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Feels sorry for BM

canihandlethis's picture

BM bought a bday gift for SD, that needs to be put together. Demanded that SO put it together or else he is a deadbeat dad. While he refused to build it, he still felt bad. So because she bought something she cannot handle to put together herself, he feels bad?? Should she just have not bought something else? So should we also feel bad for her over all the other poor life choices she has made? I'm very annoyed with SO right now. Good job not letting her manipulated you. She wanted you to feel bad and Ta da she did.

Orange County Ca's picture

She threatened him right off the bat? She didn't ask nicely first? No wonder he refused.

Generally its the male that does stuff like that because their brains are better suited to manipulating shapes.

Is he alienated from his daughter?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

1890...no doubt!

I put together our barbecue grill, 2 tall corner cabinets, and the entertainment center withOUT any problems. Obviously, I have too much testosterone...

Drac0's picture

>I assembled all six chairs to the dining room set while DH struggled with the table.<

Let me guess. IKEA? If it is I think I know the set you are talking about because we got it. Chairs were a synch. The table OTOH. Holy christ, I've seen Chinese electrical schematics that were easier to follow.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I only buy puzzles with a minimum of 1000 pieces. Am actually considering a 5000 piece one...

AllySkoo's picture

I'm trying to figure out how a chair even has 24 pieces... are you sure you bought "chairs" and not "lumber you can use to make your own chairs"? Wink

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Tall glass of whiskey? LOL! I am my father's daughter and was glued to his side growing up, so I'm no slacker in putting things together. The lady across the street from us is the builder of the family. She "allowed" her DH to help, but she built the entire addition to their house, the shed, and the chicken coop all with HER skills. Her DH was just an extra pair of hands and gopher.
Men's brains are better suited... Horse pucky.

JYMCat's picture

While I agree that she shouldn't have threatened him right off the bat, I don't agree that women can't put things together. I live alone and your SN says you live in the OC so I know you've heard of Ikea. Pretty much all of my furniture is from that place and I built them all by myself AND moved each item to their respective place in my apartment. I live in LA and S/O lives in the OC as well. He's too far away to even see every day of the week, let alone help me do stuff so I do it all by myself.

canihandlethis's picture

I was also raised to not be helpless and learned to do things in my own. This maybe why her poor me act annoyed me and then for SO to even for a second feel bad for her. She is a however old adult.

canihandlethis's picture

No, there is no asking nicely with her. She is very high conflict.
He is not alienated from his daughter but live in different towns. To build it, she just has to snap things together.

canihandlethis's picture

He asked me about it first and then said no. Not sure if he would have said no on his own. I would love for her to learn to just not ask.

canihandlethis's picture

He said he is over feeling bad and that she was just being stupid. Ya think? Yes, I am glad he didn't agree and talked to me first. She is/was trying to have a power trip.

canihandlethis's picture

That's what I said. I would never ask an ex to do something like that. It would be a cold day in hell. Lol.

canihandlethis's picture

She does have other people that could do it for her. Never passes by a opportunity to tell him what a real dad would do according to her. Aka she is too lazy to do it and it is somehow easier to manipulate someone to do it.

canihandlethis's picture

While I know this would tick her off and would love to see her squirm, we are attempting at setting very strict boundaries as she doesn't know what those are.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Sally said, "first SM with access to BM house I know of"

Really? I have plenty of access to BM's home, but I hate it there. So I almost never go any more. I didn't know it was uncommon to go inside BM's house?

BTW, by going over there I have learned a lot about where SD15 gets some of her behaviors and attitudes. It also allows me to roll my eyes when DH tells me some criticism she has made because I know the truth of her living situation and can instantly spot the giant hypocrisy.

hereiam's picture

Sometimes I think women do this to feel like they still mean something to their ex.

Even if it's simply the GU complex, "I had his kid so he will do anything for me in the name of the kid," they still get personal satisfaction from it. Then they are pissed when it doesn't work, hence the deadbeat dad statement.

canihandlethis's picture

Ya she acts like she did him some huge favor by having his baby after all it was his fault she got pregnant. Guess she wasn't there for it.

Drac0's picture

Sounds like lack of foresight on BM's part. My DW knows better now to buy anything that needs putting together without calling on me for help first. Fortunately, DW is pretty good with her hands (Her Dad was a carpenter so she picked up a few things). However anything with complicated moving parts and electrical wiring she has no choice but to call the resident engineer. Smile

canihandlethis's picture

It's good to not make decisions for another person. And lucky lady to have a resident engineer. Lol.