Jan's picture

Our new life and the EX wife

First I want to thank anyone and everyone who reads this. This is the most difficult situation I my self have ever had to deal with. But here goes! I met a man 19 months ago, he was going through a nasty divorce at the time. He has 3 children and I have 3 children, all of which their ages are mine being 17, 12, and 5. His being 10, 7 and 5. We have been together through the entire process of his divorce and let me tell you its been one hell of a roller coater ride, because of the EX and all her immature Bullsh**. We decided to move in with each other this past august of 2005. His divorce was final in november of 2005. He has joint custody of his children and has them every other week, so we see them alot, which is a good thing. His children are very comfortable with my children, and they just adore me to pieces, well lets just say when their mother isnt around. This is where all the bad stuff comes in. I do not like her and she does not care for me either, she basically poisons the kids minds about me and my children, to the point where they feel uncomfortable even talking to me when she is around such as at school functions, or sports games etc...She sends nasty emails to my BF telling him that he isnt taking care of the children the way he should be, when he does every thing for his kids, he provides for them medically, sports,tutoring, clothing, shoes you name it, he does it, AND he pays her full amount of child support and she doesnt even have them 2 weeks out of the month, plus she DOESN"T work. Recently I made a comment in a public place about how their one child always has bruises and such whenever I see him, well a parent that knows his mother went back and told her what I said, so her BF tells me that he would appreciate it if I dont bad mouth the kids mom,(this was a horrible conversation) this really irritated me since I am always having to deal with false accusations from this woman about my children along with jealousy etc....I feel so bad for the children, and I really love the kids like they were my own, they are very close to me as well, like I said though when she isnt witnessing it, what do I do about her behavior and what she tells the children about me, its bothering me alot and its causing issues with my relationship, I feel like leaving my BF just to get away from all this stupid nonsense sh**, but I know thats what she wants, she doesnt want him, she just wants him to be miserable and alone, but if I stay I feel like I have 13 years to go before it gets better. it has gotten to the point after her rude emails about me and my children etc.. that i have tld her to never speak to me again, and she even told the children that, she said dads GF doesnt like me, so now they ask me why I am mean to their mom. I am so torn and stuck its horrible, and sad, for everyone, all because of one immature parent, well if thats what you want to call her. And for the record, I was NOT the reason of their divorce, she left him for someone else. Please help with any advice, if I need to elaborate a little more for better undersdtanding, I can do that too. Thanks everyone!!!! Smiling


Daby Girl's picture

Wow!

I've been in a relationship with a man for about a year and the last several months we have really gotten close. The problem is his ex is my neighbor. This man and I NEVER had ANY contact before he was divorced (which has been over three years), he was friends with my adult son and I never paid much attention to him because I knew he was married and he was my neighbor and at the time I had a man. Make a long story short about a year ago he came to my garage (I was outside working) and approached me. We went back and forth for many months before I finally gave in. He has a 15 year old (adopted) son with her. I was starting to feel he was still so in love with her but after reading these comments I realize it's just a control thing, habit etc. BUT I recently broke it off with him because I'm tired of seeing him coming to the ex's house and staying for hours etc. I'm glad I broke it off because I can't imagine spending the rest of my life dealing with the type of stuff you people are writing about, glad I stumbled upon this site.....whew! I love him so very much but I know it's just not worth it.........

Liz's picture

unfortunately this one goes a step further

Hi everyone. I cannot honestly say that I am happy I am not alone...as I wish that no other woman should have to deal with what I have!

My story is long and bizarre so I hope you can bear with me. I met my boyfriend almost three years ago and within a month of dating I received an email sent by his ex posing as him. She broke into his email account and sent me a message saying that he no longer wished to see me anymore. We immediately realized it was her and he changed his password. She then opened another email account in his name and sent another "break up" email to me. I of course began to wonder what the hell I was getting myself into. The story is that my boyfriend has a child with this woman who also has two other children by a different man who she never divorced. She had been very violent and abusive to my BF and all of her children during their relationship. When my BF tried to end it for the last time (long before we met of course), he told her he was leaving and she lost it. she attacked him in front of the three kids. He then called the police who came to the scene and arrested him instead of her. I have been told by many lawyers and police officers that this is a common occurrence in domestic disputes. they arrest the man even though he was the one who called. He was charged with assault as she dreamed up some elaborate story about him choking her and beating her. When it came time for trial, his lawyer told him that it would be his word against hers and if he did not have $10,000 to pay his lawyer to fight it he should just take the plea bargain. Very bad advice in my opinion. The plea bargain was he plead guilty and did 4 consecutive weekends in jail. He took it on the advice of his lawyer and his family. It haunts him to this day that plead guilty to something he did not do. he is very bitter about this. This of course is not the end of the story...not even close. This woman is a diagnosed manic depressive, bi-polar and so on... She was on the highest allowable dosage of zoloft when they were together and it was not enough. we do not believe she is taking any medication now. She has had at least 10 people that we know of call the children's aid society on her for abusing her children. she used to have locks on the outside of her children's room so she could lock them up and as a means of discipline she would sit on her children's chests and pour tobasco sauce down their throats. she is also a compulsive liar who has an addiction to phoning the police on a regular basis. Here is a brief breakdown of our experiences
1)BF has seen his five year old son six times in 2005, seven times in 2006, and seven times in 2007. She either slammed the door in his face or isnt even home during his every-other-week-end scheduled visits.
2)BF has a tape recorder going during every single pick up and drop off to protect himself and always has witnesses with him as she has tried several times to have him charged with anything she can think of. She actually had her white trash friend sign an affidavit that my BF attacked her on pickup eventhough his mom and I were witnesses and it is was all caught on tape. it has now gotten to the point that my BF's father picks up and drops off the son now as it is unsafe for my BF to go near her.
3)She has called the police on numerous occasions and claimed that his mother and I are harrassing her eventhough I have never even had a conversation with her. She scares the hell out of me.
4)During a weekend visit we were celebrating my birthday and his father's birthday with our family and friends, she phoned the police and told them her son was in danger. two officers showed up in swat uniforms and insisted they see the child. His son was swimming in the hot tub with his cousins. The police looked embarrassed and apologized. fun end to a party!
5)She has sent me several emails claiming that they are getting back together and he "wants to make more babies" with her...and that he has herpes and all kinds of ridiculous things.
6)a month ago when his mother and i were trying to serve her with court papers she got in her car and tried to hit me. when i jumped out of the way, she proceeded to drive into the front of his mother's car. She then started screaming that she was going to charge her with assault.....doesn't sound very stable does she? the police once again would not do anything for us.
7)She has admitted in court papers and to the police that she has followed us, had us followed, driven past our house, has broken into his bank account for a year and a half to find out where he was spending money (she used to send emails asking if i liked the gift that my BF bought me from such and such), that she has lied to the police to try and have him charged and she has gone as far enough as to accuse him of sexual molestation.
8)We have just proven that she has altered almost all daycare, prescription and dental receipts in the last three years that my BF has had to pay for. The last one was a prescription receipt for $14!! who lies in court papers for $14!!!! We are in the process of having criminal charges brought against her for this and for the constant harassment. with the lack of help we have received from the police...who knows what will happen.
There are too many horrible things to tell! the worst part is as she tries to drive us crazy in the hopes that i will leave him and he will be alone and miserable...it is her children that are suffering. We feel no one is out there to help us. If it was the other way around and it was the man doing these things he would have been thrown in jail! This woman is so insane that she can barely get through one day without trying to torture us in some way. they have been apart for four years now and i truly believe she will never move on. her sole mission in life is to get rid of me and not only make sure my BF is miserable and alone but that he is in jail! We have recently became partners in real estate sales and she is constantly calling our brokerage!!! She will not stop. We have gone to the police time and time again to no avail. on one occasion my BF was actually told - quote-"suck it up and be a man" by an officer. I am getting upset just writing about any of this. has anyone had esperiences as bizarre as i have? any advice? yes i obviously love my BF or else i would have been gone in the first month but there has been so many times where the stress has almost caused me to end the relationship but then i realize that if i do that i am giving her exactly what she wants! the police do nothing, lawyers do nothing, judges do nothing. i have become so bitter towards woman that i almost never believe any "poor woman and the bad bad man" stories. yes i know she will "never go away", i just want to know if anyone's situation has gotten as far beyond the realm of normal as ours had and if you have any advice on how to "turn the other cheek" and ignore the craziness!!! i appreciate any comments.
ps. if i was to type out one third of the things she has done the entire website may crash! ha ha!

Exwifes Need 2 Get A Life's picture

Mental Illness?

Hi,

I feel your pain. I am the midst of some crazy stuff with my boyfriend's ex. It sounds like there may be some mental illness on her part. Is possible she's bipolar or had borderline personality disorder? The borderline's do this thing called a "distortion campaign." Google that and be enlightened. There's a book that explains the illness and lots of sites about it. The good news is you're informed. The bad news is that it's a long, scary, sick and twisted road.

All I can say is document document document. It's best to keep a record in ink on a calendar. You can also save the details on a word document and when you save it, save a "version" so you have it dated. Having both may help you.

Love your man and support him and try to put your relationship first. The more she rocks your boat, the more she wins. We don't want those crazy people to make us crazy and sad now do we? NO!!

Angie's picture

update

I had posted over a year ago about my ss and his crazy mom. She now has another live in boyfriend and ss is failing school. His half sister is pregnant and is only 19. SS is very disrespectful of all authority and I see only drugs and jail on his horizon if nothing changes. His mom calls all his teachers "stupid" and says they are out to get him. She lies to them about his homework and his abcenses. Sometimes I get scared that when he is really out of control that is when she will throw him out and he will come live with us. He is begging us for a truck and gets mad when his dad says no. She is a menance to her own child and it is heartbreaking to see him go downhill in school. She continues to lie about his dad to him and he continues to choose to believe the lies no matter what else is presented to him. I really do hate her though I am ashamed to say it as it brings me to her level, immature and vindictive. Most recently she took him out of state during my husband's visitation weekend without his permission.

Anonymous2008's picture

ex with a partner

I need advice. When should a parent be concerned when an ex is seeing another man? The kids are going out of state to see their Mom.She is living with another man. Should the Father be able to find out more info. on this person since the kids are spending time with him also?

Anonymous75240's picture

I stumbled upon this place

I stumbled upon this place looking for creative ways to help deal with my bf's psycho ex, but all of these stories depressed the crap out of me. I don't know how people survive blended families at all at this rate. I was a SD since I was 7 and it was all good until I was 10 when my younger brother showed up. My stepdad then treated me like I didn't exist and my mother tolerated it for years. I still harbor quiet resentment about that. My bf on the other hand endured his parents divorce at age 11 and was forced to play intermediary between them... always spying on and having to answer questions for each of his parents after they divorced.

In adulthood he had a shotgun wedding and stayed in his marriage long after its expiry date because he didn't want his kids to have to relive his experience. Well, when she left, she made the choice for him, and it took him months to finally divorce her (it ironically happened the day after our 3rd date). Now he's were he never wanted to be, having to see his 11/yo son torn apart by the urge to pick sides. She makes him feel guilty for having fun with me and my kids and of course bad mouths his dad to him.

Because she'd left him for someone else, I was [wrongly] under the impression that her time would be occupied enough to not pester him. But she even made a mess of that relationship so she has nothing left to do but cause discord in our lives.

She is the only dark spot in this situation though. My bf is the best thing to happen in my romantic life... EVER. I love his children (and I understand that there will definitely be some growing pains as his son sees that I am not going anywhere--hell, my bf has to endure the same thing from my daughter. She runs hot and cold with him, it's such a crapshoot), and he has an amazing family (who can't stand the ex so I won't see her at any family functions of theirs).

Janine's picture

Ditto

Wow, I have read very few posts here that I cannot relate to. I just don't get it. Why do these crazy women, who cheated on their husbands think they have such a right to keep making things hard for these men. My husband's crazy ex cheated on him for the last five years of their marriage, eventually left him for the boyfriend and then moved 200 miles away and took the kids with her. And on top of that slapped him in the face with an enormous child support payment. What's fair about all of that? Not only did he lose his marriage and children, but also has to give her spending money because it's more than obvious that the money is not being spent on the kid.

Going back in history a little........for the first year after she left town, the boy lived with us and she asked that my husband did not make her pay him child support and like a dummy he agreed. Then, when her spousal support ran out she started calling the boy several and I mean several times a day trying to get him to move up there with her so that she could collect support. Finally he moved up there and she slapped him with $739 a month support......and this was after a year of him living with us and her not paying any child support.....why does she think that's fair? I can see paying for maybe half of the actual expenses that really do go for him, but there's no way that he costs her $739 a month. You know it's just spending money for her and it's not right.

tc's picture

i going true a lot this year

i going true a lot this year got divorce i no what to be she did and my mother law pay for divorce now i berry in love whit my ex we got 2 kids never cheat on her respect and i still o lone i cry evry day for over 1 yr i no what to loose my family i love to be together for ever is away some one help on this please i love my kids so much i no what the grow up whit mom and dad liven together i what to be able to said i love you to all them at nite before going to sleep and weak up to

Nicole's picture

ex wives

Thank god I'm not the only one going through this! I was starting to think I am a selfish, unfeeling crazy person.
Thanks guys!

For the kids's picture

My Boyfriend's EX mentally abuses their son!!!!!

My boyfriend's Ex is the Wicked Witch Of The West times a million. She hates my boyfriend SO much that she constantly tries to twist and manipulate his 8 year old son to the point where I want to scream! I am a mother of 2 boys (10 and 12). My kids met my boyfriend and his son BEFORE he was my boyfriend. We were both separated and we had dated a little but stopped, and we made a plan to meet at a museum with the kids on a sunday morning. The kids hit it off immediately and brought us much closer together. We have been together steadily for the past 2 years. All three boys LOVE each other, and call each other step brother even though we aren't married(they do this completely ON THEIR OWN). This obviously infuriates my boyfriend's EX, when it really should in some way make her happy that her ONLY child now has other boys that he feels that close to. OK I'm dreaming!
Anyway, she is awful, she refuses to communicate via email or any other way with my boyfriend, unless SHE wants/needs something. He lost his business of 25 years due to the economy and she thinks he shut it down on purpose NOT to pay her. My ex pays me alimony and child support, and I have a family who helps me a lot, and I usually work. I haven't worked since June because I bought a house near where my boyfriend works and moved my kids. So now we have a home for the 5 of us,so when my boyfriend has his son, which is every other weekend and wednesday nights we are all together.
My biggest concern/problem with her,is what she is doing to her son. She is an insecure mom who has greatly difficult making ANY decisions for him without the guidance of some kind of doctor or the school, etc. When he is with us, b/c of my two older boys, we have the same expectations for all three of them, and they all thrive. Whether its clearing their plates from the table, or not bringing food upstairs or whatever the boundary is, my boyfriend's son, is always so PROUD to show me that he has done whatever was expected. In our home the kids have boundaries and responsibilities and they are not allowed to walk all over us and manipulate us. I find that she doesn't discipline him in any way, but rather treats him like he is her boyfriend or her best friend! I know that sounds nuts but that is the way it seems. If he wakes up in the night we put him back in his bed and tell him to go to sleep, she treats him like a baby and thinks he has "anxiety" and that's why he doesn't sleep!
She constantly contradicts ANYTHING we tell him, and she even makes things up. We are supposed to go on a family vacation with my family to Aspen for a week (all expenses paid by my family). He has been looking forward to it for MONTHS. All of a sudden because of the poison that she constantly puts in his head, he tells my boyfriend he might not want to go, that he might miss his friends or miss going down the shore (all crap put in his head by his mother b/c of her cerifiable insanity...by the way, she is one medication and sees a therapist four days a week, so I'm not making up her diagnosable condition). The next morning while I am giving him breakfast and getting him ready for camp. He tells me that he is SO excited to go to Aspen and that he can't wait to go panning for gold! This contradiction,strictly comes from his mother making him feel badly about ANYTHING that he does with us.
I understand hating your ex for whatever dillusional reason she might have, but manipulating and punishing YOUR OWN innocent child makes me crazy mad. She love him CONDITIONALLY, and only if it suits her boundaries. My boyfriend has to drop him off at the CVS on the corner rather than bring him home b/c his Mom "has her boundaries and won't allow my boyfriend to drop him at the house". My boyfriend's son CONSTANTLY says "the CVS again?" HE HATES BEING DROPPED OFF THERE.....I am frustrated and can't sit by and watch this lunatic continue to hurt her child, bad enough abuse my boyfriend and I because she thinks he has plenty of money and is just hiding it or not giving it to her. We have NOTHING and are struggling every day, but our three boys are everything to us.
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME DEAL WITH THIS..........PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

Trini34's picture

My hubby ex wife is a B*%&#@

Well I am from Trinidad and you guys wont believe the shit I have to put up with from her. My hubby has been divorced 3 months now and we dont live together but he has a 7 year old with her and that woman dont know her place. She keeps spreading talk on facebook that he still sleeps with her and that she is his one true love and that is something I will never have. Honestly sometimes I just wish she would just disappear and not come back. She neglects her child most times who lives with my hubby. Its just frustrating that everyone who on facebook keeps pushing negative thoughts in my head that I should not be with him and I hurt alot because I love him very much and I am pregnant with our first baby. She looks for all the sites I am on and just send nasty words to me. I really hate her but God says not to hate but what do I do my hubby says he has nothing to do with her except when he drops off and picks up the kid plus he with me most days and he works alot. What do I sometimes I want to leave him but then I remember how much I love him and how much he insists that I am now his one true love and nothing else matters but me and our baby. Trust is very hard please help me

Hadasi's picture

I quit....

