Step Talk

It's not a bio-mom thing at all. I find my X speaks to the kids like they're much younger too. I think maybe because they don't have custody, they're a little stuck on interacting with them the way they used too when they lived together (many years ago) And because they don't interact with them everyday..they don't see the subtle signs of kids growing-up and becomeing more mature that...we do because we live with them. That's my theory, anyway!

Then I have a 'these parents just plain lack parenting skills' theory that I often go with.....when I can't think of anything else.....lol

If so that could have something to do with it. We have same problem with ex and ss. He's in first grade and can't turn on the shower by himself, couldn't tie his shoes until a few months ago when I finally said enough is enough and showed him how, he eats like a baby with his mouth open and food flying out everywhere, and biomom is always calling him 'her baby'. That's my baby, you take care of my baby, he's just a baby etc... Makes it very difficult for those of us who actually are trying to raise a man and not a figure skater.

I certainly think that the only thing that can stop her from doing this is SS expressing the need to do these things for himself. With you teaching him and giving him the freedom and independance to start doing things on his own, he will quickly begin to express the desire to his biomom that he "wants" and "can" do these things for himself, especially at his age.

I feel sometimes that we treat our 11 year old like too much of an adult, and am trying to find a balance. It is such a tough age, I am surprised that your SS does not already have a problem with it.
She seems to be SERIOUSLY overprotective. My son is already aloud to ride his bike a couple of blocks over to visit his friend. The front yard?? Wow!!!!

I think at 11 he should probably know not to run into the street and all that. I am probably a little over protective with my kids when it comes to playing in the front yard (7 & 10) but its only because I do not trust people from stopping in front and taking them. Call me paranoid but we have all seen it only takes a second. Showering bathing and stuff I do have to check on my 7 year old, he will FORGET to wash his hair and stuff so I do check on him. I clean his ears only with q-tips. I will not let him clean with that.. But as far as my daughter she is taking care of herself in that aspect at 10. I think it depends on the child. I know that my nephew and niece still get bathed by my sister, and they are almost 11 and one just turned 7. I am not sure why my sister feels the need to bath them. Especially her daughter. I will ask her if you want me too? I think his mom is just trying to keep him like he is a baby.. And I think that she needs to really just let him grow up. If it were me I would have to ask her "why"?

Hi Dawn, depends on how parents baby their kids...even though they are old enough. Some people are just naturally think if they do it for them it's a better result. I do side w/you though, I would let the child do it themselves...so that when you're not around they know how to do stuff on their own. My daughter is 5 yrs old and she showers by herself and does a fantastic job because I showed her. My in laws in the other hand like to bathe the kids themselves. The kids are 11 yrs old too. So I guess it depends how the person is. I know biomom of my SS babys him...he can't even do simple chores around the house. He has no motivation to do so and don't know how. I get irritated all the time.

-happy mom

And sometimes I think that if I didn't remind him to wipe his a$$ he'd forget!! LOL

I come from a small NJ town where there was an abduction at our local carnival. The little boy was 5 years old at the time. My son had just turned 2. This was a town where "nothing bad" ever happened. I have to say that event had changed the way we parented our children. Where doors were always left unlocked, keys left in ignitions and children playing in the streets, we became very cautious of everything.

The little boy's name was Timothy Wiltesy and he supposedly was at the carnival with his mom. When she turned her back to purchase a soda, he disappeared. I remember the night as though it were yesterday. I was at the carnival that night and it was heartbreaking. Months went by, and searches continued. You would be driving past a woods like area and still see people wandering around, hoping for some sign of Timothy. Eventually (almost a year to the day he was reported abducted) Timothy's remains were found, a few miles from here. All they ever found was his skull and a Ninja Turtle sneaker. The cause of death was undetermined. His mom was the only suspect ever named. No one came forward to say they ever saw Timothy that night. Regardless of local opinion, Timothy's fate was never forgotten. The experience made me so paranoid, my son was definately sheltered beyond the norm. He was NEVER allowed outside without supervision. Until the age of at least 12 I would literally get sick if he asked to walk to the corner store.

My 7 year old son still does not know how to turn on the shower. And I still help him with qtips when cleaning his ears. I still cut his nails and tuck him in at night. I still kiss him goodbye in the morning and still watch him when he plays outside.

Call me overbearing but I feel as though he has plenty of time to do things for himself. My 17 year old pretty much told me when he was ready to do these things for himself. I wasn't offended or hurt by his independence. Nor was I relieved by it. I was just grateful he knew himself when he was ready.

No, I wouldn't still be doing those things for him. But a mom has so little time to enjoy those younger years. What harm does it do to help? I mean once he's all grown up, then so be it. I don't feel as though I'm stunting their abilities.

Maybe I'm in denial.......

That perhaps he likes having his mother actually do things for him now, since it sounds like she wasn't doing motherly things before? Just a thought.

Also another point, when I was about 7 my parents divorced... my mom remarried, then got divorced, and 14 years later, remarried my dad again... it's a long story.

In the course of all that, I moved in with my father, who had no idea how to raise a little girl, let alone a teenage girl, but he did a fabulous job, and to this day, I'm still Daddy's Little Girl... which makes my mother jealous. lol... but, I lived with my father for a couple of years, then we moved and my mother moved in with us. She immediately wanted to 'pick up the pieces' so to say, because her last recollection of me was the day that I left, and not recognizing the time she missed. Although, I was quite a few years older by then, it was difficult for my mother. But I finally put my foot down one day, and just said... look. I am perfectly fine doing it myself. (She pretty much wanted to dress me for my prom, but I just had to put my foot down! I wanted to pick MY dress- and alone by this point! lol)

My SS is not 10, and I always thought that we was quite immature for his age, but that recently changed because all of a sudden, he now has a new brother. He now has a new older Step Brother at his Mom's house who seems to be influencing my SS, and so now, he wants to do things on his own.

I felt the same way about some things that I would hear, and I just used to cringe. Like, he couldn't run his own bath/shower, doesn't know how to put gel in his hair, mix-matched clothing, know when he's out of clothes. So, I just started to guide him along the way with some of it, and other stuff, he's picking up from his SB.

I still have to help me 'flush' out his ears, though, because it is quite a process for a 10 year old to try on his own. You sure it wasn't like something like that, where you flush it with solution, or was it with Q-Tips?

He said it was with Q-tips. He needs to wash his ears in the shower with soap though. Then if there is wax build up you have to take other measures. He used to have tubes in his ears and the dr. said that Q-tips shouldn't be used on him. Biomom went ahead and did it anyway and he got an ear infection!
Anyway, there was no flushing out of the ear.

Dawn

You are right, no qtips should be used in ears...period. An ears, nose and throat physician would definitely agree with this. I wouldn't stress about this issue so much. He will learn to clean his ears if he wants to and at his age, I wouldn't be battling about cleaning his ears.