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I can't be the only one who would cringe!! FRUSTRATED!

nikki_01's picture

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR A MAN WITH A SECOND CHILD ON THE WAY?

DH is STILL blowing off anything to do with our baby coming.

He's even getting MORE clingy with stepbrat, which over the past couple of days has done nothing but make the annoying, whiny, dependent-on-dudddyyyyy-for-every-little-simple-thing attitude I absolutely cannot stand WORSE. For crying out loud, the girl can't even wake up alone in bed now without running out of the room BAWLING...THIS IS WHY HE SHOULD HAVE HAD HER SLEEPING IN HER OWN ROOM IN HER OWN BED YEARS AGO.

She came running over to him in the whiniest voice possible yesterday saying "umm, dudddddyyy, I want my ears pierced" and of course he says "anything my girlsh wants, we'll go get them done next week" (followed my kissing her cheek 500000x, and then telling me BM is an idiot for not just piercing them when she was born). *eyeroll*

I thought my MIL was giving them both a slight reality check when we were visiting her, because she said "In a few weeks you won't be the baby anymore, you'll be the big girl." Of course I was smiling long and hard, and proceeded to mention how excited I was to her...meanwhile no response or reaction of any sort from DH or stepbrat, other than DH jumping up to show MIL all of stepbrats baby pictures and videos he found. I wanted to just bash my head in.

He's still turning a blind eye, posting things online like:

"never has and never will let my daughter be a spoiled brat. I'll let her get her way at times when it's nothing that'll harm her in the long run but whenever I gotta put my foot down I explain it thoroughly and always end it with a "and I love you with all my heart my girl" lol I'm just lucky to have such an understanding girl...my daddy's girl"

and:

"Not gettin any sleep so I'm creeping myself lol looking at old videos of me and my baby girl back from when she was 2! sometimes I just can't believe I raised such a beautiful respectful well mannered little angel. I made her a promise id never leave her and 3yrs later I still hold true to that. forever and always, a daddy's girl"

and:

"me and my daughter had a good evening going through all my old pics. she loved seeing herself as a little baby and I'm glad she got to see not once did I ever leave her! Only retards and the simple minded think I "go for likes" when I talk about her on here but tomorrow isn't promised. lord forbid anything ever happens to me but if it does...she simply has to look at my page and see that she truly was "the center, of daddy's world" so fb for that, I thank you.

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

Like, what the hell. Seriously? Am I missing something? This can't be normal? How can everyone continue to tell me to "just enjoy what's left of my pregnancy and keep focus on the baby" when the person I made him with isn't even INTERESTED?? He only cares about his precious little angel. I outta just pack my bags now.

Which one of you has a spare room for me? hahaha.

nikki_01's picture

Pray for me. DH has to work tomorrow, and apparently "so that means you'll have to take her to the fair". Joy. Although, I can't wait until she asks me for something and I say no! It'll feel SO good, I got to tell her NO tonight as well and God it felt empowering haha. Gotta love how she thinks it's okay to just open the bathroom door when I've just gone in to shower and stand there looking dumb. Then I yelled at her to get to bed or we won't be going anywhere tomorrow, she points to the kitchen and whines "I'm hungwy for ice cream" and I said "No. Get to bed right now. I mean it." And locked the door haha. And before any of you judge me for ignoring her request, she wasted 70% of her dinner. Tired of DH giving into her shit every night when she says she's "hungwy" after she chose to waste. When I was younger, if you didn't eat what was made, too bad. You went to bed hungry. No special treats or meals made later. And I choose to stick with that rule.

Disneyfan's picture

How about telling your husband no?

No I won't watch her while you're at work.
Hell no, I won't take her to the fair.

nikki_01's picture

Well if I don't watch her, he has to PAY someone to watch her. And I'm being kinda selfish at the moment because I want any money he makes to be going towards my son now. And by "watching" my SD, I basically just let her play on her ipod and watch tv all day. Thank god for technology lol. Screw his "you should be spending quality time with her, play dolls, cuddle, watch a movie, do crafts, ANYTHING". What the hell do I look like, a private entertainer? lol nope, ipod and tv it is. She has a WHOLE room of toys, go play. Your duddddyyyy can entertain you when he gets home, instead of going to lay down and facebooking/playing on his iphone all night.