Can't believe so many people have the same problem...Its very sad.
I am with someone for two years. When I met him he said he was legally separated and wasn't in a hurry to get a divorce cause it costs money he didn't have. Basically his wife just told him to leave after 7 years, and had her BF move in. My guy went to live with his mom. He told me he loved her very much when he left, but has no such feelings for her now. She calls him whenever she likes, IM's him and sends him emails. She has 5 kids ( who have kids too now...crazy family) They all live with her. They been going through the divorce lately and she was making everything to make it longer since she heard he was with me. So the divorce will be final in about 5 weeks. But I am not allowed to be seen heard or talked about because he says she will make problems like suing him for adultry. He wants to marry me after he has his divorce, I am pregnant with his baby, all planned.
Last night she called him, because she heard a song he wrote on myspace ( which i designed for him with lots of love..and I have no idea how her kids found him on myspace cause its almost impossible unless you look for specific words...still a mystery to me but he wont ask them how they did), asked him if she wrote it for somebody ( after that he told me is she asked if he wrote it for me). He said he wrote it for anybody who liked to listen to it. After 5 minutes I see that he added her to his friends list on myspace!!! I was really upset..asked him why did he do that. He said to mind my own business and not to tell him who to talk to or who to be friends with.
Said he did it cause he has nothing against her ( the woman is trying to get his 401k..as the last thing she can take..she already took everything else..he lives with his mom for 3 years and doesnt work). And if he wants to be friends i need to deal with my jealousy (( he also used words like fk u and shut the fk up and he knows I never curse cause I m religious. Last sentence was "Next time before you open your fkn mouth think).
I left, I dont care anymore...For two years she been calling him IM'ing him I didnt say a word to him. For two years all I heard was how bad she treated him and cheated on him and called him names. I never called him names, always gave him money, just wanted him to be happy.
And now he wants to be friends with her. I lol at my self and very sad to have this baby alone, but I can do it. Forgot to mention she told him she loved him and that she wanted to get back together and forget about the divorce. And now I m selfish and think all about my self, what he told me.
I say have a nice life with her. I am out. I quit.
Thank you for listening and reading.
(( sorry if i misspelled stuff I am from Israel and my guy is from US...))

Juliet's picture

My husbands ex-wife ruined my marriage

Does anyone know of any cases where a wife has sued an ex-wife for the break-up their marriage?

P&Q's picture

Ex Wife

I was married for around 15years. My ex and I had many problems for years prior to me filing for the divorce. The night that I told her that it just wasn't going to work she totally flipped out and started yelling and screaming in front of our kids and her parents how she couldn't believe that their Dad would tear this family apart. My kids were 17 and 15 at the time. There is not enough room on this page for me to get into all of the details about eveything. I just want to know if anyone can give me some advice on how to make this woman leave me alone? We have been divorced for two years and she seems to call me about once a month to leave a voice mail about how much of an ass hole I am or what ever. My son has moved out on his own since the divorce and is doing great...... My daughter chose to live with me so that should tell everyone something about my EX..... I have totally moved on with my life trying to forget about all of the B.S. that I put up with for so many years. I have re-connected with my H.S sweetheart and now all I need is for this ex wife to leave me alone!!!!!! Can I call the cops to see if they can talk to her?? The best thing is that as soon as we divorced she moved to another state and since I have re-located to another state which put a nice little barrier between us but, sheeeesh....... how the hell do you get someone that is crazy to leave you alone?? I have tried to rationalize with her, I have tried to totally ignore her, I even took myself down to her level and called her every dirty name that I could think of....... Is this ever going to stop?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated......

new wife's picture

Crazy ex-wife

Wow, I had no idea that so many people were experiencing the same problems. My husband is the kindest, gentlest man and is an awesome father. His kids adored him. Now with ex-wife's distortion campaign, the two older children refuse to talk to him and the two younger children have become progressively more withdrawn everytime they visit. Their mom has lied to them and everyone surrounding us. She has even put those lies in court documents. It's amazing, we can show that she is lying, but the court really doesn't care. I feel bad for my husband's children. Their mom is so unstable. She moves them around, lies, gets in and out of relationships, and harasses my husband. He puts up with it so he can see his children, but it is so sad to see his children pull away from him. In the three years we have been married our relationship with his children gotten much worse. His two younger children act as if my daughter and I don't exist. They never say my name and when my husband forces them to talk to me, they give me sneering looks. They used to talk to me and my daughter just fine. She calls the cops when they come to visit, for no reason, she has tried to break into our house and beat me up and take the kids back, she has beaten herself bloody to try to keep him from seeing me (after they had been divorced for 5 months), the list goes on and on. She truly scares me as she seems to have no control when she becomes angry. I have been told that when the children are grown they will be able to see what their mother has done. It is hard to believe, but for my husband and his children's sake, I hope it is true. I love my husband, but it is a hard life. He is so totally worth it though. Smiling

Annie C's picture

I agree with the other SM's,

I agree with the other SM's, Tiffani. The ex-wife is in his life to stay and no amount of persuasion from you is going to change that. In fact, it's a lot like dating a married man; he will say whatever you want to keep you in his life -- but will not make any changes that would threaten the status quo. Find a man without all the baggage. You'll be happier in the long run.

Kate31's picture

My husbands EX is crazy.

I feel a bit better after reading some of these bulletins. I have been married now for 2 yrs to my husband he has a son who is 14, and 2 daughters 8 and 12. The 14 yr old plays his father like crazy. When he is being disciplined at our house he runs to his mothers. It really sucks because his bio-mom dosent back us up and is only hurting him if she knows it or not. She also calls up all the time changing the schedule and it is very frustrating. I just don't understand the whole court order if you aren't going to follow it what is the point in having it. The girls are very receptive to me and we get along very well. I have a feeling though the same thing will happen with the girls when they get older. It just drives me crazy when my husband grounds his son and he runs to his moms so he can do what he want's. It wouldn't be so bad if she called in advance to switch days, but of course she dosen't because that is what a normal person would do. I think she is bipolar and I really feel bad for these kids, because this women is never going to stop fighting inorder to try and get custody of her kids back. I have a feeling that is why she tries to play hero when it comes to her son, because if she can get him to want to live with her then she thinks she will win the girls back to. She is crazy though because they changed a supreme court order to give us custody so she would need some real good stuff to get them to reverse it.

Janet Lynn's picture

How Could I be Jealous???....But!......

My bf was married for 29 yrs to a nagging controlling woman whom he finally divorced 5 years ago, she weighs 240 lbs is remarried and is still tryimg to manipulate him from afar, calls him e/o day, their kids are all in their 30 s and are all on their own...when i ask him why she calls so much, he says they must discuss the kids.....when they were married, he told me it was easier to give in than to try to win a fight with her...he usually never calls her...she calls him...he's a really sweet guy and i do NOT want to loose him over a person like her...however he will never stand up to her cause he's a peacemaker and just not a argumentative man.........i know he's crazy about me and weighing the pros & cons....for the few minutes a day i have to know she's calling and making a fool of herself over useless conversation for whatever reason....i'm hanging on to my guy!!............your thoughts???

pixie1's picture

Wow what a wonderfully

Wow what a wonderfully familar site this is and so great to feel that none of us are alone. For years I have put up with an ex who hasn't realised her time with the family has expired along when she had an affair on my husband and decided to leave the marriage. but hey all is forgiven and forgotten on his families behalf. Not to mention the hell she has put myself and my husband through over my husbands 2 daughters. It seems this woman is invisible to any critism and can do as she likes without any backlash from anyone including my Husbands family. My Husband and I have a Son together 6 months old and I have also have 2 daughters from my first marriage. we used to have the SD's for a week at a time till baby came along and they stayed with BM while for a couple of extra weeks when baby came home because with me looking after 4 other children was a handful at first being up all night but they were meant to get back into their routine after a couple of weeks but have never hardly been back even after my Husband begging. when we ask BM about this she accuses my Husband of treating my children better than his which is the usual story and seems no matter what he does she brainwashes the children into thinking they have become second best. I am dealing with a very very jealous woman who must know what we have, what's in our house, what clothes i Buy etc to the point I think I have the most UNWANTED visitation story from my Husbands ex that I have seen so far. I had just given birth to our Son and in she walks with my two SD into the delivery suite to check out the new baby!!!. She just had to see him for herself. Mind you MIL was there for the birth and she kept calling during my labour to find out if I had delivered. I had literally just had a shower after giving birth and there she was she turned up voice and all on my Son's video of the first moments of his life. was it not enough to drop the children off and just wait outside??? What makes this whole experience more sickly is the woman has put me through the utmost hell for the entire time I have known my Husband. Things have become increasingly worse since our Son was born. The eldest step daughter does not want to come over anymore because she does not like that she is not always centre of attention and cannot sit on the computer from the time she gets home till she goes to bed like she does at Mums. It seems it's a never ending fight to win these children over by giving them what they please or they don't come over. She has dragged us through the mill financially and emotinally to the point I'm sure my Husband at one stage thought the only way out was suicide. And all the time she has manipulated every Government system, the children and of course My husbands family. She refuses to cut contact with his Family who invite her over for dinner when we do not even end up with a invite. She has manipulated them into thinking we are the worst in the world and she is perfect. Recently she has paraded 3 new boyfriends infront of the SD's and when we spoke to my Husbands family over our concerns, we were told that no-one is perfect!!! To rub salt in the wounds, his Mother just returned from a holiday in Fiji with her and the children. She took it upon herself to tell his family who have bought into it that we do not pay her single cent in child support!! His Brother only called him this morning over it. Mind you we are paying more than 10 times the amount we are suppose to pay at the moment and have it deducted from his wages before we even see it. I cannot believe my Husband even said to his Brother I will show you my pay slips. why does he has to justify himself to his own family when I believe she should have to justify herself. She has also fed them bull##it that my Husband does not see his daughters anymore (MIL lives away) when he invites them every week and they tell us they will call back after they ask their Mother then fail to return our call. My Husband gives them lots of attention, and love when they are here, he text's them and calls regularly to tell them he loves them. In the past she has manipulated my MIL relationship with her by getting my MIL to tell her about our financial details about how much our repayments are on our house etc. She is very clever at playing the victim to his Family and to the children who in the end feel sorry for her doing it so tough!!. Yet she always has money for nights out on the weekends, for her new outfits, to go away for weekends and to buy alcohol and cigarettes. My Husband works 2 jobs and cannot afford to take a day off to spend with the family!! This woman is everywhere I look and turn to the point the only way i can get rid of her is to keep away from his Family. My Husband is currently in the process telling his family that they have to make a choice betweeen her or us.Where is good old fashioned Loyalty?? I too have an Ex whom i get along with fine as I did with his parents. I would never dream of interfering in his families life as much as I like them out of respect for him. As he also got on famously with mine and wont overstep the mark out of respect for me. Is'nt it an unspoken rule that when you move on you move on??? I sometimes think leaving my Husband is my only option because I cant get rid of this woman. But I know I love him and this is what she ultimately wants is to make him suffer the rest of his life!!

Shae's picture

When the x wife goes on the emotional rollercoaster

I'm a SM to an 8 year old boy with the same patterns of the x wives that go on their emotional rollercoaster we all seemed to have riden before. Finally we reviewed the consent orders to try and maintain and prevent issues that were controlling our lives so much, at the same time it was also a chance for her to actually sort out her own issues for a resolution to be made, even though it was through solicitors, it was objective and legal advice, but the x wife now seeks support from my husbands family, and has manipulated her 'victimisation' so well that she actaully sees them more than he does!, all because he wont go there because shes always there with SS (her excuse being in the best interest of boy and their excuse because, as they've stated many times, if they dont keep her happy they know she will keep the boy from them as well. So wheres the line between 'in the best interest of the child' to the father not being able to go to his own fathers for fathers day because the boy is there and x wife having a bbq!

Yes it was asked of the family to try and remain out of the consent order issues, to try and get her to the point where she needed to understand that they love and want to see their grandson but they wanted to stay out of the surrounding issues. It was even suggested to her that she may need to seek support within her own close family. I know she has only two avenues now to 'make life hell' and shes doing it through control bein with his family and through the boy, whom is always diagnosed with an illness the days prior to change overs etc. I dont take anything to heart that she has tried to 'get to us' with but it is so hard when you know the boy is a rag doll and the main concern should be the best interest that the relationship continue for him and his father, no matter everyone elses emotions? Puzzled

Anonymous10's picture

Thank god I'm not alone! my

Thank god I'm not alone! my BF won't call her to defend me or him for that matter because that is what she wants. As much as I want him to call and scream at her to cut the s*&! I also understand she wants any type of communication with him and ignoring her is the best thing to do. It is so horrible how she uses her kids as pawns and bad mouths him and me to them. When the kids are over we all seem to have a great time and they are fine with us. It's been 3 years and she still wants my BF back, she hasn't moved forward at all! My son is 21 and sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm putting up with this irritation for at this stage of my life, but then I think of how much I adore my BF and I put her nonsense aside and actually laugh at her! She is a sick piece of nothing and I hope she continues to be miserable! LOL The more the kids see we are happy and that's not going to change the better for them, not to mention that really pisses her off which makes me happy. Smiling

Dealing_with_Drama's picture

I think that I am reading my life story!

First off, Gina, I am with Fearless and Althea. You are headed for heatache and break! After reading the blog and the posts, I have to ask...Ladies what did we get ourselves into? Ouch. I have had my parenting questioned- I have a 10 year old son, whom I am so thankful for because he is truely a great kid. I have had to deal with the police on more then one occassion, which is totally embarrassing. I have gotten into verbal confrontations on the phone with an a person who I swear did not graduate from high school because I have the pleasure of reading her rambelings on a weekly basis. My husband's insurance was used by this nut to get her teeth cleaned because she is the type who will step on anyone to get where she wants, without having to do any real work, she had 7 jobs in one year. My stepson is obsessed with trying to see me naked- he says that he showers/baths with his mom. He is 3 and was at one time sleeping with her and her boyfriend. I have been accused of emotionally abusing him when she tells him that my son doesn't have a dad; that my husband isn't my son's father- he calls him dad; that she hates me- he tells me this all the time; that my husband used to live with him and his mom until I came along; that "my mommy says that my daddy loves her"; when she tells my stepson to call me Bitchty; if he gets in trouble, I am horrible and mean. I am mortified that she is going to accuse my son of abusing my stepson. She didn't want my stepson when she was pregnant but now she thinks that she is up for Mother of the Year or I should say Mommy- that would be how she refers to herself. Unfortunatly for my stepson, she doesn't give a rat's butt about him, she wants my husband back...it has been 3 years. I told her that if he had ever wanted her in the first place then he would of married her and not me. I am embarrassed for her because of the way that she acts, she makes a total fool out of herself!

"What you do to children; they will do to society." ~Karl Menninger

"What you do to children; they will do to society." ~Karl Menninger

???'s picture

Help

My sw is unbelievably good at delivering hurtful gestures through kindness. She had an affair with a millionaire that is twice her age, took my husband for all he is worth, and has had the nerve to call me names for not giving her things from my husband's home. Even though it is his stuff. She left everything behind, the kids pictures, birth certificates, her wedding dress, her mother's things, the house was an absolute pigstye, and now she wants these things back. She sent my sister-in-law flowers for her birthday and continues to buy gifts for our family from "the kids" when I have specifically told her that I would take the kids shopping for gifts for our family. I finally told her to not ever contact me again and that she isn't allowed on our property. I don't know how to deal with this woman. She is a complete sociopath and has had public sexual encounters, driven drunk with the children, and walks naked in front of the kids and her new boyfriend. How do I not let her behavior bother me. My step-children and I are very close and they cry every single time that we have to take them home. She has everyone fooled and they actually think that she is the victim, when she had it made with my husband and it just wasn't good enough. HELP!

frustratedinmaine's picture

My Fiances Ex of Ten Yrs hates me too

I understand exactly about the whole ex stuff. My fiances ex is crazy, lazy, and manipulative. The kids are 18 and 15 the oldest just left for college yeahhhhh. The 15 yr old is a puke and the eyes and ears in our home for the ex. She has no life and was laying on my fiances couch until i came along and even a short while after until told her to get the hell out one morning when she thought I was at work and I came back home with a friend of mine and caught her on our couch sleeping. What the hell has she no pride??? She never moved on he had the kids and took whatever help he could get from her and she spent most of her time at his house when he worked and the kids let her in. She is the most obnoxious woman if you want to call her that I have ever met. She calls my fiance about the 15 yr old like he is 5 and she demands him to buy stuff all the time for the puke and she doesnt pay a dime of her court ordered child support. She is a real piece of work and I could go on all day about this witch. The 15 yr old is just like her picked out of her ass in attitude and looks and lazyness. He is the most disrespectful kid I have ever met. Loud obnoxous, dirty, demanding, swearing at his father when he doesnt get his own way piece of shit I ever encountered. Sorry but I am so frustrated. If anyone has any advise I would more than welcome it.

Amy Henderson's picture

husband ex is crazy or is she?

I have been with my husband for almost two years now. He moved in with us right away. He has one 9 year old and I have three of my own. My husband somewhat trashed his ex and she moved to another province making visitions almost impossible. His child had issues with me but I think the ex brain washed her and his child stopped phoning him. During hte course of our relationship I tried to keep the peace but she was so sour and bitter towards him. Bashing him that he is a no good father etc etc but to my kids he is fine. Although he doesn't really attend their school functions. Im the one who usually does his stuff for his ex like getting him to sign documents etc. She keeps telling me that she feels sorry for me and its starting to bother me. Some of the stories I just can't imagine that this is t he same person. I don't want to know and he hasn't offered to share information. Its probably better this way but she says I'm crazy not to know what Im getting myself into and I'll find out who he is down the road. Im confused.

talltexasangel's picture

evil ex-wife and 14 year old daughter

My boyfriend was the best man at my wedding. I secretly had a crush on him for years. His ex-wife and I were not great friends. I could barely stand being around her and wondered what he ever saw in her. Two years ago I sent them an Xmas card. His ex-wife is my best friend from college's sister and I sent them an xmas card to try and get my old friend's new address.

