Stepparent/Bio Parent and Education Rights
Quick Question for the masses:
As far as a child's school life span is concerned doesn't the father have just as much rights as the mother (or vis versa) if child is at both houses 50/50. My DH does not have a parenting plan or a custody agreement or anything like that. Who knows why but he doesn't. He picks the kid up from school on Fridays and drops the kid off at school on Mondays so he has interaction with her school through the announcements in her book bag on Friday and with the home work that she turns in on Monday. It's nice because he is still in the loop and he likes it because he never has to see or talk to BM unless completely necessary. Anytime they have a volunteer thing as school: field trips, egg hunts, cookouts, est I almost always do to them. BM never goes and DH never goes so I want to make sure she is represented and I like to help out the teachers. Never a bad idea to be on a teachers good side, ya know? Well SD gets so excited when I go to stuff and all the kids in her class just love me and they just have to hug me when I go there. It is a great way to get to know the parents of the kids SD hangs out with and so on and so on you get the point I'm there because I care. Well I went to my first school function that BM came to and it was also the first school function that I took SD sisters to also. SD pretty much stuck with BM at the social event which was fine because I was helping and the kids were telling me funny little kid stories and I had my other two children there that I was keeping an eye on. I figured that SD was just excited that BM came to an event and so she was hanging out with her. Eventually SD came back over and hung out with us some too.
POINT OF MY STORY: The school has okayed for me to go to these things and SD really likes it when I go. I am even on the list of people who is allowed to check SD out of school with no permission needed. Though, where do you draw the line? I want to help and DH doesn't have the kind of job where he can just get off work that easy. BM doesn't have that kind of job either. I have an awesome boss who lets me go be a part of these things and I am just as involved with my other two children and their academic success. I don't sign any documents that need to be returned to school. But where is the line drawn on step parents rights as far as school goes??
I guess I dont understand why
I guess I dont understand why you are asking...did BM complian that you always go? As far as rights go regarding decision making it would be laid out in the parenting plan. Unless there is an extreme circumstance, bio parents have joint decision making for school and health care. In regard to volunteering for events at the school, it's a free country, so I dont see how that would be an issue except if BM is giving you a hard time about it.
"Rights?" Well, the only
"Rights?" Well, the only "rights" you have are the ones DH chooses to give you. He (or BM) had to authorize you to be allowed to do school pick up, for example.
Ultimately, what you do for SD is a Venn diagram. You've got one circle that encompasses everything you're WILLING to do. Another that encompasses everything DH (and to some extent BM) are willing to LET you do. The stuff you do is the stuff that overlaps.
I agree
I agree
well put
well put
I think the line you've drawn
I think the line you've drawn is pretty good. So long as BM doesn't have a problem with you attending SD's events, and don't sign any school documents I think it's okay.
Maybe you could limit yourself to going to school events that you know BM will not be able to come to, but if she doesn't have a problem with you going I say the more the merrier.
The bio isn't complaining.
The bio isn't complaining. Do as much as you want. The school will make sure you're allowed to do what you want to do and have signed the documents necessary. Keep having fun.
I sign school docs for my
I sign school docs for my step daughter all the time. Permission slips for extra curricular activities and school excursions etc. I also ring the school to let them know if she's not attending for any reason.
My husband has also appointed me her legal guardian in his will, so that if anything happens to him I basically take his place and make decisions for her with her mother. He did this on the advice of our lawyer so that I have some legal rights to her if the worst happens before she's 18. This ensure the custody agreement stays the same - BM would have to go to court to change it and have compelling reasons why, neither me or BM can move interstate etc. without the others ok and I have a say in where she goes to school. I will also continue to meet my husbands financial obligations to her, as well as manage her inheritance.
We do have some rights. Not many, certainly none in the event of a divorce, but there are some rights there in the event of the death of our spouse.
Sounds like you might
Sounds like you might actually have more legal rights (and options) in Australia than we do in the US! We generally can't sign things like permissions slips, because we aren't considered *legal* guardians. So I can't sign something like that for SD any more than I could for my nephew.
The will bit is different too. Our lawyer warned us that appointing a guardian is considered a *recommendation* by the courts - it's usually honored, but not always. And there is zero chance of a step-mom being awarded custody in the event of dad's death if the BM is in the picture at all. (Unless, of course, she's lost custody for abuse or something like that - but even then, the kid would more likely go to a relative than the smom, if anyone were to contest it, according to our lawyer.)
I did whatever I wanted
I did whatever I wanted regarding my SKid and his school functions. Since BM is not complaining and your DH is supporting your participation then do what you want.
If BM were complaining ..... I would do what you want anyway.
I just sign everything and go
I just sign everything and go to whatever I want and don't mention that I am step mom. I learned this the hard way. At our last town/doctor/school I mentioned I was step mom and I got the 3rd degree every time I showed up it was terrible. Step moms really get treated badly... it is so sad when consider what we really are doing here... anyway
MY SD and I have the same last name and we have a little agreement that I will just say I am her mom at these moments. We moved to a new town so the BM will never show up to anything. SD really hates it, because she hates me, but at least our lives are not disrupted with red tape BS.
I believe it is whatever
I believe it is whatever rights DH gives you. I have been very involved with SD education and parties etc. I do this because I also do so for my own children and don't want her to feel left out. BM was never involved until she learned that I would go to parties. When she is there, she leans against the wall and doesn't actually participate in anything. Stands there looking mad. As long as DH has you on emergency lists, picks up etc, BM has zero say unless a court states otherwise. I have even picked her up and taken her to the dentist on mom's week because mom refused to deal with the child's abscessed tooth.