Last night during their nightly talk to their mom FSS7 tattled on me.

He told his mom that I had grounded him. She gets on the phone with FH and is asking details and he sits there and fills her in on the entire situation, which i was against from the beginning. Its none of her business.

I am really trying very hard NOT to be negative, b/c I generally am NOT a negative person, but I seem unable to shake this feeling I have. A little background....in Feb, SD16 went to live with BM. The day after DH got home from the hospital last week, SD called and wanted to come home. She said she hated it at BM's (no surprise to us). I reluctantly agreed to it out of guilt more than anything else. Dh had just been in a bad accident, and I was just so glad he was alive, that I probably would have said "yes" to just about anything. I also felt sorry for SD. Long story short, BM refused to take her to the hospital to see her dad and called her everything in the book just b/c she wanted to see DH. Yes, BM is mentally ill (seriously).

DH cooked us all dinner and I got home about 45 mins before he had to leave for his job on our company's night shift. He made a really nice dinner, and the skids came in to eat...another family dinner. The boys were really pretty well behaved except for ss12...he was throwing food around in a mini-fit because he couldn't stay outside playing with his friends. DH was all on him and ss13 about being good today and for me, or else he would rip their arms off and beat them to death with the bloody ends.(I exaggerate, but he was pretty intense, although not worthy of calling CPS lol).

So.. as some of you know, my DH is in the US military... I have been dubbed in their system as wife #2 for 3.5 yrs now. There is even a notation NEXT TO my name. DH hasnt been married to the ex since early 2001. YET, he forwards me an email today as there is something wrong w/MY date of birth. (huh?) There is a form that needs to be filled out, as there is a conflict in two different systems.

Crayon, I go through a lot of what you do with SD15, and last night made me think of you.

Husband hasn't seen SD much since she went to BM's for the summer and possibly permanently. So he called her last night to discuss Labor Day, which is his holiday. A few minutes later he asked me if my nieces are going to be at the lake. We usually go to my parents' lake cabin on vacations, and he assumed that was what we would go this time. And of course SD only wants to go if my nieces will be there to entertain her and do her bidding. Aargh!

It all started when BM called SD to let her know she wasn't feeling well and was therefore not taking her tonight.

Then, in light of my neighbor informing me of the plan to TP my house that I interrupted the other night, AND the fact that same neighbor has now grounded her daughter for sneaking out to meet a boy, then bringing same boy into her bedroom through her window, THEN SD making sure I knew all about the daughter giving said boy oral sex AND how fun it must be to sneak out (yes she really said that to me)...

A while back I asked how you deal with the manipulative BM without losing your mind. I got a lot of pretty good ideas. But I guess this is even more important to me than that. How do you continue to expose your biological child to your stepchild when the skid is not that great of a kid? I have a SD that has huge behavior issues. The SD came for the summer, and in a very short amount of time, I could see some of her actions in our kid. It turned my stomach.

First I want to say that I am so glad to have stumbles across this website. This is all new to me and I do need advice. I've been with my Fiance for a year now and he has a 17 year old daughter that lives with him, which lives with us now. Us being Myself of course, lol and I have a 23 year old son working his way through college, he is a very respectful, caring considerate young man. I also have a 20 year old son still finding himself has ADHD disrespects me now and again but would never and has never disrespected my Fiance'. I also have an 8 year old daughter, good girl, respectful, caring and has a few 8 year old moments of course. My children love him and would never disrespect my fiance and offer him help whenever he they see him doing something. My childen do their chores etc.

Had some drama last time SD16 was here. She tried to mess up our plans to get a new house. It didn't work, but I'm anxious about her coming around again. After last time, she told her father she wasn't coming over again for a long time, but I don't know if it was true or just another empty threat.

I googled "My husband's ex-wife is unbearable..."

I'm not sure what I was even hoping for. I was broken and lost. My husband's ex-wife was causing so much havoc in my life that I was ready to walk away.

Our lawyer called today and she has received the counter suit/complaint from BM's lawyer about us asking for 50/50 time. I am anxious to see what she has in her complaint. The lawyer said of course we will not like what she has to say but she is getting them into the mail to us so we will be getting them before weeks end.

So I've been helping F pull together documents for upcoming meeting with lawyer, under the idea that the more we do ahead of time the less we're doing at 250 an hour.

Filling out the "custody agreement" document, not like she's going to sign it or anything, but it's a starting point right? This became F's personal "wish list" for custody, and actually ended up being pretty fun to talk through for both of us....

As I mentioned before, husband only spoke to SD15 one time that I know of during our vacation last week. SD has been incommunicado, and BM blocked husband's number from SD's cell phone so he can't call her. And he's reluctant to call the home number because stepdad keeps running interference and telling husband SD is "busy."

Dad I guess you aren't going to email me back. My head is still hurting from this stress you are causing. I'm going to bed in 5 minutes and don't want to talk to you except through an email. You are hurting me bad and pushing me away big time. At least my mom cares about my feelings!

This may be a little long, but it is taken from the book The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role by Perdita Kirkness Norwood with Teri Wingender. Noorwood is a SM of 4 now-adult Skids and is also a Stepmother Advocate who offers focus and support groups. I have had the book for a while and never got around to reading it. Decided to flip through it after recommending to someone on here. The average customer on Barnes & Noble rates the book a 5 star.