I'm taking time out of my time off during ss's two week "vacation" with his mother, to take him to summer school, pick him up and let him stay here until Bm can pick him up and Bm had the stinkin nerve to go off on ss last night.
It started with Bm wondering when ss got his hair cut last. Dh had just told ss that he would take him to get his haircut when he got home from work. So when Bm asked that, ss told her what Dh had said.
She proceeded to flip out on ss and said how we're trying to cut her out and that DAWN is NOT your mother. Excuse me? What the hell did I do. I thought I was doing everybody a favor!!!
That woman is sooooo messed up. I wish she would get some help.
On a bright note, ss told Dh that he wanted to tell Bm that Dawn was more of a mother to him than she was but he thought better of it because she would have really went berserk!!
Dawn
I guess his MOTHER should
I guess his MOTHER should pick up her son during HER parenting time, and quit asking the woman that is NOT his mother to do HER job!!
Good lord, its things like this that drive me nuts!
I agree . . .
When I'm taking my SKs to school and watching them after school on the Wookie's time, I'm doing her a FAVOR!!! When she starts pulling her $hit, I don't do it anymore. She is constantly telling my SKs that I am not their mother. My SS13, bless him, has told me that I'm more of a mother to them than she's ever been.
If she is wanting to put you in your place, then let her raise her own children.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
LOL
You gotta be a Star Wars fan. I considered calling her Chewy, but my dad affectionately called me that when I had braces as a kid.
It's a big deal when the kids can see for themselves that you are the one providing the love and the care for them. Most of the time, I just sit back and watch Wookie crash and burn. God forgive me but it gives me a little thrill each time.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
You're right
I can just sit back and watch her ruin what relationship she has with ss. In fact, before I even knew how awful she was the night before with ss I had decided to let ss have a friend over after summer school. When I picked them up, I asked them if they wanted something from McDonalds. Of course they did. Ss was hungry since he had such a crappy lunch packed from Bm's house.
Oh, and by the way, he gave away most of the Slim Jims to other kids.
Anyway, I guess I was looking pretty darn good compared to Bm!!
Dawn
Dawn~
They never see it, these BM's. They don't want to do anything, but how DARE anyone else do the things kids need!
I would tell her tough cookies and she would have to figure out how to get SS from summer school on her time. I stopped doing favors for BM 2 years ago, and life has been better for me because I hold less anger and resentment about it. Well, I still hate her guts, but now I don't get mad at myself for doing her favors and getting no appreciation whatsoever.
It's good and sad at the same time that SS knows you are a better mother to him than his BM. I know you have issues with SS sometimes, but when he looks back at his life come adulthood, he will know who his "real" mom was. Knowing that about my SD's is enough for me to keep pushing along through the bad times.
~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.
Yeah
and the best part is that Bm blames US for HER problems. Her inability to take care of ss's needs and make a home for him was the reason why he came to live with us in the second grade. She had her chance and she blew it. Now we have things in place for him, routines, etc. and she's pissed because they don't involve her.
Somebody had to step up to the plate for ss and it was me and Dh. I'm sorry to say this but the only thing Bm contributes is upset and dysfunction. She can't see it.
Bm basically said that ss couldn't go to summer school if WE ie ME didn't get him there on her time. While I would love to have stepped back and said it's not my problem, that would have held ss back in his schooling so I just couldn't do it. Do you think Bm has ever had thoughts like that? She is mostly just selfish. It's all about her and why she doesn't get more time with ss. Or why she doesn't get to take him to the dentist. It's never about ss's needs with her.
Dawn
so true
It's nice to think we can back off and let the BM's actually do their job, but then where does that leave the kids? While I dont' do favors for BM anymore, I don't let SD's go without either.
For instance, SD14 needed some bras. A normal thing for a teenage girl to need. Since BM has them on Sat/Sun, I told SD to have her mom take her shopping for some because we live about 30 minutes away from the nearest department store and going shopping on a school night isn't easy. Would BM do it, NO! I had to go on a weekend and get some bras for SD that thankfully fit her. Poor kid, how awful that your mother won't even take you to get a necessity item.
