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One Year Anniversary

tiggidy08's picture

I can't believe I've been here for a year already! I may not be in the step life anymore, but I can't seem to pull myself from this board. I feel like I know some of you personally so I wonder and worry.

Here's a little update...

I didn't blog much because I already knew I wanted to leave my situation. My ExSO wasn't getting any better at parenting and things were just going downhill quickly. I was mainly worried about breaking my lease early but thanks to a shoddy landlady and California law I was actually able to get my ExSO out of the lease as well. It was my deposit so I wanted to make sure I got it back. ExSO ended up rooming with a friend and sending his monsters over to BM2 pretty much full time (seeing as he lost his babysitter and he's a big commuter).

1. ExSD18 - still a spoiled little snot. That child has her nose up so far in the air she couldn't make eye contact if she wanted. ExSO attempted to make amends with her after I left but she still maintains that she can and did no wrong. ExMIL and BM1 side with her and put her up on this pedestal so she has no reason to believe otherwise. Lots of "you're the parent YOU make it right, kid has NO blame!". Idiots.

2. ExSS6 - still an awful, crying terror. It just gets worse and worse with him. He torments others but try to retaliate in kind? He has an all out crying, screaming fit. Like you're cutting off his arm. I can't stand that kid. He still cries daily, for the littlest crap.

3. BM2 - calls ExSO daily telling him she can't handle the kids. What? You birthed them! She's also come out as a lesbian. Nothing wrong with that but I suspect she either doesn't want her kids around the new relationship, the new lady doesn't like the kids or she just misses partying that much now that she actually has to be a mom. She's been like this since day 1, always looking for someone's doorstep to drop them off at so she can go party (she was barely even EOWE). She's 35, this is ridiculous.

I have lonely days. Lots of what-ifs, should I go back, etc. But then I sit back and listen - QUIET. I'm happy, just lonely and it's a good reminder to not look back.

Thank you to all the fabulous people here. I found support also from just reading the advice given to others.

Comments

tiggidy08's picture

It was tough to get that courage to say "I'm done". But I'm happy! Go figure!

misSTEP's picture

One of my favorite quotes is: I'd rather be lonely than miserable. Smile

Any way you can get a furry companion where you are living? Or maybe find some new hobby/classes or volunteer work that would help you get out in public and not feel so lonely?

Good for you for not prolonging the agony of step-hell.

tiggidy08's picture

I do have a kitty, who is now my cuddle buddy. I also have my BD6 and I am attending school while working, so I have things to focus my energy on. But sometimes, you just get lonely.

learningallthetime's picture

I am the same - split from ex over two years ago, but still like this place and will add my piece if I think I can help!

Glad you are moving onwards and upwards. I too have lonely moments, then listen to the quiet and think "ahhhhhh"...I also cherish my time with BS7 without having to deal with skids competing for attention or being jealous.

tiggidy08's picture

THIS ^

I couldn't spend time with BD6 without being made feel guilty because I didn't want to always spend time with his kids. Plus ExSS6 would always ruin everything with a crying fit so we ended up focusing our attention on him. It was exhausting. Life is so much easier now.

tiggidy08's picture

No it hasn't and I get an update usually when I feel my lowest, so that puts everything back into perspective.