Hello I'm a stepfather to a 10 yr old boy whose father lets him decide whether he brushes his teeth or goes to bed or even goes to school. He is a thorn in both my wife and mine sides. He is very abusive to my wife and he tells his son everything that is discussed between him and her. He has money and works for himself he in my mind is a crook though, he turns this child against his mother and using everything he can against her and me. He cannot say no to this kid. When we got married just 6 months ago he told the child that he should give his mother away to me. He has always bullied her they have been apart for 10 yrs. their marriage only lasted for 1 yr. In his past he was a drug dealer and he is much older than my wife if it were'nt for drugs she would have never been with this man, he's ugly and has no respect for women. She was involved with drugs for less than 2 yrs. and is not involved anymore since she was pregnant with her son, so that's not the issue, I'm just trying to let you know this guys mindstate. He is now supposedly a devoted christian and he goes to church all the time, but I don't see anything christian about him he's mean and mad at her for leaving him. It is my understanding that he didn't want anything to do with this child while he was a baby and even up to the age of 4. I'll give an example of recent remarks from him to my wife. My stepson was dating a girl (big deal 10 yr olds dating yeh right) he never calls or emails this girl they just call each other boyfriend and girlfriend well the other day she called him and asked if they could just be friends, we had just been to their house to exchange christmas presents 2 days prior and he had just spent the next day after with her at her cheerleading camp. So she calls him and asks if they can be friends the next thing I know my wife is calling me and saying that her son was yelling at her and blaming her for their break up she tells him it's no big deal your 10, in a motherly way so she asks me to call him and talk with him, he has taken a liking to me and he will listen to me. So I called and was telling him that he'll go through at least 10 more break ups in his life that he's 10 and there's more to life than girls, blah blah blah, his father yells in the back ground that his mother needs to keep out of other peoples business and I should admitt that she gets in business she shouldn't I tell the boy to put his father on the phone and they hang up on me. I have a relationship with the father I'm a carpenter and he's a paint contractor he calls me from time to time and gets me to fix rot and other issues on houses sometimes. He's got a pollitical way about him in public but in private he has no friends and treats this child as his buddy and he does not teach him anything about life. So back to my story. They have joint custody with the son he's with his mother on Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays, and half of Saturday. We are suppose to get him today it's Friday, so the mother calls this morning to tell the father she'll pick him up from school, we have a function that we have already paid for to take him to tonight, the father new about this. So when she calls the father he tells her the boy is sick and did not go to school and is to sick to go with us tonight, then she asks to talk with her son, the son tells her that nobody likes her and everyone is tired of hearing about structure in his life, he then tells his mother that his father is taking him to an area store called fish n fun to play, so she asks to talk with the father again and tells him that if he's so sick he should go to the doctor and not go to play with his dad, the father then yells at the top of his lungs for her to shut up and hangs the phone up on her. Excuse my language but he is a piece of shit, I'm mad not only for how he treats my wife the mother of his child, but what he's instilling in this child on how you treat not only your mother but other people, We are planning on going to court about this and if anyopne has any further help they can send my way I would greatly appreciate it.
I really have no advice
I really have no advice other than support your wife with whatever decisions she makes. It sounds like you a very caring SD and through your example maybe the your SS will understand how men are to treat women and others. It will be a fight by the sounds of it but be there for your wife....she will need. Come often here to vent because you too will need an outlet..like the rest of us step parents.
Good Luck
Andy
our bm use to perform the very same activities that the bd is doing in your scenario, and it is very frustrating! Keep providing the stablity and structure for this child, and do go back to court. The timeframe you guys have set up for the childs schedule is different, and the court systems usually are in favor of mothers. So at least talk to an attorney and get their input to see if you can have the child the majority of the time, and bd will have eow.
As far as changing bd...or getting supervised visits, or trying to get the courts to see how horrible of a dad he is...that is a different story. When we were fighting for custody, my ss had 3 rotting teeth in his mouth (all b/c bm wouldn't take time out from the bars to actually spend time raising her son), and in our state, rotting teeth is not a sign of neglect, so we couldn't use that. Then she would let a 6 year old watch rated R shows, and we asked if we could put a stipulation in the parenting plan that stated she couldn't do that...and we got "we can't ask of that b/c it is expected of good parents to not do that, and we can't prove she isn't a good parent." Meaning, no history of drug abuse, dui's, assualts.
I started seeing a therapist off/on years ago, and what I found is that he helps me deal with the frustration of dealing with bad parents. I just get so frustrated with our bm b/c she lies, she flakes out, she is irresponsible, she and her bf deal drugs, she moves all the time, her second son has rotting teeth in his mouth, she parties all the time, and my dh for years only had his son eow, and we just tried to show him all the stability we could in those four days a month. It sucked.
Then when ss decided to become hell on wheels...well that is when she decided to let him live with us. He is 13, and will only brush his teeth if we stand over him!
Advice...talk to an attorney, and see what changes you can make. As far as picking up a child...sick or not, if it is in the parenting plan, you pick up the child when the parenting plan says you can, and if he withholds the child, then hold him in contempt of court. The person found in contempt of court pays for both attorneys, and judges really do not like it when people disrespect the courts by not following the parenting plan.
Good luck,
Candice
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