He got the Xmas card and he told me they were divorcing and asked if I would go out with him after his divorce. He told me that they had been seperated for almost a year and that the divorce was going slowly. I said, "Hell, YES!" I had to wait 8 months until his divorce was final. When we started dating it was like magic! We get along like peas and carrots!

I have been divorced for 15 years and I had not DATED anyone since the year 2000, (yes, 7 LOOOOONNNNGGGGGG years.) When we are together, it is wonderful. My kids think he is terrific. His kids are another story, though. His 8 year-old son likes me ok but always is a little reserved when we first get together. His 14 year-old daughter is another story. She is very "loving" to her dad whenever I am around in a very creepy way. She sits in his lap and acts like SHE is his girlfriend! I told him to put a stop to it because it was creeping me out. He did. She still tries to pull that crap to make me uncomfortable. We have been trying to do blended family activities together because we are trying to get his kids to like me or something.

Now the daughter has told her dad that she doesn't want to do stuff with me and my kids anymore. Her mom has told her all kinds of bad stuff about me and said that I was a bad friend because I dated her ex. I hate to break the news to her but I never considered us to be close friends.

I actually would be ok to never see his daughter again. She makes me uncomfortable with the way she stares at me and her false jovial attitude towards her dad. Her dad has made it clear to me that I cannot expect to be married to him or live with him until his kids are grown or until they accept me. I hope I don't get tired of waiting because I feel he will be very lonely in his old age!

Anyone have any advice??

NMC's picture

I Just Need to Vent!!!!!

I feel so bad for all of you and everything that each one of you has had to go through. I, thank God, don't think I have it as bad as you all, but I do feel that I need to vent. Now, maybe I overreact about certain things or maybe I just can't stand putting up with stupidity, but please feel free to let me know your thoughts.

So here goes...I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now (I am 24--no kids, he is 34, and she is 34). I have never been with a man who has children let alone who was previously married, but I decided to give him a chance to see what he was about. Long story short, we fall in love and here we are today. He has 2 children (ages 11 and 7, boys) and a miserable ex-wife who I really feel is one of the most incompetent people walking the face of the earth. Unfortunately, my boyfriend does not have custody of the boys because we live in NY and they live in Washington so I have only met them once when they came for a month in the summer.

Now, a bit of background: my boyfriend does not help me out financially and I have no problem with that...for now. He is not by any means a deadbeat, he just happened to fall on hard times with his job and having to pay a ridiculous amount in child support (basically if he made $600/week, $450 of it was going toward child support).

Also, this woman decided to pack up her and her kid's stuff one day and move from Washington to Hawaii to follow her boyfriend. She had pulled her kids out of school, declined a really good job offer, and moved out of her apt all to go to Hawaii. One (1) week later she was back in Washington because she "didn't realize the economy was as messed up as it is in Hawaii" (a gallon of milk apparently costs $9 there)!! Who does that? Who just pulls their children out of school in the middle of a semester and packs up their life to go to Hawaii for a week???!! When they came back, they did not have a home, she did not have a job, and the boys were out of school for like a month!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now that you have the background, here is the story:

As I mentioned, my 2 stepsons came to NY for a month last summer. My only condition was that I be told how long they were going to be staying for. I did not feel that this was such a big demand seeing as I pay all of the bills and it was my first time meeting them. The ex-wife, without even telling me or my boyfriend, booked a flight and conveniently forgot when the departure and return dates were. We got wind of all of the details (only the arrival details) the night before we were to pick them up at the airport after my boyfriend continuously followed up via email and phone. She did the same thing with the information re: their departure date/time and provided us the info on the day they were to leave. After we had taken the boys to the airport (a 2 hour trip via subway...we are on a tight budget!), we were turned away because she had booked the wrong flight. Since they are underage, they require supervision on the flight and there is only 1 flight a day that has supervision. We had to bring the boys back the next day (we had to take an additional day off of work!!!) to get them on the appropriate flight...and they were on stand-by so it wasn't guaranteed. Is this not cause to start to really think twice about a person's parenting skills and responsibility? Please let me know if I am overreacting.

Other instances involve her emailing and sending my boyfriend messages talking about "why don't you call US anymore?" when he speaks to his children every other day if not everyday. His oldest son has a cell phone so he contacts him there so he doesn't have to go through her. Why would she be saying that to him? Am I taking that out of context?

Apparently she has a boyfriend, but she is constantly calling my boyfriend to talk to him about her problems. I don't know, but if I was her boyfriend I would not appreciate my girl going to some other man to confide in him. Now, I don't think I am jealous, but I just feel that there should be no other contact to discuss anything else but the boys.

One other thing...just today she texts my boyfriend saying that if he doesn't make a payment on a credit card that she will sue him for fraud. She proceeded to then call him a piece of sh*t and to call him names and say he is irresponsible. So he texts her back saying that he is not the irresponsible one and he brought up the whole Hawaii situation. She then proceeds to say that he is now being mean (after she called him really foul names!! and all he did was bring up that situation) and said that he acts differently when he is around me. Now, when did I come into the picture?? Why was I brought up in this whole thing? Do I have a reason to get angry at this whole thing especially that my name was brought up out of no where? I wasn't even part of the conversation!! When I told him that I was bothered by that, he just said (like he has said with every situation we have come across with this woman) to just “let it go because she has issues”. I then told him that I don't think I need to let it go because it really does bother me that I am being brought up in a conversation that I don't need to be involved in. He then called ME a psycho and told me that I need to get help because I always get mad and let this woman get under my skin. Is this right? Does this happen to anyone else? It's like he never seems to see my point about anything re: this woman and he never tries to even see my side and defend me.

Oh man, I feel like my worries are definitely the least of yours, but if someone would just give me some sound advice on how to cope with stupidity like this, I would really appreciate it! I'm telling you, this woman is quite lucky that she lives in Washington because I definitely would have given her a piece of my mind already if I could (I don't have her phone # to call her, lol).

ustaxpayer's picture

my husband bought a pay as you go phone, yet he hs a cell phone

2 days ago, ups delivered a package for my husband. I guess he thought I wouldn't be here when it came because it was a brand new pay as you go cell phone. The reason he gave me why he bought it is tbecause he doesn't like his new cell phone (although I have one exactly like it). I mailed it back to the company yesterday, yet it dawned on me last night that the reason why he bought it so he could call his ex wife on it without my knowledge of it, because there isn't any paper trails, like our cells have. We have been married for 14 years, they were married for 25 years. My husband still has his home back in the state where his ex lives & will not sell it & move here. He spends 6 mos there & 6 mos here with me. I believe he is still holding onto his home in hopes someday he will be reunited with her. (It wasn't their home, just his). He & his ex & grown kids have spent some of the holidays together, which I don't have a problem yet he lies about it or just doesn't tell me. I have told him I want him to move here with me yet he refuses. When I went for a divore a few years ago, he said he would sell everything & move here with me, yet that is water over the dam. hasn't happened. I only blame myself for putting up with him. any advice or words of wisdom?

Not giving's picture

Trying to move on

Hi there....I can empathize with all of you regarding ex-wives. I will be married in 8 months to the father of her kids. She has manipulated the pregnancies to happen when in the beginning of their relationship, he didn't even want her. He is a good man and thought he'd do the right thing and she knows what kind of person he is. She decided to manipulate the pregnancies by saying she's on the pill and not take the pill. Well.....sure it takes two, but if the man is misinformed of birthcontrol use then sure it will happen. I see it all of the time. Anyway, now that they are divorced, and she did not want the divorce, she is having issues with him moving on with his life and being happy. I have heard her say that if she's miserable everyone else around her should be. Why should anyone be happy if she's not, including her kids. I have never been married and don't have kids. Her kids will be my stepchildren and I adore them. Just like some of you deal with, the kids want nothing to do with me when she is even just an eye sight away. She is definitely putting things in their heads because her daughter acts soooooo different with just me around. I think her mother tells her to get in between her father and I when she is with us. I know her daughter likes me and I adore her and her brother very much. It's too bad their mother has to be immature because things are not going HER way she has to try to make everyone else unhappy. When she gets mad about something she tells us that we cannot take the kids on a vacation we were planning. That is only hurting the kids, not either of us. We need to think about what is best for the kids. It's not a battle between immature adults (well the mother) who wants control and be manipulative. It's really sad that people are so selfish that they cannot put their self pride to the side to think about the well being and happiness for their kids. There is a reason my fiance divorced his ex-wife...he wants NOTHING to do with her. We want her to be happy with someone who loves her and can take care of her so that she can stop messing with our lives and ruining the kids child hood. I hope they grow up to see what she is actually doing.

What can I do? Any suggestions? Right now I try not to talk to her if I don't have to. I also don't want her to even see my fiance at all because she still thinks she has a chance, when I know she has no chance in H... that she will ever be with him again. He was miserable and had anxiety attacks because of her. She only has the kids to hold over him. He misses the kids like crazy, but he doesn't want to (and I tell him he can't if he wants to move on from it all) argue with her about any of that. It's easy just to let it go. She is trying to control him with the kids and I think she has the ability to do so unless he doesn't want to see them. He only sees them every other weekend as it is. It's difficult at times for me because I almost feel as if I should just pull myself away and not be in the middle. We met after they were already seperated. How do I handle an immature, manipulative person who cannot take care of herself let alone two kids. Her mother helps her and has the kids the majority of the time when they are with her. She has to call their father to discipline them and to help her with things. He used to (before I met him) to and cut her lawn and help with things around the house. Well it was eye opening when I came into the picture and he no longer did that. She needs to be a responsible parent and be able to take care of the kids without the father if she wants to have them all of the time. She keeps telling us it could get real ugly! Well, I'm not like that. She is so spiteful and thinks that everyone thinks just like her. I could go on forever......

HELP!

SLT's picture

Why are all of the ex's so crazy?

I am in the same situation as many of you. My new husband has two children from a previous marriage. They are 7 and 9. I have known them since they were 5 and 7 and while I was the "girlfriend" and even the fiancee things were not so bad with his ex. Now that I am the wife, things are just miserable! The only time him and I fight is about her! She is so sneaky and manipulative and she uses the kids to get and him and he keeps falling for it. I love the kids dearly and am happy to spend every other week with them (they have joint custody) but I cannot handle the endless amounts of time we have to see her and deal with her. She sets up activities for the boys without talking to us first and makes it so that we have to take the boys at least two to three times per week to these activities. Of course she is there - at every single one of them. When it our week, why can't she just leave us alone? We don't interfere when it's her week! She is constantly trying to insert herself in our relationship and it is so frustrating. She even calls him on the phone to talk about me! She is obsessed with me and my relationship with my husband. She is the one that filed for divorce! Why does she want him so bad now? She is remarried with a 2 year old. Why can't she just move on with her life. I don't get it. I don't want the stress of it all to hurt my relationship but seriously, I just don't know how I'm going to get to a place where I'm going to be able to deal with her!

Anonymousgirl30's picture

Top this...

Today, out of sheer frustration and being completely fed up with the situation, I am blogging about my husband's psychotic (and yes, lesbian) ex-wife, hoping to get some answers on how to better handle the situation.

So, here's the story...

My husband and I met in in early 2008, fell blissfully in love and married 6 months later. By some standards, that would be fast but I guess when you know, you know. We knew. He is the most amazing, caring, loving man I have ever met, so it was a no-brainer! Smiling However, I also knew that he had an ex-wife (who is a lesbian) and two daughters by her, 12 and 15 (which I was told that they were wonderful kids). He originally led me to believe that in the last 6 years since the divorce, they were amicable for their daughters' sake and had no major issues (except the two times when Tommy had a significant other). The ex would do everything she could to cause problems in those relationships and make the children feel like it was NOT okay to like those women.

This is the woman (if that's what you want to call her) who is very secretive and a liar and had only been with other women until the age of 28 (she was a "virgin" when she got married to him). He was oblivious to this fact because they were "great friends" both "born again Christian" and she obviously didn't let him in on the "BIG SECRET". But seriously, how much of a secret could it have really been? She is butt ugly, looks like a man and played/coached women's basketball. Hello?? Well, now that my husband has gotten re-married, the spawn of Satan has reared her ugly head in ways that we never saw coming.

So, obviously my problem is his money-sucking, wacko ex-wife and her kids who are her little mini-me, co-dependent partners since she is still in the closet, a "Christian" and can't have a real partner because the kids would then find out that mommy is a lesbian. This woman is overly obsessed with her children (they are like little basketball obsessed clones of their mom), she is a compulsive liar, evil, crazy, manipulative and controlling and if there are any questions, we have all of the documentation to prove that (emails, copies of her journal noting her complete obsession with the woman that she was unfaithful with while married to my husband, (she would be away for weekends at at time spending the night with her lesbian lover, neglecting her husband and children while they were at home asking where mommy is) among numerous other issues that lead the reader to believe that she is in no way fit to raise children nor live among normal people in society. She needs to be locked away in a padded cell...the women is dark, freaky and completely crazy.)

When her lover broke up with her, she lived alone in the basement of their home which they called "mom's cave", severely depressed and obsessively calling her lover over and over again to try and get her back and journaling about how she couldn't live without her and literally hanging onto her sick ideas of religion to save her from herself (she chants bible verses even still to justify the evil things she says and does to others on a daily basis). FREAK!! All of this, with her husband and kids upstairs unable to understand what is wrong with her. In the 10 years they were married, and he could never figure out why she was unaffectionate and never wanted sex, always telling him to go away and leave her alone. She literally told him to go and get a girlfriend because she wanted nothing to do with him, but wrote in the journal how guilty she felt for lying to and hurting such a wonderful man...and that he had done nothing to deserve the horrible way she was treating him. My husband was devastated by these terrible things she did to him and when he found out he had been betrayed and his wife was gay...who wouldn't be?

Not that this is a shock, but this woman has said some terrible things about me and that "she would not allow her children to be around me" (upon finding out that he and I were dating/engaged) spread numerous rumors about me (even though she had never even met me) and continues to make our lives a living hell because she is so jealous that he has now remarried and she has lost complete control of him. She is terrified that this scenario somehow shines a light on her as being a lesbian (she hasn't dated in 6 years) and that her kids may see that she is really not normal. Because of the ex and her manipulation, the children are in denial and completely freaked out that Dad has remarried but they think their mom is a saint because she tells them she is "staying single for their sake". Little do they know, their mommy is a lesbian who cheated on daddy with a woman and that is why they divorced...because daddy found out. The children think that the divorce was their dad's fault, blame him and feel sorry for their mom, even though he tried desperately to hold the marriage together after he found out about her affairs. This is a vicious cycle and keeps replaying itself everytime my husband and I show up to any functions where their mother is, ie: school events/meetings, sports that the girls are involved in, etc. The girls and their wack-job mother give us dirty looks and act like 2 year olds. (No offense to some 2 year olds, who would actually be more mature.) When the kids come over to our house on weekends, etc. they act all rude and uncomfortable like my husband and I are the worst people in the world. They say things like "I never asked for this" and "things were fine until you got married again." Their mom is always played as the "victim" in the situation because that is her way of keeping her secret from them.

The ex's jealousy has turned into just plain mean, rude, manipulative behavior in every situation where my husband has to deal with her with anything involving the kids, like talking about splitting costs for something or if she doesn't get every red cent out or him that she wants she throws a fit and yells obscenities at him, sends shitty emails/text messages and says things to the kids to make him look like a bad father. She constantly attacks my husband personally, brings up "his new wife" whenever she wants something and he says no, or he needs to think about it. She trashes me constantly, then denies that she ever says anything bad about me. She says "I have repented for my sins, I am washed white as snow", then acts like the devil...WACK-JOB!! Needless to say, at this point my husband and I are both at our wits end and spend a lot of time completely stressed out over the denial/bad behavior of the girls and putting up with the bulls**t from the ex. It has actually affected our relationship in a very negative way.

I understand that no one is perfect but just so we are clear, I have always been very kind and generous to my step-daughters because they really are great girls. I go out of my way to be good to them and I am a great step-mother. They are smart, athletic, sweet and polite to people in general, but they just get so sucked into their mom's manipulative behavior that they think it's not okay for their dad to be remarried. Therefore, it causes them to act out in a way that is absolutely a reflection of their crazy mother. I am tired of being nice to them and in return, being treated badly because of them being uncomfortable with the situation.

Things are slowly improving with the girls lately, but getting worse with the ex. We have recently had to block her number from my husband's phone because of the harrassing phone calls and text messages. We have tried to send emails letting her know the changes we need to make legally because the current methods of communication are not working. We are having legal changes made (through mediation) so that they will only communicate in writing unless there is an emergency and she will have to call my cell phone. The ex didn't like the email so, just like every other time, she lashed out with rude, crazy behavior, threatened to file harrassment charges against my husband for emailing her, then said she blocked his email address. CRAZY B**CH!!!!!

My question continues to be...WHY?? If the woman is gay, why is she so obsessed with our marriage?? Why is she so jealous?? Why does she even care??? I know it's a control thing, but come on...it's been 6 YEARS!!! Get over yourself, get therapy, get a GIRLFRIEND...anything!! GROW UP and just leave us ALONE!!!

