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DH thinks I'm too strick ok13 yo SS.....what do you think?

27yroldMof2SMof3's picture

Ok so heres the deal I am a SM to 3 children SS 13 yo SDs 11yo & 7yo. I also have 2 bio children of my own with my DH ages 5yo & 2yo both boys.

My 5 yo has some learning and anger issues that we are working on and has very little respect for me at times. Due to this I am trying to make sure that the older kids know when they are doing things or saying things they shouldn't be to me especially.

My 13 yo SS thinks he is hot stuff and can do what ever he wants becuase when I bring it to his attention so he knows(even though i know he does already just wants to act stupid) my DH gets angry with me and says i need to let it go.

The current issues is with SS back talk and attitude. He always has something to say which i know is part of his age but still he needs to know it is not ok. Also his attitude towards me when asked to help out or do something and towards our 5 yo because his i repetative and craves attention directly.

My SS thinks its ok to back talk or talk under his breath when you can't understand what he says but you can hear him say something and then deny deny deny it all. I can't stand it he is 13 yo and needs to quit being a brat in my opinion. My DH things that i need to just let it go and not make a situation worse and by doing that my SS thinks is ok or am i wrong?

I talk to the SK's BM daily and we work together as much as possible and are pretty close without mixes households. She has 2 children with her boyfriend at their house as well and not found out there is one more on the way. I know this can effect how the SKs act but still the only one i have issues with is the 13 yo.

I just need help with knowing if i am wrong or if my gut is right that he needs to be corrected or have his actions brought to his attention when he does them. Its a life lesson i would think.

Thanks for listening. I am new to this sight. I am just trying to help as much as i can.

mannin's picture

You aren't wrong - your DH is. He needs to parent his kid and hold him accountable for his crappy behavior.

27yroldMof2SMof3's picture

Thank you for your feed back. I just wanted to make sure i was not doing something wrong. I am so young and its just i am unsure of myself sometimes.

27yroldMof2SMof3's picture

see and thats what i am afraid of he is a whining kid anyway and is treated as a baby because no one wants to listen to his bullcrap he says. but i have 2 boys of my own i need to raise right along with my SDs too.

bug3211's picture

Your DH needs to grow a pair of balls. Backtalk is not okay, but there is nothing you can do about it without your DH on board. I would disengage. Not your kid not your problem.

Rags's picture

It never works out well when kids are tasked with parenting themselves. That is what parents are for. Your SO needs to find his man parts, step up and start being a father to your Skid. If he does not the Skid's teen years will not turn out well at all.

My applause to you for stepping in when your DH is not man enough to do it for himself.

SParents are equity partners in our marriages/relationships which makes us equity parents to any children in our home regardless of biology.

Your DH needs to start parenting or he needs to STFU and let you parent. If he does not like how you parent and discipline the Skid then he can step up and get it done before you have to.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

ATT's picture

You are not wrong. If you don't nip it in the butt now it will only get worse....I have a SS18 and he's disliked me from the get go because he thinks I've taken his dad away from him....18, time to grow up!!