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What works?

lovehimhatehim's picture

So all day I have been reading trying to find ideas to try for my household. So far my options seems to ignore all or war with DH. When SS11 walks into a room I cringe, I can't stand to hear him speak, I don't want to look at him. He is 100% aware of the things he has done to make me feel this way, so I don't care if he knows how I feel about him. My problem is I love DH & want to spend the rest of my life with him and not resent him once all the Bio's and skids are gone. What other options do I have in dealing with the lazy, lying, manipulative, offspring of BM & DH?

kallilee02's picture

He's 11. Sit down and talk to him about it. Don't tell him that you hate him, but mention that things seem stressed between you and you want some suggestions about how to make your relationship more comfortable and meaningful for you both.

lovehimhatehim's picture

This will not work, SS11 thrives off causing issues in our home. No matter what I say, he will always revert back to whatever he can to cause a problem. His main goal, to make me and DH fight so that he will have DH 100% attention on him.

lovehimhatehim's picture

I agree it is DH's lack of parenting, but I do not want to allow SS11 to take away the man I love. DH and I have come a long way in the 6yrs we've been married. We don't fight daily about SS11, but his lack of consistent parenting bothers me. However, I feel like he is at the same point I am with SS11. DH has checked out of the situation. He looks at SS11 in the same manner as he looks at BM, he wants nothing to do with it, therefore he ignores all.

lovehimhatehim's picture

Other than DH is just as fed up with SS11's behavior as I am...I have no excuse. We literally have been trying to change his behavior for 6yrs, with nothing working. I do agree with you, he will never be a self sufficient adult. His BM isn't, and he shows no promise of doing anything to change.

27YearStepDad's picture

If you think things will be good when they are adults and out of the house think again. If things are not corrected now you never will be happy.

ncgal1980's picture

That's something I worry about, and all three of my skids are still under the age of ten. I fear that none of my skids will ever be self-sufficient, living independent lives. They'll bounce in and out of our house, even as adults, as long as they want to. DH will NEVER put a stop to it.

DH enables their learned helplessness, their rudeness, and their sense of entitlement. He's not raising ADULTS. He's raising lifelong KIDS.

The fact that I can already see what lies in my future (the skids living with us indefinitely because DH truly believes they can't take care of themselves) makes me very doubtful that DH and I will stay together that long.

lovehimhatehim's picture

I actually had that conversatin with DH last night. He says he is going to deal with it...we will see.