Disneyfan's picture

Since the sun rises and sets on his daughter, why do you think he spend the money he saves for a sitter on his son?

You seem to be angry at your SD for things she has no control ofm. She's ba product of the way her dad has raised her and continues to treat her.

You're looking forward to the joy of telling her no and knocking her down a few pegs, but won't do the same to your husband. He's the one who is causing all of this. It seems like you're going after the easy target.

nikki_01's picture

Because "she'll be crushed if she can't go, I take my daddy's girl every year" but he couldn't get the day off. -.-

And yeah, unfortunately the pregnancy "excuses" don't make any sense. "You'd feel better if you didn't lay around all day, it'll be good for you to get out and walk around"

I'm also not that big compared to other women this far along (I've always been tiny), so he just figures my aches and pains are non existent. I've been called a "drama queen" on days that have been tough on me, believe it or not.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Maybe telling him openly why you don't feel comfortable taking her and explaining that idiot that his own overcompensating and stupidness leads to your frustration here.

nikki_01's picture

Hahaha. Hmmm. Seeing as it's already 3 a.m., I probably will be feeling tired and sluggish come morning. Maybe I will be able to shrug her off onto MIL...but she feels just the same when it comes to not wanting to be responsible for his kid haha. Which in turn makes me feel a tinnnnyyyyy bit sorry for the kid, since no one really wants to take care of her other than my DH.

nikki_01's picture

Yes, he is to blame for a lot of it. But I'm just as annoyed with her right now as whenever I won't do every single thing she wants me to do, she just goes and whines to him. Then always says "I wish my mummy was here. Just you and her here."

On a scale of 1-10 how bad would it be to tell BM "Your daughter misses you. And I miss her living with you. You should probably just come get her now, actually. Yes, that would be perfect!"

kiddinggg....or am I...

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Holy s...t - he sounds like my ex!!!!! How can someone be so obsessed with his kid? Sickening! And the fact that he calls her the " centre of his world" in public is simply rude because where does that leave you and the baby to come?? At least he should mention you as well!! I am afraid to say that he is obsessed with his own kid and most likely is paranoid to " hurt her feelings" by even recognizing the existence of his soon to be born new baby!! Must be very hurtful ! I think you need to tell him what it really is he is trying to do here! And I pray something will open his eyes what a jerk he is! Hugs to you !

nikki_01's picture

I've thought about telling him that I can't stand when he tells her that. But they have a "song" that he's sung/played for her ever since she was born (called "daddy's girl" of course) and that's one of the lyrics in the song. Not sure if when he calls her that if he's referring to the song, or has just gotten so used to her being the "center" of his world until I showed up.

Idk, it does offend me personally, but I have yet to hold my baby in my arms, and probably everyone's firstborn is the "center of their world". So she'll probably always be his, just like my boy will always be mine. Do I even have the right to judge anymore :/

nikki_01's picture

besides, he always calls her "daddy's pride and joy", "his little everything", "my angel"...etc, etc, so I just see where that leaves our child in the ranking, and he's not even here yet. :/

Maybe I should just start referring to him as "my #1" and "mommy's boy" "miracle baby", etc, just to see how he likes it.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

No I think it is the best to tell him how it feels to you instead of going down on his weirdo obsessive level! I would choose my words carefully since he will be certainly defensive and angry. However he needs to change his attitude massively and sorry to say that- his behavior is beyond normal - first child or not. He sounds terrible guilty and overcompensates like crazy!!

nikki_01's picture

Hahaha true, I don't wanna be in public when my kid is 5 making a fool of myself. You're right, I think I get more a weirded-out vibe then an "aww that's sweet" vibe at this day and age. Yes, I understand 5 is still young and it doesn't look AS bad as if she were say, 10. But the behavior it's producing, that she'll soon be carrying to SCHOOL with her....it's just embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for her. And embarrassed for him. lol the MIL is a little better at treating her and talking to her like a "big girl" but the baby talk still creeps out from her as well every now and then.