**So, with all of this being said. I could use some serious advice. Any ideas on how to deal with this situation? My husband and I see a therapist to learn how to better deal with the kids and the ex, the kids are in therapy so that they can deal better with our marriage, BUT THE EX, THE ONE PERSON WHO REALLY NEEDS THE THERAPY, IS IN DENIAL AND REFUSES TO GET THERAPY!!! **Apparently, her whole family is crazy, so it's genetic.

blondie07's picture

similar story

My husband and I have been together 10 years married 9. And since the begining the ex wife has been anightmare. She left him for someone else and from the start wouldget the bf to answer the phone or the door when he went to get his 2 boys who were 7 & 9 at the time. But when he said to her he didn't think it was appropriate her answer was 'get used to it'... she has always poisoned the SK against me and their Dad. And I have always bent over backwards to make sure the kids were happy including not going when he had 2 week contact visits etc etc because she had said that they didn't want me there. But after a few days they would ring me and ask me why I wasn't there and we always got on really good. Then she made up a pack of lies about me harassing her and got me arrested and now continually brings this fact up into any conversations with my hubby or any of his family. She just can't be civil to my hubby and has insisted on only contacting him either through solicitors or by court cases which are expensive and tiresome as we have to defend her accusations that we have not paid child support etc.. which we always have. She has managed to convince hubbys sister and step mother that everything she says aboutme is true and she is just poor misunderstood mom trying to bring up her kids with a nasty unsupportive ex husband who doesn't care, doesn't contact his kids, and doesn't pay child support. For two years everything we sent them came back destroyed and with heartbreaking notes scrawled by the kids saying how much they hate their Dad and it is all my fault. Finally she said she was going to take them back to court as they had shared custody and make the boys say under oath that they hated their Dad and wanted to sever all contact so we reluctantly let the contact drop. We do keep up with how they are doing through the grandparents but there has been no direct contact for nearly 3 years now which is heart breaking. They are both men now, left school, working, but they are still totally ruled by their mother. Recently they all visited the grandparents and the mother still wouldn't let the grandparents be alone in the room with them and everytime anyone asked them anything she would answer. The eldest drives but during the 3 days they were there she took away the keys to his car so he wouldn't be able to go out, this lad is 20 now! ANd if she was out for the day she rang them every hour to check up on them. I have never actually met her, although once we were both in court for a particular hearing and she caused such a fuss, hyperventilating and stuff about me being there in the end we spoke to the judge and agreed that I would leave as it was the only way hubby felt they would get her to settle down in the court and they could get on with the matter in hand... I know this all points to her being jealous and insecure but that doesn't help hubby and his relationship with his boys. He loves them dearly and every birthday and christmas which passes he gets real upset at not being able to see them or contact them... what drives these women? How can she do this to her own children? THe man she left hubby for she is now married to but word is she treats him just like she treats the boys so he is well and truly controlled as well! ARgh!

disgruntled's picture

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, why, why, why, my man is such a gorgeous bloke but the ex wife, well b**** from hell!!!!!!! The things she does beggars belief, I have bitten my tongue more times than I care to remember, I will not lower myself to her level of ranting and raving, if I did she'd know how to deal with me, this way I'm an unknown quantity!!!!!, I struggle with the fact she ended the relationship but hasn't moved on despite having a new man herself ( who she met before I met her ex!!!), my theory is she didn't really want the relationship to end and because he didn't fight to save it she's bitter, what she fails to see is how it all effects the daughter, poor child is so confused about adults it's un-true, myself and her father are loving, happy, smilie people who enjoy life and when she's with us she's happy and well behaved, although we are now getting the "my mum says" attached to everything, which is hard, she runs her ex down ( and probably me), in a very clever way to the daughter, which is hard for him as we never, ever say anything against her in front of the daughter. We try so hard to be nice about things but only a few weeks ago I was pulled up for telling the daughter not to use the word "hate", ( one of my pet "hates"), I said if you don't like it say that or I dislkie it, but clearly it's acceptable to call your ex a f****** tit in front of her!!!! She doesn't see the bigger picture and like some of you I think about walking away but then she's won and I'm not going to let that happen, so for the meantime I just have to be as supportive as I can to him, work at our relationship, ignore her ( I'm now refusing to deal with her) and love this poor little damaged child, trying not to let her mothers insecurities pass to her, I think it's going to be a hard job!!!!!!! She should've stuck to dolls at least they have no feelings to damage, I also find the whole money situation annoying, she's always promising what she can't afford ( she doesn't work, I work a 52 hour week!!!!) and expecting us to fund it, only last christmas she promised an expensive pressie on top of all the other pressies bought by my ex not her!!!!!, and said she'd pay half, I sourced and paid for the item, my man gave me his share, she said with regard to her promised ammount " it's not like you two can't afford it", when he told her she owed it to me not him she did eventuaaly pay up, she wants everybody to see her daughter getting it all but doesn't actually want to fund it, well she's been told she has to buy her own pressies next time, apparently her ex is now a selfish, tight pr*** for making her!!!!! Honestly it's laughable, if you're not living it!!!!!!!!!!

divadelamort's picture

Step Daughter not allowed to talk about heaven...

Hey just need some advice, my BF and his EX are both atheists, I am not. His 4 year old daughter was watching a dino show where they brought up extinction she asked what that was he said it means they all died. This freaked her out she started crying and I mean crying, I would try todistract her and change the subject but to no avail. Finally after 1 and 1/2 hours of non-stop crying I sat down with her and told her death is natural and its not bad, that she is young and doesn't need to worry about the dinos they are ok, then she came out with what was really bugging her, grandpa russ died and she missed him. She wanted to know why he died and what happened when you die. Being respectful to her moms lifestyle I said dying means you aren't on earth anymore. This wasn't enough explaination for her so I then said well some people think you go to heaven when you die, she asked if she could visit her grandpa in heaven and I said maybe one day if you still want to when your really old. Well that worked. She was fine with that answer and we went thru the next week with no problems, then she went to her moms. I guess she told her mom that one day when she was old she was gonna visit gpa russ in heaven. Her mom flipped called us chewed us out, really went all out. We explained the situation and she calmed down but was still miffed. The next day when we had my bfs daughter she told me her mom told her she was never ever ever allowed to talk about heaven, if she did she would be in trouble. Well my bf said you can talk about heaven here, you can ask questions about anything, some people don't want to go to heaven and that's ok too but we can always talk about anything here. You must obey yr mom when at her house but here its ok. She was happy with that and we were all fine. 3 days later it was her moms weekend and also easter, guess what her mom took HER TO CHURCH! TOOK HER TO CHURCH! TO CHURCH! And still won't let her talk about god or heaven. How do we handle this? Isn't it confusing for a 4 year old? What do I do?

Ladyfern's picture

What am I getting into?

Hi there! I came across this thread and thought I would vent some of my feelings as well.

My boyfriend and I reunited last June after 22 years of being apart. 22 years ago we had a serious relationship, but we both wanted different things, so we parted. I married someone else and so did he. I got divorced 9 years ago, with no children from the relationship. My boyfriend is still married, with one 15 year old child and a 24 year old stepson who doesn't live at home.

In the past year, while my BF has been separating from his wife, I have remained in the shadows. Being through my own divorce, I know all the emotional garbage that comes with separating and I didn't want to be a part of it. However, just recently my BF and I were discussing a two week camping vacation to see my family and the BF suggested that his 15 year old come along. I have met this kid on 5 occasions, and even though my BF's wife has known about me for a year, she had never conversed with me or even acknowledged I was around. I told the BF that I wasn't too comfortable with his 15 year old son coming along on a vacation since his mother has never spoken to me, and i wasn't sure how she would feel. I got an email from the wife, telling me what a good kid the 15 year old was and that he needed good quality people in his life, and that she had met someone that she thought was her sole mate and that things were truly over between her and my BF. It took me a couple days to get back to her because of things going on in my life, but I sent her a really nice email back to her, explaining that it was good to hear from her and that I appreciated the contact. Just after I sent the email, she sent a really snarky reply back to me. when I asked my BF what her problem was, he had suggested it was because I didn't reply to her in a timely manner. I immediately replied back to her explaining the reasons I took so long to get back to her, and her response was, "I couldn't care less if you responded or not."

I'm 43 years old and don't have any children of my own, but is this common behaviour for a soon to be ex? Like I had said, I have never had any contact with the Wife, only a brief "hi" here and there, and now I feel this hostility towards me and I don't even know her. In my mind I had expectations that the Wife would at least want to get to know me, to maybe form some autonomy, but she certainly isn't even trying. She has been a thorn in my side for the past year. She has done things to prevent my BF from moving on, even though her and the BF are living apart for 70% of the time, my BF has to stay in the marital home on occasion to visit with his son, and she makes everything difficult. she's had men stay overnight at the home, with her 15 y/o sleeping downstairs, and the poor kid is left alone for hours on end while she's out with her new boyfriend and his kids. She's refused to sign the mortgage papers to relist the house, even though the house is for sale, she never keeps the place in showhome condition and this has resulted the house being on the market for a year, with no offers. the other thing is that my BF pays for 80% of the bills because she doesn't have any education and can only hold down a job for a few months before she quits. She has been threatening my BF for the past 10 years that she's hiring a lawyer, but in the year I have been involved in all of this, neither of them have gone to a lawyer. But she says she's totally over it and has "moved on" because she's just recently started dating a guy (2 months) and she's head over heels in love with him.

I've read a few threads where people are questioning their involvement because of the Crazy Ex, and truthfully, so am I. In my opinion, she would love to get rid of her 15 y/o and have someone else raise him, but I'm not going to be that person. I have worked long and hard at my own career and I refuse to have it marred by a son that's not biologically mine, and an ex-wife who couldn't care less who's taking care of him.

Jennifer's picture

My Stepson's mother is crazy!

Im 29 years old. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. I started dating my husband when his son was 2 years old and he was going through his divorce. During this time he was issued by the court to pay her alimony and child support even though she admitted to being pregnant by another man. She comes from some money. Her parents built her the nice brick home she used to live in, the new SUV she drives,and she only works part-time. She is bipolar. She has been arrested for assaulting her sister and had to move out of her house (which is next door to her sister) because of this. She has pulled a gun on her current husband and his children from a previous relationship but her current husband must be as crazy as she is because charges have miraculously disappeared. My stepson had to call 911 because she took too many "nerve pills" and couldn't get off the couch. My husband called Social Services and went to court the very next day. Social Services said they spoke with my stepsons mother and she seems fine and my stepson seems to be happy and well adjusted. So they dismissed the case. The court said they thought it would be too emotional to remove my stepson from his mother. My question was how was it not too emotional for my stepson to have to call 911 and take care of his little brother (from her second marriage) whose 3. The icing on the cake was her mother told my stepson not to call 911 that she should would be there soon. The aunt will not testify for us and I saw her face first hand. My stepsons mother smashed a root beer bottle across her face while her nephew who is 8 watched. Her parents seem to find a way to buy off protection for her. I have only had few choice words with her over the past 4 years, but there are plenty of issues where my stepson has had to stay with us because she is having a "breakdown". She has even spent atleast 2 weeks in a mental hospital, but the court says she is a good mom. She does not have my cell and typically I do not get involved with her. My stepson is a fantastic 6 yr.old, but because of his crazy mom I find myself recently wishing he was already 18. I love him so much that it hurts me that he has to go through this. He definitely acts different towards me when she is around. He tells me how he has seen his mom and step-dad throw things and hit each other. At the same time, he protects her and lies about stuff he now says she didnt do. He thinks she is great and doesnt understand how all of this is inappropriate. This past weekend he said that the cops have had to come to the house because his mom and step-dad have had some conflicts. He thinks this is normal and I told him it was wrong for grown ups to act this way. I got into an altercation with her on Memorial Day. We had dropped off my stepson at her parents house where they all currently live. Her german sheppard jumps up on my car. I firmly told the dog no and pushed the dog down. She yelled at me saying I didnt need to f***ing yell like that...which is what she was doing and using that language in front of her kids. I replied that I thought she was a fantastic mother and I wondered what other choice words she could teach her children. Her response to me was to ask how many kids I had. My husband said to her that I was a better mother than she will ever be and we drove off. My only regret is that this all transpired in front of these kids. Today my husband was suppose to pick him up from school and then take him to his ball game. She called to inform him that she didnt care that it was his day and she would bring him to the game. My husband has told her to stop planning stuff on his days. She said she didnt care and he could take her back to court. This woman is bipolar as I have stated and while her and her current husband were supposedly separated, they have reconciled. But the kicker is he can not live with her at her parents...while I know her life is really quite pathetic it takes its toll on me and I found this website and thought it was a great place to vent. So as I have rambled...I thank you for listening.

ladylou's picture

ex wife

My husband of 22-years has been e-mailing his ex-wife he says he needs to get to know his daughter again. Ok dad an daughter are talking, but so him and his ex-wife, more then with his daughter. If I say anything he gets mad. I don't know what to do. I am a fraid this is leading to something more. Am I wrong to have these feelings?

huntergreen52057's picture

EX Wives

My BF ex wife is the devil!!! I have been with my BF for 1yr and the drama continues....she is so hateful and puts things into my BF boys heads and it is unbelievable. He has 4 boys age 4, 10, 15, and 18. I have 3 kids 2 boys and 1 girl ages 16, 13, & 12. Our kids get along great like they have lived together their whole life. My BF and I are sole mates and I cant believe we have found each other after all these years. We are both 37 yrs old and are professionals in our jobs. His ex wife called the police on us last week for leaving the 4 yr old with the 10 yr old while we went to the grocery store for 40 minutes. Yep you heard it right. Can you imagine what our neighbors are thinking...what the h**!! this woman never stops..she planned my BFs Oldest graduation party on Father's Day which was the week we have the boys anyways. I had made reservations to take my BF and the kids somewhere for Father's day and she planned a graduation party. So i had to change my plans to Saturday which she ruined as well. We are to get the boys every other week. She brain washes them so sometimes we only have 3 out of the 4 boys at one time or another cuz she puts s*** in their heads. She doesnt even want the boys at all, she just uses them for the $700 a month child support he pays which he has 50% custody of. It was the only way she would settle in the divorce which she wanted when they got back from disneyworld. HUH! Yep thats right. They have been divorced for almost 4 years and the crap doesnt end. she claims that the boys tell her that we never have food in the house. I used to be a registered day care provider from my home so with us having 7 kids between us i use a menu system every week and do my grocery shopping every sunday at Aldi's. I feel like i am going to have to take pictures of our cupboards and refrigerator. If i had it my way we would have soul custody of the boys. Last year we had the boys over the 4th of july so my BF has the boys this week so he emailed her about it being her turn this year for the 4th of july and he also included the section from their divorce decree. He also marked it on his outlook calendar last year so we dont get confused about whose holiday it should be...the response email from her was "i dont remember you having the boys last 4th of july besides this is your week to have them. also she warned my BF to make sure we do NOT leave boys home alone again. I dont understand how people can be so dramatic, i couldnt take it anymore after reading the email she sent to my BF i feel as his partner and confidant that i need to defend us and protect him and boy was that a mistake...so i called her and she blabbed on and using foul language and evil was just rushing from her mouth. In the last year i have only spoken to the woman maybe 3 times briefly, but how long can i let this go on?????? It is so frustrating for me. I have had bad marriages, abusive ones. I would almost rather go thru that than what i am having to endure with this woman. She is much stronger than me and it feels like she is putting a knife in my chest and turning it till i blow. and that is what i did...my BF and i got into a huge fight last night and i threatened to leave...that was not a good thing to say. He doesnt want anymore drama in his or the boys life.....I dont know what to do....I love his boys soooo much and they like me too. I should have listened to my BFs family they said to just stay away from her...but it is so unfair he does not deserve all this sh** she is doing and saying. He is stuck with all her atty fees cuz that was the only way she would drop charges against him for not getting the house refinanced...so he has to pay her lawyer off....any help or advice is greatly appreciated.. i have learned now though to let my BF deal with her from now on. I am going to stay the h*** away from her.

Abigail's picture

I am trying to protect myself in this disaster

If DH and I weren't married, I would never deal with this. I didn't want it or need it. I didn't marry BM and refuse to speak to her.

Skids constantly poisened against me and I have ceased to care if they like me or not. Whatever, it is totally not worth it. If you want to hang in there, you are a better person than I. Step mothers are saints.

Me, I am checked out and hoping one day I will not be angry anymore about being trapped in a situation that I don't want to be in.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

helpless NY's picture

Has she won??

