Step Talk

say no.. not at all. If he wants more children I think he is dumb provided he already has 3 - 2 with me and 1 from his first marriage.. that is only my opinion.

Why the question? (J/C)

I would say in my situation YES.

in some cases.. Not all but some.
I guess because I have no feelings for my ex I do not care.
I can tell you that I know for sure if my husband's little thing grew back together and I got pregnant his ex would probably be on the 7th floor.. I know that because I am sure that would be a blow to her.
I am not saying having a baby with him would be horrible but we are trying so hard just to get thru the dady to day issues with kids that adding another one would just like put us in a huge state of shock.. but I can tell you one thing if it ever happened that kid would be raised so differently then his bio's from ex... I think he would be in shock.. LOL..

~Cheri~

he can't really even handle the two we had together, and he would agree; I don't think he'd have more!
I guess you don't really know how you'd feel 'til he did, but I've never 'feared' it.
It may feel weird, though?
Aloha, MJ

Absolutely not!

I think the difference is the bio's that do have issues with it.....seem to have many other "issues" related to "moving on" with their lives...or letting their X's move on with theirs..

It's just another symtom of what-ever is wrong with them socially/mentally in the first place....

maybe it has nothing to do with them having more children that bothers them. Maybe its the FEAR that their children together may be left out or not as important in the presents of a 'new family'
any thoughts on this ladies....

But not for myself. I was afraid what impact another child would have on my ex's feelings for my son. He didn't spend all that much time with him in the first place. I couldn't even imagine how he would fit another child into his busy schedule.

I was not worried about my ex's capacity to love another child. His heart has no limits. Just as when you have a second child. You know that you have enough love to share with more than one.

I do know that my son's stepmom had a harder time with it than I did. While I had the fear for my son, it seemed she was extremely resentful of the time my ex spent with our son AFTER they had their 2 little girls.

Just a glimpse of ex's schedule when we were married:

Sunday was for football, not family time. He sat in front of the television from pregame @ 12 noon until the final seconds of the third game played that same day. That brought us to at least 8pm on most Sunday nights.

Mondays were reserved for a "dart league" he has been in since he was 18.

Tuesday nights he refereed basketball at the local high school.

Wednesday's were open.

Thursday's nights were for working his part-time job at the bar. He bartended for extra $$. Trust me, it was purely for socializing.

Friday night's he played basketball with a men's league in our town. That too was a team he had joined many years before our son was born....

He has a job where he MUST work, only getting every 6th Saturday off.

Sadly enough, his schedule had NOT changed at all. We have been divorced since my son was 2. His girls are now 8 and 6. His free time (what free time?) is and always was devoted to my son. His wife went into this marriage knowing his need for his own time. (Just as I had) When he explained to her, early on in their dating, that I had basically got tired of being alone due to his social calendar, she said I was the one that was selfish. She even told him that he had every right to do what he wanted on HIS time. She was 22 at the time. When we were together, before my son was born, I went along with him to everything. I was awarded a trophy in his men's basketball league for #1 fan. I was a fixture at every game. Same with partying on Sunday's during football, and sitting on the other side of the bar when he worked. When our son was born, I just naturally fell into being home. It was not a shock to my system. I expected the same from him. He didn't change. I did.

Well, when she became sick of the same things I was so selfishly denying him, she let him know. He told her (as he had told me) he would try to stay home more. He didn't. So she became resentful. My son would go there to shoot hoops on a Sunday morning before football started. One time she actually screamed at my ex, questioning why he found the time to shoot hoops with our son when he couldn't give his daughters the time of day..... My son was 8 at the time.

Now my son goes over there on Sunday's to watch fball w/his Dad. He tells me that things are not good. She used to be very good to and with my son (most times). Now it seems, as things should be easier for her to deal with our son, she is more miserable. Thank God my son is old enough to understand that it is my ex's fault and not my son she is angry at.....

She did call me crying on her daughter's first Halloween because my ex didn't come home to see his daughter in her costume. She was so hurt. She even asked me if he had seen our son on his first Halloween? Did he blow off all those very special "firsts" when it came to our son. I didn't have the heart to tell her that although my ex was very selfish with his free time when it came to me, he didn't miss a thing when it came to our son. He was at the bus stop for every first day of school, and never missed even the smallest of events, including dr and dentist appointments. Unfortunately, he did not feel the need to be there for his daughters. So my answer to her was somewhat evasive. I felt so sorry for her, my heart was breaking. So I said something like "Oh, I just don't think he has the capacity to care about these things that we as mother's find so very important"... I left it at that.

But back to your question, I was only afraid for my son. I know better today....

Hugs,
Janice

This really doesn't apply to me, but I'm answering anyway. When the ex found out that he was marrying me and that I already had a son, she freaked. When he told her that he was adopting my son, she freaked more. When she found out that we were expecting our daughter, she freaked out to the point of filing a lawsuit for more CS for HER children. She complained about him not spending time with his kids with her, but she conveniently forgot the part about her packing them up and moving them several hours away and then gouging him for so much CP that he could only afford gas to come see them once a month. By the time we got together, the financial situation had improved and, after doing the math, discovered that we could afford to have a baby together. But when she found out, she decided that any "extra" money he had should be going to her, not towards us having a baby together. She was shot down in court, by the way, and the support amount was actually reduced by about $500/month. We're celebrating our fifth anniversary in a couple of weeks and to this day she is STILL badmouthing me and telling the kids that their dad's "new" family is more important. So yes, I think the biomom in this case felt threatened.

~ Anne ~

Oh, wait! Maybe it does apply to me! My ex-husband did remarry and I know he has three stepsons. Do I feel threatened? Heck, no! I totally forgot about it until I was getting ready to hit the POST COMMENT button!