But now comes the hard part, trying to find the right wording when addressing the issue to DH.

Like I said, I have yet to begin my parenting journey so I have no clue what parents would find offensive or upsetting. I don't want to feel like I'm intruding when it comes to how he treats HIS child.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Best du write down first and think twice how and what you want to say. However , be assured that he does not behave normally, no matter if he believes he is just a loving parent. He does not leave any emotional space for you and your baby and that shows in his behavior and words. Where would you fit in if she is EVERYTHING? And there's are not just words, they reflect his whole attitude and his very own morals about how things should be. He needs to be aware that a) his overcompensating does not mean he is a better parent nor does help his kidn) that even though he is divorced and hsve a new baby on his way, he does not have to feel guilty and feel bad for his kid .c) he is risking that his marriage could be affected by his abnormal behavior ...

Orange County Ca's picture

Men don't normally get obsessed with a child like that so don't excuse him by thinking its his first born and therefore the actions should be understood. He's acting out guilt over the divorce. Why isn't the kid with the BM in the first place or is your fantasy about calling the BM meant to say the kid should skip a day of visitation this time around?

Personally I'd call MIL this morning and see if she wants to take the kid (whether it's to the fair is irrelevant) and if not then yes I would call the BM. Tell both of them you're just not up to supervising the kid. As for the idiot father when was the last time he was pregnant and can comment on how you feel?

Can you imagine this girl when she's had 14 years of being treated this way? Can you imagine your kid after 10 years of being practically ignored by its father which is what I predict? Can you imagine you after 10 more years of this?

Lets try family counseling first and lay it all out to be seen. If he refuses then go alone. Soon the counselor will want to see both of you or him alone. If he continues to refuse tell him that the counselor wants to discuss how the end of the marriage will effect him and how it can be avoided.

If that doesn't get him to go then you know its time. But lets lay a good portion of the blame on you. You should not have gotten pregnant with him acting like this assuming this is not a new development.

nikki_01's picture

Well his behavior really started to flip around when it came to the custody orders that were/still are being tossed around. Originally, for the first year of her life she lived with BM. Then DH didn't like that, so he took her to court, he ended up getting her every 2 weeks, and BM or grandma got her for 1, then back to dad for 2. THEN BM decided she didn't like that, she took him to court, they switched to a 6 month at a time custody. She recently took him to court again this pas february, wanting her daughter during the school year, and letting DH have her in the summer. We're only supposed to have her til August 5, but just recently he decided that he wants HIS daughter (always says "HIS" like BM played no part in giving birth to it) until December this time. BM doesn't want that so she's going to fight it to get the most custody again. It's all confusing, I try to keep myself out of it personally, because it just seems like they take pride in who is in "possession" or "a better parent" 24/7. Before we even got pregnant he was nothing but on board for wanting a baby and hoping it would be a boy and this and that. But the second BM stepped in the picture wanting to switch terms up, he's just all about keeping "HIS" daughter.

Like I said. It's confusing. And annoying because his focus on our child was pulled away. If I would have known this would happen, I would have never gotten pregnant or married to him. I used to be able to tolerate his behavior towards SD just because she was a little kid, I used her age as an excuse. But I was also not around it more than a week or 2 at a time, so it was tolerable. Now we might be talking MONTHS around it if they let him keep her til December, in which case my newborn and I may have to book a flight home to my own family just to save my sanity Wink

nikki_01's picture

I'm hoping she just ends up going back to live with BM for the school year. Life would be a lot simpler haha. It's just hard right now for me to cope with everything going on because I can try to predict what will happen all I want, but until the baby is born it's just hard to say if his attitude/behavior will be the same or change. Maybe I'll be surprised. Maybe not. But the excitement WAS there at the very beginning. Just disappeared once SD and BM got into the picture again.

