Ohh I hope you feel better after the gym. I can not imagine what you are going through. And I bet the worse part is if you say anything you're being disrespectful of the dead. What a terrible situation.
I hope you feel better.

It seems to me like the family is doing it to drive you away. I mean, really is the poster size pic necessary? It seems like a tough situation to be in, because you don't want to come across as selfish but you don't want to be walked on either.
Maybe since you and BF have experiences with dealing with a dead spouse you can carefully explain how you feel, if you haven't done so already?

Yeah my SD15 and SS15 have pics of thier mom and dad' wedding all over. SS15 even has one framed because my dumb ass MIL gave it too him and he put it in his room. It was a huge fight in our house...I mean in my own house on display. I was fine with it in an album out of my site...SS15 is such a twisted boy he even wore a fake gold wedding band the whole year my DH and I married and would tell people it was his dad's wedding ring from when he was married to his mom. BM may have told him this, but this is not true because DH hocked the wedding band at a pawn shop to buy me a diamond tennis bracelet and pearls for our first valentines day together ...that he couldn't afford otherwise at the time.

I took care of the picture every time I dusted, knocking it over, moving behind stuff, then one time oops it fell behind a piece of heavy shelving, darn...but the funny thing is SS15 has not even notcied it missing. and it has been a few years, Or I would have heard all sorts of hell for it...I figure until he notcies and asks i wont even go there until moving day 2012...on to college and out of my house...then he can have all the pics of his mom and dad wants there becasue by then all his friends will see how pathetic it is that he is holding onto something that was over 12 years ago now, by then 15 years ago.

Oh and the family that had those said pictures, I started having pictures of them and thier exes around at holidays to drive the message home all my inlaws have failed marriages and are on # 2 or 3 or 4 whos counting...? and gave them all a big fat picture of me and DH for thier gifts...their pics of the beloved couple are now down from thier walls...

I have tried to talk to him about it. he just says he was married to her for 30 years. his brother in laws and their wives still come to all of the parties and stuff, they sit around and turn it into a pity party, no matter what the situation is.
there is a website my boyfriend and his kids have in memory of his wife. they put shit on there, it has been less often. his daughters put on there how holidays will never be the same. i threw an easter party for them, had egg hunt, cooked, all that shit. so the youngest puts on the website how she misses how her mother made each holiday special. i especially like the post my boyfriend put on there after he met me, after we were having sex, and after i told him i loved him, it was the anniversary of her death (yeah, really, would you call that an anniversary) and he says" Time does not heal anything" he tells her happy valentines day, happy birthday, love "your B"
great, huh? i told him a year later that it hurt my feelings that he put that on there. he said he does not take it back, he misses his wife. okay.....they pay to keep this website going. his daughters put stuff on there. they put stuff on there mother's day, then recently, in october for her birthday. so they are paying to keep this thing going???? why???? so now the boyfriend does not post anything i dont know why, he was after our talk and he made quite a few, but now he has stopped and i dont ask about it so his daughters accuse him of forgetting her.... right, like they would allow that....
his daughter in law, his son's wife, and his daughters, do not talk to each other because the daughter in law wanted ot put a picture on the website they did not like, so now they are not talking, after 6 years..... those bitches don't like anybody!!! but that's okay, his son blew up at me right after we met, at like the second gathering and his wife and him sit there and literally ignore me. i was in the room at a birthday party, asking them if they wanted a soda, and they literally turned their heads away from me. i went and told boyfriend what they did and he said no, they were not and stop making problems.
when i first met him, we went to a wedding together. we were there in the church, i was rubbing my leg on him, stroking his back, letting him peek down my top, flirting away. so the minister says let us all remember DEAD WIFE and how sorrowful it is that she is not here to witness this joyous event. BANG! that put a stop to everything. REally? she's been dead 5 years. come on folks! what am i chopped liver? what about me??? i'm standing there next to him now....
i just lose my mind.
on the inside....
every fucking party, everything, it turns into a pity party.
there was a picture of the DEAD WIFE laying on the couch staring into the camera with that "i'm dying" expression on her face, they had it hanging right outside the entrance to the kitchen. really??? i took it down, it was so unbearable. i hid it in a drawer in the dining room. he thought his daughters took it, they thought he took it.
his oldest daughter takes pictures of this woman and blows the head up life size and cuts it out and puts them around her house. really....
we went to a christening and his inlaws showed up. they made a big damn show about going to her tombstone in the cemetary. i think it has to be the biggest tombstone there. i am sure my boyfriend's got his space reserved right there next to her. i have not gone near it. they went over there and put flowers down, sobbing and crying. where were they when she was dying? they did not come over and help him with the hosuework and raising their family? he told me this!!! he told me no one helped him, he would come home from work and make supper and go to the hospital, grocery shop on the way home and clean house late at night. he would ask his relatives to help him and they always had some excuse. now she is dead, they are remorseful????? its all show!!!
and all of these pictures of her---she never smiled!!! they are always lookign at the camera and i asked him, flat out, did you people ever smile? he said, we always looked SOLEMN wtf is that about? he said she was always in pain, facing death. yeah, well, crack a smile for the camera, how hard is that to do??? do you have to constantly look at this???

