DH trying to make me feel guilty....OT
This isn't about SS24 although he gets out of prison tomorrow and I am very thankful he will be across the country and BM can deal with him....at least I hope that is how it plays out.
DH's entire family is way too close for comfort and they rely so heavily on one another. Is this normal or am I not normal because my family isn't like that....quite the opposite.
SIL is in prison also and MIL won't drive by herself to see her. She is retired and basically the recliner is her best friend. She isn't disabled physically in any way. She golfs, goes to the store but is mostly home all week long.
She wants to visit her daughter. Last time I took her and left work early to do it. Was a long night and we got home late. I was so tired and it was hard to get up for work the next day. I can't take her on the weekends because we are either up North at our camp.....our nice little getaway from the drama here or I am doing all the errands and chores I can't do during the week because I have not idea when I will get out of work.
Tonight she was asking for a ride. I told her it is hard during the week. My husband can't as he works 14 hour night and sleeps during the day. My BIL simply won't take her because she butts in too much in their marital problems. She asked her granddaughter who really can't because if she leaves work early she doesn't get paid.
So DH calls me tonight from his work and asks what my work week looks like.....hinting to take MIL to prison.
I told him it is hard when I work all day and why can't she drive herself as she doesn't work. He said he doesn't want her driving all that way alone. It was like he was saying I am the only one who can do this. I got mad and blurted out....None of this sh+t is my fault! Then he got mad and told me to quit offering.
I only offered the 1st time and after that I told her it was difficult. Well nobody heard that so now they think I can just do it. Wtf am I? Do my week days count at all? Not only do I work fulltime but I also spend time at my second job taking care of this house, and I don't even want to be here. We are leaving the state once SIL is out and it can't come soon enough. So every day that goes by, the more I hate it here.
Trying very hard to play it one day at a time and be grateful I have a job, a roof over my head but I just want to BE...as in left alone, have some me time.
Is it weird to have friends you consider more like your family instead of your blood family or family related by marriage? I like my friends so much better.
Am I being selfish? How do I let my husband know with out causing another argument that all his family crap is overbearing?
I agree with the others - let
I agree with the others - let her drive herself. She gets herself to golf - well its the same as driving to golf 50 time all at once or whatever the mileage is. If she doesn't want to drive then she can take the local bus to the city and catch a intercity bus, train or plane.
Give husband these suggestions and tell him you don't want to hear of it again and if you do you'll ignore them. He will of course and you do just what I said. It takes two to argue - he's just trying to browbeat you into doing it.
If I only had a crystal ball
If I only had a crystal ball back then. I do understand that every family has it's share of problems and nobody is perfect. My family is far from perfect but I do not drag anyone into my problems. Yeah, 2 in prison - who would have thought.
I am reading a book right now called the Secret to Positive Thinking and it was helping until this. If it's not one thing it's another but I need to let go of this guilt and resentment! It's so unhealthy!
Is it weird to like your
Is it weird to like your friends more than your IL's? NOT. AT. ALL.
You picked your friends, after all - you get stuck with your IL's.
As for MIL and DH trying to convince you to take her to the prison, I'd just stop telling them WHY you won't do it. Telling them why is allowing them to argue with you - "What's your work week look like?" etc. "No" is a complete sentence.
We're programmed from a young age to be helpful, kind, etc, so I know it can be tough to just say no and not try to get the other person to understand why we're saying no. But the thing is, they won't respect your reasons - you will never get them to understand, or to consider you above themselves. So don't even try. Next time they ask, just say "No, sorry" and change the subject entirely. (And don't make it easy for them by biting at "hints"! Play dumb and MAKE them ask.)
I think that is why I am so
I think that is why I am so tired of it all - I am always giving them a reason why or why I can't do something. Boy, the reaction on DH's face is going to be insane when I just say NO without a reason. I am blue in the face from trying to defend my reasoning. I seriously wonder if this marriage is going to last or will I just crack.