. I arrive home and the vacuum is in the middle of the kitchen, so SDstb13 has done SOMETHING. I go upstairs to relax and talk to her through her door. She says she is folding clothes. After about an hour, I couldn't resist because we all KNOW what WASN'T happening. I checked on the folding of the clothes. Nope. Clean laundry jammed back into the hamper, spilling out onto the floor, where it's been since Monday. SDstb13 explains that SD19 wanted her to "leave some things for her to do" because the list was so damn long. Bwahahaha if you had done a little each day, it wouldn't be so bad, now would it? Lesson in time management anyone?
I asked SDstb13 to show me the list and she explains she hasn't been checking anything off. That's OK puddin', I know EXACTLY what you're NOT doing. }:) It's been too damn quiet in your room and I'm sick of your little lies. I was neutral and matter-of-fact and went over the list with her. I even stated that there were two things on there that I did when I arrived home that she could check off.
All that's been done by SDstb13 today is vacuuming and bringing the trash cans in. I explained to her how she could've done a few other things while she was already down in the basement vacuuming. Her room looked like holy hell, but I could still see the carpet, so it could be worse, lol.
I told her to get ta steppin' or it was going to be a very long and boring weekend for her. I think she wants to have a friend over. Not happening until that list is complete. And now she can add cleaning her room to it too.
Oh and I don't remind her much anymore about things that are solely on her, i.e. brush your teeth, clean the hamster cage, SHOWER. SHOWER....SHOWER ALREADY!!!
She hasn't showered since Tuesday and she had a doctor's appt today. Gross.
DH is extremely busy at work so he doesn't want to hear it. I can save the update for when he gets home. I texted him this morning with the list and told him to back me up. I'm pissed that I've disengaged some by reminding SDstb13 of what needs to be done this evening, but she just thinks it doesn't have to happen. She's been home for six hours since her appt and has only vacuumed, I asked? MOVE IT SISTER. Sure, she can take her sweet time, but she doesn't get to do anything until that list is complete. I already told SDstb13 that everyone was out working today and she needed to work, too.
Frustrated, dammit. Kid is a moron.
~ Moon
^ Meant to say pissed that I
^ Meant to say pissed that I AM disengaged and gave her the reminder. Darnit.
TGIHB, I used to ask SDstb13
TGIHB, I used to ask SDstb13 if she wanted me to remind her to wipe her ass, too. LOL Duh-uuuhhhhhh.
DH just called and I asked if he could speak with SDstb13 about not accomplishing anything today. He said he didn't want to come home to all of this and wanted to relax. I asked how he thought I felt, trying to monitor a STEPkid, feeling awkward that I'm the bad guy. He understood where I was coming from. I asked if he's noticed that I've stepped back recently? I told him the house isn't TOO bad, but there are things to get done that no one does. He exclaimed that it wasn't fair to spring everything on the Skids in one list at the end of the week. I explained that HE needed to have them do things every day then. Use my damn list if you want.
I asked where SD19 was and she's at the gym and then has a party to go to later. Um, ok. Guess SDstb13 is on her own. DH DID laugh when I told him I checked for signs of life through the door and SDstb13 hadn't done anything. I suggested taking her iPod Touch until she did some more chores. I also said that everyone was going to be out tomorrow and SDstb13 could continue "working" until that list was done. Maybe I'll ask him to disconnect the wi-fi again.
I reminded that kid when I walked in the door to do a few more things. She lies until the door to her room is open and I call her out on not doing anything. I remind her again. I write a list. Now I have to be the bad guy and have a stomach ache from talking to DH.
The good thing is that through all of this disengagement, DH has listened to me some, more than in the past, and we are growing closer. We're butting heads a little along the way, but we're still trying to work together.
At least SD19 won't be around tonight. DH said we'll discuss with SDstb13 at dinner.
So excited.
~ Moon
Don't use dinner time to
Don't use dinner time to harangue children. The increased stress level for all involved interferes with digestion and makes the dinner hour, where the family gets together as one unit, makes it something the children want to avoid.
Call a family meeting at least an hour before or after dinner.
^^^^^^^^^^SO TRUE. My DH
^^^^^^^^^^SO TRUE. My DH sometimes shouts at our boys over dinner -- awful. It just instinctively feels so wrong.
At this point I don't care
At this point I don't care about anyone's digestion, lol, but you make a good point. It would appear more important to call a special meeting, rather than speak about the topic in passing over dinner.
Good news! DH just called and apologized for being an ass to me on the phone earlier!
I told him I understood he was busy at work, but I come home to things that aren't being done. I explained that I don't mind us disagreeing some as long as we continue to make the effort. I told him the effort is needed to communicate, parent the Skids and run this household. He agreed and was very receptive.
Bad news! While I was speaking with DH, I was walking through the house and the vacuuming clearly wasn't done on the main floor. So SDstb13 is lying on top of lying on top of lying. She just got done being punished for 10 days without her electronics/internet because of lying! I told him she'll just have to get the areas she missed. }:) I also said that we have to speak with her about the lying. The kid keeps doing it because it keeps working for her. I explained that she's never had consequences until recently. That's why she keeps pushing the envelope.
