Yep, 1/2 of a fifth. The story is that he found the emergency keys to the car and went out in the early morning to get the booze. That story doesn't fly with me because after a certain hour in the morning, early morning, stores are not allowed to sell booze until after 9 a.m., so he was probably out sometime between midnight and 2 a.m. Even though DH has not contradicted the story, he said to me that he (DH) is old, not stupid.

Twit is hinting around that she needs someone to cart the young man to AA meetings. I guess the court generally will order 90 meetings in 90 days, if they don't through him in jail. My stance on this is that I am not going to tie up my life for 90 days carting jr to meetings so Twit and her husband don't have to be inconvenienced. Three months is a long time, spring will eventually get here with nice weather and we intend to travel.

This state is uber tough on DUI and at the level jr. was the penalty is up to several years in jail.

I want to add to the above by saying that Twit is always asking for something, some favor, etc. But, the only time we asked her to help us out she left us sitting in 98 degree heat/humidity for over an hour and a half while she went back home (from the auction), took a shower, had some lunch and then came back to get us! And had the audacity to brag about why it took her so long to come back! She has no concern for her father IMO. Back then he made excuses for her doing this.

cat - we were separated about 7 months. Interestingly, after refusing to go to counseling, about 1 month with Twit had him calling me to set up the appointment. We did counseling together where I could tell him how I felt and point out specifics that he hadn't backed me up on. Even the counselor said that Twit is out of line and has some pretty big issues of her own and DH couldn't solve them for her. Then he did separate counseling and role playing on how to deal with Twit when she would start the oh Daddy (imagine - on the way to 50 and still turning on the tears to try to get her way) etc. I, during counseling, also made it very clear what I expected in order for him to return home and what I would not tolerate when he did come back.

So, he came back in January. What is amazing is how he now tells me that I should not leave anything to her when I pass as she doesn't deserve it. I never intended to in the first place, all goes to my daughter. (Few years back we had her in my living room crying about how she was scared that poor Twit wouldn't inherit anything when we passed. She was looking for assurances of $$$ and goodies.) A real piece of work. Took me awhile to get her number. I wanted to treat all the children, his and mine the same at the holidays, but with Twit she expects something costly while giving us garage sale ash trays and used junk.

DH resisted counseling for years. Told me I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, to turn the other cheek, Twit didn't mean it, be big about it, etc. Funny, when he had to live with her and got a taste of Twitism, things certainly changed.

In my case, Twit has some real serious mental problems. DH always wanted to try to help her out but through counseling realized that it was not his problem and there was nothing he could do. It was her husband's problem to deal with.

Thanks Towanda. You guys know how hard it was for me to do this. This proves, at least so far, that actions speak louder than words.

Thanks Sandye. And he knows that if he throws me under the bus again what the consequences for him will be.

AT the auction she was hinting about going out to eat after. This because they go and then stick DH with the tab. DH told me that he had no intention of picking up dinner for them....they make good money and can afford their own.

In fact, DH pointed out to me that he has realized that, Twit, unlike his other children and my daughter, never came around just to visit or call just to see how he was doing. She always has a reason.....wants something. I know he feels bad about this, but at least he has now opened his eyes about Twit.

Pilgrim --- EXACTLY. When I would tell him how I felt about how she acted, he would give me the be big about it carp. When I disengaged, he started to notice I meant what I was saying. When Twit escalated and he didn't stand up for me, I threw him out. THAT he got after about a month living with Twit and dealing with her carp.

Also, a third party really helped DH see that I was not "making a mountain out of a mole hill". That I was being attacked by Twit and he was defending Twit.

Yes, with disengaging I put Twit in her place on several occasions, but as demented as she is, she kept going at me. Heck, life it to short to have to always be on guard for Twit attacks, and, as you know from my posts, she is vicious. My one remark at a counseling session was that I don't want to be anyone's punching bag (she never hit me, but verbally) and will not put up with it.

I was so pleased when he told her that at the auction. I am also pleased that he is not tying us down in taking care of her problem with her son. As DH said, hauling him to AA meetings once or twice would be fine, but she would have no problems dumping it on us and going on with HER life.