~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.
That story
is all too familiar only not with bras but some other necessary item. Bm is almost always a day late and a dollar short.
Dawn
Try "your time, your responsibility" and let her schlep the kid
to all of his activities, etc.......
Among others, some things my SS comments on regularly upon his return from visitation with the SpermClan is how his Mom and I are always at his functions, always taking him to and from activities, always giving him guidance (which drives him nuts but ...... he recognizes the value of our parenting), and don't yell about much.
I think the comparison between "here" and "there" is a valuable experience for kids in blended families and that maybe as parents we should NOT try to make the kid's lives in the "here" and "there" situation a seamless process.
Let them see both sides in all of their glory. Good, bad or in between.
Seeing who actually provides and parents and letting them judge which life they would rather live and grow to provide for themselves is a very powerful lesson. I think.
And if the Blended Family opposition gets pissed off because they are consistently found lacking then "IT'S A BONUS".
Score one for the good guys.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Dawn!
Keep up the great work and hold your head high that you are giving this little one a stable place to live! Isn't it funny how at a young age, if you get them early enough, kids know what is good parenting and bad parenting? Even if the bad parenting is much looser for them? When my SD went into counseling, there was 1 session with her BioMom, her dad (my DH
!) her, and myself. Oy! Psychologist asked SD who she confided in the most and her answer was Stick. (Not comfortable for BM). Then the psychologist asked, Who is the toughest one on you here? And again, she laughed and looked at me, and answered Stick!! YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING AND THE BEST THING for this boy! And thank God that you put your SS schooling first, because BM is too freakin' lazy and probably busy telling everyone what a great mom she is, when in fact she SUCKS THE BIG ONE!! (Sorry - I digress, your BM sounds like she's my BM's sister!)
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Therapist
Ss went to a therapist when he was little(before he came to live here). I wish we could have had a session where is was Dh, ss, Bm and me. Bm refused that because she told the therapist that she was too intimidated by me. I guess that she was afraid that putting us together in the same room where I got to address her would have made her look even worse. Even back then before ss lived here, I still did more for him that she did.
It turned out that the therapist STILL thought that ss would be better off at our house and was very instrumental in making that happen. Score one for therapy!
Bm still to this day, regrets agreeing with what the therapist suggested. In the end it wouldn't have mattered because if Bm fought it, the therapist wanted us to go for emergency custody to get ss out of Bm's environment.
Dawn
Dawn (and a mention of Rags!)
Reading this is like Deja vu!! Does SS still see a therapist, or no, because he doesn't need it because he's in a stable environment now?? I totally hear you on BM regretting agreeing with the therapist. It happened here too. It's like a slap in the face to them and makes them face the fact that they are lacking in what they proclaim to be so great at. It was good to go to a session with DH, SD, BM and myself. But the better session was when SD left the room for just the adults. Because that's when we were able to confront BM without doing it in front of the child. I'm sure your BM is intimidated by you. But you never know, you may catch her at a moment when you can get her to agree to a therapy session (because she may be delusional enough to think the therapist might agree with her) for just the adults. And then you can let her have it in front of a professional!! (All for the good of the family, of course!!
) Hopefully, that little piece of knowledge, that BM is intimidated by you - and the fact that your SS sees that you are a great parent - will get you through these tough times. And then, if it doesn't, do what Rags always suggests which cracks me up... which is making a sport of getting under BM's skin!! ha! 
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Stick, Don't forget the angelic smile and halo.
The best strategy I have learned over the years for baiting the Blended Family opposition is to be happy, have a successful marriage and do a better job of parenting and providing for the StepKid than "they" could ever do.
Your state of marital and family bliss and keeping it front, center and in "their" faces just confirms how bad "their" lives SUCK!
Live, love and parent well. That is the ultimate revenge against the evil X's and Blended Family opposition.
Now, where is the Smiley with the halo?
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
oh but you are only the product of a marriage....
you should have NOTHING to do with SS EVER, never ever..... lol BM's are SOOOO stupid