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Step son not responsible for own actions

Jewals's picture

SS8 is constantly in trouble at school, comes home & is mean & disrespectful to me .. He tells my DS2 to say bad words be he "thinks it's funny", shoved me yesterday when I told him to quit hitting my other SS... My DH lets it go on .. To top it off I just got told the reason he got in trouble at school was bc BM & her hubs had been fighting & I said that's not an excuse any more
.. I got jumped on bc I said that & that's wrong & how I never have bad days because I'm just sooooo perfect .. :?

frustratedstepdad's picture

The only way its going to stop is for you to rip your DH a new one. It sounds harsh, but obviously he's not "getting it" so its time to crank things up a notch. Or better yet give SS8 a spanking the next time he shoves you. You need to set an example and make it CRYSTAL clear he is not to put his hands on you...EVER.

Accordn2L's picture

My SO has never once given my BD11 a spanking but she overall is pretty well behaved and if she acts up, taking the ipod away for a few days usually is devastating enough for her. But my SD8 is in need of her ass being torn up SO BAD. I asked my SO why he won't spank her and he says because he "just can't hit a girl". Since I'm a girl, wonder if it would be ok for me to wear her out one good time?

Accordn2L's picture

Jewals I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I have SD8 and I'm constantly the "bad guy". I would be irrate if the SS8 was teaching the little one to cuss, does your DH just not see that as a problem? And why do skids always play the victim card when they get in trouble?

Rags's picture

The parent of a golden child syndrome is rapant in your home. Your DH needs to put his hand between his legs, find some balls, give em a squeeze, and start parenting this boy before it is too late to prevent the release of this toxic spawn upon society.

Excuses are worthless and accomplish nothing more than tolerance for unacceptable behavior and failure.

Take care of yourself in this and do not let that little toxic crotch dribble hit or give you lip. If your DH will not step up and parent then he can STFU while you do it. If he does not like how you discipline and parent then he can step up and get it done before you have to.

hangingbyathread6's picture

Wow! Although I'm sorry to hear there are other Steps with this problem, I am RELIEVED to know it's not just me, my SS14 and my DH! I was beginning to think that maybe I am over critical of SS14 or that I am too strict as DH will state when SS14 gets disciplined. The only reason I haven't fallen for it is because I also have a SS12 and there is no tension, arguments, etc when he is disciplined. Just the oldest SS. When my biokids act up and misbehave and DH disciplines them, I say nothing. I support him and do not get irritated or angry with him regarding it. When SS14 has behavior or attitude issues, and I discipline him it OFTEN results in an argument between DH. To the point that I have repeatedly said to DH, "why is it that SS14 is the one who did the crime but I'm the one taking the heat?" I have told DH you take care of it then, you don't like it, then you deal with it. But there better be consequences for the behavior because the other 4 kids in the house have the same rules and know the consequences, SS14 just chooses to push the limits and cause issues, so yes, he often is in trouble...but he's the driver of his own destiny. The rules aren't "new or unkown" and the consequences aren't "new or unknown" either.

I find myself lately thinking "only four more years and he will be out of the house...unless I get lucky and he takes off to live with BM". I do everything for this kid. I support him in all ways (financially, educationally, emotionally) but I have rules and expect to be respected as an adult and a parental figure in his life. If he doesn't follow the rules and expectations we have (grades, school work, manners, etc) then we have consequences. BM is going to be his buddy. BM lets him do as he pleases including unsupervised time with his girlfriend...they need "privacy"? STFU!! They are 14!!! BM can't take care of her own two sons so how the hell would she support a grandchild??? Cuz I sure as hell am NOT! You live in DH and my house primarily...you will abide by our rules...and we expect certain behaviors from you even when you are not IN our home or we are not there watching over your shoulder, and if we find out differently...there are consequences.

Four more years...maybe less...sigh