when I was growing up in the 60's, i was about 7 years old and had to help take care of my dying great grandmother. she was in pain, she would hold my hand and i would read to her. i helped care for her, stayed with her, cleaned up after her. she would smile and tears would stream down her cheeks and she would tell me she loved me. after she passed, i missed her terribly, but i knew she was not in pain anymore, she was not suffering. then my great grandfather took to his bed, he literally died of a broken heart. i stayed with him, i read to him. i helped care for him. i was bout 10 years old when he died. i missed them, but i knew they were not suffering, i knew they were together and in a better place. i was a little kid then and figured this life crap out. is that why i am such a mean bitch now?
my husband died in an accident, he lost control of his pick up truck and drove straight into a cement pillar, he died instantly. the troopers assured me he did not suffer. our biggest argument all the time was that he would not wear a seatbelt. if he had his seatbelt on, he would have survived.

I loved my husband, i was crazy over him. I miss him all the time. I miss his goofy laugh. I miss how he used to say in his southern drawl, "I love you big time"
i see him in my childrens' eyes. i see him in their facial expressions. i do my best with them. i do what i can for them. it jerks my heart. but i know i am doing my best for out little family. i know in my heart if i had died first, i would have wanted him to go find happiness and learn to live again without me.

i do not whip out pictures of my husband every time i am pissed at my boyfriend. i do not put his picture all over the house when my boyfriends' kids would come over. WHY?
BECAUSE I LOVED AND RESPECTED MY HUSBAND TOO MUCH TO DO THAT TO HIS MEMORY. that's why. he is not a weapon to be yanked out in retalliation for something petty. no. his memory is precious to me.

fuck them. fuck all of them. they can all go pound salt up their asses.

this weekend, i am going to the gym and when i am not at the gym, i 'm going to do yard work and when i am not doing yard work, i'm going to be cleaning house. i am taking my kids out and doing stuff with them.

i am tired of it all.
all i do is work, take care of my family and try try try to do the right thing.
and i get hurt all the time.
and i dont do anything wrong.
i dont cheat
i dont lie
i dont do drugs
i dont run around drinking
but everything i do is picked apart.

fuck them all. i'm tired of it.

They sound so miserable. Is there ever a happy time? Why is it constantly a reproduction of her funeral and memorial? What is that about?

when we are out having a nice time, his daughters always have to call with some kind of drama or problem. we were out hiking at mount mohonk and the oldest daughter called to complain about the youngest daughter's behaviour. it does not matter where we are or what we are doing, they butt in. and when i put those pictures of us smiling and having a nice time on his facebook account, the oldest daughter "tagged" him in a picture of him and his wife and they popped up right in the middle of our pictures. honestly and truly, it was so disturbing. and i have to wonder what all of my boyfriend's friends thought when they saw that too......

its not about her. its about them. this way everyone can see that no one has it harder than them. this way they get their way with everything and no one dares to challenge them. the oldest daughter yells and pushes her husband around and it is so sad to see him cave in everytime and run and fetch for her. it is disgusting and i have to wonder where she learned this behaviour from. it is only a matter of time before the youngest daughter pushes her husband around, i saw that at their wedding, she was complaining to him about how the presents were stacked and he hurried up and fixed the problem for her.... it is how they are with their father, they say jump and he says how high? now they are not talking to him and it is emotional blackmail. i expect him to cave in anytime now, he is absolutely miserable. they stopped talking to him because i allegedly said something about the oldest daughter and now they are all not talking to us. it is like one of the people here said, if he caves in to her now, it is the beginning of the end for us.

his daughters are driving us apart, end of story.