Orange County Ca's picture

I'm surprised, most courts will keep a kid with the BM until at least school starts if not high school. But things are changing. IMHO a infant should be with its mother.

Sounds like his life was perfect until the BM got restless. Since this is new behavior I can only think that it should return to some normalcy after the current proceedings are over. Boy the attorneys in your town must be celebrating. So you'll wait it out and yes by all means go back to Mom's and maybe even stay there the last few months of your pregnancy. Don't make any excuses to your husband about why you're going either. Tell the straight truth. Let him stew on that while he cares for his little princess full time for a few months. Make it clear with the new baby in the home you will be having a lot less time available for helping him with the care of the older one.

nikki_01's picture

According to my MIL, he'll NEVER get full custody, because BM has sole decision making and primary residency rights. So I'm PRAYING since she's fighting him back in court, they just tell him no, he cannot keep her. Because she needs a steady environment during the school year, which she does. (BM lives 3 hours away by the way). Haha yep! Keeping that back up flight bookmarked! Wink

nikki_01's picture

Hahahaha!! Ahhhhh!! That's the best!!! I DOUBT my husband would ever let me get near her like that without running to save his little princess. And trust me, they did. Saying he's "such an amazing dad" and "she's such a peach"... :sick:

nikki_01's picture

Well she got to go anyways, and of course he's looking at me and MIL like we're the bad guys for dumping her off on a sitter while she was there LOL. Me, MIL and DH all went to go pick her up and of course the whole way there he's was frantically asking "who did you leave my babygirl with??" "I hope she had funs" "I hope she got something fun for a prize or snack or something" ...And then once she hopped in the car of course he says "Daddy's girrrrrll!!! (followed by a hundred kisses, telling her she's his cute kitty because of her facepaint, and asking if she had "funs" like 10 times)". Me and MIL were both like stfu by the time we got home HAHAHA.

katielee's picture

Eeewwwww... this almost made me gag. He's inappropriate. Making a child the center of your world is not something they can handle. It is called emotional incest and it is even more disgusting because he HAS a wife he should be putting into the position of #1 in his life and he is STILL putting his daughter there. Yuck... Just, gross.

Mini-Wife in the making. I don't envy you.

kathc's picture

It's because these assholes go and start a life with us then feel guilty that they shouldn't be starting a "new family" because it might make their "first family" feel bad...can't hurt the wittwe fee fees, you know!

He needs to yank his head out of his ass fast or else we'll be encouraging you to divorce his ass and go after whatever money he has left for CS.

nikki_01's picture

lmao ugh. Guess we wait and see what the behavior outcome will be after this court case is over and if it still hasn't changed we await the due date. If it STILL doesn't change a month or 2 after that, lets just say I'm going home for a gooooood looooong stay with my family and newborn.

nikki_01's picture

Wow, that's actually really disturbing to read. stb25???? Omg. Just...omg. :sick:

You guys have me more and more convinced to pack JUST in case. Which is probably a good thing! I don't think I can deal with a lifetime of this if it doesn't change!

angryman14's picture

My DW was kinda like that with her son untill I satvher down and told her it was excessive. The whole calling the son pappa daddy and papi. I know we are Latin but shit come on that just gets weird..I told her to pick one and realize that puts him on the same level as me. Your dh obsessive attention towards his kid is creepy. Hang in there

nikki_01's picture

Yeah that's pretty creepy, the more I read about mini-wifes and mini-husbands, the more angry I get. Your child is your CHILD. Not your "love" (well maybe but some people take it too far, i.e. my DH) and certainly not your "Papi" eww wth lol I have latin family members as well but if I heard my auntie say anything like that to my little cousin I'd be weirded out! lol

FTMandSM's picture

OK, as you have read, this is not normal behaviour for a man with a second child on the way. It makes me wonder how he will treat bioson. I wouldn't even want to stick around to see. And I agree with Tog, this is the same behaviour as a cray cray BM.

