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Does anyone else resent skid because of CS - vent

Midwest Stepmom's picture

As I'm getting ready to have my first child I find myself resenting ss12 and Bm because of the amount of child support. Dh pays 1,000 a month for one child. I know this money doesn't all go to ss12. It helps support her entire family. She only works part time at $10 an hour, her husband is "disabled". Yet they still managed to make 4 kids together.

If ss12 lived here I know it would not cost $1,000 dollars a month to support him. If we did contribute that much to him, he would then have a nice college fund. Bm always sends him over in flood water pants and shirts that barley hit the waist line. I refuse to let Dh give her extra money outside of the CO because she gets enough. Is not my fault she never went to college to get a proper paying job.

Well anyways I'm just ranting. I think of what more we could have if CS ended. Only 6 more years of paying and then freedom.

Comments

Midwest Stepmom's picture

Sometimes it makes me sad that I will have to put my little one in daycare. If we didn't have the high child support I would be able to stay at home for a while longer. My company is very generouse and I get my full salary for all three months for maternity leave, but I may want to spend more time with my little guy.

Every time ss comes over and says "guess what", my husband and give each other a look. We know that is a sign that she is pregnant again. Lol

On the topic of venting - I get to spend my maternity leave watching ss12 because it's over summer break and my husband will be at work. Lovely...! At least ss12 ignores me for the most part.

Midwest Stepmom's picture

I'm glad my husband doesn't pay alimony. When I met him he was a senior In college, so very poor and had nothing. Now he has something and she can't touch it. Only child support.

It seems like every three years a big packet of papers come in right on time for him to fill out for more money. He gets a pay raise every year and a promotion every two years, so we know it will always be increased.

Luvthepolice's picture

My DH pays $1200 for SD.. And BM always sends her to is in rags.. Well the BM posted pics on Facebook and SD is always in rags!! But the BM just got a new Volvo... I guess we are paying for that!! BM also has another child that is in college and she is always dressed great.. We may be paying for that too!!!

Midwest Stepmom's picture

It kinda makes me happy knowing that her life isn't much better then poverty line. Pretty much the CS is keeping her from being homeless and starving. But that's what you get when you remarry someone that is worthless and make 4 other children. Her cars are always breaking down, and she is on assistance. Just wish the money would actually go to benefit SS12 rather then her entire family.

msg1986's picture

I used to get really resentful when I'd think about the childsupport and I still sometimes do if we're struggling for any particular month and I think about how we could use 400 extra a month. We don't go without though thankfully and Dh requests that it's garnished from his checks so we don't even see it so it's whatev's now. I just figure it won't last forever and it is for the well being of Ss even though I don't think she really uses it on him. Only 6 more years though, you're lucky!! Smile we have 12

stressedstep's picture

In the UK, the CSA has been abolished, you still have to pay it, but its been regulated sooooo much now. OH made an agreement with BM and its gets stuck too. But she still thinks that "WE" as in OH and ME should buy SD's clothes and shoes even though she gets the benefits for her plus what OH pays! We dont. SD comes to ours dressed in rags and clothes way to small, we buy clothes and shoes for when she is with us and they stay with us. We only ever send stuff home with SD when she is growing out of them and replaced them.

BM is a CHARITY CASE........

stressedstep's picture

Whilst I agree that parents should provide for the children, I think BM should be checked yearly to ensure that the money is being spent where it should. My Ex pays weekly towards my daughter, and also half of the cost of school dinners. But Ex can SEE that my daughter is taken care of and is provided for (in fact I spoil her rotten but keep her grounded too!) She never goes without and I do not ask EX for anything. If I need assistance with anything, I text him politely and ask if he could assist in any manner, although that situation has never arisen. EX does buy her things including clothes or shoes when they have "Town" Days every now and then.

BM to SD does not do that. She keeps the money for herself, even demands it! BM tells OH that he needs to buy this that and other because he has mee working to "support" him! OH told BM that it was not my job to support their kids, and that she should get a job!

KidlessSM86's picture

I thought I'd share my perspective of someone whose DH RECEIVES CS. I don't understand the point behind child support. Since they live with us, he should be capable of providing for them. If they lived with BM, she should be capable of providing for them. I say this only because they both make the same amount. Wouldn't it make more sense to have the kids live with the person that can provide for them without someone else's financial support?
Or perhaps I'm just naive because I don't see all the expenses of raising a child. But I think outtahere is right about CS making people lazy and greedy. Why work to support your children when you can just ask for more money and receive it?

Midwest Stepmom's picture

I agree that the child should live with the parent that can better support them. With BMs total income from her crap job, dh child support, welfare benefits, and her dh disability; they probably bring in 80% of my salary. My dh makes almost twice as me - do the math. I think we could better take care of the child.

I also think we would be better at managing the money aspect of it then Bm. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you shouldn't max out credit cards if you will never have the money to pay them back. Yet Bm will keep charging her little heart out. I'm happy to say I have no credit card debt. Just student loans and a mortgage.

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

I have a childless friend who, during a convo said, "well you never know, his kids might come live with you guys at one point"

:?

Oh no the hell they won't! HAHA!

I just said, mmmhmm.

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

I don't resent the kids. I resent DH though and it is seriously starting to affect our marriage, unfortunately.

He pays $1500/mo (after CS he brings home $950 per MONTH). He accepted this stupid ass CS arrangement where the judge disregarded his existing CS for older skids and set CS for the youngest at $1000/month until SS is 24 years old.

24 YEARS OLD.

I swear to God I am not staying with him if that doesn't get changed. I had to practically FORCE him to apply for a modification. Not just for CS but that ridiculous age requirement.

I don't give a rats ass if SS is on track for medical/law/and pharmacy school all in one; if he has to pay her support til he's 24 I am leaving.

Midwest Stepmom's picture

CS until 24?! Crazy. I would be mad as well. I would like to help ss pay for college. But I don't want my dh tied to a contract for that long. What if the child gets married or has a child of there own?

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

It drives me up a wall to think about.

ESPECIALLY the fact that CS would go to BM. Seriously. There is no court saying she has to contribute anything past age 18. She could very well do absolutely nothing for SS. She could very well spend that money however she damn well pleases.

I have 2 bios. Would I like to help them with college - yes. But it will be within MY means as they will be adults. College = privilege not a right.

hippiegirl's picture

This is why dads do not like to pay their child support. It used to make me angry when some self righteous asshole would say stupid shit like "well, it's his responsibility to support his children". Thing is though, that money that my DH was FORCED to send supported fat ass and her new beau. He was not a deadbeat, he just didn't enjoy the fact that he was basically paying her new man to mistreat his kids. If he didn't give that bitch that money, he would get threatened with having his license suspended or going to jail. But, fat ass didn't have to prove that the kids were benefiting from their dad's money. She also didn't work for over 20 years and collected child support from 2 dads. Must be nice, huh?

Long story short, I understand your frustration. We could have afforded so much nice stuff if he had never married her. The skids are grown now, but they still call dear old dad and ask for money. :?
I guess it's either that or they beg to move into our house. I'd rather part with the money.

Yes, alot of BM's are lazy, greedy charity cases. It's sad. If I ever split from DH (knock on wood), I make enough to support the kiddos without having to accept money from a man who can't stand me anymore. How does that not bother a woman?