I'm probably going to have to make a damn spreadsheet with chores on it and just have DH print it every week, and hold his kids to it. The Skids, mainly SDstb13, won't get any internet or TV or fun until the chores are completed.
Meanwhile, SDog just ate and is pissing into an already wet diaper. Not my dog. Not my diaper! DH will be home soon.
~ Moon
We have tried the family
We have tried the family meeting, not productive. Cannot accomplish the task of keeping room clean, only chore.
Hi Coping~ Yes, the room is
Hi Coping~
Yes, the room is definitely a battlefield. DH says to just shut the door and let them live in it. I just happened to look in there because SDstb13 said she was folding clothes and clearly wasn't.
Damn, I need to stay DISENGAGED!!!!! Trying, trying, and DH is stepping up.
If you're fully disengaged
If you're fully disengaged your only job would be to see that the spread sheet is printed anew each Monday morning. Then it's up to Dad to see that it's done. Biggest problem women have is they can't just ignore a mess whereas men and children don't see a reason to clean it unless it gets in their way.
Keep up the battle. I've read that children admit in later years that they really are listening and learning they just don't want to let on that they're doing so.
I'm worried about the dog. Did you know that dogs don't show pain? It's instinctive because in their days as wolfs to show pain meant weakness thus making them prey to other predators.
If the dog hasn't been to a vet for his problems it really should have his chance at good medical care and if the problem is so chronic and painful it may be time to end it.
SDog (and my 4 other dogs)
SDog (and my 4 other dogs) all just had their annuals. Then we took SDog back to the vet for a dental cleaning and 10 extractions. Yes, $710 on this dog's nasty mouth that no one ever took care of, and he starts peeing everywhere. I need to get him doggie Xanax.
He is a Bichon, and he's
He is a Bichon, and he's fixed. Almost 10 years old. He was fine with the other male in the house for over a year, until just recently. Part anxiety over people not being around and part marking his territory. He even whines when we're here. The vet says it's typical for the breed.
Ugh.
We have a dog door and 5 dogs
We have a dog door and 5 dogs total. This little pecker has just started marking in the past few months. I LOVE dogs but this one is a pain! The skids still don't understand that the reason he needs a diaper is because no one pays attention to him during the day. He'll just sit outside of the SDs bedroom doors, while they are cooped up in there. He'll probably get a pee rash but its better than pee on my floors. Reminds me, they should bathe him tomorrow.
My SS13 also has to be
My SS13 also has to be reminded about everything. I don' t even want to think about how long he would have gone without showering if we hadn't urged him to do it every other day or so. And after his shower he leaves water and towels and his dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor. Every single time!!! I don' t get it. :? He does clean up when we tell him though, but it's still so annoying. I work my butt off trying to keep a smooth running house, and he can't be bothered to flush the toilet?
I made norwegian waffles for lunch today and everybody was happy except for SS13 of course. All he said was "why aren't they crispy? I only like them when they are crispy...whine whine whine". Ugh... :sick:
He goes to his BM for 3 weeks today so thats just lovely.
Lavender, tell him he sounds
Lavender, tell him he sounds like a girl. LOL
Last night about 2 hours after dinner, DH wanted to handle the SDstb13 situation by himself, but I insisted I be part of it. After all, she lied and lied and lied, and we just went down this road three weeks ago with her. She's not what you'd call a "bad" kid, doesn't throw tantrums (I'm sure that will come), doesn't sneak out, doesn't talk back......yet. She is just mindless and doesn't think it matters to do what's asked of her. She keeps trying to play the cute card and when that doesn't work, she totally denies what we accuse her of.
DH asked her why she didn't vacuum the first floor and she kept saying "OMG, I did, OMG..." We both know when we hear the "drama," that she is lying. After 30 seconds of denial and lying right to her father's face, she asks, "Do you WANT me to do it again?!? I'll do it AGAIN THEN!!" It's almost 10pm at night and DH has to work the next day on a Saturday. So she's raising her voice at DH!!! Oh nooooo..........
I calmly said that it wasn't the vacuuming not getting done, but now it was the LYING that was a problem too. I told her I appreciate her efforts at getting the chores done, even if it's only a little bit (grrrrr) because she's TRYING. "But then when you lie to my face multiple times in one afternoon? You play your father and I for fools? How do you think that makes US feel? Nobody TRUSTS a liar, SDstb13."
We were sitting in the room that she claims to have vacuumed lol. DH starts looking at the floor more closely and then explodes! He says to SDstb13 that she is going to vacuum HERE NOW, and vacuum THERE NOW, and get it done right!!! And to come see him when she's done!
DH gets the vacuum and gives ME the evil eye so I scoot out of the room. As I pass SDstb13, I thanked her for the miserable evening, in a very even tone, and went upstairs. She never knocked on our door later. I guess she "forgot." LOL
DH told me he didn't want to hear anything about kids when he was at work tomorrow. I didn't say anything, but I thought, "Well, you'd better start parenting them." DH is at work now and we went to bed angry. I didn't see him leave this morning but he kissed me goodbye on my head and I just acted like I was asleep. I just texted him on how to change the wi-fi password but he says he's too busy.
