Step Talk

Me with my own.. I try to stand up to his and it always back fires because his kids will not even listen to him really. But I would say me..

we both discipline. I'm more authoritative where my dh is passive, but he does put his foot down with his 12 year old. Our son is 22 months, but I'm sure when he is older, it will be more me than dad.

My dh believes in taking away toys, where I believe a good spanking does the job better..so we both discipline, we just don't always see eye to eye on how to discipline.

WIth his son, he handles discipline. But with our child together we both take turns and stand united.

I'm not big on spanking and neither is my husband, but we've popped our kids' butts a time or two. The rule for me is that I will never spank anyone else's children and no one but me and their father will spank my children. As far as steps go, it's my house and I have rules. You follow them or you lose privileges... TV, computer, phone, etc. We used time out when they were little. Hubby backs me up 100% on this one, but I am usually the one who takes the initiative to provide the discipline. All the kids regardless of parentage act up less when he is around, so it's usually me who gets the short end of the behavior stick.

~ Anne ~

My husband and I have 4 daughters together, two are his and two are mine from previous marraiges. We both have custody of our kids so they all live with us fulltime. His job requires him to put in a lot of hours and extensive travel, which leaves me to do most of the discipling. It makes it frustrating when I have to discipline my SD's because I'm always uncertain of how it will be perceived from others and especially biomom. This woman thinks she's an expert on everything...really I'm not kidding. And she doesn't mind telling us "this is what you're doing wrong." With her, our actions are always under a microscope. So, I'm always second guessing how I'm handling a situation because I know "Mommy Dearest" will have an opinion. As my SD's have aged, timeouts don't really fit the bill and spanking isn't allowed. My husband likes to talk to them and let them vent about why they misbehaved and move on. Until recently, I've always supported him but when his daughter continued to misbehave knowingly admitting she knew better but did it anyway, I had to change the rules a bit. I told him, "she needs to be punished this time." Just slapping her on the wrists so to speak isn't helping her see that her actions will have consequences. Come on, the kid is 12 not 5 or 6. No one wants to discipline, but it's needed to teach life learning lessons.

my child me, his child him.

-happy mom

If my sons' actions far exceeded the norm, I would consult his dad for advice and I would ask if he and his wife could meet with our son to hold "court". That has only happened 4 times in the 14 years we have been divorced. Those times were strictly selfish on my part though. I was the one that needed them....for myself. Because if they were told, it was something that I couldn't conceive my son taking part in or doing. I needed support. My son needed a harder kick in the a$$ than I had the strength for.

I have never intentionally kept his dad and stepmom in the dark when our son did wrong, however, in reading this poll, I realized that is exactly what I did. Now I feel bad.....lol!

although I am probably stricter. I told him if children were living under my roof they would have rules. I have no children of my own but that is no problem. They actually respect me more than their own bm. I will not spank them though, only because of the chance their mom would try and turn it into something. I do however take things away, put them straight to bed, etc... We don't put up with backtalking or raising voices to us, and we preach to them respect and responsibility. The funny thing is they will come and ask me stuff because their dad told them to, so I have become the final authority on some things. During his previous marriage he did all of the disciplining, so I think he kind of likes not having to be the "bad guy" all the time. It doesn't bother me because ultimately it is for their own good.

Discepline hasn't actually come up much when I was around SS...but when it did it was BF that did it. I could imagine that my "discepline" would only be if BF was not around and would be along the lines of "Your father would be very disappointed if he knew you were doing that...you know I'm going to have to tell him what you've been doing and he won't be happy..." Luckily SS is a very good child and very well disceplined, so I am really convinced that that approach would work well with him.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

It always seems to be me whom is the one coming down hard. It seems I am always the one at home when the school calls or around when said infraction occurs.

The kids (step and bio) all know that I am much tougher to deal with. I will ask questions, dig deeper, and not so willing to take things at face value. I am much better at recognising dishonesty.

On the otherhand, my husband is a pushover. He believes everything he is told and is reluctant to discipline any of the kids - moreso his own. I seem to be much harder on my kids but the discipline seems to be less often than with my husbands. But then again, my bio kids have never been caught steeling, never been in fights, never lied about failing grades, etc. It pisses me off when my husband suggest I'm picking on his son. Well hello.....SOMEONE needs to hold the boy accountable.

SS is the only child between two remarried parents. Both birth parents are viewing SS behavior through guilt-ridden glasses, so they really try to avoid discipline and when SS does something wrong, they just tell him "that was wrong, don't do it again." If he does it again, they typically make up an excuse and say "it was because he was bored" or "it was someone else's fault". Again no discipline. The steps have no authority, as the BF allows SS to refer to stepfather as DUFUS, and the BM allows this too, as we hear him refer to him with that nickname while on the phone with BM, and god only knows what his nickname is for me, the SM. When I try to enforce my rules and discipline, DH tells me to go into the other room, he'll handle it, and he just cuddles him and makes me appear to be some mean ogre.

It's been the same for our whole marriage. I think my husband is afraid his kids will hate him if he really confronts them for deliberated disobedience, lying, stealing, etc., which they have all been doing their whole lives.

When my only bio daughter would do the least thing, on the other hand, I was expected to come down hard on her. I did too, not because of his pressure but because she needed to be held accountable for her actions. Unfortunately, she grew up being the only was who was being disciplined and she could see it.

It's interesting that today she and I are as thick as thieves but he's always wondering why all but the oldest of his six don't seem to care much about him.

Maybe it's normal for men to be more passive. All I know is has made me feel like my insight means nothing

For the most part, DH does it, but if it's something minor, then we both do when it's necessary (and believe me, it's not necessary all that much. SS is very considerate and self-less, so it's very rare that he does something that needs a 'punishment'... but it does happen from time to time.).

It all depends on the nature of the 'crime' vs punishment and who caught it. I mean, if SS is doing something immediately right now that is unappropriate, I'm NOT going to wait until my DH gets home from work to deal with it. We like to nip it in the bud right then and there, while it's fresh in the mind. If it's serious, then I'll bring it to SS's attention, correct him on what he should have done instead, and then we'll sit down as a family and discuss it together. I'll come up with some 'punishment' ideas or DH and we go from there.

WAy more consistent with kids, but we both equally share in discipline. BF tends to slack at times. Maybe just gets a little tired of it all. I'm more the stay on top of it or they never will learn sort. Nip it in the Bud!