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Why Can't Divorced Dads Who Remarry.......

StepWTF's picture

...understand that your new wife may not and does not have too play full-time or part-time mother to their child or children. My do they insist on dumping their responsibilities on their wives. I know that a lot of the complaints and anger on this website is based on the bio-parents lack of parenting. I am constantly standing my ground and tell my DH that I am not nor do I want to be the mother to his child. He wants me to do all the things like transportation, school stuff, etc. but have very little say so in how the child is being raised. BS! I am disengaged and will remain until either he changes. There is no room for debate. I have exhausted every avenue and have reached my threshold of tolerance for BS. How many of you all know that the major cause of problems with SKid relationships and BM drama, etc is caused by lack of parenting or lack of adequate parenting?

Newstep's picture

I totally agree. It was a long road for SO to get this through his head. He just expected that I would be more than happy to do anything for SD because in his eyes she was perfect. Meanwhile she was spoiled disrespectful rude little brat. I don't put up with that crap. No way no how. The minute she showed that to me I stopped everything 100%. Here we are years later and he still struggles with it. He sees it as me not loving her. I explained that me not allowing her to treat me like shit doesn't me I don't love her. It means I won't allow her to treat me like shit!!!! Seems simple right???

He accepts it and deals with it but doesn't quite understand it yet. But he is getting there because he has stopped putting up with her crap too!! So miracles can happen Smile

Shaman29's picture

Some moronic men think all women want to be mothers.

In my case, my thinking was skid already has a mother and doesn't need me.

H thought I would be a better mother than Uberskank.

Skid wanted no mothering from me, but was constantly coming to me for things when her father was two feet away.

Uberskank felt that since I have no children and have never been pregnant that I would make a horrible mother figure anyway.

Personally, I think all BF's, SO's and H's should have to write on a blackboard a million times a day.

Not her kid, not her problem.

TakemySKIDS's picture

My partner was exactly the opposite when I met him. He was very protective of his children and would get jealous when I connected with them. this was when i cared and thought trying to get close to his kids was the right way - the only way. I understand a bio parent not wanting kids to warm up to someone before the relationship really takes off but this was different.

We didn't start living together until about 6 months ago. I'd sleep over at his and when he picked up the kids on Saturday morning i'd stay at the house stupidly cleaning up waiting for him and the kids. I even made a complete arts and crafts book for us to do stuff with the kids during winter when we'd all be stuck outdoors. i bought all the arts and crafts dear.

I'd be happily playing with the kids and he'd just announce from nowhere that i had to leave. He was particularly jealous of me getting close to his daughter who he'd just started getting for visits. She was only 2 at the time and I just adored playing with a little girl...that was then before i became the wicked step mum.

This treatment continued for a while then one day when his daughter was potty training she didn't tell her dad in time that she wanted to poop and next thing we know there' a great big poop on the carpet. Guess what...he called out to me to come help. That day something clicked - you want me around when it's poop cleaning time but not when it's play doll time. I just stared at him like WTF do you want me to do.

fast forward 2 and half years, we live together and have a 6 month old daughter together and I don't give a rats razoo about his kids anymore. Once upon a time I tried and i was shut down and now it's time for me and my daughter. So that's slightly different to you...

luchay's picture

I think this is more my experience as well.

He talked the talk of wanting the skids and I to have a relationship and all get along, but when they actually did start liking me, and SD would want to come out with DD's and I to the shops or dancing - instead of hanging out playing footy or basketball with him and SS he wasn't so sure.

Add BM PAS against me to the mix, and I honestly think he is happier that they DON'T like me or want to be around me. He gets to keep his precious poopsies all to himself and not share them. Like I wanted them around anyway.

Orange County Ca's picture

Plus, I think, you've chosen those chores which adding one person to the mix doesn't add that much to the chore. Three hamburgers instead of two, three plates in the sink instead of two doesn't add a lot to the fact you're cooking and washing anyway. Whereas trips to school or babysitting all take 100% of your effort.

JingerVZ's picture

I think its natural for men to assume that women are "motherly" and want to take care of kids. However it's take care of kids and not "the messed up trash you and your toxic ex spawned".

Some women have no real motherly instincts and no inclination to parent kids forced on them through a relationship or marriage. Those kids already have a mom and dad who can do that job- it's ridiculous to think a different woman has any interest in your kids. That should be the actual starting point, not the expectation that Mary Poppins waltzed into a shared home.

There is no expectation that a man will be motherly Stepmom, so it should be the same with women.