Sadly, until something tragic happens, like jr. kills someone or hurts someone driving drunk, he isn't going to change. And rewarding him with big screen TV's shows that she approves of what he does.

Thanks Cats.

And I am smart enough not to go and invite Twit to something or another so that DH can feel better about her. Doing such things only opens the door to more Twit behavior and problems.

If he wants to see her, he can go do so. I don't care if he calls her to go to lunch, or she calls him to go to dinner just as long as I am not subjected to her. I am DH's wife, but I sure am not going to get my undies in a bundle because he wants to see his daughter, nor am I going to make him take me with him, or try to stop him. If, for some reason, we end up out somewhere together, as we did at the auction, I will not stand for BS from her because I just don't give a hoot about her, her feelings, her mental problems, etc. For years I took abuse from her trying to make it a family, be nice, etc. and that taught me quite well that with Twit....no good deed goes unpunished by her.

Hi there Amber - Yes, Twit was suppose to be going for help but you have to realize that Twit doesn't think she has any problems. Remember, Twit thinks she is perfect and the rest of us are the problem.

I don't know what is going on there, but I don't think she is following through and, frankly, to quote the line from "Gone With The Wind"....frankly, I just don't give a damn. Not my problem.

But, as you can see, she is too busy trying to get jr. out of a very serious, at least in this state, DUI charge. The story she tells DH just doesn't jive. Liquor stores are not allowed to sell after a certain hour in the early morning and not before 9:00 a.m. Trying to tell DH that jr. went out after 5 a.m. to get smokes and a bottle just doesn't make sense. Our guess is that he went and stole the keys after they all went to bed, and that, being starved for booze, he started drinking as soon as he got in the car. We may be old, but were not stupid. Besides that, he doesn't have a job, was let go from an extremely good/well paying job due to drinking a few weeks earlier. Moma Twit wants to protect him by all means. With jr. alcohol level he could be looking at several years in jail.

I really feel for jr., but he has a problem. DH talked with him about it when he was living down there and jr. would come in the early morning hours (DH gets up early and would run into him coming in) and pass out for the day. Like Twit, he doesn't think he has a problem, he can hold his liquor.

Anyway, Twit did try to get DH to commit to taking jr., should he get off with probation etc., to 90 days of AA meetings (that is what the court requires if they let you go). DH said no way, we have our lives to live. YEAH! Jr. needs to start taking responsibility for his actions and his life. And jr. is HER problem, not ours.

According to Twit, jr. was framed, so to speak because, according to Twit jr. ran off the road before he started drinking and only consumed the 1/2 bottle (fifth) while waiting in the car for his brother to come and help him out.

Guess Twit's perfect family (only in her eyes) isn't as perfect as she likes to tell the rest of us boobs who have normal problems as life throws at us.

DH has gotten wiser in his old age. He realizes that Twit only calls or stops by when she wants something. Our other children call to see how we are doing, to check on us if our area has bad weather (as they are in other states), visit us just to visit when they can. There is a difference.

Exactly Poodle. Why subject oneself to someone that not only do I not like, but put up with her carp at the same time. We all have our Achilles heel and Twit will only chip away until she finds it. As I said, she is malicious, evil and mean....all the qualities I would never tolerate in a friend or loved one.

As I once told my DD when she was growing up and had some "friends" I didn't approve of: Watch how your "friends" treat other people because sooner or later they will and do get around to you. She found out what I told her was true abiet the hard way, but now she knows what to watch for and accept in friends.

Catlou - One of the things I found was that DH got defensive when I would point out how Twit acted towards me, or even when he witnessed it first hand. I guess I would feel the same way if my DD was acting like that...mainly because I would be embarrassed etc.

Now, through counseling, he has tools he can use to defend himself from Twit's crying jags, manipulations etc. He had to learn to set boundaries with her. Families are two way streets, but when one (the Twit) takes constantly and never contributes or does for others, they show what they really are. Self-centered, manipulative, mean, greedy.

Counseling made, or got, DH to admit that Twit was a problem and, well, a Twit.