I would say make them a huge album and all kinds of shit with most the pics you have at your mans house and give it to the kids .at their house. my stepmom gave me back all my baby pics and childhood pics in the forms of albums and other random stuff but she got rid of my dads past life and now she can hang and scrapbook her shit(btw my dad and stepmom just had a baby last year!!!!) my kids are older than their aunt!!!! haha but they gotta let go sometime. they can miss her and be sad and people can still talk about her but you gotta realize you are there now and just ignore their hating BS. Also do the same thing you o with your hubbys pics get a nice box that he can keep in a drawer or on dresser and he can look at them when you arent around

You being happy with their dad will make them more upset than if you 2 are fighting about something that is no longer there.

But still be sensitive.... well act it anyway

when i go to his daughter's house and there are new life sized pictures of her's head cut out like those life sized people you see in the 7-11 beer aisle, and she has her head cut out and is sitting on the shelf in the dining room and in the kitchen, i think that is kind of mentally sick.

i dont go to their house anymore. go ahead and read the other stuff i put up. i am made to feel like i am dating a married man and his daughters are the wives.

they are not talking to him for two weeks now and he is sad and it is pissing me off.

they learned to manipulate and whine and bitch and i have a feelign their mother was the exact same way. that is behaviour you learn from someone.

the best part is, when the daughter ran away and was doing drugs and he was talking about putting her in an asylum, it came out that his wife was institutionalized for an alcohol problem. but god forbid anyone talk ill about the dead.

i made my boyfriend laugh.
we went places he has never been before.
we had fun.
we had lots and lots of sex after he went without for almost 20 years.
i make him feel young.
i make him feel sexy.
i make him feel desired.
we go hiking, we go on river cruises, we go to comedy clubs, we go out to different restaurants, we do stuff he always wanted to do and could not because he had to take care of his wife and then his little granddaguther.
he spent years in a huge house with no one for company except a little baby girl while his youngest daughter was out doing drugs and whoring around.
now the youngest daughter is married to a marine and has suddenly sprouted angel wings and a halo and everything is forgotten.
oh yeah, she has hepatitis, the kind that kills people.
i wonder if she told her husband....
they kept everything a secret from that man,
the fact she used heroine, cocaine, stole her mother's pain killers.... yep.... she kept pot in her bedrooma nd my boyfriend got upset because her little girl could have gotten into it. most people would have kicked her out but he said he couldn't because of the baby.....
she went from her father taking care of her to her husband taking care of her....
we're talking about a woman who was in a motel room with several mexican men having an orgy....
yep....
daddy's little girl.
now she's a saint.
and her husband is clueless.....
and she is not talking to my boyfriend either. and he sends her money every month.
she and her sister have cut my boyfriend off because they were told i said something mean about the odlest daughter calling all the time while we were at a party.
they left out the part that she did call for money and he went and gave it to her...
oh well....
going to the gym now....
they can have their little pity party, they are just a couple of queens....

Sounds like it's a lot more trouble than it's worth for everyone. Some relationships are too much hassle for everyone involved.

For his daughters you are still the "girl friend" and will be until you marry him. Sounds like the daughters don't want that. It will be hard for their dad to overcome their feelings.

If my wife (30 years) died, I would date other women and sleep with them, but it's not likely I'd want to get remarried. It would be too much hassle for everyone. Are you really sure he wants to move towards a truely committed relationship or is it too much hassle for everyone involved?

One time i was at the house and a woman was there to buy furniture and referred to him as my husband. he smiled and asked me how i felt about it. this was over a year and a half ago. i looked him square in the eye and told him his oldest daughter would never allow that to happen. he did not look happy over it.

god, i was so right, even back then....

I think the adult kids are taking really personally that their father is dating someone cause he was with his wife for 30 years...and they are theones with the issue. Them putting up pics all over the place is just them defending their mother. Is it stupid and childish.? Yes. cause putting them all blown up and life size, they need serious couciling.
The only thing you can do is completely ignore and disengage fromthese adults. Focus you attention on your relationship with your BF and keep him busy and yourself with one another. Do not engage with his kids in any shape way or form until they get over their issues. And if they do not ...too bad

I have two pictures of my mother who died. And i have a picture of my stepmother too. My stepmother's husband died as well , and she did't put pictures of him all over the house after my dad moved in. She had a small picture in her bedroom and my father put a small picture of my mother as well. Both lost their partners, they loved them both and they put both their pics up in their bedroom ...but no where else in the house. i think that is just plain wrong. Insulting for their memories.

