Is it my place?

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Hi! I'm worried about my 8 year old stepson and his behaviour at his BM's house. Last year he began hitting and punching her. We stepped in and discussed how wrong it was and that it should never happen again. His BM didn't approve of us doing that because my stepson was just finding out his aggression and how to deal with it effectively. Never the less he is still hurting her - sometimes as frequent as once a week - and she now hides it. He has called her a b*tch, slapped her face because she didn't get him ice cream and now has bit her. She is covering it all up saying he is teething with new adult teeth coming in however he broke the skin and has caused massive bruises. I"m worried that allowing this to happen without finding out the reason isn't going to help stop it all. I'm trying to let her deal with it but thats a huge thing for her to deal with and I'm concerned that at 8 years old if this is normal? He doesn't behave like that when he is with us and she says its cause he is afraid of us and afraid to show his true emotions (we discipline - then discuss and hug) and his behaviour with her shows true love because he isn't afraid. Is there something we can do or has anyone experienced anything like this happened before for anyone? They have been divorced for 4 years and the aggression related to divorce seems late to me but you never know.

Any input would be great.

Thanks,

Betty

Thanks dtzyblnd - I'm just

Thanks dtzyblnd - I'm just concerned that by allowing this to happen in one house and us, for lack of a better word, ignoring it is going to cause greater issues when he's older. He seems to have become really immature over the last year as well just around his BM (this was not always present) - she babies him a lot - I'm concerned this is also a side effect from the hitting - hit, then cuddle, hit then cuddle and so on. Ahhhh I'm just trying to help him. Thanks for the reply though.

You and your DH actually

You and your DH actually parent and hold SS-8 accountable. BM does not. SS respects you and in the long run it is you and DH that he will bond with and be closest to.

BM is an idiot. WTF is this 'he beats me because he can express his true feelings with me' crap? Really? Could she possibly be this stupid? Well, I guess she is if she even lets that thought formulate in her miniscule brain much less come out of her mouth.

His behavior needs consequences and if BM won't apply consequences then sadly it will have to be DH and you that invoke consequences even if it is for behavior that is at BMs house.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Yeah really, I hope he

Yeah really, I hope he doesn't "express his true feelings" with any girlfriends he has in the future. This is seriously fucked up.

She's insane. Where is Dad in

She's insane.

Where is Dad in all of this?

Thanks for the replies. My DH

Thanks for the replies. My DH definitely doesn't fail as a father - he only smacked SS the first time this happened (because he wouldn't stop) and is an extremely good example for his son - has never raised
his voice or hand to me. Unfortunately because we disciplined for his behaviour we know nothing anymore of the issues apart from the bruises on BM (covered by excuses). When we can we step up but Im fearful that BMs excuse she gives SS gives him the ok to do it again - he says he knows it's wrong but he just gets so angry. He says he gets angry here but can control it. I only know its happening again because of the bite marks on her this time. DH does all he can when made aware. As said it does not happen here nor anywhere else - just at BMs house. My fear is that he will grow up to keep hurting people - I guess we will work twice as hard here in a general sense of not hurting people - I don't want to accuse SS without proof if BM just keeps covering for him.

Thanks again.

My brother (at age 14-15) was

My brother (at age 14-15) was at his friends house once with another guy- the friend shoved his mom, my brother and the other guy roughed him up pretty bad. The mom had to scream at them to stop! My, how times have changed.

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