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I meet with my stepdaughter's mom today!

hopefulfamily's picture

I hope we have a chance to talk about our lives, our families, our work, etc. Her daughter is doing great so we have nothing to deal with. Hopefully it will be a chance for us to have a different frame of reference for each other. We're cordial at school events etc but it's always busy and rushed. I hope today will take the edge off a little bit. The last time she saw me at a school event her face dropped and she got this disgusted, exasperated look on her face. I'm pretty sure that's how she feels every time she sees me and that's been going on for years!

My husband is very supportive and happy that i'm doing this. He told me he thinks I'm the bigger person for inviting her to coffee the way I did. I don't know about that, I think it's practical. It's not like we're going to be friends! The one thing he cautioned me not to bring up is the fact that she doesn't do her visit with her daughter every other week. We don't know why. She kept her visits for a while after the divorce according to their parenting plan and then they just faded away. She just got laid off and she has the time now. What kind of mom voluntarily gives up time with their kid? I think it's terrible to blow off time with her daughter like that but of course I won't say anything.

overworkedmom's picture

I have a good relationship with BM. I think that is is worth a try to make both of you feel more at ease. Just be careful with personal info and whatever you do don't talk about your relationship with your DH!!!

hopefulfamily's picture

I'm concerned abotu that too, about what it says about her as a mom and as a person.

But it doesn't matter, she just cancelled!

BSgoinon's picture

That's probably best. Honestly. I wouldn't push for a rain check on this one.

BSgoinon's picture

Hmmmmm.... coming from a 10 year veteran stepmom, that has had many "coffee's" with BM, I would caution against this. BM and I are cordial. And SS does great most of the time. When I asked to meet with BM the first time, SS was doing great but BM was trying REALLY hard to eff that up. Now BM thinks I am her BFF and I regret having that coffee with her. It hasn't stopped her from blaming me every time something goes wrong, or talking poorly about me at events. It hasn't made things any easier on SS, because the times SS needs us to get along the most are the times she is being nutty and lashing out at me. It wasn't worth my energy and now I have to deal with her calling me, thinking she can tell me her inner most secrets, and that I actually CARE.

BSgoinon's picture

Yup Miss Kay.... except BM's intentions here ARE to be close to DH. She will never let go of that. Eternally single.

I SOOOOOOOO understand what you are going through. I dread when her name pops up on my phone. Daily.

Newstep's picture

You are better off with her cancelling. It is your DH's job to deal with his child's mother not yours. I tried to do this because my kids SM and I always had a cordial relationship. I figured it would work the same but I learned very quickly I should have never opened the door to crazy!!!

QueenBeau's picture

agreed. Been there done that. Don't waste ur time & energy. You're already cordial. Leave well enough alone.