You are very angry and rightly so. But its time to engulf yourself in a long vacation away from them. Make yourself happy. Focus on your relationship and not bother with them anymore. Keep your bf happy if they are ignoring him. you cannot control what they do. But you can control what you do and what you do iwth bf.....
When my sd makes my husband miserable , i focus all my attention on him and he's the star and i tell him, if sd wants to do this, its her problem...not yours.

StillT, what you are describing is NOT a normal healthy adult relationship. It is a soap opera freak show, and I hope you really give some thought as to whether this is worth your time.

Yes, you handled the death of your spouse with respect and grace, but this guy's brood is treating this woman like Bernie (Weekend at Bernie's). I agree, let the woman rest in peace, sure, keep memories, but life is for the LIVING. Who wants to look back and realize they spend most of their time GRIEVING?? Is this what their beloved mother would have wanted for them?

And, I'm sure for you that's the maddening part. Again, YOU are looking for a committed relationship. YOU have a lot of GOOD to offer your BF, fun, etc. Unless he is WILLING TO MEET YOU AND PUT AN END TO THIS DRAMA, you are basically in this relationship alone.

It's a constant beef with my DH. (no where NEAR like yours, mind you.) But, we live a nice life, we have great careers, we can do anything we want with NO DRAMA....yet, his 30 something "infants" tend to like to stir things up and he goes running. I agree with the above posters who say you might need to "take a powder" from these people. That's the only thing that works with my DH when he lets these twerps get to him. Take my own break. He misses me terribly, and he is stuck to handle the whining and bitching ALONE. If I were you, no more ANYTHING. No more babysitting, no more helping out in ANY WAY until you see some major changes.

And, I have to agree with Steve. I'm sure he enjoys chasing you around the bedroom and all the laffs, but that is not a committed relationship. I would seriously step back and see if you two want the same thing. If not, then I fear right now you are being used, and NO WOMAN should live with that. COUGAR TIME!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

Oh what a shame it would be if that poster size photo got put in the attic! If the mom of the child is not there to see it missing, maybe they will forget about it. If not give it to one of them for Christmas!

Honestly I don't see any point in just 'dating' this man - if he isn't going to commit to you, I think this would be just too much trouble to deal with. You loved your spouse and can still enjoy life, why can't he? 'Life is for the living'-!
_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

My stepmom remarried and talked about her husband 24/7. Large pics up, memorial stone by pool, wore her wedding ring on gold heart necklace, and bragged about his incessently. I don't know how her new husband could stand it. He never said a word. Eventually ...after 10 years...she stopped. It's no reflection on you...even though it feels that way. My stepmom's dead husband wasnt that great in many ways. We idolize the dead. You're alive.

Run! Run quickly!

well, my mother-in-law has many, many pictures up of my H's ex and she's still alive. there's one of me and it's a group picture of my H, his kids, and my S and his W and kids.

everytime i go into her house, i want to throw up. i wonder how H would feel if he went into my mother's house and saw many pictures of my son's father, my ex, and only one of him?? they never friggin' think.

OP, You seriously need to leave this relationship while you can. You sound like you have some serious jelousy issues and your BF doesn't seem to care that it bothers you so much.

Go find someone who doesn't have kids or that are grown and gone.

Life is too short to put up with this shit. Trust me.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

My Dhs family is like this about his LW as well. They were worse after we got married. They were told they need some serious counseling when they acted out in public when there father was in the hospital with a heart problem. I stay (and stay away from them) as DH does want to live and makes choices to reflect that. If he didnt..or changes his mind...I too would be looking at moving on. Thats what we need to do to live, get busy living, or stay busy dying. Sounds like you are entertaining some healthy thoughts about going on and living your life without letting them pull you into their quicksand of hurt they are holding onto.

Another poster says, if someone tells you who they are belive them, that sounds appropriate here. Should you ever feel weak about it, make a copy of all the above and read it, then go to the gym .