I'm going out today. Maybe I'll take my time and stay away. I even thought about getting a room for tonight and not returning. If I packed a bag now, no one would know. But then SDstb13 wins, and the problem isn't so much between DH and I, we've made good progress. The problem is with this fucking Skid. So she'll wake up, have her iPod Touch, internet, TV, like nothing has happened.
Next time I'll have to get the iPod from her right away. She sleeps with it up in her loft so it's not like I can just take it from her nightstand before she gets up. Oh and no shower last night either. DH even told her to shower but didn't follow through. Gross.
~ Moon
I was gone for a long time
I was gone for a long time today, running errands. I just didn't want to be home with the skids but I wanted my pups. We ordered carry out this evening and I looked at DH and said, "I don't want to be sour grapes, but what's going to happen with the chores around here?" In front of the Skids DH said he would handle SDstb13 later, but that hasn't happened. The poor man went outside to mow the lawn at dusk and I said to the skids, "The man is on fumes, has worked seven days in a row and I refuse to have him out there working alone on the yard." We have 5 dogs so there is a lot of poop to scoop. SDstb13 always helps, I think SD19 has done it once, if even that. They BOTH came outside and we cleared the yard while DH mowed. I couldn't believe SD19 came out! It was awkward because they know I am pissed. I'm sure SDstb13 has said something to big sis about what went down last night.
Only 31 days until school starts, but btwn now and then DH will be gone for 10 days and then 3 days. If it weren't for my dogs, I would move into a hotel for that time. I have to get a chore list ready with a schedule for the week and see if that works. I'm so tired of working on this crap, even if I do go through DH. Ugh.
~ Moon
WANT me to do it again? LOL
WANT me to do it again? LOL and my SD is only 12! Good to know it lasts forever!
Enjoy your weekend. I am in my bedroom and everyone is coming in here. Ugh.
SDstb13 kept knocking on the door, asking if there was anything else to do. She lost the chore list. Everything got done, just about.
DH asked if SDstb13's friend could come over and I asked, "After all of her lying to our faces Friday night? She should be punished! The reason she keeps pulling this crap is because there are never any consequences for her. Next time she does it, I'll take her stuff away from her MYSELF and not go through you."
DH didn't like that and got snippy with his usual, "OK, fine, we'll keep her grounded in her room for the rest of her life."
I went downstairs later and asked SDstb13 what her plans were with her friend. Whatever it was, it was to be done by 5pm. SDstb13 can't even get ahold of her friend and she's sitting in the kitchen wearing shorts and an anime Pokemon jacket of some sort. Looks ridiculous.
Karma is on my side as there are less than 2 hours to the 5pm playdate deadline, lol.
~ Moon
Karma still working as the
Karma still working as the brat stayed up past her bedtime. T storm woke all of the dogs up, so I took them all down to the basement where they feel safe. SDstb13 was down there playing, way past her bedtime. Grow up and put away your dollies already. All I had to do was sternly say, "Bedtime. NOW. " She scooted upstairs. Dumbass.
~ Moon
After the tstorm was over I
After the tstorm was over I came back upstairs and SDstb13's light was out in her room. I thought , "Screw it," went into her bathroom and checked her toothbrush. Dry as a bone. She just got braces in March. I enlightened her father this weekend at the grocery that SD has never asked for more ACT rinse for her mouth since we bought it a few times in March and April. I told him her teeth were going to rot out of her head. I find it amusing later when DH uses my lines on SD. Yesterday he asked her why she didn't need more ACT rinse? He stated that she had better start using it.
I told him this morning that the storms ripped thru last night and I found SDstb13 in the basement at 11:15pm. I added that she didn't brush her teeth either. He didn't say anything.
She showered on Saturday and got a haircut Sunday. Let's see how much longer she goes until any more "cleaning" occurs. Ewwww.
I am beyond fed-up. I have to remember that I don't owe anyone in that house anything except for myself right now.
~ Moon is pissed }:)
Hi TGIHB~ I need to remember
Hi TGIHB~ I need to remember to use some of your lines in the heat of the moment lol! I always get tounge-tied! My DH called earlier and was in a great mood, wanted to say hi to me, see how my day was going. We talked about the storms last night and I asked when SDstb13's official bedtime was? He said 11pm, but it was going to start being earlier come August 1st. I told him about last night again and said it was up to him how many holes he wanted in SD's head from not brushing her teeth.
DH will be out with his sister tonight and I told him bedtime would be done "my way" tonight, in order to get ready for the fast-approaching August 1st at the end of the week! Upstairs and in pajamas at 9pm, brushing teeth. In room, on iPod or whatever but lights out at 10:00pm. I think after this weekend we should keep her iPod Touch at 9pm when we go to bed and set it back out in the morning.
SDstb13 is driving me nuts. Only 29 more days until school starts! OMG ONLY 29!! She's going to be so overwhelmed with homework and I was the only one who ever took the time to sit down with her to do it last year. NOT this time......!
~ Moon