I have been with my BF for almost 3 years. He has 3 boys and I have 3. Our children get along fine. My BF and I really connected in the beginning bc we have common goals and ideas on the children. He disciplines his, I handle mine. For the first year we didn't sleep in the same room when we had the kids. (he has joint custody and I have almost 100%) To this day, I don't think the kids have even seen us kiss but we have moved in together for about a year.
In the beginning I was told the Ex was crazy, I always blew her rude comments and stares off. My BF always told me what she would say about me and I would just not care. It progressively got worse and the kids would tell me things that the were told by their Mother. The first thing was "My Mom says I can't be your friend or talk to you." this from a 5 year old. Keep in mind, she remarried immediately after the Divorce and I came into the picture as the first serious GF 2 years later.
About 4 month's into the relationship she asks to talk to me on the phone, I comply. She apologizes for any of her rude behavior, says "you know how it is to be over protective as a Mother", I disagreed with her behavior kindly, assured her that I had 3 children of my own and that I was not looking to be called Mommy by her 3. I also explained that I respected her place as their Mother nad that she could always expect that from me. She went on to tell me that should she ever behave this way again, please feel free to "call her out on it." (I tried it once 6 month's later. She told me she guesses she's not as mature as me, doesn't need to discuss her children with me and hung up.)
I hung up feeling good after the first convo, told my new extended family about the events. They laughed, told me wait and see how long that lasts and so on. I started fresh. I would say hello and be polite. I have NEVER said a bad thing about her to or in front of her kids. I just don't beleive in it!!
Let me mention a few FAQ's about the EX: She lost or gave up custody of her daughter to her parents when she was little (from a different father); She took that daughter to get Tattos all over herself at age 15 and allows the daughter to smoke in public!; Daughter is in Juv Det for 9 months; All of this gets discussed or happens in front of the other 3 and sometimes we hear about it, some things are a "SECRET"; She presented my BF with a paternity test that one of his sons was not his when the son was almost 5; She had since married the Father; She has convienced the two youngest boys to call her new husband DAD...the list could go on and on.
Most of her intrusion, manipulation and sickness revolves around her blackmailing my BF with the non-bio son. She wants him to give up legal rights and change his name.
I could handle all the harrassment, snide looks and comments until she branced out to include my children. I found out that she interrogated my 8 year old at a sports game about me and how I treat him "Does your Mommy hit you?" "Does your Mommy yell at you"....on and on. Then she approached my EX who kindly told me about it and asked that I keep her away from him. She did the above twice. She will never actually come up to me and say or do anything but the torment she puts us through has made me so close to giving up. I told my BF if he doesn't do something, I am out!! We hired an expensive Attorney (I paid for) and we have been dealing with the courts process for a few months. Have things gotten better you ask?? No!! She has claimed that my 6 year old held a knife up to her kids neck and threatened to kill him so she is calling child services but hasn't. She got served the court papers on a Friday, on Monday she was unemployed. Told the kids "Daddy says I don't spend enough time with you so I quit my job" We have the little boys at leat 4 days a week and the oldest mostly 6 days....that's how much extra time she wants to spend with them. She lied and told my BF that the boys need a picture of my house for a school project bc they want to show both houses, there was no school project. She just wants to see the inside of my home because she has insecurities about my "Rich Home" as she calls it.
Most recently, she has been with random men and bringing the children to spend time with these "friends". Well within 2 months of that, the current husband is out of the house, a new guy is in and the kids think it's sleepover time with him....the oldest has seen them kiss, she has used the oldest cell to txt new boyfriend "do you think I am sexy"....God, I am going to lose it.
What does my BF do, he gets very defensive if I say anything about how he interacts with her, says he doesn't have any answers and neither do I. He just wants to keep the peace so she doesn't expose the kids to more sickness. This woman is the Queen Manipulator. Her Husband has contacted my BF telling him he knows he has no legal right to his BIO son without either my BF or his EX allowing him to visit and that if she doesn't let him see the son, the husband will be calling back with information to help us get custody. That was two weeks ago and no return call...
In the past 6 months I have avoided all possible contact with Crazy, I don't go to pick them up, don't go to the 4 games the kids have per week unless I have confirmation she won't be there. I have pulled away from their children emotionally bc I feel like I don't want to conflict them anymore AND I have grown bitter towards my BF for expecting me to accept this behavior....no normal person can!
Please keep in mind that I have had only 2 talks with her in almost 3 years....
I am anxious all the time! I am nervous knowing my kids are at camp bc one time she showed up there bc there is a park.
I am wondering, am I letting her win by not waging war? I just feel like crazy can beat smart and classy, there are just levels I am not willing to sink to especially in front of kids and she will sink as low as it takes to get whatever she wants in the moment. I avoid her bc I am afraid of how all my anger will come out if she looks at me the wrong way. This is no way to live....is there any hope?

Elizabeth61's picture

stepchildren

I have a some problem with my adult stepson but I have more problems with his wife's behavior. She has been rude to my husband in front of his son and gotten away with it. She kept saying "Your father" this and that in a derogatory way. I realize now we should not have let this pass. I have witnessed her behavior and I will give a number of examples. She comes to my home and sits down to read a book in a room full of people and especially when I am in the room and she teaches her daughter to do the same. Both of them also allow their daughter to play a video game while others are in the room. My husband said had he ever known what she was truly like he would never have given his son permission to marry her. My relationship with my stepson has never been great but I thought it was getting better until the following incident.
My stepson, his wife, and daughter came to our house for Father's Day. My husband and I greeted them warmly at the door. They told us they only had a couple of hours to stay so I decided to have brunch that day. I started with waffles which my stepgrandaughter helped put on the waffle iron. When they were done she got the honey bottle from the top of the refrigerator which was okay(she knew what was coming). I had already put Mrs. Butterworths on the table so now people had a choice. When we sat down my stepson proceeded to talk about the Mrs. Butterworths and how it contained corn syrup. They are always on my husband and I about our weight and I am sick of it. It is none of their business. When my stepson made the remark about the corn syrup I proceeded to relate to them what had happened when my husband told his elderly aunt who was 105 at time about eating candy. She told my husband "I eat what I want, boy!" They immediately took offense at this but by this time I had really had it. Then his wife said "and how old are you?" and I said "Pretty old". I realize it probably wasn't the time and place to do this perhaps but I have just had it. My stepsons wife and daughter left the table. She came back later and sat at the table alone and when I tried to set the table for the rest of the meal she threw her silverware at me when no one else could see it. My stepson stayed but would not eat with us.I realize I was over the top but I am sick of their disrespectful behavior. There are going to be some rules of respect in my house when they come from now on.

Latjec's picture

When I first became involved

When I first became involved with my now Husband he also was exchanging gifts etc.... I put my foot down and said the relationship is with me or her. You can't have 2 wives. He was also bullied the first two years and did what ever she said for the sake of his son. Now it has taken 3 years snce we have been married but things are now NORMAL. So it sounds like he either needs to decide if wants to have a relationship with you or he still wants to be married. He needs to make the decision.
If he cannot I would run away fast. It will never change.

MrsP78's picture

How to deal with a stepson

How to deal with a stepson that hates me, & the ex-wife... About 3 years ago I met the most amazing guy, married him 3 months later and life was perfect...or so I thought. Now to back up some, I have two children a 13 year old and an 8 year old. Both of my children adore him as much as I do, to the tune of him adopting my oldest (her father passed away when she was a few months old). So you start to see my pretty picture. Well my husband came with a coniving ex-wife and vicious child that HATES ME! AT 4 years old he tells me he hates me among many other things. At 5 I'll kill you, I could push you down the stairs and daddy would think it was an acident. He has told my children the same thing. Then it got bad and though we have tried to work through this I have back WAY off...we were planning on having a child and when asking the normal "so what would you want me to have?" My two chime in with smiles and "A baby sister!" "Uh no sissy, a brother, mom please a brother!" my step-son, after being asked and me trying to include him says "I'll hate the new baby as much as I hate you!" I was in shock, hurt and now afraid of a 5 year old. Since then we have not had him over which is makeing serious waves in my marriage, but how do you balance out the two...protect yourself and your children and still allow this child in your home because he belongs tot he man you love??

Now here's where it gets complicated, thought the ex is off her rocker, she loves her son. He's on monitored television, goes to church, appropriate language is used around him, mom is FINALLY dating (2 years since our marriage and 3 since the divorce). He is a super brain; at 4 he says "You know why you where sunglasses in antartica? Because the sun is so bright it could burn your eyes when it reflects off the snow." I'm not the only one he behaves like this with either. He loves my mother in law, but hates my father in law. He has acted out at school, stabbing a child with a pencil, cutting and pulling hair with no remores.I'm sure you see my problem, he's causing me to think I am crazy and need to be on meds, he's now causing serious tensions in my marriage and I have gotten where I don't want anythign to do with him.

On a small note of the ex, she gets 800.00 a month on top of insurance, etc. Now because, not we, but my husband doesn't spend as much time as she sees fit with their son and doesn't have a good relationship with her she is taking us to mediation to raise the childsupport......honestly does it ever stop, or do we just have to go crazy to the point of being medicated to deal with this??..any suggestions?? Sad

Stressed & Confused...Stressed & Confused...

Stressed & Confused...

gwenh1's picture

Now that I read all the

Now that I read all the posts on here, I think my life is not so bad! What a nightmare. I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years. We met after he was separated and she had filed for divorce. She moved in with her current husband about the same time and married him about 2 months after we got married. Our biggest issue is the ex-wife wants her kids to think my husband is a deadbeat dad. She treated him that way even when they were married. My husband is in the Army and has been gone a lot because she refused to move with him....didn't want to uproot "their" lives. He pays his child support plus a little more just to make it "even", provides medical coverage, pays for dental, and now pays half for oldest daughter's braces. We would pay more if we ever got truthful information, she has provided us with medical bills, etc that were before our insurance had paid the entire bill. She lies about what she paid for stuff so we'll pay for it all. We live 6 hours away and drive to and from the whole way. Every time. She refuses to meet, unless it suits her plans. Which has only been 2 times! They live a blow & go lifestyle. She is a nurse and he used to have his own business, but now not really sure what he does...works on a farm?? Anyway, the kids are 13 and 9 and the oldest has now taken on the posture of the mom that her dad doesn't pay for anything. She says that $600 a month doesn't even pay for groceries for she and her sister for a month....am I crazy or is that sufficient. I have tried to explain that we aren't responsible for the entire support that her mother is responsible for half. She makes more money than my husband btw. We are very frugal. We don't have any credit cards, we pay as we go for stuff. She goes out & buys a $450 pageant dress for a 12 year old and then says we owe half. Actually, I found out it was really only about $300, but she told us $450. That goes on & on. I would NEVER buy a dress like that for someone in a school pageant that had SIX contestants in podunk Louisiana. She got 4th runner up. Ridiculous. But, this is the attitude throughout. I have 2 grown daughters, 20 & 23 and their dad was a deadbeat...spent 2 years in prison for it...I know how hard it is to raise kids by yourself. My husband now can't talk to his kids....they don't answer the phone. His youngest would, but I know she catches it whenever she does. Whenever we see her, she cusses my husband in front of the kids, tells them that her husband will continue to take care of them like he always does...very frustrating. My husband calls in advance, a month, a week, for visitation. She finds something to interefere with our time, every time. The kids love me btw, we get along great and they love my daughters. My husband is strict, but a good dad. They're mom says they're scared of him and beg her to tell them they don't want to see him. But, when they come, we have a good time....the oldest gets bored easily though and wants to spend all her time with her friends. Last year they came for a week in the summer and then called their mom to say they wanted to stay another week and you should have seen how she treated her kids...they were in tears....it was awful. They stayed, but I knew they dreaded going home to face her. Another incident when they were visiting, she had the youngest in tears, telling them about a trip they going to take without them...because they were gone...and it never took place. How do you do that to your kids?? I have always worked and so I'm not a drain on the finances. Our lawyer says that the 13 year old has a choice if she wants to talk to her dad or not....I don't understand that. If they were still married, she wouldn't have a choice...why would she now? I keep telling my husband that she'll realize some things when she gets older, but in the meantime, that doesn't help his hurt over all this.

Just needed to vent.

sassyrav's picture

Hi everyone Just one quick

Hi everyone Smiling

Just one quick thing to ladylou, sounds like your husband is getting along with his Ex a bit too much. Strange that hes gettin cranky with you tho cause you have a right to be concerned. I certainly would feel annoyed with my man. If hes talkin to his ex more than his daughter then i would be wondering whats the hell is going on. I guess its a good thing cause he gets to talk to his daughter again but there is no need for the constant emailing between him and his ex. He needs to understand, how would he feel if you were catching up with an ex partner.

I have been with my man for 5 years, not married yet. And yes his ex-wife is a real cow. He said she wasnt like that at all when they were married, though he would sometimes go without sex for 9 months so you can pretty much work out why but he stayed for the kids sake. Then when he leaves because of her infidelity she blames it all on him for cheating with me. Which is not true! She has tried to make things so hard for us and we dont complain or argue. I have nothing to do with her, i say nothing to her at all. I stay right out of it. But she still tries everything to make it hard for him to see his kids and now she has them playing sport which we said no to because she moved 500kms away and makes it difficult because we cant stay up there in a motel, its too costly. But went and did it anyway and told the kids that he doesnt want them playing sport so hes the one being nasty yet she was the one who moved 5 hrs away to live on the coast and now we only get the kids overnight cause they play on saturday so we cant pick them up till sat afternoon.

Why does she have to be so nasty, we give her no reason. She should be bloody thankful that he 'wants' to see his kids. He loves them so very very much and they love him just as much. There is so much i wish i could say but to be honest it would be 5 pages long. This woman is so nasty and lies for the sake of lying. How do women like that still get everything they want.....how???

She is now with a guy that has been hard on her, and is very arrogant so i guess shes gotten what was coming to her!! Problem is, he is arrogant on the kids too.

We're in the process of taking her to court and she doesnt even know it yet. She told us to take her to court if we wanted to cancel the sport so we will be! We have to so that he can finally see his kids again from friday to sunday, instead of sat night to sun morning. All this crap started when my bf and i built a lovely country home and bought a new car. We had to buy a new car for safety features since we have to do 1000km each weekend, picking up the kids and dropping them back off again. Its ridiculous. Sometimes she'll text my bf a messages when we're already half way up there, to meet halfway, saying 'i cant make it halfway, stuck in traffic, can you bring them up here. So our 5 hrs trip has then turned into a 9hr trip by the time we get back home. We got home at 11pm once and had to get up an 5:30am for work the next day, we both work together.

My bf tells me all the time to just let it go, that she is digging her own hole and eventually it will cave in all around her. The kids will finally realise the truth when they grow up, hopefully they dont take too much notice to the bull%$^@ she dribbles to them between now and then Sad

They ask us a lot of questions though. When will you get married, will you have any babies....just the other day the daughter told me that her mum said it was ok for her to call me 'mum'. Well, we know why she told her that...its cause she wants the kids to call her bf 'dad'. My bf's ex is very strange but there is always method in her madness....i dont trust her at all and ill stand by my man the whole way through!!!

Alwayshappy's picture

Hello to all women who

Hello to all women who married men with kids!

I am so sorry for each of us, i was in the same situation before I realized that it is me who can chose I will be happy with this man or not. My husband is a very good man and I am not going to give up my marriage because of an idiot ex-wife:) But I wont let her rule my marriage either. I dont give a damn what she cries and complains about, here is me and my future kids and this is the most important, she can kiss my ass but my husband is not going to do anything she wants. And my kids are more important than their kid together, and they will always go first no matter what. Why should I suffer because they have a kid ? They shouldn't get divorced then and stay together for that kid.Not spoiling somebodys life. hell, no. Everything is going to be my way;) And it will!

bethany66's picture

Hi - Question....I've been

Hi - Question....I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months now. Things are wonderful, except I'm realizing he cannot say no to his ex about his son. His visitation is every other weekend and every Monday and Tuesday. So, every other weekend he has his son 4 days in a row. I'm totally cool with this, except for the fact that he also travels alot and I have custody of my grandson. Therefore, our time is very limited. He is out of town this weekend, and I asked him if I could see him Sunday night (tonight) when he got back. He said that sounds good. However, now he tells me he has his son tonight. Where did that come from??? And, this isn't the first time this has happened. Is it too soon in the relationship for me to make a fuss over this? Don't get me wrong, I feel kids come first. But, is this just a case of him not wanting to say no to his ex? I'm very disappointed. My time is very limited because of my grandson, and I had a sitter all night tonight. I'm not sure what is happening here and don't want to cross the line too soon by asking. We have a wonderful relationship otherwise - one that I can see being long term. Any thoughts??? Oh, and he and his ex do not get along. I haven't even asked about the why's of that one yet....

Krysp's picture

I'm glad i found this site.

I'm glad i found this site. So much of what everyone says is a lot like my situation. i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, his son was only 4 months old when we started dating. since the start his BM has been causing trouble, mostly with me. she then go a boyfriend about a year ago and the bull stopped for a while he has now left her she has a 4 month old with this other man. She has always pushed 4 year old off on everyone else since he was little and even wrose now. my step son is delayed in speech on only started talking about 7 months ago, he has a speech therapist and in school has speech classes which have helped out a lot. we work very closely wiht him to drag words out of him when he is with myself and my boyfriend every weekend. the problem i have isnt toward me but more what she is doing to her son, both the speech therapist and doctor have said she needs to ditch the binky (which he hasnt used with us since he was 2 years old, didnt even suck his thumb wen we took it away) she refuses to stop giving it to him b.c it shuts him up. also my aunt works at his school and said she sees a huge difference between him being with us on the weekend and while hes at school, he's hitting kids and teachers and when it was brought up to the mother she walked away like she never heard anything. She also refuses to potty train him, my step son is 4 1/2 years old he pees in the toilet standing like a big boy but she has taught him when he has to poop to get a diaper and do it there instead of in the toilet. My boyfriend is afraid to stand up to her about this because he doesnt want her to pull the bs she did b4 trying to call DSS on him even tho he has never done anything wrong... so difficult because i love this kid just like he was my own, but there's nothing i can do!

newwife's picture

When i met my husband 10

When i met my husband 10 years ago (married 9 years now)His kids were just turned 18 girl and 21 boy i also have two sons at the time i married him they were 4 and 12 both boys.I had to deal with ex wife (who was also an ex Military wife)He divorced her.I can't begin to tell you all crap she caused to not only him but after we married year or so after they're divorce.Its been bad really bad.I am a loving,wife.and i feel very good step-mom to them but i believe even after 10 years its not want she wants his daughter.Now 27.You can't disagree with her lets just say that.When i first met him she was getting military school money to attend school (both children got it but only the girl attended collage and finished.We found out he got a portion of money around 160.00 as reward for her attending school the man at VA explained this to us and i said is this HIS MONEY OR HERS.He said HIS money so he never had this money put in his account yet and she called him screaming on phone i want to see you!!We were at my sons school festival he was at time 1st grade she came sqilling in parking lot obviously upset.Got out car said to my husband (her dad)I want to speak to you now over there!(away from me)My husband said what you say to me you can say to her.She said NO!so i took myself out situation by saying i'll be over here if you need me.Although i was only 10 feet away and you could here her loud mouth anyhow so no secrets that day.She said he stole money from her and she wanted it back!!!(NOW..My husband very nice man never stole thing in his life ever kind hearted everything.)She said she would put him in a home if he messed with her.I stopped her right there and said NO YOU ARE NOT!!I was his wife and that would NOT happen.She had so much control back then over him she made him drive two streets back to our house and get his checkbook and write her out a check for the amount (and i swear on my babies he never stole anything it was his the VA man said she had other income from VA that went to her.This was not part of her's i made sure that day i double checked by asking.Not only did she break our phone that day by throwing it.But it was first time i'd ever seen my husband cry (grown man)Wile he wrote her out check.for what she thought was hers but it wasn't but you could not tell her that.She hated me and made him pay.And i think alot was his ex feeding her what to do.That was the beginning of my beautiful relationship with my step-daughter.I still tried to work it out because it was his daughter and we knew she was young and maybe she would grow out of this mind you its been 10 years she has gotten little better but not quit the latest was just couple months ago we were loaning out money to my step-son who is now 30 300.00 at time to get his car fixed.Sister don't like brothers girlfriend (at all)and we all tried to keep this secret none of her business us loaning him money so he had two of his cousins on his mothers side ride him to meet us to give him money everything was done (by the way supposedly sister wanted nothing to do with her brother because he is with this girl even prior to us giving him money.)So everything was done he got his money next day sister calls us oh...She said you know the money you gave @@@.I said yah..How'd you know???I have my ways.His girlfriend had her hair done with some of it.I said i don't care really what he did with it.I do believe he did get his car fixed yes because he showed us the part he bought.But the fact..That i did not care ate her alive!!!!She wanted me to be pist but i was not going there this time i said who cares.Its our money not hers so leave it alone.SHE BURST OUT!!!!ITS NOT YOUR MONEY ITS MY FATHERS MONEY!!Now mind you we been together 10 years altogether and she is collage educated and she is 27 yrs old???She still does things here and there that tells me she is not fully likeing me but i don't care my job is to love my husband and try...To be the best parent and step-parent to my family as i can reguardless what or how they feel.I now just ignore it.When they don't get reaction they evenually stop until the next time.

killerxkitten's picture

OMG, i feel so competely at

OMG, i feel so competely at home here. i am going thru hell. i f*king wish it would stop.

honnertjes's picture

I came to this site because I

I came to this site because I am about to give up hope. I am the child of divorce myself, but incredibly lucky in that my parents never involved us in their separation or divorce, and have been friendly in a healthy way throughout our lives. This is not the case with my boyfriend who is now 2 1/2 into his divorce/separation and everyday continues to be a living hell.

