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Why don't they grow up?

BABS's picture

Submitted by BABS on Tue, 07/22/2014 - 1:21pm

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Adult Stepchildren

My SS is 31 years old. We had an issue that he felt that visiting us meant, I get the room I choose.Comments to his father was, I am your son doesn't that account for anything, she's not even your granddaughter, she has visited more than I have...REALLY! After many discussions and Father knew where I stood on the subject, when SS arrived, my 20 year old GD was asked to move to another room by SS father. I was furious to put it mildly. This was at a vacation home where all should come and enjoy for a night or 2. I asked my husband to talk to the SS because I need him to be clear on expectations and wanted no more tantrums.
9 months later, finally. His father had a talk with him that upon arrival rooms can be selected, he's NOT happy and now has nothing to do with me and accusing me of interfering.
If his father would have done what I thought we agreed to and not waiting til the day when I see granddaughter and husband carrying pillows and blankets to another room. there still would have been a tantrum,but Things would not have dragged on 8 months and now after he talked to him, he is mad and blaming me.

Love to hear comments

Poodle's picture

Submitted by Poodle on Fri, 07/25/2014 - 6:44pm

I agree that if the couple book a vacation with a bunch of guests that are going to stay the whole time, there is a pecking order in terms of room quality based on age or special considerations such as a nursing baby/disability. But here, the guests were coming and going for a night or so at a time. That being so, the guests just take whatever's the next available space, don't they? We always go and rent a nice holiday place for a period in the summer and I invite our whole extended family to drop by ad hoc for nights here and there just to make a sort of open house atmosphere (obviously checking first if there's room on the relevant date). They go where there's space, they'd be mortified to move anyone. The idea of anyone getting on their high horse and demanding this or that resource in such a vacation, is nuts.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Tue, 07/22/2014 - 2:09pm

I would assign rooms based on what is best for each guest.

We have a spare room with a queen size bed. That always goes to older adults first (like our parents) or to a couple or a couple with a small child, so they can all sleep together. I think that couples need more privacy.

If its someone single, I will put them on the couch in either LR or FR, wherever they feel most comfortable.

If we have a lot of adults, I will make BS leave his room and put an adult in his room. BS will have to sleep on the couch or on the floor, etc.

If a guest smokes, I tend to have them sleep downstairs and they can just step right out the back door and smoke and not wake anyone.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Tue, 07/22/2014 - 2:51pm

Yeah, I'm confused as well. Why did he want that one particular room? Why did this conversation happen 8 months later, didn't anyone visit in that time? Are SS and GD both single, or were there more people involved?

FWIW, my parents have a vacation home, and we (their adult children) will often go spend a weekend with them there. My family (me, DH, 3 kids) have "our room". I leave things in the dressers, we've bought things to put in the room, so when one of my sisters demanded that room for one particular vacation, you bet your ass I said no. Lol It would have been a HUGE inconvenience for us to move everything to a different room, and honestly that would have defeated the point of my sister wanting that room anyway - she just wanted the TV and DVD player we'd bought and hooked up, which I would've taken to a different room if my mom had actually wanted us to move. (Fortunately my mother also thought my sister was being a nut, and told us that was our room!)

Anyway, if SS has been going to that vacation home his whole life and has always stayed in one particular room, then I can see his point. If, however, this is a place that you and DH have bought together and SS doesn't have any reasonable expectation of a certain room, then certainly he doesn't get one. (And in that case, why did your DH give in to him in the first place?)