And STOP doing stuff for him. Stop watching the daughter. If he wants to take her to the fair then he make arrangements. Work or not...SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!! Remember that.

nikki_01's picture

She won't be my responsibility soon enough! Wink PRAISE THE LORD.

nikki_01's picture

Oh trust me, I don't want EITHER of them around my baby at this point, let alone be ALONE. Nope. Not happening. I will always be there. Watching.

nikki_01's picture

HAHA, guess what you guys. I'm going to be getting a break I think. I overheard she's supposed to be leaving back home with her mom TONIGHT. (Well at least until court date). And long story short, my DH is giving away her cat (I can't be around it, plus it isn't declawed and it's pregnant so it's gotta go regardless), and "giving away" the dog too (has to be put down, health issues) and I heard him tell her "when you come back to dads we'll get a new dog". MIL heard this and told him "BUT at least not until the baby is 1 or 2." and DH said "Well yeah because I probably won't even get her back for long stays until a year, with court and her schooling and all." (So it looks like I'm not gonna have to deal with her for too much longer...back to her mommy she goeeessss Wink ). And MIL was ALSO helpful today with advice, I was in the car and I told her that since DH is planning on going back to work full time as of next Monday (due to her FINALLY saying he has a family of his own now, and better work his ass off because he hasn't done anything to help prepare for baby...because we all know how nothing gets taken seriously unless your mom chews you out for it)...I told her I don't feel comfortable staying at home trying to take care and entertain HIS child all day, and that if he's still paying CS to BM, then the girl needs to be living with her, not us, like wth. She agreed and went on about how he's only thinking of himself and how I need to just tell him that during her long stays if he's not going to be home 90% of the time, then she doesn't need to be living with us. He shouldn't go to court for even MORE time with her when he's not even going to be there to visit her. Dirol Dirol Dirol

PLUS, she stepped in when it came to the fair issue. Since BM is supposed to be coming to take SD tonight, of course DH got all in my face saying "you make sure you play a few games with her there and she has fun and enjoys her day" (so there aren't any bad reports to BM, of course). I didn't even get a chance to say anything until MIL jumped in and said "We'll find someone to babysit that brat out there, I don't wanna be out there and I sure as hell know Nikki doesn't want to be babysitting her either." HAHAHAHAHA. AHAHAHAHAHA. So he got kinda quiet and then defensive saying "Well don't leave her with someone unreliable because I don't want BM to think-" and MIL just said "oh shut the hell up and go to work." LOOOOOL. Ahhh. Bless her soul.

Rags's picture

My niece is my brother's eldest. She was definitely a daddy's girl. Now she is 20 and has the judgment of an amoeba and can't function as a young adult. She has the maturity and judgment of a low performing early teen.

It is not a pretty sight.

Seeing the outcome of what your DH is doing with your SD is not a pretty sight. My niece is a not so bad example of the daddy's girl crap. What your DH is doing to his eldest daughter is criminal from a parenting perspective.

IMHO of course.

Congratulations on your new baby. Protect her from her toxic elder sib and the toxic influence of her father. She is going to need that protection if she is not going to be a 20yo completely incapable of functioning without daddy spoon feeding her through life.

nikki_01's picture

Ugh. I'm embarrassed for her. But I'm finding I care less and less how she turns out due to BM and DH's "parenting" methods.

If she develops a speech impediment from excessive baby talk at her age, so be it.

If she becomes a spoiled wallet draining brat to DH and he's upset with it later in life (because it'll never come out of my funds), so be it.

If he feels bad about her not knowing how to interact with other people without duddddyyyy holding her hand every step of the way, so be it.

I just don't care anymore. Not my child, not my problem. It may annoy the hell outta me but as long as I raise my boy to be everything she's not, I'll be happy.

nikki_01's picture

Sigh. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

I'm slowly starting to get my feelings out there little by little again.