Because of my profession in law, I am not unfamiliar with divorce and its consequences, but I never in my life have experienced or met a woman full of such hatred, revisionist history, narcissism and with such a profound (though not justified) victimization complex as my boyrfiend's ex. They have 5 kids, so the top post interested me. I have no children and have been dating him for 1 1/2 years. I live a long distance from her and him, for that matter, and had no connection with them at all prior to my boyfriend and I meeting. She has lost the war with the kids regarding her attempt to make me into a monster, and for that I am grateful. The kids are lovely, and I care for them very much, and feel I do so in a manner that respects boundaries. They are very loving in return, and are very happy I am a part of their lives, but their loyalty to their mother, and the constant barrage of "your father's a loser, he doesn't pay for things, and nasty statements about me, upset them and confuse them, until they come to talk to me directly, almost confessing their mother's statements, and feeling awful for them. It goes without saying he is not a deadbeat dad, as he enters year 3 of living in his parents basement 10 feet away from the home he built (yes it's literally 10 feet), that she currently lives in with her live in boyfriend (her testimony in court is that he provides nothing for rent, food or living expenses). Because of the dysfunction and tumultuous relationship between his ex and her new boyfriend, the State has become involved, and even initiated a CHIPs action after he was violent with the kids, and the ex and new boyfriend were violent to one another. Yet still, everyday he receives worthless emails commenting on his parenting, pick up and drop off times, and all sorts of things already known to us. No less than 75% up to in excess of 100% (he actually has to take personal loans to pay the temporary support mandated) of what he makes is turned over to her, he has his kids 36% of the time (yes it's a ridiculous number), and attends events, buys clothes (the clothes she buys the kids are "her clothes"), and has been there every time she has kicked out the oldest daughter, which occurs frequently.

I have had no contact with the ex, up until yesterday (three emails), and we have never actually met. My olive branch email in the teeth of vitriolic comments about my weight, looks, the incredible loser my boyfriend is etc., were completely ignored, and it was made clear there would be no truce, even for the children. My only question for myself is, can I keep going? I love my boyfriend, and our relationship has been wonderful. He is growing so much out of the grasp of this woman, and is so supportive and loving to me. But I can't take this anymore, and because I am an attorney, I think I have involved myself too closely in the legal battles (she is actually going after his parents' business!!!! - it really is this terrible). I need advice, help or solace. Is there anyone out there?

Tammy1978's picture

So, I have been with my

So, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now. We originally dated in high school and found eachother again in 2006. We have a great relationship and plan on marrying. I have an almost 8 year old daughter and he has a 13 1/2 year old son. Our kids (on their own) started referring to eachother as brother and sister and his son calls me his step mom and my daughter calls my boyfriend her step dad. My daughter lives with us and sees her dad on weekends and my step son comes to our house on weekends and vacations. For the past 4 years I have helped my stepson make gifts for his mom for Mother's day, birthday, Christmas, etc along with her family. I would remind my boyfriend to have his son call his mom on those occasions as well, just because I know how it feels to not be thought of on those days. My ex never has my daughter call me on those days if she is with him,nor has he ever had my daughter give me a gift for any occasion. It really hurts, so me trying to be a good person, I did not want anyone else to feel that way. My step son and I get along well. He is a really good kid. He enjoys helping me in anyway that he can;cooking, making things, or even stood up with me at my Dad's Funeral Service 2 months ago to read what I had written because I couldn't (he volunteered to do this). He really wants to get to know my family and be part of it. One of my sisters lives across the country with her family because her husband is in the Air Force, so we rarely get to see them. It is really hard to get everyone together. Every year on Christmas Eve we all get together at my other sisters house. We asked my step son's mother if he could come with us last year. She said no. But said maybe next year. Well this year she said no again, so my boyfriend asked her if we could have him just for a couple of hours and we would bring him back. She said no. So stupid me, thinking that maybe if I wrote to her and told her how much it would mean to me to have him there to support me (since my dad had just passed away, my mom passed away 11 years ago and my brother passed away almost 5 years ago)that maybe she would understand, since her dad passed away a couple of years ago. Well boy was I wrong. She in turn wrote me the nastiest email I have ever read. She told me that Christmas Eve was her day and it always will be, that her son knows that even when he is older he HAS to go there, that her family was the only family that matteredand if my family wanted to get to know her son that they would have to rearrange their lives for her schedule. She also said that her husband knows not to butt into hers and my boyfriend's business and she doesn't expect to hear another word from me. Oh and she didn't forget to tell me that my boyfriend loved her family more than he could ever love mine. I was so angry my whole body was shaking and all that I could think of is as long as I stay with my boyfriend I will have to deal with this inconsiderate, selfish, controlling arrogant jerk. Ugh! How do you deal with people like this???? When her dad was ill in the hospital I went to her mom's house to help my boyfriend mow and rake her lawn because his ex wife's boyfriend was too lazy to help out, not to mention dropping everything to take her son so she could go to the hospital. When her dad passed, I went to his funeral. Every Christmas we make homemade fudge for gifts for our family and friends. My step son last year (2009) wanted a box to bring home. He was so excited that I was giving him some that he told his mom and she told him that I probably poisoned it. I didn't believe him when he told me this(I mean what mom would say such things to her kids?), so I told my boyfriend, he in turn called her and asked her about it. She admitted saying it and claimed it was a joke. She constantly talks smack about my boyfriend to their son to the point where he stands up to his mom and tells her to stop. My boyfriend pays quite a bit in child support, along with buying most of his school clothes, medical, monthly medication(which she won't send him with any ont the weekends when we have him), school supplies,and whatever else he needs. last year we bought ALL of his clothes and she called to yell at us for not buying him any short sleeve shirts(nyone else would have been appreciative that all they had to buy was a couple of short sleeve shirts). (my daughters dad doesnt buy anything for my daughter and I am lucky if i see any child support)She doesn't see how good she has it. My boyfriend does anything and everything for his son, but that doesnt stop her from calling him to tell him he is a horrible father every chance that she gets. A couple of days later she will apologize to him, but in my eyes if she were truly sorry she wouldn't do it anymore. This woman makes me so angry! I truly love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is a wonderful person, helps anyone that he can, treats me great and does anything in his power to make me happy. I am truly lucky to have him. However, I just don't know how I can deal with her in our lives. Everytime I think of how aweful of a person she is, i get sooo angry! Any suggestions on how to deal with all this would be greatly appreciated.

Tammy1978's picture

So, I have been with my

So, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now. We originally dated in high school and found eachother again in 2006. We have a great relationship and plan on marrying. I have an almost 8 year old daughter and he has a 13 1/2 year old son. Our kids (on their own) started referring to eachother as brother and sister and his son calls me his step mom and my daughter calls my boyfriend her step dad. My daughter lives with us and sees her dad on weekends and my step son comes to our house on weekends and vacations. For the past 4 years I have helped my stepson make gifts for his mom for Mother's day, birthday, Christmas, etc along with her family. I would remind my boyfriend to have his son call his mom on those occasions as well, just because I know how it feels to not be thought of on those days. My ex never has my daughter call me on those days if she is with him,nor has he ever had my daughter give me a gift for any occasion. It really hurts, so me trying to be a good person, I did not want anyone else to feel that way. My step son and I get along well. He is a really good kid. He enjoys helping me in anyway that he can;cooking, making things, or even stood up with me at my Dad's Funeral Service 2 months ago to read what I had written because I couldn't (he volunteered to do this). He really wants to get to know my family and be part of it. One of my sisters lives across the country with her family because her husband is in the Air Force, so we rarely get to see them. It is really hard to get everyone together. Every year on Christmas Eve we all get together at my other sisters house. We asked my step son's mother if he could come with us last year. She said no. But said maybe next year. Well this year she said no again, so my boyfriend asked her if we could have him just for a couple of hours and we would bring him back. She said no. So stupid me, thinking that maybe if I wrote to her and told her how much it would mean to me to have him there to support me (since my dad had just passed away, my mom passed away 11 years ago and my brother passed away almost 5 years ago)that maybe she would understand, since her dad passed away a couple of years ago. Well boy was I wrong. She in turn wrote me the nastiest email I have ever read. She told me that Christmas Eve was her day and it always will be, that her son knows that even when he is older he HAS to go there, that her family was the only family that matteredand if my family wanted to get to know her son that they would have to rearrange their lives for her schedule. She also said that her husband knows not to butt into hers and my boyfriend's business and she doesn't expect to hear another word from me. Oh and she didn't forget to tell me that my boyfriend loved her family more than he could ever love mine. I was so angry my whole body was shaking and all that I could think of is as long as I stay with my boyfriend I will have to deal with this inconsiderate, selfish, controlling arrogant jerk. Ugh! How do you deal with people like this???? When her dad was ill in the hospital I went to her mom's house to help my boyfriend mow and rake her lawn because his ex wife's boyfriend was too lazy to help out, not to mention dropping everything to take her son so she could go to the hospital. When her dad passed, I went to his funeral. Every Christmas we make homemade fudge for gifts for our family and friends. My step son last year (2009) wanted a box to bring home. He was so excited that I was giving him some that he told his mom and she told him that I probably poisoned it. I didn't believe him when he told me this(I mean what mom would say such things to her kids?), so I told my boyfriend, he in turn called her and asked her about it. She admitted saying it and claimed it was a joke. She constantly talks smack about my boyfriend to their son to the point where he stands up to his mom and tells her to stop. My boyfriend pays quite a bit in child support, along with buying most of his school clothes, medical, monthly medication(which she won't send him with any ont the weekends when we have him), school supplies,and whatever else he needs. last year we bought ALL of his clothes and she called to yell at us for not buying him any short sleeve shirts(nyone else would have been appreciative that all they had to buy was a couple of short sleeve shirts). (my daughters dad doesnt buy anything for my daughter and I am lucky if i see any child support)She doesn't see how good she has it. My boyfriend does anything and everything for his son, but that doesnt stop her from calling him to tell him he is a horrible father every chance that she gets. A couple of days later she will apologize to him, but in my eyes if she were truly sorry she wouldn't do it anymore. This woman makes me so angry! I truly love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is a wonderful person, helps anyone that he can, treats me great and does anything in his power to make me happy. I am truly lucky to have him. However, I just don't know how I can deal with her in our lives. Everytime I think of how aweful of a person she is, i get sooo angry! Any suggestions on how to deal with all this would be greatly appreciated.

Rose 0514's picture

Jan, I will never understand

Jan,

I will never understand why EX-wifes put thier own feelings before thier own childrun. I thought that most states make both parents attend classes to help both parents and childrun weather the divorce in the best possible way.

I made bad choices in the first year of my divorce becasue of anger. but put things in order after that. And the kids healed because of it.

I say ignore the EX and do what is right for your own family. The kids are the ones who need you most.

Tammy1978's picture

In CT you are required to

In CT you are required to take a parenting class however quite a few never go. Don't ask me how they get away with it. I went because not only was it ordered by the court when I filed for custody of my daughter and child support, but I felt that it could help me with my situation. It is tough to ignore the ex when she calls the shots in everything.

kat2011's picture

I completely and utterly

I completely and utterly relate and I have almost walked out on my now husband more times than I can count because of the psycho the youngest two call "mom" who does nothing but manipulate every single move in my home. We tried the co-parenting thing. What a joke! What she wanted was to manipulate me like she was my husband and when I let her know point blank no way was that happening she about came unglued at the seams and has been a complete nightmare to the extent that I have documented endless visitation denials despite the parenting plan and flagrant custodial interference. Where is my husband their father in all this.....his head I have decided is permanently buried up her butt and when I forcefully pulled his head out and kicked him where it hurt recently because his daughter is suffering from Alopecia Aeriota which is generally put a severe and sudden hair loss (most usually caused by stress) which I suffered from for over a year myself so I can certainly relate to her emotional pain. I stated it's about time you start seeing what that crazy witch is doing to your kids and put a stop to it and the only way I know how to do that is to say okay obviously you believe you are in control I believe you are mistaken and we will let the courts decided and all the documentation we have on denials and your using the kids to manipulate my home and my time with them will most likely force a change in custody and lets see how you like only seeing them every two weeks and having to ASK to be with your kids! She with that has become even worse and is calling his bluff. It is a matter of finding a lawyer willing to take payments through out the mess but she is just nuts to the point she told girls not to listen to me because I am not their mother and I said well duh I know that but thanks for pointing out the obvious however it is MY home and when they are with us it's our rules and our time. I know riding it out is best but I am so fiercely overprotective and very much defensive when I see the kids reacting to something in a negative way like they are storing it for later reports to their mother which is so wrong on so many levels! I don't know what to tell you except if you think this is bad now....get married! She intentionally dyed the girls hair bright pink just before our wedding so they would look terrible for our ceremony because of her jealousy. She also cheated on him and he dumped her at that time and how she got custody with her false stalking order is beyond me I mean didn't that tell the judge at the time UNFIT?! Unfortunately if the dad isn't willing to stop her behavior you have not one hope of getting anything done! You are for better or worse the dysfunctional Brady family if you choose to stay. Believe it or not the kids will discover who is the "better person" later in life but it will be a long road to that day and it's a hell of a rocky ride with potholes and crazy behavior and the husband sitting on his hands regardless of the pain he sees in his kids eyes. I see it every time I am with them and it is killing me! Why are we the only ones that care?! Sorry for the rant but you need to document document DOCUMENT!

Broken heart's picture

Hi Jan, You aren't the only

Hi Jan,
You aren't the only one that has faced this problem. My BF has two children.I've never thought, i will have this horrible experience. Long story short. My BF ex-wife cheated on him to someone else, abandoned her children, she came back home&left home before they divorced. They divorced 5 yrs ago. 2yrs ago, i started my relationship with my BF. He has had a bad credit because his ex-wife didn't pay morgate, she got money from my BF and didn't pay until morgate called my BF to remind he was behind payment for 2 months. His ex-wife has still owed child support to my BF and never paid. He lost his job and house 2 yrs ago. I can't belive this happen with him. His ex-wife called him and told him to see her at dunkin donut, she needed to talk about the kids. My BF worried about her&the kids. Then, the next day, she blaimed to my BF about his new girlfriend(it's me) and tried to make her daughter&son closed to her new husband whom she had an affair with(behind of my BF back). The kids really wanted to stay with their mom because their mom would move to out of state. So, they did everything that their mom wanted. My BF's son wrote the letter to the court about his dad abused him. and his daughter just blamed at me that dad picked new girlfriend over than her. I have been crucified to get that blame from 11 yrs old girl and had seen my BF cried every night to miss his own children... I have known so far everything is from his ex-wife to change the story from her fault to be my BF fault that's why, she ran away from her own children before. My BF lost job&house that time. We didn't have anything to eat just peanut butter. We moved to live with his mom for a while. His daughter called her Nana and blamed at me everything until one day my BF's son wanted to move back to stay with him because he didn't get along with his stepfather and my BF's mom started to worried about her situation because my BF's son used to say "Fxxx You" to her when the cops came to knock at her house and we all called my BF's son to go to school, that time was the process of my BF ex-wife to move out of state. Then my BF's mom turned to make me to be excuse again to be unable to live there even if she used to ask us to live there because she was 78 yrs old and unhealthy. I love her, my BF worked far away from his mom house. Everytime during 3am or 4am, his mom called&yelled at him. I never seen him yelled at his mom back. I could see my BF love his mom so much then, my BF's son came back, My BF's mom tried to convinced me to no accept her grandson back. I felt bad for my BF and i was so much optimistic person. I said "Yes." My BF's mom kicked me out&made me to be excuse. Whoever read this, you know?? Why i knew exactly, she made me to be an excuse... Because she just passed away couple weeks ago...I was shock. I haven't talked to her for a year. I used to take care of her when she was sick and never hated to clean her bottom because i respected her like my mom in U.S. Last mother's day, i gave the flower to her and she thought, i went back to my country already because my BF had to lie to his own mom about me due to his daughter always never ended my story and his mom couldn't say anything because she loved her grandaughter very much and if she said, I 'm a good girl. My BF daughter never gonna called her again.... The truth came out after my BF's mom passed away, she left the easter card to me about she loved me, and told me how wonderful i was. They found out at my BF's mom house. It 's horrible for me that the way that my BF's mom passed away lonely. At my BF's mom funeral, someone came to me and told me my BF's mom loved me...My heart is broken and hurt so much because i wanted to see her a long time but i thought she didn't like me because my BF's daughter told us. The 2nd truth came out again when we met my BF daugther at my BF's mom funeral after we never seen her &talked to her for over a year. When we first met her, she huged her dad and huged me and said she missed me... My BF's ex-wife didn't say anything to me even if i have been taking care of her son and paid for everything... She came back to hurt my BF's feeling. First day of coming back had a cook out before my BF's mom funeral next day,she took the kids with her, the kids never seen their mom cousin a long time so they forgot their dad(my BF). They came with her. My BF's daughter canceled her dinner with her dad for that stupid cook-out...At funeral, my BF's son changed back again, didn't talk to me or said anything. He just waited to see his mom, he started to lie to my BF again and did something that couldn't do. He came to his mom's counsin house and had a party before my BF's mom funeral and after my BF's mom funeral on Sundays....I was so upset because at the funeral day at church, my BF's ex-wife cut in front of me to go to sit close to my BF and took her daughter to hug during mass at the church. My BF couldn't do anything that time because we wanted his mom to go to heaven and had peace and mind... At the cemetery,his ex-wife relative tried to pull the flower from my BF's mom funeral to give it to his ex-wife sister daugther, not only one rose, they all gave her a lot of roses and didn't give us to have a quite time to say bye to my BF's mom... Afterthat, my BF's son asked about what's wrong&showed he didn't agree with them...But you know what, my BF's son went with them before his Nana's funeral&after funeral to cook-out while his dad was crying....My BF told his son everything about the thing that my BF's son mom did to us...Then, he said he understood..Then, the next day, he puted his mom photo in our computer on screensaver.

