My stepson, the thief
My stepson is 12, almost 13. I married into a family with ZERO boundaries. We have made some progress.
My SS continues to steal from me. Tools, expensive work gloves, hats, parts to my project car...
What do I do?
Today, i went looking for my shop knife, didnt find it, but found, in his closet, some electrical components to my project car...a bag full of them!
His mother is now aware that he has some boundary issues, but she is overwhelmed by it...So, telling her, while probably necessary, isnt going to solve anything.
I have tried to alleviate this by including him in my projects and activities, but that seems to only give him more ideas of what to steal!
I'm ready to go solo on this and start setting consequences for him (ipod touch restrictions, etc) until it stops, but I doubt it will stop.
No, I cant lock everything up.
Well, you're going to have to
Well, you're going to have to if your wife can't get a handle on her sticky fingers son.
These days, the last people
These days, the last people we need to get involved in our families is the authorities. Call them to your house and you're likely to get shot. We just need to grow the f*ck up and parent our kids.
I know someone whose parents called the cops when he ran away (again). He ended up in a boys' home and came out worse than he went in. Shortly after, he murdered two people and spent the rest of his life in jail (so far).
i love it. the cold hard fact
i love it. the cold hard fact of CAUSE AND EFFECT!!!
that's how REAL LIFE works, might as well start teaching them young that when you do BAD SHIT, then BAD SHIT happens. that lesson eventually will no longer come from parents, it'll come from the legal/penal system... and Bubba.
i'd rather they learned it fast and hard before it gets to that point.
I had a similar situation
I had a similar situation with my SD5. Started to notice little things missing from my bathroom: chapstick, hair clips, tampons (why?!). I told DH about it, he confronted her, but she lied at first and we couldn't find any of the stuff after a thorough search of her room.
Then, BM and DH both started noticing their things going missing, too. It ended when BM found my stuff hidden at her house, SD had smuggled my stuff back there. DH made her return it to me along with an apology and the understanding that it would never happen again.
A couple of days later, she tried to smuggle our floss back home to BM's. This time, DH made SD go through everything in her room to make sure nothing else had been stolen, and she had to throw away one her toys for every thing she had taken.
Haven't had a problem since. In the end, it's the kid's bioparents who are responsible for doling out the appropriate punishment here. His mother needs to step up.
Stealing didn't last long in
Stealing didn't last long in my house. We didn't call the cops bc they handled my SD using kid gloves so we laid down our own laws. Not sure if your wife would get on board with you or not but a thief should face and deal from the person they stole from IMO.
With your items being stolen, make it not worth his time to steal from you. Forget the quality time doing projects, I'm sure your shed/deck needs to be sanded and repainted? And he needs to learn how to do them type of projects anyways. While he is doing community service work for you, you can educate him on what happens to people who steal and let him know where it will get him. Once he finishes his community service to your standards, let him know how great his hard work looks.
When my ss was 12, He stole a
When my ss was 12, He stole a basketball from our store...I told my husband to call the police to 'scare' him, hoping he wouldn't do it again....The ex wife was livid that my Husband got the police involved and insisted we should keep it in the family to deal with...To this day my ss Thanks his Father? for having the courage to turn him in because it really impacted his life...He is now over 35 and has become a lawyer...Once again my dh gets all the thanks, and my ss will never know what I went through to help keep him straight, since my dh takes the credit for his so-called courageous act of wisdom...with that being said...I would do the same thing all over again if I had the chance... We talked with the police officer beforehand and he participated willingly knowing the goal was to shake the young lad up...The message was...no matter who you are, if you are willing to steal from me, then be ready to face the consequences...no report was made and nothing legal transacted...He never stole again...His sisters on the other hand...used to take one earring from every time they came to visit (like I wasn't going to know who did it)...I don't trust them to this day...Unfortunately their mother neglected to teach them honesty or draw any type of healthy boundaries...
If his BM won't step up and
If his BM won't step up and parent then the next time he steals from you call the police. Let them haul him off in cuffs to spend the night in Juvi. When he returns home inform him that if he steals from you ever again he will be hauled off in cuffs again and you will keep sending in until they finally put him in the system.
Maybe then your wife will step up and actually parent.