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should i fight or walk away?

caretomuch's picture

My partner and i split 3 weeks ago, he has said its because i deserve better than him because he cant love anyone.Which i know is not true as I wouldnt have stayed or fallen in love with him if he didnt have any love for me, he just says he only likes and cares for me. but he has begged me to stay friends with him,he texts and rings me often. I have been trying to be friends with him.
Last night whilst i was visiting him his daughter rang from another state and asked who was at his home, he said myself and his son, (his son lives with him). she then asked what was i doing there, he kept replying that i was just visiting and after saying this a couple of times, my ex hung up on his daughter. i asked him if i was causing trouble with his family by being there he said no. His daughter is shortly moving to this state and is going to be living with him, her mother has asked if she could move into his spare room to help their daughter, who is 17yrs old settle in for a few months, which my ex agreed to,(They have been separated for 12yrs so I know that there is nothing between them). I have known the family for 3 yrs and dated him for 6 months, his 19yr old son is upset about our separation and all my exs and my family and friends cant understand why he left me, as up until the day we separated we were both happy and planning a full future together, his family have said they have never seen him so happy with anyone until me.He hid our seperation from most until christmas, when i wasnt with him and he had to explain why not.
but after the phone call from his daughter last night i have realised that my ex and I have been drifting apart since his daughter started coming to stay and is now moving in, I have asked him if she has a problem with me, he said no.
I am best friends with his sister and she has now noticed that it seems to be his daughters doing, that we are separated also. I dont know if i should fight to keep my partner or if i should walk away?

emotionaly beat up's picture

It's not his daughtes doing. It's his. No matter what his daughter, thinks, feels, says or wants, he is a grown man, he is the parent, he is your partner, it's up to him to be a man and a father and put her in her place, not let her call the shots. Walk away. If he is choosing his daughter over you now, it will only get worse. He's trying to have it all here. His daughter and you on the side. Read the adult step children forums. And don't fall into the trap of blaming his daughter. He is making his own choices.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Exactly what the previous poster said, this is HIS doing. He can either man up and tell his daughter she can't control his life, that she needs to concentrate on her own and respect him as her father and his happiness, or move on.

That said, if he'd rather cave to his daughter, you are better out of this relationship. Don't buy into the whole, "Well, she is 17 and will soon be on her own"...even on her own she will try to make your life miserable because she has set it in her mind that she does not like you...for whatever reason (probably BM told her that you broke her and your partner up or something). Let's just say, if I knew 14 years ago what I know now, I probably would have made some different choices, but now I'm sitting here trying to make a marriage work because I feel invested in it, and dealing with the princess and the fact that DH can't seem to grow a set of balls whenever she is around!

caretomuch's picture

just wanted to thank everyone for their comments. I have just returned from the post office where I posted a letter to my ex. it was a five page letter telling him how hurt I am about what he has done to me and that I no longer will be contacting him.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Well done. You deserve far better and you gave just taken the first steps towards making a far better life for yourself.