I was so upset, everytimes when this kid needs me, i always did everything...paid so much money for him.. I don't want him hate his mom..I have mom too. I just want him care me and it seemed like they make me&my BF to stand in the position of my BF cheated on his mom and i am that girl...I told my BF, his son has a mental problem, he almost burned his house before, wrote the letter to court to say bad to his dad who never left them and spent all money that he had for his children, hugged the guy who had an affair with his mom behind of dad's back and against his dad,...

After my BF's mom funeral, he has changed and always changed when his mom is aroud...When my BF's son lived with his mom, he got all "F"..Right now, he lives with us his grad is better because we all care about his future...

Sometimes, i want to just walk away and then, my memory always popped up the time that my BF's mom cried to me to no leave her son...Am...I'm so tired&want my BF to agree with me and told his son to spend all summer with his mom&his cousins then school years, if he doesn't get A or B, no bother us to ask to go with their grammy or anyone in that his mom family...It s unhealthy...It's poison to the kids and my relationship with my BF....

sarajane231's picture

I just joined this forum

I just joined this forum today to get help with my own problem, and reading all these posts has made me feel less alone. It sounds like ex wives can be really difficult to deal with, and as the new partner, we have to put up with a lot of unfairness and a lot of game playing by the ex wife who is probably (lets face it) upset to see her ex happy with someone else. Good luck to you. I think it´s a great shame that people use their children in this way. I hope she comes to see she is causing more harm than she realizes

sexy K's picture

Hi Can any body help me

Hi Can any body help me please?
I am married for almost 3 years and i have a problem with my husband,s Ex wife... she does not want to know she is just that..... THE EX!!!
She uses the kids to get me mad, like recently my husband's daughter got sick, she had to be rushed to hospital, he did not call me to let me know i only found out after i called him, then when i asked why he did not let me know he tells me that i did not really worry about his daughter i am more worried bout his ex, me and she hates one another so much its so nice lol... any way jokes aside, when i tell him how i feel he gets rude and we argue and then he goes to his kids to calm down Sad he tells me that the sick kid don't want to fall asleep if he not there so he comes home late at night, i decided i am not going to spoil his kids( he has 3) any longer until he and they learn to respect me and its just a pitty the day he realises what he has it will be to late... i am at wits end i felt like taking my life just today as people telling me he using me, i spoilt him etc.. things i dont want to hear right now...
Help guys please... i do not have any friends to turn to as i lost them all when i married this man. Sad Sad Sad

cmulder's picture

First...don't ever say

First...don't ever say anything negative about the ex (you can think all the bad stuff you want but don't say it) and second boundaries need to be set. It is very difficult to deal with all of what you are dealing with.
I am a Stepmom and have been for 8 years. I have a SD15 now. I have 3 biological children and have to deal with the BF and the new wife also. It has been a very challenging ride and continues. I have learned many things through the years. No matter all the great things you do for a stepchild it will never really be appreciated until maybe they are an adult. Don't ever have any expectations and you will be fine. Live your life and do the things that are important to you. Try to not let the chaos and craziness rule your life. Life is too short for all of that. Work on your own peace...really work on it. Don't let the choas define you. I wish you the best!

Yoly_187's picture

First, I am so happy I found

First, I am so happy I found a place with people just like me everyone has partal parts that i have going on in my life> Hopefully lots of u can help me coop with this problems! Becuz my problems are alike and more added.. TO get started i would like to introduce myself I am a 27 yr old stepmom I have been since i was 17. I met my husband in the oddest circumtances and i am still struggling. I met him knowing he had a daughter and as much as i was against it i never wanted to be with a married man or a man with baby moma's becuz all men with baby moma's always go back to have sexual relation with them or indupt with them that is actually one of the first things that i told my husband. I was never into to that. But something changed I some how allowed him to make me believe that he was different he told me to give him a chance! That not all men were the same. But the day i allowed that to happen my world went upside down. I went from being confident and outgoing open minded to who i am today! FIrst off yes its true my husband had a daughter later in the relationship, i found out he had a son as well. But it was odd to me that he never spoke of him! You can hear him talk of his daughter it was always about his daughter. Randomly of his son! We moved in together back in 2003 and honestly i wasn't prepared for what i am in. My husband was with his ex for almost 10 years ofcourse on and off he never married her but they were together. Today i feel like i fell in love with the wrong guy! From the moment my husband separated from his ex to this moment the ex is making my life a living hell. For starters i am sorry to all the woman that got cheated on and i am sorry to say but my husband cheat on his ex with me only difference is that he told me he was separated that he lived with his mom, and i believed every word! By the time i fell in love with him i found out that it wasn't true that he was marryed and lived with his wife. When i asked him he admitted to it but added that he was living with her becuz when he went to maine to work he lost everything so the only place he had to go was with her but that she did her on thing. Again as a young girl i believed it. Exspecially when i noticed he spent every moment of the day with me at my house and when he would get out of work he would come to me and when he was at work he would be on the phone with me. Til one day the woman called she wanted him home and well i allowed him to go> It was very weird how i got here but u know something there was something very wrong in there relationship. I had a feeling that he wasn't being hosnest so i questioned his son! so He told me that he knew his ex since they were young and when he met her again in high school she was pregnant by her husband. He told me that she poored her eyes off telling him that she was living a horrible life with her husband that she didn't want that kind of life so he decided to get her away from it. he took a big responsiblity at the age 18. So he told me that he learned to love her and he fell in love with me! So i allowed for the relationship to continue! One night he came to our apartment and he told me that we needed to talk! So we did> He told me that he loved me and he wanted to be with me that he wanted to start a life with me but that he could never leave his wife. He told me that while i was at work or school he would go visit his daughter and ofcourse the wife would be there. He also said that while he lives with me he would be paying the bills for his ex I was crushed i didn't know what to say he told me that it would always be me him and his wife. Again i was young and i agreed i was in love with this man and i was willing to do anything to keep him. But one day he picked me up and said that him and his ex got into it and she told him to get out and that why does he go if no one wants him there! He told me that its been going on for awhile> So i told him why do u stay in a place that ur not wanted, next thing u know the next day all his stuff was at our apartment. I was still in the terms that he can continue to pay her bills i didn't mind.
one thin g led to another that he came home and said that his ex was kicking his mother out as well so i suggested that since we had two bed rooms she can come and live with us.
he was most happy because i referred to his mom as my mom he said that he has never heard anyone call his mom "mom" now it turns again turns out the i found the woman at a target she and a guy were following me and i didn't know why til i noticed that the car she was in was one of the same as the one my husband just bought. I called my husband to tell him his ex was following me and that a man was in the car was with her! he totally didn't believe me he said i was lying. so a week later my husband came home and said that his ex is moving out of the house and that he needed to go so he can be with his mom. I didn't want to move in the ex's house i cryed and begged him no so but becuz i loved him i did. as soon as i moved in with him i started hearing roamers that the ex was saying that my husband kicked her out to put me in it! But that wasn't true she moved away and i knew why because she had someone else. Becuz one of my husband conditions of him paying he bills she had to continue living alone and have no relationship with men. Turns out the amonth after she moved aways she was pregnant of two months by another man. AT the time the woman didn't allow my husband to see his daughter because she was 2 years old. She was very angry with him. I started to notice that my husband was depressed and missed his daughther so i think thats were i messed up! I sent my husband to meet his ex and to talk to the ex to try to talk about it. So he did he called her and met her at a peter piper pizza he didn't know she had been pregnant but some how the woman gave him a sob story and said that she was living with her sister and that they got in to a fight and that she need to get out because her sister sold all her stuff. That she need money to move out. she even asked him why he was there he told her that i was a good woman that i understood and trust me i did.he came home that day and told me that he was gonna give her ($900) to get a place of her own so i agreed i didn't say much but i knew she was lying. 3 days later i get a phone call from my husband that he wasn't coming home because he had something to do, i asked him what is it he told me that he got a phone call saying that his ex was with anopther man. I asked him why do u care shes not with u now more he told me if u want things to fine between me and u, u have to let me do this i need to catch her.. So i did! Turns out she had been dating a guy and and my husbands family saw her. Ofcourse he was on the blue tooth with me until 3 am when my husband saw her getting out of a car with some guy. he hung up and told me he would call me back. 10 minutes later i get a phone call to the house from his ex telling me to tell my husband to give her back her car. I told her why did he take away ur car she said i don't know. at the same time my husband calls me to the cell and tells me to hang up and to not answer her, meanwhile she is telling me that the reason he doesn't want me to talk to her is becuz they had sex. so itell her when and where she said the time u let him come to peter piper i told her so then ur saying u had sex in the car she said yes so i told her so ur saying ur a bad mother u left ur kids unattended in the pizza she said yes then no i hung up on her cuz it was obious that she was lying. i told myhusband what she said and well i cryed and said how could u he told me not to believe it she was saying it becuz of the car that he took all the cars away i told him why would u do that he said because he wanted to give her the green one instead and not the one she had i asked but why leave it to her why do u want it how would she get around he said i will give her urs and told him no leave her the car. so that was that night! He left her the car but he didn't give her the $900. then shortly after another problem occured his momwas staying with us and turns out the ex called wanting my husband to give her money to get her husband out of jail. Honestly i didn't agree in this because how is getting her husband out of jail helps his daughter at least he said that he has to know his daugther is fine. But i didnt under stand how this man affected his daughter in any way. So my husband did it anyways only this time i went with him to the ex house ofcourse i stayed in the car. the girl was pregnant again and it got me so mad that my huband was comforting her and rubbing her arms and hugging her so she wouldn't cry. I remember the ex glancing at me and asking my husband and why is she letting u do this he told her because she is a good woman. as soon as that was over i conforted my husband he told me that because she was pregnant he was comforting her i told him what is the kid urs why do u need to comfort her she should be glad ur helping! BY now me and my husband started getting into more argueements and lots of it had to do with her i think in the few days we fought more then a marryed couple of 50 years. My husband started spending time with his ex driving her around to get her husband out. When i call him he wouldnt want to answer when i tell him i love u he wouldnt tell me istead he would yell at me and tell me that why do i want to rub it in her face i new my husband was sitting next to her when he said that he wasn't i know my husband sat her in the front sit instead of the back and becuz he is so worryed in comforting her i think he probably held her hand while he drived her. by this time my problems were getting bigger so much bigger that after my husband took the ex's husband out of jail, they started having excuses to be together he took her chrismas shopping whenthat should of been with me. Shortly after that i started working and shile i was working i noticed that my husband would be tlkin to his ex every day he would sit in front of me talking and nothing about the kids it was about when he goes to work when i go to work stuff like that i started to become angry. At the moment i was holding up a job and school. One day one of my friends went looking for me at my house and turns out that friend was like no other she saw something and didnt tell me til i asked. everything was going good for about 2 weeks my husband got sick and i went out to get some meds when i called my friend and she told me that the ex was at my house. i was furious so i went home packed my sh** I have never disrespected my husband like this in my life but i did i cursed him and his mother because while he is sick and me by his side like a dog meanwhile he has been secretly bringing the ex over. i left and i tryed not to look back but i was in love i took him back and i tryed it one more time i put rules done but it wasn't to long before they were broken i started a new and better job while i was there my had this horrible feeling that something was wrong i knew i need to be home at the hour to get out my husband called me on the exsact hour i get out to tell me to get a banna split when my husband never done this always wanted me straight home. Ignoring the felling i went. turns out he had the ex there again. So this time i moved out for good he said he does it for his mom because she is old but thats not it. I got my own apartment he wanted to continue seeing me and continue having the ex at his house i asked him not to talk to the woman at my apartment and he did he was getting out of control i love him so much that i was putting up with to much. meanwhile i was getting used to his daughter i fell in love with his daughter she was the greatest. she was small and little so innocent so loveable she loved being with me of course i continued caring for his son but i never got attached to him because i knew it wasnt his. everything i got his daughter i got him. I always bought their presents or anything they wanted. One day my husband brought his kids to my house and allbecause the ex was going in to labor he went to be with the ex during her delivery i was honestly becoming more dummer then before. yet loving his daughter. His daughter would tell me that her dad would kiss her mom and that he would go see his ex sometimes not even to see her i mean here i had a 4 year old telling me all these thing my mind was going crazy. here i had a awesome lil girl loveable kind sweet and a husband with the ex and out of control/ one day i got out of work and i was going to my husbands house and i here the new born crying i knew she was there. I had noticed that his mom was acting strange and i told him something was wrong she needed help he told me to go visit my ex that his ex was coming. i told him i am not going to my ex i have nothing to do with him i am ur wife and i am staying i have rights here. so there i was face to face with his ex wife we were trying to figure out what was happening with his mother when the ex suggest it might be witch craft at the time i didnt know what she was trying to say but i do now. So there i was somehow by the end of the night my place as his wife i indupt as his dog, u wont believe it but the ex was in the house while i was told to wait in the car! Again i became angry i was in there for hours so i called him to the house phone when the ex answers the phone she sounded happy supposely his mother got sick because i started calling her by her name instead of mom. But really was i supposed to call a women who called me the devil and did everything possible to separate me from her son. from my knowledge my mother in law never got along with the ex. my relation ship became cruel. After that night i decided to speak to my husband and i told him you know something ur ex will never stop and u wont either but i think ur right i am going back to try to fix my life with my ex, he really loved me and i should bewith him u will never realize that this woman doesnt want u she only wants u alone." So i called a quits i returned to my old life and he went home i didn't call him at all because i was serious but at 4 am he called me and asked where are u i said where do u think i am i am with my ex i told u that its over. he said he needed to talk to me as bad as it sounds i went to him leaving my ex waiting. when i got to his job he was just sitting there looking down and i told him what is it i told u its over i have a man waiting for me wanting to be with me and i am here with u. he told me that he waited and waited for me to call him that he checked his phone hour after hour and i never called he told me that i was his woman and he soud be taking care of me that he would stop talking to her but that he couldnt stop his mom from doing it that she wasnt worth losing someone he loves. he would do all of it if i returned and that he didnt want me living away no more. So i excepted, i went home Things started to slow down and i got to spend more time with his kids but it wasnt from from problems free my husband stop talking to his ex but now his ex started hitting my stepdaughter because she would call me mom or because she would tell me she loved me it was weird that the woman would know things like that but i found out that her brother was telling her mom. I started to notice the boy started to rebel it came to a point that he started saying that i had to buy them school supplys if my husband didnt i told the little boy i am sorry to tell u but i dont have to do anything and ur father doesnt either he pays his child support and thats all he need to do but if we do it its cause he loves yah. this contiuned for months until one day i told the boy to get ready to go to bed and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me! we had a problem i started not to care for him i stopped buying him things and i didnt take him where i took my husband daughter. with time he stopped copming and well i started changing my step daughters room more into a girls room so he decided not to come anymore. the ex put so many things in his head that i think thats what turned him. IF not he probably would of still been coming over. First off the boy wasnt my husbands so i felt less willing to take care of him. But u would think the ex would be grateful that i was. to finish faster after the boy stopped coming the lil girl wasn't getting hit as much. Only when she would go home and say nice things about me. But that didnt stop the ex from fu**ing with me. the ex started bother in forms as calling my husband for directions to childsupport. I mean i am a woman and the smartest thing to do is pick up the phone call child support and ask for directions. I told my husband to put a stop to it so he did. it became a habit for his ex to start problems when ever she broke up with her boyfriends. SHe would stop bothering when she had one then start up when she didn't. I don't celebrate valentines because one day she called my husband at his job that she was taking his daughter to houston to live. I noticed that they were talking because he always calls me but this time he didn't so i tell him why are u blowing me off. he told me why. He talked to her all night he didnt call me til like 2 am but i didnt answer him because he was wrong i had a feeling that it was crap. he came in the morning and he was suppoesed to go with me to the doctor i was going to stop birthcontrol so we can plan a family but instead he stayed in the car talking to her it got me mad because it was valentine day and they were still on the phone. and if it was true what he said why stay in the car why not come out and talk inside he wasn't supposed to talk to her with out me being around. so i winded up going to the clinic alone he called me at 10:30am thats what time he got off the phone. he was rushing me to get out the clinic to hurry to get home. instead of getting off the birthcontrol i chose to stay on it. he ruined my valetines day. we argueed all day. I told him watch the b**** not even go to houston 3months from now u will see her ass will still be here. Thats when he slapped me for talk about the ex. I think my problems got worst. after came the stage when she hooked up with a guy that didn't allow her to talk to my husband so she started talking to me tryed to but she started telling me things. then she broke up with him and wanted to talk to my husband again. She started say things against me she would find any excuse. this continued for years but now 8 and a half years later we are still in the same thing now more then ever i am hurting.every year i got my step daughter gifts i took her out i hung out with her we became bestfriends. up until a few months ago. In july i made a face book for my step daughter to be able to talk to me because when she was 8 she i bought her a cell that her mom didnt allow her to have because she aways called me. well in july the ex got ahold of my stepdaughters facebook password and saw some pictures of me and her and on one of them i ut " if u didn't know any better u would have thought she was mine" SHe got so affended that she started talking trash like there is only one mom! blood atracks blood! and her sister started doing the same. i made my husband aware of it but he blew it off. one of my friends started talking to them telling them that she should be greatful that i loved her daughter and took good care of her. so it blew up big i dont have my husband ex's facebook cuz i blocked her but my friend did. my friend kept telling me that they would talk crap and telling the world that my husband beats me and that he never beat her. her sister would say that my husband was cheating on me with the ex. mean while i am telling my friend not to waste her time to just block them. so she doesnt thse woman wanted to get me to answer but since i cant see them i couldnt and i dont think i would of because i have always told my step daughter that as long as she is young i will never disrespect her mother. and i havent. this woman has done everything to me she told the world i cant have kids because my oulvarys are frozen but that isnt true i just take care of myself. this womand has 5 different kids 5 different fathers and the lst one she doesnt know who it belongs too. i remember this woman went to the childsupport court which i went to and she went home and told the lil girl that my husband hugged her and told her she was precious and gorgues that he missed her and still loved her. I know the lil girl wants her mom and dad together but she isn't helping lying to her. well back to the facebook she was so jeoulous of the relationship of me and my stepdaughter that she told my husband that it was me that made all the comments. Also she said that i wasnt the lil girl mother. Honestly, i have never told the lil girl to call me mom i have always done the oppisite i have always told her to call me by my name that i was not her mom and i would never be. a lil time before this y step daughter has been acting up but i havent payed mind to it til this situation. with facebook. the lil girl was here for the summer only lasted one week she locked me in the rooms she hit me she threw salt at me and she told me i couldnt have kids cause i was frozen inside that her father would never marry me by church cause he loves her mom and that i will never have kids with her dad. I was crushed her was this innocent lil girl which i would give the world for that turned agaianst me. the mother would tell her that if we had kids i would kick her out like i did her brother. that i didnt love her i only acted like i loved her because of her father. and much more. well now the lil girl is no longer close to me she is now talking bad about me on face book. and what makes it worst my husband family is best friends with the ex they preffer the ex. they post facebook pics of them together. and they talk to each other all the time recently the ex asked the lil girl to tell her dad to give her the lincolns ls which is mind. I am having lots of problems with my husband all because his family can't except me. to then the daughter in law/ and / sister in law is the ex. just yesturday i walked out of his family house because his mom told me that i knew what i was getting in to that the ex was and will always be there. so i screamed at her that u know what u jujst want that woman to win and u will allways want her to win u know she wins...so can someone tell me what is wrong and what is the advice. how would u hand this i think i am about to exploded i cant take it no more!!!!!!!!! i have no respect from the ex the daughther my husband now the family...