Like 2x today, we ate at Mcdonalds and SD went to go play in the play area, when DH was ready to go he said "Can you go in and get her?" and I just flat out said "No, you go in and get her". I think I saw him cringe but he went obviously lol

And then in the car on the way to get her ice cream he said "Well I guess I'll take her to have some fun since SOMEONE won't put in any effort. Hey *****, do you wanna do something fun like sleep all day?"

Of course I wanted to say "fuck off" but instead I said "You just nevermind."

God I wish I was huge for this far along like normal people, maybe he'd actually leave me alone about sleeping instead of calling me a lazy bone to my face.

nikki_01's picture

Well he never got to go through the pregnancy part with BM, they separated as soon as they found out. He was only there during her labor and delivery, so of course he knows nothing about the actual pregnancy other than comparing me to other random preggos "look she's huge! Why are you so small?" "look, THAT pregnant girl is out running about" and my favorite "if you do nothing but sleep all day, our baby is going to develop a HUGE HEAD" (which is a myth lol).

And the guilt trip is because we're "married". So "what's his is MINE" and "If I wanted to stay a single parent would I have gotten married? No." lol Same old crap everytime.

And he thinks that as SOON as BM finds out he did something she doesn't approve of, she'll use that against him in court.

Amber Miller's picture

I agree with Cat. My ex-husband and I have 3 children. He wasn't very nice to me (thus the reason I eventually left) but I must say, he treated me very well when I was pregnant. I worked as a waitress during all 3 pregnancies and with the first 2 kids I worked up until 4 weeks prior to my due date. He cooked for me, helped me bathe (I was huge) put my shoes and socks on for me and encouraged me to rest. My ex has borderline personality disorder and even he could access the part of himself that knew I needed help as I was exhausted. I'm sorry your DH is acting like this. It's unbelievable to be honest with you. His little princess is going to get a rude awakening when she gets older and learns that the universe doesn't revolve around her. Do you think it's possible that DH is treating you this way because he's afraid that if he shows you any love and respect that his daughter will feel as if she's been replaced? This constant carrying on with her is bizarre. They are enmeshed with each other and it's not the little girls fault. Her father is doing her a great disservice and I'm going to say this and others may disagree with me but to me, this constant adoration feels somewhat emotionally incestuous and borderline abusive in that he's teaching her that she is the only thing in the entire world that matters.
I don't think it would matter if you were as big as a house, he's still going to put his daughter on a pedestal and be demanding with you. This nonsense about taking her to the fair and being instructed to play games with her and make sure she has fun is disturbing at best. At this rate, if he doesn't change, she is going to be an awful teenager. I fear for her future as well as yours and your unborn child. I love my kids and I am very affectionate towards them. Sometimes they tell me to let go of them when I hug them but I have never treated them like they are better than everyone else. I wish you lots of luck and I agree with the other posters who suggested that you go and stay with your family. God knows you will be sleep deprived with a new born and your DH is going to insist that you spend your days finding new and exciting ways to please his daughter.

LittlePanda's picture

Men aren't generally very interested in the pregnancy phase. Don't worry though, as soon as your baby comes he will be all over it. It may annoy you how he and his daugther act, but if anything it shows you that he will absolutely love and be devoted to your child.

As for the stepdaughter...I hope that things work out because when that baby comes things will change for everyone in that house. How often is she with you guys? If it's only on the weekends or something, there won't be much you can do to change her ways, but if you have her majority time then start asap.

Also, your stepdaughter will be absolutely in love with her sibling. Use that to bond with her. It's not too late. You don't have to love her, you probably never will, but she is the sister of your child. By blood. This baby makes her your family too. And for the huge amount your SD is going to love her sibling, that baby is going to love her a million times more.

