Step Talk

in your will. You may even consider drawing up a "living will" in the very near future.

I would draw up a will or living will. This way you can protect your assets and have them distributed according to your wishes. You can even do it yourself with forms available online, or go to a library for help. You may have to have it notarized when you've finalized it. If you don't, the state will take over and most likely all of your property will go to your wife if she survives you. Without a will, you can only make assumptions as to what will happen.

Absolutely put it out in a will and give a copy to a trusted individual or two. It's simple really. You could even handwrite one so long as you and witnesses sign it before a notary (easy to find -- even insurance agents offices or maybe the bank).

It should put your mind to ease and take stress off your marriage. She doesn't even need to know.

I understand. I always thought that I'd devide the jewelry my husband has given me over the years between BD and SD because I've always treated them equally, but the way SD has treated me in the past 6 years (even though its because of alienation by BM), I wouldn't give her a thing at the moment. I've considered putting that in a will but haven't yet. She'd hock whatever she'd get. I think DH knows that and I've told him that she'd never appreciate it, but I've never said I want to make it official until she straightens up.

Absolutely, skids have no rights to anything of yours even if the state settled your estate. Without a will it goes to next of kin. If that's the wife, she'd deside from there. If you don't want her deciding, then a will is the way to make sure it goes to whomever you want. I believe that you could even stipulate that it all goes to your wife and then in the even of her death, it goes to "soandso". Now, you'd have to trust that she'd do that though.

Check it out on line. Google things like "blended/step family wills" etc. It helps to have advice specific to our situations.

Okay, if you die, your wife gets everything. No problem. The problem is that if she then dies or if you die together, you don't want your stepson to get anything. Forgive me, but who cares? You can't take it with you and you can't spend it if you are dead, so who cares if he gets it or not? Is it that you have someone else that you would want your estate to go to in lieu of your stepson or is it that you just want to disinherit him for whatever reason? If that's the case, get a will and make sure you specifically disinherit your stepson in the will. There should be one specific statement in the will that says, "I hereby disinherit my wife's son, _____." But here's the catch, if you die first and your wife gets your property, there is NOTHING to prevent her from willing that property to her son upon HER death, unless you set up a trust that will allow her to live off of your estate until her death. That way, she does not inherit your estate, she just inherits the right to live off of your estate. Upon her death, your estate could then be distributed per your wishes.

Your handle is DontWant2bStepF... honey, you should've thought of that before you married this woman. You say you are married REGRETFULLY, you say that it would be UNFORTUNATE if your wife outlives you and you don't want your wife's son to be a part of your family. It doesn't sound like you have much of a marriage or family to me and, frankly, if it were my husband talking like you do, I'd dump his ass, money or no.

~ Anne ~

That son can only get anything own by the mother before the marriage which has not been co-mingled. During the marriage whatever you and your wife have could go to him if you both died at the same time.

If you precede her, obviously all becomes hers and yes she can do what she wants with it. Really there's no way to seperate joint property, accounts, ect. If you have any accounts, property before the marriage neither your wife or her son has any rights or claims.

he can't set it up that way with right of survivorship. Once title is transfered to her upon his death its hers to do as she wishes. He could do that only if home was bought before the marriage and only if his name is on it. As for jewelry, and posessions that becomes very tricky. I worked for an estate attorney and you can have it all in writing but in reality its difficult and doesn't always work because families get their hands on things and deny. Family heirlooms should probably be put in a safety box with another as joint owner in case of an emergency/death, so to avoid those kinds of realities.

Man if you felt that way about the son, did you miss the fact that she had a son when you met her because everybody knows that when you marry someone you take along the baggage that comes with them. Did you forget that? If you didn't just get over it if he doesn't get it and she doesn't get it the state will and then some stranger you don't even know or maybe a enemy of your will claim it and then it will be their property!!!

My dh & I married when most of the sk were older & we were both established, also both had elderly parents with sizable estates. So via wills & legal documents, we have determined who inherits what depending on who dies 1st, etc. But the important thing is we gathered all the kids for a meeting and "read" the wills to them. We explained why & what we were doing, also recently dh took the opportunity to discuss with his adult sk what his medical wishes were (no vent, heroic measures, etc) & that I was POA/MPOA (power of attorney/Medical power of attorney). Hopefully this will prevent problems down the road. But again, we were proactive & discussed this as well as put it in writing. I advise seeking the counsel of an estate attorney. But is her son is the only survivor between the 2 of you...he could/would probably get the $$ if you didn't protect yourself.

Blended families make that aspect more complicated and I think most people avoid that subject. Typically the wife outlives the husband so she gets the assets and her children. But people need to have a plan if they both die together, even if it is remote.

We have young children so we did a beneficiary deed on our home so they will be protected. As for husbands family their SOL and grown adults who won't be getting a dime, not from us at least.

Oh my, you really sound like a peach of a guy!

On the other hand, look at us. We can't even leave our BD anything because her soon to be ex can claim a big chunk. What we've worked hard for all our lives could end up going to someone we never could stand in the first place!

I had my husband sign a prenup in case we divorce.
I had my attorney draw up a living trust & will in case I die & my children are on alllllllll the documents (and vice versa).

My stepchildren will only get what their father leaves them (of what money HE made, not my money) and my kids will get what I leave them from money I earned.

Second marriages are interesting.

In your will you can state that your wife receives certain things. You will have to check the laws in your state/province/wherever you live.

I live in Ontario, Canada. If you are legally married the other spouse will get the matrimonial home if you die first. They are also entitled to the first $200,000 in your estate(remember, this is where I live). If you don't wish for everything else to go to your wife, name someone else as beneficiary for whatever you wish them to have out of your estate.

You have absolutely no say on what your wife does with the proceeds of your estate that she receives after your death. Chances are, she will leave it to her child, as most of us would.

But check into what your laws are where you live.

My hubby and I have decided that my 3 kids and his 2 will all get equal shares when we "both" die, regardless of who goes first. With that being said, we both started from scratch to get where we are now and both stuggle to keep our heads afloat. But each person has their own reasons for certain choices in life. We don't know your history other than what you have briefly told us and I don't feel its fair to judge. Everything is learned through trial and error!

Being a step-parent is a hell of a ride. Just be thankful you haven't had to encounter some of the problems others, such as myself have had to deal with having step children and dealing with their ex's on a daily/wkly basis.

Corie

You need to get to an attorney immediately and get the paper work done. Depending on the state some of the estate would go to her, but you can also designate who you want to have what.

If your home is right of survivorship and all your accounts and your wife is on them it will transfer right to her, thus her property to dispose of as she see's fit. That is if you die. You could go and redo your deed and make it joint tenancy in common where your portion goes to who you designate. I doubt she would agree but its worth a try. As for your retirement, that will go to her also. All states have these laws, and you can do a will or trust but if you don't want her son to get anything you would have to make sure she is not on the deed or joint bank accounts. Pretty tough in a marriage, so to do a will or trust you both would need to agree. Either way anything titled right of survivorship will go to the surviving spouse regardless of what is in a will or trust.