wkd_sm's picture

Tiffani K, I have a great

Tiffani K, I have a great relationship with my ex-dh. We have 3 kids together and have been married for 15 years before we got divorced. We are better as friends and don't want to be married anymore. I have also remarried. But, my ex and I do speak alot because of the children and believe that it's in everyone's best interest for us to be on good terms with each other. Because we've been married for such a long time, we do have many ties to each other, mutual friends, etc. He knows my family very well and I know his too.

My ex is not in a relationship now so I can't tell you how his new gf feels, but I can tell you things from the ex-wife's perspective if that would help. Honestly, I care and love my ex-dh very much and I believe he feels the same way. Not in the way a married couple would, but in a "we have a long history and children together and we know each other very well" kind of way.

If you decide to stay with your BF, I would try to befriend his ex too. You may just find that you have nothing to worry about. Your BF and his ex will probably respect your sense of boundaries if you approach things from a calm, sensible manner and explain your point of view clearly.

Khedra B Graham's picture

Hello everyone I want to

Hello everyone I want to share a live testimony on how Dr Alex was able to bring my husband back to me, myself and my husband were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..
My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this I was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until I met Dr Alex the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Dr Alex cast a love spell for me, and after some time I started seen results about the spell....
Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Alex all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Alex kindly mail him on( solutionhelpcentre@gmail.com ) or call him on +2347036013351, Sir I will forever recommend you!

Law

Relieved To Not Be Alone's picture

I experience almost

I experience almost everything that everyone here is talking about .... Except the crazy ex in my life has gone as far as trying to tell me they are sleeping together (which i 100% do not believe cause my bf despises her even more then I) and she says things like dont worry he came on my stomach so im not pregnant, a couple nights ago she went as far as to send him a naked picture of herself. Shes almost TWICE my age and never have I retaliated with everything she has done. Its been a long hard road, I have almost thrown the towel in a few times.

emerson27's picture

I NEED ADVICE FOR YOU

I NEED ADVICE FOR YOU LADIES!!! I am currently dating a guy in his mid 40's & I am 26. He is divorced with 2 kids. I have never dated someone this older than me in age OR anyone that has had childern before. This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I think the hardest part is dealing with the ex wife. She does not respect our relationship & sometimes even tells the kids not to make me things or give me presents. I can handle that but what I can't handle is that I feel my BF cares too much of his ex wife's feelings. He often sends her photos of the kids & is always letting her get away not picking up the kids on time or forgetting plans (when she is suppose to take them). My BF's dad picks up the kids EVERY day from school & watches them til she gets off work at 7pm. Oh and also she only has them Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. In those times, she only sees them from 7PM til they go to bed at what? 9pm? They are only 8 and 11!! We have them every single weekend & I just got my BF to agree to possibly splitting weekends that she is not agreeing to. I just feel that everything is directed toward making her happy and giving her what she wants. It is very bothersome to me and its getting to the point where I can't handle much more. I respect that he has kids, which love me dispite what their mom probably says about me. We have been dating over a year now & I need your advice on how to approach him on these issues. Everytime I bring something up he gets VERY upset. How should I approach the ex wife problem and spending QUALITY time together..which we hardly get because he has the kids every weekend. Thanks for your advice !!!

lil_lady's picture

My bf and went through an

My bf and went through an arguing stage.. its difficult to figure out a new relationship and how to talk with eachother in any relationship let alone throwing in a dramatic bm and step kids! My advice tell him how you feel... no anger or resentment from you just how you feel. You love his kids and you love him that's why you are still there but you do need a normal relationship as well.. if bm wont take them over a weekend ask if you could get a sitter... but just be honest with your feelings at the end of the day if he gets overly mad at you for being honest with your feelings he doesn't deserve you! Also my bf and I had to work on not assuming the worst of eachother. As a father he used to get really defensive esp with anything about his kids. We had many a heart felt conversation about assuming the best of eachother and not assuming that I was being the big bad step mom... at the end of the day if you can thing of how it is affecting your step kids and it is negative there is a reason to be fighting and if not you should most likely take a step back maybe get the opinion of people outside of the dramatic thing you are going to have to call your life.

Being the bigger person is getting old...

rosie33's picture

Wow. I can completely relate!

Wow. I can completely relate! My bf of two years has an ex-wife very much the same. We went through to custody cases (where nothing changed) and also a criminal case with her. She once told her child to punch me in my face. He didnt even know me at the time. I have been where you are, on that edge of leaving. I made the decision to stick through it all. I even went to counseling with her, not that it miraculously changed things, but I was willing. If he and his children are what you want, don't break. Trust me. If all the problems are with her, hang in there. Dont let someone else control your happiness. It sucks that she is what she is and its obviously not going to change but hopefully it will at least die down. Just mind your P's and Q's and dont give her any ammuntion, although it seems like that won't take much. Hang in there!

booster's picture

she don't require to be

she don't require to be vocation niggling about an important person or somethings on or after their precedent.

Orange County Ca's picture

Don't attend functions where

Don't attend functions where BM will be there. Its enough that both bio-parents attend. If the step-kids ask why just be honest.

******************

I've observed humans for 70 years and dogs for 10. I prefer the dogs.

KeKa71's picture

It's so nice to see that I am

It's so nice to see that I am not alone. My bf and I have been together for over 2 years. Together we have 3 children. He and his son moved in with me, my son, and daughter the beginning of the year. I have my kids 95% of the time and he has his son 50% of the time. Our kids get along great and his son tells everyone that he has 2 moms. I have never had any problems with his son and treat him as if he was my own. His ex-wife, however, cannot handle their son and calls and texts constantly because of this. It never fails that during these conversations the subject always changes from their son to other things. They will have social hour when they drop off or pick up their son and this social hour also occurs quite frequently via phone calls/texts during the week - they have sometimes been on the phone for over an hour. I have made numerous comments/jestures for him to wrap it up and when he does he has to make some comment about me being jealous. I am not jealous, I just feel that his actions are disrespectful to me. He responds by saying that he does it to make her feel uncomfortable and to rub in the fact that he has moved on to bigger and better things. I feel his obsession to rub this in has completely diluted his level of respect for me. When I tell him that I don't deal with my ex in a like manner, he says "you hate your ex - I dislike my ex". To my response I say "that's not what you used to say". He would always tell me that he can't stand his cheating ex-wife who tried every means possible to destroy him and frequently will try stuff to get away with. Now to hear them talk you would think that they were great buddies. He also will call her up to find out stuff that he can easily look up or find out himself or with my help and he doesn't - he just goes straight to her. It's like he's relying on her just as much as she relies on him. He says he doesn't but that just because he doesn't see it. I don't know how to handle this and until reading the other posts, I did not realize all the other individuals going through the same thing. His ex is putting a strain on our relationship and I just don't know what I should do or how I should feel about this behavior. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

lil_lady's picture

Honestly cut ties with the BM

Honestly cut ties with the BM just stop communicating and don't say anything over the top if you have to. I see BM as someone I do business with any communication I have with her follows that role. It is a civil business relationship nothing more... if she goes over the top with me she gets a reply that I will be treated with respect as I do her. Stand your ground but do not get personal as hard as that is. If you feel that urge call up your friend or go on here and let loose Eye-wink

Being the bigger person is getting old...

Khedra B Graham's picture

Hello everyone i want to

Hello everyone i want to share a live testimony on how Dr Alex was able to bring my husband back to me, myself and my husband were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..
My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until i met Dr Alex the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Dr Alex cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seen results about the spell....
Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Alex all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Alex kindly mail him on( solutionhelpcentre@gmail.com ) or his website (http://solutionhelpcentre.webs.com) or call him on +2347036013351, Sir i will forever recommend you!!!

Law

Anita David's picture

My name is Mrs. Anita David,

My name is Mrs. Anita David, From USA, and I`m happily married with a lovely husband and three children. I had a very big problem with my husband few months ago, to the extent that he even packed his things away from our house. He left me and and my kids for almost 1 year, and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring him back. l discussed it with a very good friend of mine, and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that can handle my situations and problem, that he is always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting and helping of the needy, please everyone i would like you all to contact him with his email address,which is as follows (dr.iyere@hotmail.com) I never believed in spell casting, but my friend convinced me and i had no choice than to follow my friend advice, because i never dreamed of loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him with his email address, (dr.iyere@hotmail.com) and i discussed with him all my problems and worries and so surprisingly, he told me that I`ll get my husband back 5 days after. I did`t believed Him, until when i got home, the next day, my husband called me to inform me that he is coming back home.. So Amazing!! That`s how i got my Husband back through spell casting and our relationship was stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to the people around me that problems like this, can always be solved by Dr. Iyere, So! my advice to you out there is to visit this same E-mail address, (dr.iyere@hotmail.com) and tell him your problems too, if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back or any problem at all, please Contact him and have a happy life. you can contact him via email (dr.iyere@hotmail.com)

Anita David's picture

i am Lisa Hall, i am hear to

i am Lisa Hall, i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and we have two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted Dr. Iyere, at (dr.iyere@hotmail.com) for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Dr. Iyere, casted out on him that made him come back to me, today me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr. Iyere, for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great help. i want you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact (dr.iyere@hotmail.com) and you will see that your problem will be solved.

sugarspicy17's picture

Hi guys, I am a 32 year old

Hi guys, I am a 32 year old sm of 3 kids, ss 9, ss 7 & sd 3. I have been with my bf on and off for 3 years. A year ago we made a real commitment to be together and he moved into his own place (as he had lived with her due to financial reasons). The entire time we have been together, the bm has lied on me countless times trying to get him to believe I was cheating on him. Finally he stopped listening to her. When that stopped working for her she would stop for a little bit and then start back. She would tell part-truths and part-lies to try to make it believable. For example, she told him 1 day that she drove by my house and my door was open (which it was) and that a guy was walking out of the house (which didn't happen). He finally stood up to her enough to get her to stop for real. When he had moved out on his own she came over ALL the time and made excuses to have to be there. And he would never make her go home so she was there all the time. I warned him as soon as he moved out that she would "run out of money" and "have" to come live with him. Then, about 3 months later she "couldn't pay her rent" and didn't tell him until it was too late and she was being evicted. So, she had no where to go with 3 kids, so she had to move in with him. I allowed it b/c I was told it would be no more than 2 weeks tops. A month later she was still there, as I knew she would be, and so he decided to move in with me b/c she could never get her s**t right. She tried her best to get him to not move in with me but he did anyway. She tried to say "because of the kids" that he shouldn't move in with me. So, we have been living together for 3 months. She comes over ALL the time and stays for hours (sometimes its been 6-8 hours). I have expressed my feelings about this with the bf as I feel he should be the one handling it. He says he understands and he talks to her and it is better for about a week and then she's back to coming over all the time. She also tried a couple months ago to "befriend" me and told me that she doesn't want him and now that he has moved on that she wouldn't want him back even if he wanted her back. She started telling me that he has cheated on me with many females including her (but not to tell him that she said it or she would deny it). It kind of got to me for a second and then I realized this was another of her many ploys. So, then she is back to coming over all the time and doesn't talk to me like her bestie anymore (which is fine with me). He doesn't seem to mind her being there (or anything she does) and says that they are still good friends and she has no one else, and that he wants the kids to see that they can get along. He has no problem showing affection to me in front of the kids (not anything like making out, but just like rubbing my arm going past or looking deeply in my eyes). It isn't so the kids will see it, but if they do then it isn't an issue, but he won't do it in front of bm and rarely will even call me baby in front of her b/c she gives him h*ll about it later. The bm had also started saying the kids were doing badly in school b/c of the split. And the middle child has told her that he never gets to spend time with his dad (isn't true, but dad was working quite a lot at the time), and that he wanted to come to our house, even when his dad isn't there to wait on him, and that he hates her for keeping him away. He then cried to his dad saying that he wanted him to come home and be with bm again. My bf explained why that couldn't happen. BM also, at this time, started telling my bf that she was going to date someone (finally!!). I knew it was just to get a reaction and he did react but said it was b/c he didn't like the idea of the kids being around a man that he doesn't know and who might lay a hand on them. I told him that she only told him that to see if he still cared and he showed her that he did. He didn't say he agreed or not. She never went out with the guy, surprise surprise. Then, later she told him again that she was going to go out with someone. This time he told her that that was great and to have a good time, and even gave her a little money to make sure she had a good time. He didn't ask her how it went, which wasn't the reaction she wanted, and a few days later, come to find out, she went out with her mom and her mom's gf's. Wasn't even with a guy! I told him again that anything she says about going out is just to see if he cares.

Now, the ex just got a new job (my bf has been paying practically all of her bills b/c she was working a little job making nothing and wouldn't go look for anything else, to where he hasn't even been able to contribute to our bills). But every single time she drops the kids off now to go to work she brings her work clothes and changes in our house. I wanna be like, dummy... put your work clothes on before you leave your house! Now, sometimes I am home for this but many times I am not b/c I work later than when she is supposed to be at work. I have asked bf why she does this and he just says he doesn't know. It bothers the crapola out of me b/c how do I know she isn't trying to show her (fat) body off when I am not there? And everytime I bring her up or ask a question about what she is doing and why, he gets mad and tells me to stop. He doesn't like being in the middle b/c she does the same thing about me. A week or so ago, when she was leaving (which takes her at least 30 mins to finally leave b/c she just keeps saying she's leaving but never does), they walked outside (which they always do, which drives me crazy, and talk for 30 more mins to an hour) and she cried to him and told him that I am taking her place. He told her that she has to let go of her feelings for him and move on and if she feels some type of way that she has to push it aside. And he said he's noticed a difference b/c she don't make a face now when he shows me flirty attention. He acts like her trying to win him over is a thing of the past, but I know she will still try.

I just want him to stand up to her more. I know he does do some things and he tries in many ways to show me that he's with me and doesn't want her but I just don't see how he can be fine with her doing things she does. I don't see why he would want his EX to spend hours at our house every time she comes over. She NEVER just drops the kids off. Ever. Frustrating...

Allen Forbes's picture

Hello everyone, Thanks to you

Hello everyone, Thanks to you all for giving a chance for me to write a review of this spell caster vudoo priest(Dr Mica), His spell works marvelously. I came across home in Washington. He cast a love spell that made my wife cancel the divorce she filled for before.
I treated her wrongly and I'm sorry also ready to make amends, this spell caster did a nice job in bringing my wife back.
visit him at; vudoospell.wix.com/vudoospell vudoo spell can make your life problems go in 24 hours with spell., +13474916919. He is a good man, his spell worked for me.