I had a bratty SD too and it's mostly worked out. Dad has to change his ways though.

counseling.advocate's picture

You have no idea how much more difficult it is going to be after the baby gets a little bigger, even after the baby is born. But when sd visits if you guys can't learn to compromise on parenting and create a fair environment you will screw both kids up. BOTH of you need to change, not just him. BOTH of you need to should learn to compromise, communicate, and do EVERYTHING to create the best environment for your kids. Period. You both are checked out and that's not okay! You are on here complaining about it (which is totally cool, you need to vent and need support) but you should really be being proactive and doing it in front of a therapist with him or get the hell out of that house and move far away so you get full custody so you don't have to worry about him parenting the child poorly or something cuz shit sucks after divorce.

So... Do something and save or kill your marriage. This guy is making me sick, yes. I've read everything. But don't blame sd for something that is DH's fault. He screwed her up and can fix it.

So can you

Amber Miller's picture

I just had a thought and it might be way out there but I'm going to ask anyway. You said that your DH made a comment about looking at his daughters pictures when she was a baby and said something to the effect of "see, I never left you". Was your DH abandoned by one of his parents? Was he abused or mistreated? The more I think about it the more I see this theme of him trying to show his daughter that he won't leave her. Yes, he's really out there with his trying to please and entertain her 24/7. Is he trying to do a better job than his parents did? His behavior is unusual and I'm trying to think if what could've led up to this.

nikki_01's picture

No, his parents were always there for him, but he tells her that all the time so that she'll never choose to leave him and go live with BM. Because "if she does, the 3 years he spent raising her means nothing. It would have all just been a waste of time". He had a great childhood, I think he's just trying to make sure she gets to have that even WITHOUT her parents being together. (But he overdoes it).

Amber Miller's picture

Hi Nikki,
Well that's good to know. It does make sense about the BM and how that can effect what your DH is doing. You know, my kids dad only sees them a few times a year for a few hours at a time and the younger 2 still love their dad. My oldest does love his dad but he's really angry that his dad doesn't pay attention to him and his brothers, doesn't call them, doesn't even contact them on facebook; nothing! If I were talking to your DH I would tell him that his daughter will never forget those 3 years she had with him and that as long as he visits her regularly and shows up to visits when he says he's going to be there that everything will be ok. I think I have a different situation than a lot of people because my Ex doesn't have any interest in our kids. He didn't show up to court for custody , visitation , child support-nothing. He doesn't take me to court so he can have 50% custody (not even 5%--nothing). This is one battle that many have fought but because he's not interested in being a dad to our boys I don't know what it's like to go through all the court stuff. I can see how that would make a parent try to win their child's love; even though it shouldn't be like that. I really hope your DH comes around and gives you and your son the same love and adoration that he does his DD. I really want things to work out for you. I totally understand why you are frustrated. I would be frustrated too.

nikki_01's picture

Thanks, Amber. It definitely sucks that your ex chose not to be involved, leaving you with what should be his responsibility as well. I've never been in that position so I can't really understand too much, but I do empathize with you. Yeah my DH feels like if BM ends up with a bigger portion of custody, he won't ever get to see SD because BM wants to move elsewhere with her bf. He doesn't think she'll answer the phone when he calls or come up with excuses as to why SD won't be able visit over holidays. He just wants the time he spent raising her to be worthwhile, because an extended period of time with her mother may destroy any good behaviors/values he's tried to instill in her. He feels like that will make his visits miserable, because she'll be a devil child once BM gets a hold of her, in his opinion. I know it would tear him down if his daughter ended up choosing her mom over him. I'll admit, he has done a lot for her, and he used to be an alcoholic before she was born. After she arrived he quit, so that's why there is also such strong feelings for her in his heart. He feels she saved his life from the anger and depression he was putting himself in by drinking. And for that he's thankful, treats her like a guardian angel, and refuses to let her leave.

I hope everything ends up working out as well, even though I've found myself at a breaking point many times already, I don't want anybody upset or getting hurt, so I'm willing to do what it takes to get our marriage back on track.