You are here

Daily contact with an ex? Is this normal?

ajp1999's picture

Smile just a simple question. How many times per day is it normal for your spouse to text an ex regarding kids??

I'm having some feelings like my significant other and his x are communicating too much. Every time I'm with him she texts, her internet is out, she is getting kicked out of her current living situation soon, etc etc. it goes on and on. I do believe that most times it's regarding the kids but it's never about an emergency. It's more like, " I need eight bucks for the kids to go to mcdonalds or little jimmy found his coat in the lost and found.

It upsets me cause it seems like it's constant (although he says it's not.). We are out to eat. She texts,we are in bed and she texts, we are talking and she texts. Am I over reacting??

He says he has to talk to here and nothing will change. I understand he has to communicate but it's seems like overkill to me. He doesn't see it that way.

zerostepdrama's picture

I very very rarely talk with my Ex and our BS is 8. I maybe text him once every 1.5-2 weeks. And its always to discuss BS.

ajp1999's picture

Haha. Thanks girls. I'm really not looking for retaliation. I do believe they are talking about their kids 90 percent of the time. I just think it's excessive. It's like they are still married. I'm not sure why they need to text so much. He says it's co parenting. I say they can't let go if each other.

wth was I thinking's picture

Mine talks to her almost daily. I have asked him about this, and he says that he needs to ask her about Dr checkups, dentist appts, homework, blah blah bs etc... He is just fooling himself into believing that he has any say, control, or influence in their day to day activities. I suppose its a hard thing to let go of, but give me a break. I told him its not good, as all they do is argue, and that his kids are old enough he should just ask them about that stuff, unless something more serious is happening. He knows it pisses me off, because I pretty much always just leave the room when he talks to her. He speaks to her in Spanish, and I understand about 85% of what he is saying if I bother to pay attention. But he will talk to her for 10 minutes, and I ask him after, what's up, and its always something like, oh, they have a dentist appointment on Tuesday. It took 10 minutes to tell you that????

Argh.

hereiam's picture

Daily contact with an ex? Is this normal?

Nope. When I started dating my DH, his daughter was 5 and cell phones and texting were not the norm (I don't even think texting was an option back then). He talked to BM as little as possible. The older SD got, the less he talked to BM, as he could just talk to SD about most things.

It's just become too convenient to "converse" with somebody. Not only is it unnecessary, it's rude.

Orange County Ca's picture

^^^^Good. Send so many texts that your cell phone carrier wants to increase your monthly rate. "Yes we do advertise unlimited but REALLY!!!".

I would talk to my ex wife less than once a month and then only if it was to discuss some change in visitation or rarely child support. That was pre-cell days of course and twice a month (yes month) wouldn't raise my eyebrows today. But multiple times daily - no she is deliberately interrupting his life to make him keep her in mind I don't care if its about the kids or not.

Unless the kids arm is dangling by a tendon she's perfectly capable of taking care of things and even then she should be dialing 911 not H I M. Most husbands would have put an end to this and I'm guessing he likes the idea she "can't do without me".

Tell him if he can't cut it to once or twice a day you're going in for counseling and if he can't go with you then part of the discussion will be how likely is he having some sort of relationship with her. I think just the threat will get his attention as most husband would rather lose a testicle than go in for counseling.

Remember "Ex sex is best". I'm not saying he's going there but they've both got a fish on the line and his is a mermaid.

Dizzy's picture

My BD6's dad and I have been broken up for nearly 5 years, and I believe the past 3years at the very least we haven't had daily contact. Not even every other day. Hell, our daughter rarely initiates contact with either one of us when she's away, and we typically allow each other space during parenting time. Having people up your ass and/or being up someone's ass all the time is exhausting!

lilbitofeverything's picture

I have three kids with my ex. We text or email a couple times a week. I do feel that's appropriate. Our conversations are all "business" about the kids...letting him know how a doc appointment went, sending him a pic every once in awhile, kid logistics, school issues, etc. But that doesn't require phone contact normally nor more than one or two texts 9 times out of 10. Unless the frequency is really ridiculous, I'd be more concerned if the conversations were unnecessarily lengthy or chummy or off topic.

Accordn2L's picture

Bm will continue to act that way in less SO in frank words...shuts that shit DOWN

Couldn't have said that better myself!

wanthappiness's picture

As long as he isnt hiding it from you, I'd let it go. I'm sure it frustrates him as well.