meet stepchild and bio mom for the first time, advice needed!!!
hello, i am 24 living with my bf, not legally married and I have no children. My boyfriend has a 4 year old son. He hasn't seem or spoken to the child since in about 3 years (we've been dating for almost 2). after constant nagging i finally convinced him that he needs to be part of his child's life. I think every child deserves love and attention from their parents if its at all possible. so my bf called the child's mom last week, everything went great, she agreed to let my bf see the kid and was even ok with me coming along (they live 5 hrs away and thou i'm a peaceful understanding person, i'm not stupid he's not going away for a whole weekend w/o me) I'm excited about meeting both the kid and the mother, but since she said the kid was shy and didnt take to strangers well i'm worried about overwhelming the child. He hasn't seen his dad in 3 years probably doesnt even remember him and i'm some strange lady tagging along. anyone have any ideas on how to make this a great meeting for the kid? I'm not to worried about the adults, we don't have to like each other we just have to be courteous and polite to one another. so, anyone have any advice for the initial contact?
You want some honest advice..
You want some honest advice.. DON'T GO! Run. As fast as you can. In the opposite direction.
Like I said in your other
Like I said in your other post .. you just opened a can of worms and HELL.
When I first met SD6, she was
When I first met SD6, she was really shy/quiet. My SO said "She's never like this," so I knew it was about me. So I just let her come to me. She asked me if I wanted to watch her play her game, and we were fast friends. A year later, we're just about inseparable.
So that's my advice: let the kid come to you. Be interested in what he's doing. He doesn't know/understand the complications of this meeting. You're just a person with the potential to pay attention to him... and the promise of becoming much more.
All You can do is maintain a
All You can do is maintain a nice elderly behavior throughout and just observe the child. Don't talk much as child might not like it. Observe and know how to behave. Let them be close first then You may step into the matter trying being close to the kid.
He hasn't seen or spoken to
He hasn't seen or spoken to his own child in THREE YEARS, and only bothered to because you were nagging him... And this is the "man" you want to be with? There must be some slim pickings where you live.
no, i'm with a man who's made
no, i'm with a man who's made some mistakes, as have I. i'm with someone whom I don't judge, because he doesn't judge me. and when I saw that he was doing something wrong, I let him know so that he could improve on it, just like he would do with me. I'm happy that you guys have perfect men, but since I'm not perfect, that's not really my thing. Thanks anyway
Ignoring your child for three
Ignoring your child for three years is absolutely deplorable and there's no getting around that. It wasn't a simple mistake, it was a choice your worm of a boyfriend made everyday for three years. The fact that you so easily dismiss this huge red flag is also disturbing. What if it was your kid and the father ran off for 3/4 of the child's life? Is that so easy to forgive?
Open your eyes and raise the bar on your level of expectations for what a man should be, because as a man myself, I can tell you that this isn't cutting it. Not even close.