Seeking custody from bipolar BM

Navigation

Online users:

Seeking custody from bipolar BM

Submitted by Caitlin on Fri, 10/27/2006 - 3:41pm. Dealing with Mentally Unfit Biological Parents

Has anyone here gone to court for custody because the primary custodian is mentally ill? My SD is in a terrible situation with her bipolar mother, yet we fear that going to court will be futile because they will say "yes, she's a bad mother, but she's not bad enough to remove the child from her care."

We have been compiling evidence over the past 2 years documenting how she is failing to take proper care of her daughter's education, physical and mental health, and general welfare, in addition to her constant attempts to withhold contact between father and daughter. We are frightened into action because my SD shared with us that she's having suicidal ideation. The stress and anxiety brought on by taking care of her sick mother every day have made her want to NOT EXIST ANYMORE. How sad and scary is that?!?

We know that this is going to be messy and expensive and emotionally taxing, but an 11-year-old girl's safety and wellbeing is at stake. Any tales from the trenches will be greatly appreciated before we try to take this to court. Lawyers have already told us that we have a good chance because we can prove that we provide a better, more stable and supportive home environment, but we've got to prove that her mother is actually unfit in order to get her out of there. Has anyone else done this successfully?

If I didn't love my SD so much, I'd have said that her mother should NEVER have been allowed to reproduce. The poor girl is damaged goods because of the madness of her mother.

» previous forum topic | next forum topic | 652 reads

If your attorney says...

Submitted by Candice on Mon, 10/30/2006 - 3:58pm.

you have a good chance, then you do. Lawyers don't like being wrong..part of their ego:) and if they go out on a limb and say "you have a good chance.." in lamens terms that means GO FOR IT. Will it be easy? NO! Will it tax your every emotion? Yes!

I would put the 11 year old in counseling. She can reveal in private, what is really going on at bm's house. Remember, you only know what sd tells you, and she knows not to tell you everything. A therapist is a professional that will be able to get a child to reveal what truly is going on not just at bm's house, but with all family members. Then that therapists can advise the courts on where the child is best suited.

And if bm says she doesn't want child to go to therapy..well that doesn't impress the courts either. You are right to be afraid to go to court to try to get custody. It is nearly impossible for fathers to get custody. But again, if your lawyer says you have a good chance, then you do. The worst thing the judge is going to tell you is no...and nothing changes. You have nothing to lose by trying, other than a hefty lawyer bill, and for the sake of your sd, it is worth a try.

Good luck,
Candice

» reply

Hmmm...my experience with lawyers has been quite different

Submitted by hopeful on Mon, 10/30/2006 - 7:01pm.

When a lawyer says that you have a good chance...that is what he means, a chance. In other words, if things don't pan out as expected, there is always one clear winner....the lawyer. I am not a big believer in lawyers or the legal system.

» reply

Sorry to hear of that..

Submitted by Candice on Mon, 10/30/2006 - 8:09pm.

the lawyer does get paid regardless of the outcome. Our attorney was very forthright. If she didn't think we had 99% chance of winning, then she was very honest about it.

It's good to be skeptical b/c I'm sure there are plenty of attorneys that milk those riding on their emotions. So it is very important to do your homework on attorneys to make sure they are doing their job, and not just telling you what you want to hear.

I can only speak of my interactions with our attorney...and she would always tell us.."I'll fight for you..but you won't win.."

» reply

Counseling

Submitted by Caitlin on Mon, 10/30/2006 - 5:44pm.

My SD has already been in counseling, but her mother abruptly pulled her out last month once the therapist starting tell her (BM) that she needed to get her act together and take care of her child. We're thinking of taking SD back to this therapist on our weekends with her, but I fear the backlash from BM when she finds out. She'll turn it into us going behind her back, undermining her, when it should be about what's best for her kid, not her! Nothing is easy with this woman!

Thanks for the advice, Candice. You're always helpful at putting things into perspective.

» reply

You're welcome!

Submitted by Candice on Mon, 10/30/2006 - 8:13pm.

I'm glad you appreciate my posts. I've so been down this road, and even still find myself faced with the roller coaster emotions of the step-family dynamics.

The bm is on the defense, so she pulls her daughter out of counseling. Well, I would do it on your weekends, if the counselor would accept the appointments. BM will always be on the look out to pick a fight with you, and this counseling might be very beneficial to your sd b/c of the torment she is enduring. Poor kid. Why can't these idiots pull their act together for their kids?? I will never get it.

Best of luck, this isn't easy, and you just need to take it one day at a time.

» reply

Bipolar BM

Submitted by Donna (not verified) on Thu, 02/08/2007 - 5:23pm.

Our lawyer told us that it absolutely has no effect on custody if the mother is mentally ill. If she has ever sought treatment for the illness that is good enough for the courts here in Canada. She doesn't even have to prove that she is still taking medication or seeking professional help. He told us that even if she was unfit it would take years and many thousands to prove it. Even then, she would still get primary custody. He also told us if the situation were reversed and the father had mental illness his visitation could be restricted. Our only option he said, was to call the police if she harms the child. Then they could take legal action and the kids could stay with us until the courts handled her case. What happens if the harm is mental/emotional and not physical. Sadly for the child..nothing. Our courts seem to protect Mother's rights at the expense of everyone including the children. Sad.

» reply

Donna, were you saying the

Submitted by stepmum on Wed, 05/16/2007 - 2:28pm.

Donna, were you saying the the requirements to obtain custody are different in canada than in the united states? My fiance was originally born in Germany but his ex is Canadian and he also has canadian citizenship. One of the kids was born in canada and the other in the united states. do you think our chances of getting custody of both bc of unstable bm would be better in canada? There is already a lot of documentation in our favor -- she's been arrested for a lot of strange activities, has undergone mental testing and been hospitalized and those records are up in canada for the pickin'. I'd appreciate any and all help!

» reply