You have his support, then you have everything. Let this business wth his children go. Do not try to "fix" it. It s not yours to fix. Let your fiancé decide what he wants to do about it, then just support that decision. It's not you, it's not him, it's more than likely they had the inheritence all worked out and now you've put a spanner in the works.

Sometimes it's not even about being afraid the adult children aren't going to perhaps now get all the inheritance. Sometimes adult children are just selfish self-centered sad little people who can't bring themselves to allow their parent to move on and be happy.

Sometimes their just under the delusion that they know what's best for their aging parent. They seem to think all Dad needs to ride out his life is them and the grandchildren and he'll be happy happy happy. No, he has no need for true adult companionship or a life that isn't all about them 24/7, surely all this woman wants is to steal their Daddy away from them, take advantage of him. Oh, and how dare she think Daddy wants to play grandpa to her young grandkids. Blah blah blah ad nauseam.

Emotionally Beat Up above is correct. It's not you. And no, it's not your gentleman friend either. This is strictly the adults children's problem and they are self causing it. You, yourself, can't 'fix it'. Your gentleman is finding he can't 'fix it' either. What the adult children are requesting is that Dad live out his remaining life alone, lonely, and focused only on the crumbs the children throw his way. If the gentleman actually caves to that and cuts you free, the kids will just do it all over again if he dares to try and find yet someone else again. Because it's not 'you'. You aren't the problem. And your gentleman is beginning to see that. He admitted to you that if they 'win' on this that he will be incapable of things even still being 'fixed' with the kids. He's correct. He will despise this new realization about his children and things will not just go back to same ol' same ol'.

Yes, my mother was in a relationship for 22yrs with a gentleman who had a daughter who never accepted the fact her father was moving on in life.

Brasso~ I can give you two perspectives on this !

One is where I can completely agree with you on everything you have said n I feel n continue to feel as you do. My fiancé has one children n that child hates me as the day is long. My fear is that he will be manipulated by " his one and only" n given the dreaded ultimatum. I love this man ~ he was an old bf I dated over 25 years ago ~ my husband died 5 years ago n we found our way back to each other which to be is fantastic.

I also am a step daughter ~ my incredibly strong n amazing mother fought dreaded cancer for 2 long agonizing years ~ she passed away 2 months after I was married. I know people grieve differently so I will not judge people on how/when they date after a loss.
I was Daddy's little girl ~ so you could imagine how guarded I was. I also lived 200 miles away from my father. My brother was very close to my mother. While the 2 years my mom had cancer ~ my brother was checking on my mother daily. As my father had a 1 hour drive to work everyday ~ he carried the health insurance. My brother was the best~ a boy n his mother not a closer relationship.

When my father started dating it was strange to say the least. I was hesitant but I gave her respect my brother ~ had loyalty to my mother. It was more difficult for him ~ after all he was still grieving.

They married ~ they lived in the house where we grew up. It was weird when I came home for visits ~ an uncomfortable ease about the house. My fathers wife was so good to him. Every time I came home I would her from her ~ how my father hasn't put her on the deed of the house ~ finally I had had enough ~ I had lost my mother n you are so worried about your name being on the deed. She was worried when my father passed where would she go ~ do you think I really wanted to talk about my fathers demise. I was pissed ~ I didn't want anything but to enjoy my father ~ live in the present. Life began to be very precious to me. But she wouldn't leave it alone even after I spoke me peace. SHE was obviously after my fathers money !!!

5 years ago ~ 6 months to the day after my hubby died. My hero died ~ my life feel apart. My father was so terrified for me ~ how was my daughter going to raise 4 kids on her own. I know the stresses of my life ~ became consuming to him. Because she busted my fathers balls on the daily ~ to find out. She was out on the deed to home ~ my mother n father as a family shared. There is nothing for us children at all. When they were married my father purchased a condo as well at a shore point. My father did tell us ~ my brother n I ~ that our children will have something. I questioned her about needing money for a car ~ I know if my father was here he would help. The comment from the 66 year old woman was ~ there is nothing. She is such a liar ~ she had told me b4 that there was $ n she decided what the %were. I believe she is living off the interest.
She lives in a 5 bedroom home ~ crazy huh ??

I know how you are feeling ~ it sucks. But my take on it all was ~ I didn't want my father to live the remainder of his life alone n lonely. You are not their mother ~ all you want to do is share you life with him. It's sad when it comes from this perspective. That those kids would be so selfish with his wishes. I am sure your husband went through times when he didn't like who his kids were dating but I am sure he didn't act like they are now. Life is too damn precious to worry about material things ~ love is wonderful. Love your hubby the best way you know how too. Don't let him worry about them ~ shower him with everything. I hate to say this to you cause it hurts ~ but his kids don't matter. Your kids are extension of him ~ but I suspect he isn't to proud of their behavior.

