phoenixfire's picture

stepson who i am growing to dislike

I know to some it may come across as mean or heartless or cruel but here goes.......I have a 15 yr old ss who i am beginning to dislike immensely! We moved into my inlaws place and have taken over due to them getting on in age, ever since then we have had issues come up with the 15 yr old. he has become argumentative, mouthy, lazy, lying, expecting you to pay or give him something in return for him to do chores,doesnt want to take responsibility for anything he does wrong. blames everyone else for everything, example: doesnt do his homework, the teacher lost it or didnt mark it down in her grade book, gets detention for fighting...the other kid lied and started the fight just to get him into trouble etc etc. he even went to school and told them how we make him work all the time and never give him time to do his homework. that we give him to many chores...he had the school believing it to the point they actually had the state involved! his own mother is a whack job, she takes him only when she feels like it and has called the cops on him and had him arrested before. he has been in counseling in the past. the counselor even said that he needs to learn to accept responsibility for his actions and to have daily chores to help him learn that. i have bent over backwards for that kid and all he does is treat me like dirt. i refuse to spend alot of money on clothes and shoes just because of a name that is on them so they are not good enough. i have gone to all the school meetings when neither mom or dad went, helped with homework, stayed home with him when he was sick, bought him what he needed. i just feel like i am taken for granted all the way around, not just by the 15 yr old but by both parents too. i am at the point where i know i wont do for my ss anymore like i was. i have a seizure disorder where stress isnt good for me either.it doesnt help when dad doesnt support me in alot either...he sees how he is with me but still acts like i am the bad guy in this. i have two kids of my own, one is 18 and in college and the other is 16 and lives with me. the 16 yr is my daughter and my ss goes out of the way to pick a fight with her daily or insult her constantly. when my ss goes to his mothers hubby is in a good mood and there is no tension and no fighting or arguing going on in the house. things get done, and its how it should be, but the minute that kid walks back in everything goes in the shitter. i guess i am just venting, no other place to really do it where anyone else would understand how i feel or what i am dealing with.


memphismama's picture

Hey phoenixfire, I understnad

Hey phoenixfire, I understnad completely and that is what brought me here tonight. At wit's end and wishing I could be an alcoholic! And the only suggestions I have gotten from paid counselors is "just talk with your husband about it and tell him how you feel!" like I haven't thought of THAT in the last eight years! Hard to get through a brick wall and especially when you know that trying is only going to add to the drama and stress. And I come from a family that believes in raising the children to be well-mannered, self-sufficient good citizens so wasting a perfectly good kid really gets on my nerves! Glad my girls aren't at home anymore and having to live around this. And I don't understand how these dad's can't see the remarkable difference in the household w/an entitled child and w/o them. Night and day is how it looks and feels to me. I will put you in my prayers, and those are going around the clock because my entitled ss will be returning in January. I've decided for my sanity I will be giving my notice on the maid/babysitter position they like for me to hold and find something else to do with my days and nights. Hope you will remember me if you come up with any breakthrough strategies and I will do the same!

stepford mom's picture

Ah, the entitled child, or

Ah, the entitled child, or children in my case -- teenaged boys who are 15 and 18. Neither has really had a job and their father, my husband, jumps to accommodate everything and anything they want. For instance, on a Friday night if he and I have plans, he thinks nothing of dropping everything if his son calls or texts asking for a ride somewhere when the kid is at the BM's house! I feel like screaming that these kids need rules and boundaries and no one understands that the rest of the world isn't going to enjoy these spoiled kids who don't lift a finger and don't take the other person into consideration.

The entitled child has no boundaries and no feelings or understanding that the other people don't owe them everything.

I had an incident in my own home, which I own and pay most of the expenses not their father, when the kid was just taking stuff to take to the BM's house from my cupboard that I had purchased for my own son. It was expensive GNC crap. And I have watched him help himself to other things that I have purposely left out in my car that I have paid for and intend to give to my daughter to take to college, etc. So I finally spoke up and told him that he should ask before he just takes. The kid had the nerve to lie to me and tell me he had bought it. Shocked And I countered that he hadn't that I had purchased it for my son. Then finally after several minutes of this, his father told him to put it back and to buy his own. then the kid went to go sulk in the car. BUT my husband then told me that I was rude to his kid. Isn't taking things that aren't his RUDE and then lying to the adult RUDE?

Now the kid doesn't want to come back to my house. I'm just as happy to not have him here, but it hurts his father. But I'm fed up with his sense of entitlement and having no respect for adults. He flunked last year in school and now is probably not going to college and all I can think is that no way is he spending another year living off of me in my house. The situation is further complicated because his dad is having financial trouble. He pays support to the kids' mother but he wants them here but then it becomes my financial burden, my extra housework, and my emotional stress. I have no authority over them in my own house. They decide when they come here and drop in whenever it strikes them. I have told my husband that I need to know in advance so they don't have unfettered 24 hour access to my home because it affects me too.

These kids have way too much power and they shouldn't be making the decisions for the adults. I refuse to let them run my life and not follow any rules in my house.

I seriously am considering living apart from all of them for the next few years so I don't have to deal with this kid. I am horrified because I don't feel like I have any say over anything and it's my house and my money and they aren't my kids. Why do the kids get to decide when and for how long they stay with me? I already had both of them nonstop all last summer and every vacation and weekend and then all school year for the oldest. There is nothing like the sense of resentment that builds up.

And the horrible, sad truth is that I love my husband but I don't want to be disrespected in my own house and I don't want his kids making decisions that affect me. It really is a special kind of hell, being a stepmother. Sad