second GC due, interfering in-laws

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Only posted once 3 years ago. So many helpful, caring posts. Really helped me move on. Wanted to update my info. Hope it helps those that will have to deal with this in the future, and I guess I could use some support too. My now 25 yr old SD had affair on her BF of 7 years, with her BF's cousin (more like brothers, grew up houses away from each other).She became pregnant, I'm sure on purpose, as this guy is 10 years older and financially secure.Baby girl turned 1 last August. Is expecting her second child anyday. Not married.Not working. We have had no contact with her for 8 and a half years. Though she lives about a mile from us. My 2 SILs contacted my husband 2 years ago, and under the guise of "making peace", invited him for dinner. No contact with them for several years, because they took the side of my SD. I felt very uneasy about this dinner, and I was right. They double teamed him, and told him they and their parents would abandon him as family, unless he contacted his daughter. Of course, he tried for years to contact her, and SD twisted what he said, and refused to see him, unless he divorced me. DH called his mother, and she was angry at her daughters for pulling such a stunt, yet little contact from her. Fast forward. When 1st GD born, 1 sister texted picture. Several months later wrote letter to DH about how he is missing out on being a GF. DH finally sent communication back that he thought he was not a member of the family anymore, and to stop sending anything. That his daughter knew how to get a hold of him, and could contact him herself. Fast forward to 1 month ago. Package arrived. A "gift" for me, and a long letter from his sister , how his daughter longed to see him, but knew I would try to stop it. So much drama. We both ignored. Last night my MIL, who has not called my DH in almost a year, called, and asked him to please reconcile, before she dies. Again so angry about the drama, and ridiculous meddling. Of course my DH feels sad about not knowing his GC. He also knows how they will be used. Other than above, we have a strong marriage. Our son is 17, and is doing well. My 24 year old son, in graduate school, with lovely , stable GF. I just feel badly about my husband's family treating him horribly, and I guess his sorrow, of not knowing his grandchildren. Thanks!

We have been married 20

We have been married 20 years. She split time with us and her BM. When she was 17, we discovered she was living double life, had made plans to live with BM full time. She was using drugs, promiscuous , stealing from us, etc. Though I had tried since she was 4 , to mother her, she was vicious, to us and our 2 boys. She moved in FT with BM at age 17. My husband tried through the courts and counseling, to reconcile. After years of trying , he stopped. She made it very clear in an email that he was harassing her, that she would consider seeing him, only if he divorced me. As tragic as it was, we all ended up so much happier, and did not realize the chaos and havoc, she had brought to our family. Her choice, not my husbands, for no contact. Though such a blessing in disguise!

Once these dads just accept

Once these dads just accept that they do not have a relationship with their children, they come to some peace over it. I have watched it with my dad and my sisters and my DH and SD18. Sounds like OP's DH tried and he has stopped trying. That needs to be respected and left alone.

If the kid wants a relationship, they will come back.

Thank you Jsmom. Such an

Thank you Jsmom. Such an undeserved stigma for parents and step parents that do the right thing, and then are vilified. His ex had an affair when SD was 6 months old, left SD with DH, and had baby, that she gave up for adoption to her mother's best friend.. Married the guy.My DH was single father for several years, until his ex expressed an interest in her daughter again. I met DH when SD was 4. When she was 6 we tried to get sole custody. Fathers back then, just did not get custody. I feel so niaeve, as I tried so hard to provide a stable, normal home environment for her. The Mother's Day before she left, she gave me a card, thanking me for being the mother she never had, that she knew she could always depend on me. For years I fell hook, line and sinker. She has since told the most awful lies about me, my husband and our 2 sons. I guess there is no accounting for evil. She surely is a sociopath, just like her mother. Terribly sad that my DH's family, knowing us, believed her lies. I wish her well, but also wish for her, to be a stepmother in the future, and to have a SD just like her.

No you did not piss me off.

No you did not piss me off. I'm sorry you have experienced so much trauma. Let's agree to disagree though. My SD needs a dope slap from the Universe. She has involved so many people in her "revenge". I truly think, her only chance of insight, is to walk a mile in my shoes. I will once again , walk away from this, and let it go. Know I have no control. Wishing you the best StepAside.