My opinion on adult SC has changed with time. It has been nearly 17 years of dealing with DH's 4 girls that were adults when I met him.

We are never going to have the " Happy Brady Bunch " family situation going on in our life together.

Any wife or girlfriend that DH has or has had in the past is only acceptable or as tolerable as the amount or degree to which she is willing to contribute to their lives. As long as DH's companion [ in our case that is all They consider me to be] continues to entertain the grandkids, allow money to be passed out, and provide gifts, "that woman" is tolerable.-----Stop contributing and there is a rebellion.

Most of what you personally do for the SC will be credited to "My Daddy did" They seldom see that it was the wife that cooked the meal, pulled the money out of her account, took care of their grandchildren, bought the gifts, or worked extra hours to pay the bills that would have gone unpaid due to getting "Daddy" aside to loan them money. [ loans = gifts ]

As far as what children should inherit, I think much depends on the situation such as what accumulation each had before the marriage. Even more so, what had actually been paid for in full and saved in full.

It is easy for SC to know that dad had a house, and he had a retirement fund. They may know he has life insurance. They may consider dad as loaded because he was always their source of money and help. After all compared to their low paying jobs [if they even have a job] it appears he has so much more then they do.
It makes sense to them that dad had all these things and since he had them before that woman came into his life, then they should be entitled.

What they may not be aware of is that "that woman" worked and used much if not all her funds during the marriage to pay the mortgage on the house. "Daddy" had no savings, The retirement fund---well dad did not tell them about the loans he took out of it while he was single, Those loans were paid back after he was married. The life insurance---it was only as good as the last monthly payment.

The lifestyle affordable for their father and the wife is one based on their household income and the debts they deal with. SC are not paying for the loans, insurance, medical bills, cost of every day living. In my case, DH had been divorced from their mother over 20 years when we married. They had nothing to do with the present life.

So, as I said I feel it has to do with the situation. I expect the home I paid for to be mine. We have spent years of living life on the budget we have, and making sacrifices to pay our expenses. I would be irate with the thought that grown, middle aged women , in their prime working years should walk off with my hard earned efforts.

It is a hard pill to swallow, knowing that much of the lifestyle I could have had is gone due to helping out in the early years. My responsibility for not putting a stop to it sooner.

My best advice---Don't start or volunteer for anything you do not want to be expected to continue doing. Because it will become expected. When any attempts are made to stop----- the rebellion starts.

I have 3 stepchildren who hate me. We are married for 6 years and its just getting worse. I have 2 children and one granddaughter. The saddest part are the lies that have spread internantionally. They have one granddaughter which they keep from their father as a ransom note. He cries about it every day. In the interim the youngest 24 year old son is threatening suicide as he doesnt see his fathter. THey want to only include their father an dnot me. This is a rule he put in place before our marriage that where one goes the other goes. Ofcourse this just pertains to me as I have since found out. I have landed up in hospital with depression witht he absolute mean lies they have spread and the plot twists keep coming.. This weekend he went to see his granddaughter and daughters at his late wifes sisters hous(THE TARANTULA) who moved into his house for a year-when his late wife died-with the Granny and kids who were over 21 at the time God alone knows what happened there)so a big happy family tea was held and I was not invited.When I asked him why (I found all the happy teaparty pics on his phone) his exact words were-would you come?lol WHY MUST I GO TO A WOMANS HOUSE WHOSE HUSBAND HAS LEFT HER and movedin with him for a year-A THREESOME EXPECTAION? I think not

I am so tired of all this nonsense and in the meantime I am studing 2nd Year Advocate and have nowhere ot go

He convinced me to leave my job-end my provident fund and I am completely at his mercy financially

Im not sure what to do

I married a man with 3 children and 1 controlling TARANTULA of a sister to his late wife. She is his "financial advisor" but drives an old beat up car and has a bonded home.ie HE IS HER SUPPORT. she has not stopped interferring and his kids have never accepted me. WHen they lived with us they created such drama that they were told to either apologiese to me or leave. THey left and told everyone I kicked them out......My Advice to u is YEs he defends you now.........but eventually they will find his Achilles heel and use it until they convince him its all your fault.............Any woman who gets married again to a man with children who dont accept her-should RUN as fast as she can

I have 3 grown steps and one is a real witch.  I would NEVER marry again if a man has grown kids or kids.  I have dealt with this for more than 25 years!  I've started to put them in their place - I don't let them walk all over me.  Today one accused me of ruining her vacation (drive home).  We were having a discussion about how she refuses to help us move (we are in the process of moving out of state).  The way she talked to me!! She would never speak to her dad like that.  So I shoveled it right back to her.  I have zero respect for her.  I've NEVER been accepted by any of them.  I'm looked at as an outsider.  I've come to terms with that but it's hard.